Jan 4, 2013

Night of Oct 16/17th 2012

Dream: I am with my partner and childhood sweetheart in a group crowded close together like in a dorm commons area watching something on a large screen. I was less interested in what everyone was watching because I felt the message being shown was convoluted and brainwashing. I challenged its points out loud but with little focus on trying to convince them all of my knowing. Instead, I was enticingly climbing over my partner who sat on a couch. He matter of fact responds by saying "You're aggressive," without undertone, just statement, like describing what is happening. He, reservedly (or shyly) pulled back not wanting to act upon my public display. He was trying to be respectful to me as well, not wanting to take advantage of my over zealousness. But he also was surprised by my forwardness. I am like this in reality, but why was he so reserved? I felt I was pushing what he was allowed to do.

At some point we were watching a live play instead of a TV. The actors were portraying sinful people using stereotyped personas of a naughty nurse and smoking con man, etc. They themselves as actors were careful not to fully imitate the behaviors though. I focused in on a female dressed scantily with a fake cigarette noticeably taped to one cheek so it (poorly) appeared to be in her lips while she was turned profile, but it bounced around loosely as she moved. It was a musical with dancing and singing. The group of them all posed together for a song's climax, overlapping limbs and exaggerated gestures (like stage acting requires).

I went out through the back of the auditorium which was a high ceiling gym (like at a school), while the audience clapped. I came around to a side entrance where the female director was coordinating clean up. I said it was a great play (lying, I didn't honestly know what to make of it). She was grateful, relieved even, that I said so. I indulged her a moment with praise. There was a dog, shaggy gray and white collie they somehow used in the play and now was running amok back stage. I complimented the owner for their training skills, saying my dog would never have been controlled so well. She said he kept running away to play and run on the playground (yes this is a school then). I turned around toward the side street through campus people were leaving in small groups down. It was night. I am searching for my guys, wondering if maybe they just returned to the car without me, or if they were waiting in the auditorium for me. I turned the corner back to the entrance to the auditorium and was confronted by a group of 4 or 5 rowdy guys. They were laughing and cracking jokes, bouncing around one another before they turned their attention to me. One grabs my shoulders and says "Hey you're the one from the lounge with the big boobs" (apparently I had put myself on display back at the commons area to try to distract everyone from the false message they were being shown). "Hey look its the girl with the big boobs!" He shouted back to the others as they caught up. They moved in close and pulled me along to walk in line with them all. I felt they were trouble but went along with them without fear. I indulged their raw fixations and energies to appear reciprocal of their ways, but it was manipulation. Getting them on my side until we reached a more crowded section of the intersectings roads around the facility would keep them at bay from trying to harm me. I said "Oh you liked the little show I put on. That movie was boring, had to amp it up somehow." They whooped and laughed. We reached the crossroad where people were still getting into their cars and leaving. "But hey, I am so sorry I can't go further with you, I am looking for my guys. They will be worried where I am. Thanks for the chat," and hurriedly pulled away with a lot of patting, waving and cessation. I managed to slip away on my terms without them reacting aggressively and pursuing.

Ran into my childhood guyfriend eventually, who was wandering around in a contemplative state. Neither of my guys acted like who they are in real life. Because of this fact I have since referred to them as my spiritual body guards after they kept reappearing as similar stoic, passive personalities until they needed to act. They were both dressed in black, light armor. I was affectionate with both of them, and they didn't seem to pay any mind to my loving on them. They were more observant and evaluative of our surroundings. I pulled him into a hug irritatedly saying "Where have you been?" I feel the impression he is pleasantly surprised. "What you're shocked I was worried about you? Silly, you know I care about you too. We've got to find ... still. Maybe he's back at the car." We started walking with my lead, and him in close tow at my side. I explained what nearly happened with the boy band. "You know, I almost got molested by a group of guys excited by my impromptu performance earlier." I sounded accusatory, but felt he wouldn't believe me, that I was exaggerating their intentions.

We arrive at the parking lot trying to locate a familiar car. Very dark, lot lights only offered light within a specific radius. Most everyone had left. A figure here and there in the distant darkness. I found one of the cars but no one was in it. I turned around to search for the other one and noticed my guyfriend was missing now. I nearly panicked, searching around for someone in the emptiness of the lot. Then I awoke.

There was some scene throughout all this when my guyfriend and I ducked into a trailer for a moment to get warm and talk.

This is not the first dream of a play topically highlighting the wrong of sinful behavior. They are pointing out my indulgent sexual feelings as being animalistic and of lesser vibrational energy. I have since been striving to shift how and for what reason I express my sensual desires as less about raw physical selfish pursuit and more for expression of love and understanding, for healing.

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