The Space for Evil is White

I always feel the need to reiterate that for every dream or experience I post about, there are at least (nowadays) five others I do not. So only when the dream stands out and bothers my waking experience do I transcribe it to get it out of my head and into the world. Typically that is when it lingers in my mind with nudging urgency as if to say, "I should be told." Most of my dreams nowadays center on my efforts to begin a polyamorous lifestyle, showing me perspectives from those parties and families involved, and sorting out my concerns with new ideas and approaches. When a topic is able to rip through all that interference, it must be significant.

In this daytime dream from March 26th, 2014, catching a few zz's while my son slept, I dreamed I walked into the lair of a particular group of evil. It's a large space with low ceilings, previously a warehouse floor. It's white, everything is white, but the brightness is variable between inner spaces. One standing group will have a shadowy brightness, while another just a few feet to their right in the center of the room is lit with natural lighting.

I walk into this surprisingly white building with my dog on leash. Cartoonish white ice cream trucks are facing away from me, side by side against the back wall in anticipation of something to happen. Some scheme they had been planning for a long time was finally going to be hatched and they wanted front seats for the show. Their butts practically stuck up in the air above them with how intensely they watched crammed together at what looked to be me to be a solid wall. I couldn't figure out what they were looking at. The wall must have been transparent to them. My sense was they were watching unsuspecting humans going about their physical lives until they suddenly fell ill. I saw faceless people walking casually, and suddenly hold their stomachs and collapse to the ground. Some died, some were seriously ill. The animated trucks were peering into the physical world. They belonged to some fast food corporation.

Mechanized Youth

I'm telling you right now I have no idea what this next dream meant. Understand I dream every night, most are vivid enough for me to remember, only a few get recorded because some of them end up being so complicated with details I can't figure out how to even record it in words and sentences. Honestly, some of time its just so exhausting to spend time to record each one that I think on it instead throughout the days and hope it will become clearer. I see those more strange ones as being signals I'm not tuned to filtering yet. Like a station I just upgraded my equipment to receiving and its still coming through garbled. I haven't figured out how to clear up the signal. The themes and images will repeat themselves down the road when my antennae is more sensitive and tuned to reading those signals.

Dream Nov. 29/30th 2013

[Note: My son is named Link, and I have recently been playing Zelda Skyward Sword. We bought it a couple years ago and haven't dedicated the time to playing, my partner working 50-60 hr weeks, dealing with our toddler, house maintenance and chores, and writing occupy our time.]

(Out of order, an ending sequence) In this end scene I am pushing Link, my son, through a maze in a construction of a labrynth in Zelda. We pick up the last tear of the collection puzzle race, retrieve a new cat familiar [not sure where that element came from], and rush him into a microwave oven where his electronic player panel molded into his back can be registered to mark his completion. The results are printed out and I'm disappointed to learn that we took a 14 day hiatus. Other competitors finished the day of the initial race. We were way late. I explained to him that we wouldn't get any prizes or compensation because we had to pause our in-game play for too long while we tended to other matters. I had the memory download of when we started the game 14 days ago, but I guess I figured the in-game time was paused as well as our presence in the game. It had carried on ticking during that time away. I misunderstood the rules. We had a good shot at winning too if we were able to have carried on from the first day.

What were those other matters?

Scene change:  I'm with my family. We've received a letter from our dead grandmother. My dad calls someone at the listed location where she's having her wedding to explain that if this is indeed a wedding invitation then his mom has been forced into the engagement. She met this guy named Ted maybe 8 months ago. I'm skeptical of my dad's intentions. His dad, my grandfather, her husband, died years ago. I never knew him. Could he not believe that she was lonely and finally met someone who made her happy again? I argued with him in defense of my grandmother preparing for exactly what the letter says and that she is happy with him. Even if they don't last, she deserves my dad's support for her to make her own decisions and not assume she's being manipulated or blinded.

"Where's she having the wedding?"
"They're staying at her friend, Joss Whedon's, place for the wedding."
A confusing cross over of scenes erupts in my mind. "Wait, Grandma is friend's with Joss Whedon? I had a strange dream [dream within a dream] recently where I'm at Joss Whedon's place he's renovating, preparing for something. It's a cabin, but with three large connected rooms, and he's laying down fresh tile. How weird, right?"

[My partner informed me while I was telling his this dream today that he has a bizarre tie-in. Joss apparently filmed his next Shakespeare movie at his house. Two ideas I've been trying to work about dreaming are does information transmit between people with close relationship, and can information be easily received when enough collective thought and attention are devoted to it by others, unrelated to the channeler?

This may be building off a similar discovery I had yesterday while watching the first episode of the TV show Leverage. In the opening scene the lead character is sitting at a nice bar. I leap out of my seat in surprise and say "I know that bar, I've been looking for that bar! Where is that?" Leverage was filmed in my home town of Portland. I saw this bar in a particular dream that has lingered on my mind over the months because I was divided into two selves:  one bathed in light that enjoyed intimate time with my partner in a beautiful hotel room, the other was under a soul contract to terminate the lighted expression of me. I switched perspective between the two expressions of myself as my dark half carried out a surprise assault on my partner and I as we lay in bed. Read the whole story here.

"Is that a hotel bar?"
"Yeah I think so." Jim said.
"I've seen that place before. But I've never been there. And instead of the fireplace, that was the front entrance, though I knew it was oddly placed." In the dream context compared to the actual location's layout, when I ran from my dark self out of the hotel onto a cliff top viewing platform, I was running into the fireplace. I adventured down the cliff face dodging flash grenades she dropped at me from the hilltop. Perhaps I have been there before, I don't know.]

The final sequence I remember is being with an older woman dressed, like me, in elegant clothing and jewelry. We were queens. Our appearance reflected personal choices as if her own imagination produced the dress and styling she wore, as did my own for me. I appreciated the similar beauty she dressed herself in as my own, though I had figured her personality to hold no gentle compassion that her appearance before me expressed. It was a pleasant reminder of the complexity of the human soul.

There are large floating island-like ships in the sky. Our kingdoms? There is a sense of a drawn out war being the reality of this land, a war we both opposed and thought the wrong way to go about achieving the goal of the kingdom's we represented. We are on ground away from whatever elegance we may be from. We both come from a kind of poverty of spirit and have built our way up to be personalities of respect and representatives of the people.

A small ship drops down to release passengers. The ship is dark gray. Cyborg children are walking off. They were converted into these machinations against their will, because they had no where else to turn, they were picked up and used as soldiers by the machine race that we wage war against. I know if anyone else from my clan had been here to witness their release into the land, they would have killed them. But I couldn't bring myself to feeling they still contained the soul and body of the children our society failed. The machines recruit our outcasts and forgotten. I chase after them, asking them questions desperately to gain insight into the process.
One turns around and speaks with the same voice she had before the process. How much of who they are
really changed? Seems they were only given added programming, not wiped and made into automotons.
On each of them is a different part made of gold instead of the same dark gray material that covers the rest of their body. The gold highlights in my memory. What purpose does the gold play? They each show the gold or touch it favorably, like it was there prize for being converted, their incentive. They got to share in the wealth of the rich, but at a high price.
Finally I ask the most pressing question on my conscience:  "Did it hurt?" I say to the girl turning to follow down the path with her comrades.

A voice next to me answers "No. It didn't hurt." I look over into the face of a tiny infant still in its blanket, but fixed and weaved painfully into a pair of thin mechanical legs. The blanket had become fused to its skin as part of him, and his skin had a cold blue tint like death. The sight horrified me. I watched as they walked down the path, wondering where they were going, if they were even given instructions or just released as free agents until they were needed.

(Images were from Star Trek Voyager, the Borg race).

Both scenes showcased youth being pushed to fulfill obstacles and converted with technological alterations. Maybe a metaphor for how we abuse our children by encouraging a desire for material gain and to be above others or to long for the ease of living wealth and high status represents to those struggling to survive and find loving connection. The empty promises or failing promises that become lies. Our wealth, mine and the older woman's, was self-generated. We still related with those on Earth. I want to raise Link to create his own spiritual wealth, the confidence of knowing who he is and what he stands for, not to accumulate empty material gains.

Red, red, red

I have been depicted as 'the girl in red' in recent dreams. Well, the following is a dream from last December with a woman in red and red-skinned beings. 

Night of Dec. 7/8th 2012

Wandering about a junkyard. There are buried tables under sand that are still useable and look new. Furniture on display. I am outside but darkness around the area until treeline, and sky is at sunset. No overgrowth, just sand and dirt and flatness. Link is playing on a toddler push car. I call out re-directions once a while to him. (Second-hand furniture lot? Makeshift goods lot after a disaster?).

I lose track of him, my son, while looking around at items. Panic. Searching, calling for him. I erupt into an opening where I can see the sky. Link is unconscious AND (somehow) awed at the sight in the sky. I gather him up. A human shape and a cow in a light beam are suspended high in the air above the trees. 'An alien abduction! I'm witnessing one!' I think to myself. Two hand lengths to the right in the sky is another figure from the torso up waving at me. I say aloud "It's waving at me!"

My perception zooms toward the being and now I am on a ship with him. I immediately voice my first concern "Did you do something to my son?" I ask accusingly. It pauses and simply shakes its head. "Oh." I said, knowing it was being truthful. My mistrust was on display. I quickly changed my attention to the fact I was on a ship with this human-like creature. They were tall in simple robed dress. Large heads. Same facial features and appearance as humans, but head where brain juts out is double the size, close to the elongated craniums from archaeological records, but not quite as long. No hair, skin tone is reddish in color, and more veins visible subdermally (not bulging). Skin looks the color of a flushed caucasian, but all over and natural state. These are either our ancestors/galactic roots, or future humans. They look like what an older human might look like if we didn't age, whither and die, but kept growing. Taller, bigger brain, more veins, still smooth texture. Everything else physically the same.

I am seated by an older woman who is wrinkly. She says "You don't remember me do you? I am Jen, the woman you saw at the party collapse. I had to come back here." "But you were younger, a beautiful blonde in a red dress (which she still was, just older now suddenly)?" I was stunned and excited seeing these pieces of research and rumor come together in this vision. At some point I had been in a different time line seeing through her eyes, trying to effect some change at a party before collapsing to the floor and people all around me/her. Funny that her name is a variation of mine.

More individuals were coming aboard. The Elders (as I have called the red-skinned talls) were organized, silent mostly, telepathic perhaps, coordinating so many people and things. I respected their calm, yet deliberate actions.

I sat near a door to a small room at one wall of the craft on a bench with a human male. We discussed what the rooms might be, agreeing on time traveling units. An elder opened the curtain in front of us to let a little blonde girl sit by us and told us to explain to her what's going on. The girl stared at me expressionless, innocent white face with doll like short blondish hair. I know her. I've seen her before. How do I know her? "Shouldn't we explain what's going on?" I asked my chatty male companion. She was the same girl I talked to in another dream, the only one who received my message when I veiled myself. Why is she significant to my dreaming? Who is she? My unknown daughter? She's maybe 8 years old.

He explains briefly to her about time machines and the Elders as best as we know. I say it's going to be okay, that others went in and came out better than before so it must be safe.

We each went into one of our own rooms. Doors closed. Room began to shake violently. Put my head between my knees. There was a time paradox here. I went and did other things but know I came back, like a dream within a dream, just not sure if this was perceived immediately or after the events.

Our doors opened and we were all covered in gold dust sparkling on their heads and shoulders like it fell on us like rain, and we all shared the feelings of awe and joy. There were many of us I could see through the walls of our rooms like the walls and ceiling of the ship became transparent and looked out into space. Were we linked to one another now? Were our abilities awakened? Were we returning in unison from a time travel episode?

Next, or preceding scene, I am in a car on a grassy hill with Jim (my spouse/partner) overlooking Erin and Michelle (old friends I fell out of) entering onto a field and into a transparent gateway or cloaked ship with their kids and spouses (they have kids and spouses?). I wanted to say helo but couldn't decide to bring Jim or not. Didn't feel it fair to exclude him, but figured they'd respond better if he weren't joining me. Should I bring Link or leave him with Jim too? I couldn't decide and thus couldn't seem to will myself to get out of the care before they disappeared into the field.

I ran after them only to find some of their abandoned stuff in a room (not sure spatially where I am). I am fixated on Michelle's stuff, a few books and diary on a white desk. White everywhere. Transparent walls with cloudiness, like the light is emanating from the wall material itself, but brightest around edges. One book in particular has a cover that shows images of the classic devil icon (red skin, horns). The title is referring to how the concept of the devil has been connected to all things fun and misrepresented as sinful, like in sex jokes; how the devil has become a symbol of humorous fun at the expense of moral seriousness. Lies perpetuated by false ideas of good and evil.

My understanding is good is all about happiness, passion, enjoyment, paired with other attributes of graciousness, consideration of others. The book was written with a comedic tone by the author whom the dream was branding a son of Satan. I wanted to open and read a bit of it because at this time I was struggling with how religious perception of good and evil may be corrupted. Everything available to us like sex and alcohol are neutral, how we misuse them is what determines their connotation, and how we restrict others to partake of them when it clashes with the personal exploratory desire to. I've wondered because Lucifer was supposedly a beautiful being, how the ugly, scary image came to be associated to him, and could that have been a deliberate manipulation to instill fear in us for this kind of creature. I was being held back from reading it thoroughly, though I wanted to. I have seen this book in my dreams before. It was important enough to repeat.

Next, or preceding scene, I am with a band of three other military type individuals as a unit on a battlefield. Two warring factions of large, animal shaped animated machines are closing fast on our position [I dislike war, why do I keep seeing myself involved in it]. Think mech techs from video gaming that resemble different animals but animated with souls. Their eyes and mouths glowed with anger and consciousness.

My unit was trying to disable them by hacking into two fallen animal mechs, one from each opposing side. They were a threat toward us humans too, some spotted us and charged us so they could have the satisfaction of fighting their war. Such bitterness and hate. Side of mammals had been wronged by the other side of dragon-like. My unit's mission was to stop the fighting, regardless who was right or who wanted revenge. Humanity was endangered by their bitter war.

I could coordinate my group's activities based on their skills from a holographic interface that appears over my vision like a video game menu, but it does not pause the action when I bring it up, so I must make choices quickly. I hoped to catch my breath by bringing it up, overwhelmed with anxiety about the situation.

We rigged one fallen mech. As were heading to the other, the charging fleet of mechs on one side steered toward us to intercept. We were surrounded. We posed a greater threat to them than each other did. Both sides diverted their attack to keep us from deanimating them.

Today, June 3rd 2013

My sister has recently divulged to me how she has always visualized the imaginary being I call Darian when we were young. She saw him with a red aura. This struck me as crazily coincidental. My image of him derived from the place I got his name: that show Sailor Moon we loved as kids. How is it she saw such a drastically different being, though I shared my own description on many occasions. She said whenever I talked about him, she saw a red colored being that loved me with a father's love. I asked her to describe him more in detail:

-almost reptilian in that head has layer of scales upon scales, maybe more like a Klingon's ridges from Star Trek
-bat-like ears
-tribal markings
-pale red or dark red aura or skin tone depending on my mood
-protrusions like extended bones at shoulders, elbows, and head.

"Katie" I said "Do you mean to tell me you saw the Devil following me?"

"Well I wasn't sure how you would react to what I envisioned, but really I was upset for you how the image of the your Darian as that creature was misrepresented by people to be evil."

"But why red?" The color only has evil connotations in the religious community, though blood is red.

"What else is red?" She replied. She used to despise the color too because it was too bright and bold. It says alert, stand out, notice this, though she preferred the comfort of hiding, since she is a shy and unsure soul. In her research though, she found from Chinese myth that red warded off evil entities when children would be taken away, they wore red to protect themselves. Dragons became red in New Year celebrations because of its symbolic nature as protection from evil. Egyptians had a red stone accepted by people who were dying to indicate a calm readiness of their approaching death. It showed humble yielding to the cycle of life and death.

I had always wondered why I never saw Darian in my dreams, though the name Darian was just what I gave him, the imaginary presence of a loving, mysterious companion I could call on whenever I needed for whatever I needed. Even now, I hesitate about the symbolism. The human form I gave him was never quite right. I usually assigned him as a hybrid of three forms: part human, part dragon, part vampire. Very girlish, I didn't think much of it. But reptiles and dragons are in my dreams, vampires are in my dreams, even a three-form demon joined my party at one point with a human form, pale blue form with the same protrusions as my sister's description, and a red one I couldn't picture. The blue one felt more threatening than the other two though. Odd that the blue color would be the threatening one. My mind wanders on about how complexly I may have been manipulated, because I am more inclined to connect and trust a being of this type than I am a beautiful angelic form. At least the beast isn't trying to be deceptive by showing himself though others will fear and threaten him this way.

Why does it have to be a devil form? I couldn't open the book because I wasn't prepared (and still am nervous to) for the truth of my guide? His race may have been targeted to appear Yet I would more easily embrace him this way, than Jesus in his etheral body, as blasphemous as it is to say that. Perhaps even its clever reverse, reverse psychology. Frankly I don't know and I won't commit either way still, but Darian looking like a devil is not far from how he usually is represented in my role play exercises, at least as a dragon who is feared and hides in human form to not hurt humans by forcing them to confront something they will jump to preconceived notions and inherent fears about.

Neutrality. I am meant to protect, but not in war, not by hate-bashing another side, despite how corrupt or evil they are. Love is not a war, peace is not a war, unity is not war. Perhaps now I am ready to finally see the true forms of my guides?

Behind the Veil

Topics Summary: Clues about what goes on behind the veil of our everyday lives are everywhere; return of my vivid dreaming; why they were on hiatus; what the alien powers behind the scenes do; recent dream on bionic machines occupying and ruling humans; taking shelter at a library; food references pointing to how the soul refuels.

Communicating with Other Realms and Advancing Our Technology

Summary: Portals in my skies; sound field and tonal communication with other beings; attempt at being a medium; how anti-gravity technology may work; re-examining the past dream sequences trying to understand the CHANI project entity's warning about an 'oil sickness'; merging of two objects in space; Walt Disney's UFO documentary rediscovered.

Stream of Ponderings

Returning to previously mentioned topics of the communication device dropped in my hands by the UFO in a dream; suspicion of the push for gun control to have been staged in lieu of a welcoming interference by the Ashtar forces to establish a field around Earth preventing weapons fire - bringing into question for me the limit to the sacrifices to creating peace; empathy as the nature of my dreaming; and water, according to the Mormon writings of Nephi, represents God's love and what that means for my predisposition to dreaming of water.

Perspective Shift

Night of Feb 5/6th 2013
 
Dream: So much water! In a warm climate on beach front. Small, broken down shack. Windows and doors open. Water is rising. Beginning to leak in our open front door. Person I'm with dismisses it saying it will only recede now. She (my mother again, it felt like) mops up the area at the front of the door. Something odd about the delay by which the water was coming into the house. The water level was a good half foot above the level of the entrance, but only a slow, thin amount at the bottom was flooding in. According to the physics of time and space and gravity, it should have been moving in much faster and in greater quantity. Suddenly water is filling the room. We are running out of space at the ceiling to gather air before we are trapped in a box of water. We concede we have to escape.

Next scene from this, driving in a full car with a few friends now excited to survive a life of adventure on the go. Daring, our driver heads straight to where a peninsula is supposed to be; want to see the water's edge. Shocking, we all exclaim "Where is the peninsula?" "The water flooded it! It rose that high." Water seemed calm, never actually seemed stormy. Perspective pans out so that I am viewing the car my dream self is in from out above the ocean. Not sure what purpose this served. 

In a stream, fall asleep in stream, curl up and doze. Can breathe fine, like a pocket of air extends down in front of my face. I am not completely immersed. Awake with the feeling I have been irresponsible, that Link (my son) has been left unsupervised in a river. I look down the river and see a figure doing somersaults in the water. Panic that it is Link. Didn't start out as behavior declaring help, but became so. When I arrived, he had already fallen unconscious. What if I couldn't resusitate him? I knew though that this was dream state rules, so even though I felt superficially the desperation and grief of the possibility that he may not wake, I knew within that he would wake because it was a dream and I willed him to be okay. There was not an actual resusitation. The scene simply moved on. Maybe I passed the test?

iPad-like device was possessed. An intelligence living in or as the device was trying its hardest to scare me with a game it insisted I play. I'm in an old house with part of roof missing in one room. Call for Jim to show him the game, and to also calm my spooks on edge from the game. Didn't want to admit it really was getting to me. No answer. Where was he? Nervousness. Can I keep up this charade? Will the evil device win?

Return with group of same age men and women. We all want a shower. Only one shower room. A few women immediately begun to prep for their showers. A line of of mostly the men stood at the entrance. Before they could turn the corner to see the undressing few who led the pack to arriving first, the issue learned from my previous dream inspired me to take control. I turned and told everyone we should do each sex separately. Women would start. "Well that's not fair." I anticipated. Need solution. "We'll start this time, next time we do this much activity, the guys start and so we'll just rotate back and forth who showers first." They agreed. I shoed them out the door. Everyone was satisfied. I devised a quick compromise based on the immediate situation. What was before a pointing out of my arrogance with forcing my vision of an equal, respectful way of interaction onto others not remotely ready to follow such a change was identified as being resolved with this scene of the dream.

Analysis: For reference, I love water. I birthed in water, I love swimming, and have a weird desire where I become so mentally thirsty to be enveloped in water while drinking pure clean water that I imagine being water. I want it to fill and flow through my body like I am a being of pure water identifiable by only a human outline.

However, I am beginning to wonder if the dreams of flooding are metaphors for when I am overanalyzing, when I am flooding an issue. Can it be both? Because it has been rather uplifting believing I have prophetic ability.  If dreams work like how the shower scenes worked, in that another chance will be granted to determine if my approach has changed,. What am I supposed to do with those flooding dreams? I ruin a peaceful moment with worry, as what was illustrated with the river napping turned shameful for irresponsibly letting myself have a nap when I should have been watching Link. I figured it was a warning to not doze off so much and let him do his own thing unsupervised, like I tend to do in the mornings. Perhaps though the trick is "believe whatever brings you to a state of ecstatic joy and by fulfilling your truths, you will not have the need for a self-improvement dream.

I imagine my spirit guides are rather frustrated with me. 'How many times must we show her that for humans to achieve a higher vibrational consciousness, we must accept that we have the power to create and manipulate time, events, and what we used to consider separate: reality and imagination?' How many times before I believe that enough to imagine myself finishing my book in record time, feeling rejuvenated about my future career, finding the right attributes and knowledge I need to demand my book be published and myself represented by quality professionals that will take my message seriously and help me toward success.Why does doubt rule over me? Probably because I let it. My greatest weakness I think, but has been my strength in some ways, allowing me to see things from both sides, and know in and out how it accumulates in a person's soul.

I've only been pointing out the negative possible interpretations of these dreams. Maybe they were in answer to last night's questions. Where can I find the right mud? On a warm coast, or in a soothing stream that makes me sleepy. I can't let the evil device win! Also, another example of machines imbued with life. Is it possible for a machine to have free will? Aren't humans biological machines? Is there so much of a difference? If the soul originates from a source, then unless a soul can occupy a machine (something that has been suggested many time in my dreams actually through many different examples), a machine can only imitate and execute programmings without true awareness.

Crafts and Thrift Stores #1

Early Morning of Jan 19th 2013

Dream: Looking up at the night sky I focus in on an object that doesn't resemble a plane shape. Dropping closer reveals it to be like the old fashioned Star Trek Enterprise ship. Thinking "what a nice way of introducing my family (who tend to have trouble adapting to change and fear any unknown that can be perceived as a threat) to the presence of other entities visiting Earth." I tell my those few members of my family that are on the wide balcony we are lounging in chairs on. I do not recognize this large house, nor understand how my family is able to afford living here being dirt poor as they are. When I turn back to the sky I see a larger object like a trapezoidal shape and darker shades, but still visible against the even color of the background night sky. Even further over, I observe the trapezoidal craft is heading toward a massive cube with soft corners and multiple shapes on its outside surface areas. This mothership takes up a quarter of the visible sky in the direction we are facing and is still not completely visible. We only see 2/3rds of the entire size of the ship as the rest of it falls away at the horizon line of the house and trees. Breathtaking and completely unexpected a ship of that size. It is a sight to behold, and quite intimidating. What power must it possess.

Something drops from the sky, a machine rolled in a ball that releases its momentum from the fall by bouncing low and rolling. I have the strange overlap that I pick up this puppy-like machine that is peeing in the wrong place. He's supposed to pee in a long dish and keeps missing. I am holding him up Lion King style looking at his little penis to figure out how it is a machine pees and what its member would look like, which was just like a puppy penis. I felt it was a machine, or artificial life, but it looked real with fur and skin and warmth. I was telling someone to be easy on it, and to just think of it like training a puppy. This scene pauses the previous sequence. And now continues the previous sequence. The balled machine opens up to produce two reverse bending long legs like a bird. The round center serves as its head. Grey and silver in color. Three toed feet. It was no more than three feet tall. It ignored us and went right into the house through an large open entry way from the balcony. I watch it, feeling a confusion of whether it is a device from a benevolent or malevolent force. I can't read it. Come to think of it, I couldn't read the triangular device in the portal from my other dream either and had similar back and forth internal debate as to whether it was good or bad. I couldn't read them because telepathy doesn't work with machines, only living beings that exist in the collective network.

Rather insistent to myself that it is good despite the uncertainty stirring my gut, it heads toward where my younger sister is out of my side around a corner in the house lecturing someone when suddenly her voice goes silent. A pause. I ponder the sudden silence hoping to hear her start talking again. What happened? Did it silence her? Is she okay? Did it capture her? Was I naive to assume it was friendly? I just let it stroll right through? Who sent it?

Perhaps the confusion about these mechanical devices followed up by me trying to tell my family they were sent by good beings is presumptuous. I need to be sure before vouching for whatever comes. This resists trust and faith and hope though. I'll know more clearly about living beings, but you are right I shouldn't jump to a conclusion about intent of machines I can't read. 

Next scene: Searching through a clothing thrift store for hours. Choosing shoe styles and clothing styles, a couple things for my older sister last minute when store announces it is closing. Hundreds of shoes laid out on area of floor near a full-length mirror and separated from the clothing by a tall shoe rack as a divider on one side. Shoe section is in back. Small store, dense with clothing and shoes. Looking for shiny or bright shoes that stand out. Store announced closing time, and my family tried to hurry me along. I kept looking, but more frantically to find a few last items. As I pushed the limit by avoiding their call to the front, the clothes seemed to be disappearing or being sucked out of my physical ability to touch and see them. It was spreading that the racks slowly exited into the background of the solid space I occupied, like a spell was being laid upon them, making them transparent and noncorporeal but still slightly visible. Great security system. I forgot my money and couldn't pay for all the items I found. Couldn't move back to the shoe section where I thought I left my money to find it because I would get caught in the security system spell be lain on everything surrounding the front counter. They instead comped me. I am shocked by such a kind gesture even though I kept the clerk and back guy there later than typical.

Analysis: Thrift store scenes are a common theme in my dreams. Apparently I still don't know what their presence is trying to convey. I thought it was to simply show a system where people recycle and reuse everything that is produced and wasteful mass producing stops. But there is repeatedly focus placed on a particular styles of clothing and ensemble outfits. What is important about the thrift stores? Why am I searching for a style? Am I assembling disguises? This would imply I am still doing missions where certain getups are helpful to portray myself a certain way. They are never disguises, they are only ever highlighting a few aspects of my wide array of personality types. Are you trying to tell me I need to be trying for a particular kind of dress? Have felt need to look unique and detailed in layers and colors. But why is this important other than to put me in a mindset that would give me the right attitude to execute a mission. Is it just important to me that I stick out as having my own style and appearing adventurous and down to Earth? Why is this important for me right now? Do you know of something that is predictably affecting my mood that would require I take steps to adjust my perception? A bout of doubt has overcome me today. Frustrating to keep trying to explain to people the theories I have come to and am exploring to just have them disregarded because they don't want to put forth any effort or faith that there might be something more there. I fear I am just delusional. But I know medication will only suppress the dreams and the paranoia and curious highs. Jim suggested I feel like Sarah Conner from Terminator, ending up in a mental hospital because no one would believe her when she said killing machines that look human are coming. I don't ever want to place hope over reason, but I also think any significant person in history had to be some amount of crazy to go against the grain and spend such time and energy into an as of yet undiscovered idea or achieved feat. But it is exhausting and lonely.

Clothing is a tool to encourage a desired state of mind; an aid to conjure a kind of attitude and perspective, I get that. But is there anything else you are trying to tell me with the recurrence of thrift stores? What about large warehouse stores with bulk, uniform, plain base goods? Is it coincidence that I see hints in art, games, media, that point to ideas I've found in my dreams? No one believes me, I barely believe the connections I see. What good is this information if I can't use it for any good? What good is prophecy if no one listens to it?

I am functioning on four hours sleep, I should turn in early tonight and stop trying to analyze in this state of mind.

Night of Jan 7/8th 2013

Although I ask particular questions which, regardless of the time of day I ask, bring forth answers in my dreams, what is also strongly on my mind before sleep is slipping into the messages. Hence my confusion with my message of touch as it was meant to be an expression of love and appreciation and graciousness, and has been convoluted to be synonymous with the raw act of sex without those higher feelings and selfish desire, rather than an extension of what is felt in spirit. Touch has always been misunderstood as a bad thing. It is revealing, yes, it is vulnerable, yes. But man has made it wrong. Molestation, rape, sodomy, perversion, has pulled us in on ourselves, hiding ourselves. This is an act of submission. We are submitting to what we allow to be the reality that these things affect how we express ourselves to one another, how we dress and hide our vessels, how we look on one another. The greatest deception I see is the oppression of the body, our vessels, we inflict on ourselves on others.

This is a point of contention for me even still. I strongly believe in this message which I have arrived at through my dreaming, but cannot seem to reconcile with my own intimate needs. Should there be a distinction as any moral person would tell me. The distinction I trust to be in intent. If I am serving good, if I can openly help someone, a person I already love, who is suffering and I have something that could help them, and I trust my fulfillment of intent to help them, is such a thing wrong? I wonder if Mary Magdalene ever found it pleasing to serve her Lord by caring for his physical needs of intimacy. What if there is two or more people you love with just as much ease as to provide that service if it means rising them up to a status of loving and graciousness, and gives them a taste of the compassion and beauty that awaits us. Is that kind of sex or intimate acts a wrong thing? I repeatedly wonder if there is such a companionship, even if for a day, I could offer a second someone whom I love, but maintaining an intent to heal and selflessness. This is what women can do. We are not all selfish, desire driven creatures. I can be, but I can also turn it off and choose which personality will drive my actions in any given moment. I would have to already love this person to offer such a service though, and it is that point which tells me it is not a corrupted evil.

There is a demon that tests me in my dream state. It plays on my back and forth internal debate with myself, wanting and striving to be and do goodness, where such an issue as the above lies. Is it a deception to make me commit evil or justify wrongness. Commitment to one, that proof of specialness, is important. What if a woman had to ability to remain committed in mind and spirit so much so as to perform physical sensual help to another without losing sight of that commitment? Is it detachment from the body? No. It is intent, a medicine for someone for a moment that includes the honest feelings attached to that expression of love. But in time spent, in emergency, in dedication to being with, the one committed to is absolute priority. I cannot describe this anymore than this. It does not make sense in human thinking, influenced by the laws of conduct in relationship which were and always should be the starting point for a person rising out of raw desire and physicality. How do higher beings see sex and love? The incorporation of the Ulum (machine race) in my dream that were matter of fact teaching

Dream: Two dreams, each of two sequences of images.
First, I am in a casino where the slot machines are video games that require another input of change every three minutes. I think I would get anxious with not enough time to get much done. The constant input would make me less productive. But three of four people are fixated on them, having played for hours, days maybe. I have a pad, looking down a list counting the people still stuck on these machines. All patrons/users were supposed to be coming along to something else.

Later scene, I am in back of casino. Some figure or force is threatening me or is not understanding me. In hopeless acceptance that I cannot be understood, bent over, I put a gun to my vagina and fire. The bullet explodes out my right side and I topple forward onto myself dead. A man was already dead under me whom I was enraged at the death of.

My perspective zooms out and floats into the next room into a body of myself where I am facing a galfriend (whom I've revealed my feelings toward: those of appreciation, protectiveness, and desire to feel those feelings reciprocated). I feel annoyed. "I don't care what you think, I have to go North to see him." Reference to going to see my childhood friend, which I told my partner about wanting to do yesterday. "I'm just asking that when you do, will you let me know?" Says my galfriend. "Oh, now when I am leaving you suddenly want to show feelings for me?" I say to her. I agree to let her know, just wanting to end the conversation from further hurting.

I walk into a small side room (like the office in my house) where my childhood friend is sitting playing a game. I ask him, "You want me to come see you right?" He makes a gesture of affirmation without pulling from his game. "Yes, see its fine" I wasn't expecting a big display of want to have me come up, I just wanted enough to get her off my back.

New sequence. Big campaign going on at a college level, or at least with college age people. Candidate is coordinating a rehearsal performance, the star is his girlfriend/wife. He is a sweet person, calm temperament. The girlfriend is a pudgy black young woman in an elaborate costume that sparkles, with long feathers protruding up from her hair. Walking down the steps, music cuts when her guy notices something a stage crew person is setting up wrong. The girlfriend declares she is done, her frustration having building up with having to do this performance. She had been doing so to support her guy in his run. She walks off with a sure attitude of not coming back. A couple women friends chase after her trying to convince her to return. I go after her feeling she had reason to do what she did. I catch up to her. She is already in a hot tub decompressing. I am very plain, behind the scenes compared to her. "I support your decision." She is glad someone understands. "He is a great guy ya'know..." "Yeah he is. But he was taking you to a place in his career you didn't want to be. What about your ventures? You have been so supportive of him, but there reached a point when you had to do what was best for you." She agreed and starting planning out loud what she will need to do from here. Her stuff would have to be packed and removed, she would have to look for a place to live.

...I don't want this. Why does this keep being put in my dreams?! She was already sure of her decision, I was just giving her the validation that would ease her mind. Everyone else was selfishly against her for the good of the campaign, without considering the demand it had been placing on her. ... Well in that sense I suppose I get it. What is good for me? I hate being selfish. I can't even ask for a massage or him to play with my hair (like I love), even when I really would benefit from it. If no stigma were applied, if not judgement or assumption made, I would want to see my friend once in a while for some personal time, and I would come back joyful knowing I was actively clearing up that relationship that wears on me and always will. The casino setting is a place of gambling. I would be taking a gamble. A gamble that I don't find myself wanting to stay with my friend, even though I want everything I have with my partner. 

2nd Dream: Perspective shot looking at a girl and many dark, minion figures on a sparkling white platform in the sky above the shore of an ocean. It is bouncing and turning over to force the figures that aren't supposed to be there off of the platform, but the girl, who does belong there, is also bouncing around, she is the last to fall off, unintentionally I think by whatever force was rocking the platform. I am now that woman climbing out of the water up a bank and toward a row of computers with people from my life on them. They are all playing the same game that requires learned precise sequences of typings. A twenty digit supplementary keypad, along with the main keyboard. My choir director is pacing back and forth up the rows to help students out. I am very lost, can't get past the first part because I don't understand the computer language to perform certain actions. A code has to be entered to even get to the right starting point. I missed the day we were taught that skill, they called it Shift coding, similar to HTML I suppose or key shortcuts maybe. The director lingered over my shoulder to help me more, but I still wasn't getting it. He had to move on. I asked the guy (an old friend's brother, David, who was good with computers) what to do. He helped me some. I recall the game featured a man in a long canoe, maneuvering a body of water. Then later a person in a first person perspective searching for items in a wooden, unpainted, series of rooms and halls connecting the rooms. 

Why am I always late for my classes in the dream world? I always want to explain to everyone that I am late not out of laziness but for good, important cause that they aren't supposed to know yet, even though  I am not sure myself what that reason always is.

After this, although I was the last to log out because I didn't finish like everyone else and couldn't figure out how to save, I lined up to go down some steps like an underground train system to check in at our lockers. Next we are riding on a vibrant white train. I am at a window, and can't see anything or anyone around me other than this corner because I am amazed that as we travel we are going through walls. These walls come toward us and we pass through them. Slight panic at first at expecting to hit each wall. I mean each wall passed through the train and seemed it would crash into my body but passed right through. I said this aloud, asking someone. An answer from behind giving me the knowing (without speech) that they will not crash into me and it should be evidenced by the number of ones that have already passed. The walls came every couple seconds in a regular repetitious, single beat pattern.

In a large hallway, our group's representative and a couple others want the rest of us to vote on three options with the main idea they want to do is give some kind of lizard eggs that would hatch soon to dying kids or some good cause as an uplifting gift. The image of the eggs came into my vision as white with bolts of bright yellow and lime green on the outside. They were very strange in their brightness and apparent delicateness. I was thinking why would we give these lizard eggs to kids who would not know how to care for them? Stand way up front as a vote to go ahead with the plan, stand to the side to vote for an adjustment to the plan, stand in the back to vote we do nothing. I, confusingly, stood in the center asking "Do we have to vote? Can we be neutral?" After saying that I thought that the gesture is trying to be good and so should be rewarded for that at least, so I stood up front. Our director was overseeing, letting us make the decision how we allot the funds we would raise. I believe the plan was carried through.

Analysis: Computers (at least for educational training purposes) and mass transit will still be operational is what I gathered from that last dream to answer some questions from yesterday night's dream. I do not know what more to ask on that topic. No indication of an EM pulse, but deliberateness to what machines go haywire seems apparent since computers and railway transit both run on electricity. So its not a mass electrical outage. Things are still receiving power, just behaving oddly. Interference in only some systems seems most likely. Long distance communication would be unnecessary if we could travel THROUGH light or with light as the leaps between scenes sometimes looks like: fast movement to a different place with spectrum of light and colors flowing by. Very brilliant.

Going back now, I wish to focus on the demon fighter from a few dreams ago. It is increasingly concerning to me the potential presence of a deceptive force in my dreams. On that note, I also wonder if I am being manipulated into thinking the kind of free expression of love is even possible for humankind, and whether my ease of shame in the matter of wanting to share through touch is also being manipulated. I think it is a rocky area still that is being used to target me with fear and doubt and shame. But is the kind of love I envision (even if I can't quite manifest it fully yet in my own reality, to start) really part of the divine plan? Difficult to separate all the stigma, rules, perversions it has become in the human world from what it really looks like say in the realm of good angels. What does the ideal love and expression of look like for good, divine beings? If I can get a clear answer on this, I will not doubt my inner feelings on it so much. Why do I have a feeling of expressive love that is almost explosive within me, which I withhold and only feel embodied when I am my inner self leading people in my dreams. Do angels have physical touch and sex with one another? Is sex with multiple individuals you love while claiming loyalty to one of those persons an abomination?

Where should I look for clues as to who this demon fighter is from my building/tower dream? What is that tower? Who were those humans hunting us? 

Extra: Met with my new mentor today the 8th, as our first meet since our outing at the park where I made him lunch and I discussed my unconventional ideas and what I believe is the workings of the universe toward me fulfilling my role in bringing forth the New Earth. I am deeming him my new mentor because of the happenings leading up to us deciding to meet together for Bible study and talk. He had prayed, without my awareness of this, to have someone he could share his research and faith with. He then wondered if I would be interested and where I was in my faith (this all he told me). He prayed it could be setup that he could share with me. "Then one day there you are in my back yard talking to me about your dreams." He is my neighbor, living in a studio apt attached to our house. We saw each other a lot during the summer when I would take the kid and dog in the field outside (an empty lot) to let them play. He listens, and gives credence to my experiences, my feelings, my dreams without trying to correct them to fit his sense of the Bible's teachings. My dreams and feelings and beliefs are an extension of the Bible, built in-line with what was said as an updated comprehension, one in which man was not ready for at the time of the original teachings. Just as Jesus came to redirect the Jews from their interpretation of the Mosaic teachings, so are we due for a reiteration of what was really meant.

Night of Jan 6/7th 2013

How does this answer any of the questions? There is something I am missing then?

Dream: Walking with a friend uphill in a neighborhood. Some house look a little beaten down. Grass is yellow and brown here and there, with some streaks of green. Sunny. Maybe summer? Early morning after a night partying or dancing. Her friend Melissa is the same person I knew from elementary school who passed away years ago. She is keeping her distance from me. She is angry, but whatever her issue with me is doesn't seem big enough to warrant her behavior. She won't walk by us, keeps gesturing back like she wants to be lude and is holding herself back. I am still in a calm state of mind, as I often am in my dreams, a peaceful, composed, sure of myself, compassionate, helpful attitude. Probably who my inner self truly is.

We meet someone along the way, a small man, who is also trying to get to where we are going, a building on the hill where he works. He is taken with me. I invite him to join us. The ease by which he attaches to me and wants to show affection or appreciation is endearing to me. He is not inappropriate, just wants to hold my arm as we walk and hum pleasantries, lean his head on my shoulder. My friend was hesitant to bring him along and I said "Nonsense, why not." We come to a kind of fork in the road where either way we see the beginnings a lush green field/lawn and propped crops dotting and outlining the lovely field. Which one holds the building on it's top? We can only see the bottom of either hill because maple and oak trees block our way. I just choose one. We walk toward it and start to see the buildings at its summit (not more than a few hundred feet in elevation from where we were at the base of it. I thought it wasn't the right one until our companion said "No its right. See? That tower is near where I work, and that building is my work." I have been here before. I have seen that oddly shaped tower before.

We arrive inside, go up stairs to a restaurant where all the employees are eating. My partner works here and is sitting at a booth across from where I sit with my travel companion who is still clinging to me. I explained to him as we were coming up that my partner works here so be aware of that. He didn't seem to mind. An old friend from college, a buddy of my partner, is in town visiting and we sat right next to. "Logan?! I haven't seen you in so long!" We were delightedly to see each other. I explained I was helping this guy get to work since I was coming here anyway to see Jim. Logan was not amused by the little man. Looking at his menu, he said, rather accusatory "You know her partner is sitting right there?" My smile vanished for a split second at his feeling the need to point out to him that I am in a relationship, as if I was intentionally leading him on. "I told him already. He knows." I clearly state. I was offended that he interpreted my actions and friendliness as promiscuity.

The menu was expensive. Who was paying for these meals? Their boss entered and motioned everyone back to work. I said bye. The little man between Logan and I slipped out for work. I scooted closer to Logan as they were leaving. "So how are you? Would you like to hang out and catch up? I haven't seen you in so long." He made some excuse. His attitude towards me shifted. He was cold and... well, he seemed like those influenced zombie people from an old dream. In his view, my feminine friendliness was seductive and wrong, and I was now luring him into. I tried to make other arrangements around his schedule. He did not want to see me. He excused himself. Melissa was acting the same way toward me because of my willingness to accept this little man into our entourage and let him hang over me. [Note to self: Strive to analyze these dreams with the same perspective you are shown having in them. When I awoke I feared it was trying to tell me I am still being overly sexual or attractive, a trait my dreams have cautioned and corrected me on many times. But I was simply seeing things differently. I loved the friends and new friends, male or female. It was others around me that were twisting my compassion and love into a sexual thing because of our genders. As I do my Skin Project trying to desexualize the skin and familiarize people with real examples of the human form, not just the greek gods and thin models of our visual media, I have had to remember my message will not be received well by everyone, and many people will adulterate it.]

Analysis: I believe conservativist religion will lose its place as people ascend and qualities like tolerance, expression, honesty, love, acceptance of what we are become realized. Jesus showed much affection for all his disciples. He hugged and kissed them. They even expressed jealousy for why he favored Mary Magdalene over them at times. Touch and physical expression is not immoral. It is more direct to stimulating the brain's pleasure centers than mere talk. If someone is so driven to express their love in touch, than the receive believes it to be a substantial amount of enjoyment to be in their company. Why were people unaccepting of this little man's expression of affection for me and my willingness to let him show it. I didn't want to have sex with him. It has been difficult for me to reconcile this belief and lean toward open expression because touch is too associated with sexual desire. I am extremely affectionate with my child, and with friends who are also affectionate (very few). But I never know where their line is. Is it wrong that I just want to touch people, and share in making one another feel appreciated and enjoyed? Am I muddling the issue?

As far as how this answers my previous post's questions: There were no cars that I could see. Just the fact we had to walk was interesting, made me wonder if we were drunk and decided to just walk to where we had to go. One scene earlier answered this and I can't remember.

Maybe the cause for celebration is for those of us who realize our old vehicles are no longer needed and no longer polluting. We are happier to walk, but we also have a faster way of travel? Teleportation or light speed running is what it feels like. Maybe it's not that our vehicles will become animate, but they will become temperamental, in that they won't function right, and be more dangerous to be in because of their unpredictability. That was what that scene earlier felt like. We were trying to get into a car and it was distorting or changing shape while we were in it, like it was alive. It wouldn't work though.

Twice I was traveling across the border of Idaho and Oregon when my car's electronics went haywire. I thought my car was suddenly breaking down while I was going 70 mph on the highway. I figured it would start slowing down. Just as quickly as they went haywire (all lights blinked on, dials rose to their peaks) did they all turn off, then come back on as if nothing happened. Like my car was reset. Literally. The clock started back at 12:00 default. My speed kept going. I don't even know if I lost speed. EM bursts are known to cause this kind of effect. Will there be a worldwide EM burst that makes vehicles inoperable?

Okay, keeping it simple and focused on the greater whole of people. If I am understanding this correctly, when can we expect this large scale EM pulse to happen when our magnetic grid, or whatever allows our electronics to function, goes haywire making our man-made electronic vehicles in operable? Will it happen at the same time of the severe rain storm alluded to in many of my dreams? What about older vehicles that do not run on electronics. Will they be affected too? They are the real gas guzzlers. Will this be a deliberate event or an unintentional event or a natural phenomenon? Will it be caused by the sun? Will it result from a change in our magnetic field? Will this pulse harm humans? How will communicate with distant people to check status and prevent anarchy? Will vehicles no longer work how we've known them to because of a progressive change in Earth's vibration? Machines are interesting in that they are functional, movable yet inanimate. There are no other self-automated, mobile objects in nature that match this kind of illusion of life. Can you provide me confirmation that this analysis is accurate.

Night of Jan 5/6th 2013

First sequence of scenes were answering my wondering how general population will be clued into something changing. In the dream, I am working at my old job at the university library in the stacks. I come into the office because I forgot to call in the start of my shift (its an automated phone system for tracking work time), but the line wasn't working. All over the library the phones were functioning improperly.

Next scene I remember, my younger sister and I are running away from a golem-like creature that suddenly came alive... it was a car that came alive and was climbing up concrete stairs after us [the bizarre dream that I had where I was with a group of people trying to deactivate or prevent a war between giant animated machines. Our cars and electronics will be possessed/animated/imbued with life somehow? Sounds like a more horrifying Transformers movie. Who would do this and is capable of doing this? Again, why would there be celebrating people like there was in my previous dream on the day of the rain? Or are these two events separate?]. We were climbing to what seemed like an ancient stone building. The entrance door was dropping down like a blast door. Would we make it?! I reached it first, slid in hoping if I was fast enough there would still be room for my sister to as well. Just as I slid I knew it wouldn't be enough room and coincidentally was able to stop underneath it with a foot as a prop until she could get in. The golem was right behind her, would she make it without letting him in as well? Was it best to ensure my own safety? NO. I would wait and trust I could immediately remove my foot and the door would close in time. My sister slid in, I removed my foot, it barely closed. We watched the crease in the bottom of the door for a few moments to ensure it could not lift it up. Door was secure, we proceeded to explore the pyramid like corridors and rooms.

Update about the Fleur de lis: common symbol on city emblems, coat of arms, flags, and coins in France. The three petals were meant to represent the three social classes or roles, which were fighter, worker, and pray-er (courtesy Wikipedia). I felt I maybe fell into the role of pray-er more, that my service was in utilizing my dream connection, logic and intuitive balance to navigate people. Worker as secondary service, and fighter last. My dream disagreed with this evaluation of what services I had to offer.

Dream: In a wide room with a small group of others. Giant leeches are sliding slowly along the floors and walls from a doorway. Dark bluish black dire wolf-like creatures are approaching. We are trapped in this room. I am casting magical attacks at the leeches with fluid arm gestures and chanting jibberish. Nothing is happening though. My vision is clouded. I can't see the effects (if any) of my magic on eliminating the leeches. I blindly believe I have magic and that it is working. A woman of similar age near me, watching me, is doubtful of my magic. I keep casting though with an air of relaxed trust. I turned to her and said "Just pretend. Pretend it works." As if that was the key to making it actually happen: imagination and belief. Regardless of my uncertainty of what was actually happening, she still decided my play sounded fun and so joined in, calling back to the rest of the group that was also in doubt but was not stepping up to do anything to combat the attack "Whatever, its something. Looks fun at least."

I tried to focus in more after they called to me that it wasn't actually doing anything. There was no light, no physical show of affect from me. The leech I thought I attacked remained untouched. Shit. The dark animal creatures burst into the room and immediately clamped onto me with its sharp teeth and strong jaw. I'm surprised I feel no pain. I was the likely one to be attacked first. Unrelenting, I tried to pry its mouth open far enough to pull myself out of it. The rest of the group had found a side door to a hallway to exit. I followed after them. Always trouble with doors through this dream: keeping them closed, getting them open, getting everyone through them in time.

I switch to close combat with a sword. Using a sword felt unfamiliar, like I never thought it would ever be a choice weapon of mine. Necessity forced my use of it. I had to defend the group. My dog and even my child were among us. I lost track of my dog. I lost him between all the transfers between doorways we had to hurriedly get everyone through. I called for him, but he wouldn't come and we had to close the door. I kept losing people, no matter how much I tried to navigate everyone to safety. Another group of humans was after us. They seemed like us... whoa deja vu. They seemed like us in that they were caught up in some kind of apocalyptic situation, but they were determined to kill us. Who were they? Why were they after us? I had to fight them and kill some of them to protect my group. I am not one to kill someone, why would you show me this spirit guides? I would only inflict deadly harm if they threatened my family... which they were doing. But why? They had captured me at one point. Don't recall the details except that I wounded many of them escaping. I played coy and ignorant with them until I had my chance.

In a hall with my group catching our breath, we hear a quiet singing in Arabic or Hindu (sorry I don't know which). Its coming from behind a sealed door with bars over a small window. We go inside. I can see above to see the full layout of the room. It is a prison for one being separated into three parts. What I mean is that there are three forms of him chained separately. One is human-like, another has a pale blue complexion and rougher skin with raised ridges along the head and arms and shoulders. This blue one looked meaner in appearance and more openly aggressive. The human, as I would discover, was more cunning. Not sure what the third one was. In dress and figure and features they were replicates of one another with some special variants. Three species of the same entity? They stood at the center of four layers of walls on all sides, and some kind of mystical field over the top. My group looked around, piecing together the reason for such a prison. One member said "Should we let him out." "No, don't" another stated cautiously. We debated curiously why he was there and what to do. Without deliberate action, we accidentally set him free. I have the sense that he spoke to me in particular, speaking kindly and calmly, luring me to the release and tricking me into hitting it without knowing what or where it was. The three parts of him merged together into one and he lifted his arms up as if satisfied with the taste of freedom. "Get out of here." I called to the others. "Run!" I yelled. He had held me there a moment, thanking me for letting him free and saying how unfair his imprisonment was. "What did you do? Why were you put in here?" He said some obvious excuse. There was a malevolence in him, but once combined, he took on a different feeling. He was ... human. I almost empathized with him. Now complete, I wondered if the parts would keep him in balance, check his dark sides. This thought is of course based on the analysis of how his personality evened out being put back together. I worried throughout his tagging along with the group if he was a demon.

We have to run and hide more, I navigate people through a hidden door to a small apartment. It's my partner's apartment. Why don't we live together? This is the the fourth of fifth time implied my partner and I are living separately in this alternate dimension. I am raiding his fridge and cupboards for snacks.

There was some part very early in this dream where I stumble upon these beautiful mushrooms of this glowing red tint. I call it a shaggy mane (native to Northwest), but later it is also referred to as a bolete (also native, and not similar looking). I cut a near perfect specimen, save the odd color, of a cluster of them to show whomever I was with, parental figures I think. I was so excited to find food and such a quality, plump source. I was beginning to cut them to throw in a pot of water when my fatherly figure grabs it and says "What are you doing? That is not a shaggy mane. Look!" He points to one I had cut in half already. There were small worms seeping out of it. They were (somehow) causing it to glow uncharacteristically. They weren't glow worms, the mushroom was just glowing to point out to me there was something strange about them as a red flag. This only became relevant in the above scene.

Back at the apt. I am laying across the counter to reach stuff on the top of the fridge. Score, I find a couple doughy bites with sugar and scarf those down. Image of my partner appears in my thoughts hassling me for eating his food when he chose things I don't usually want. Got to eat, babe. Another member is playing with something in the sink, and there is a lovely green plant on the other counter by that sink closer to me. My teammates are questioning our new guest: the freed prisoner, wondering, as I was if he was a demon. I kept this in the back of mind, but accepted for our current situations that he was at least a useful fighter as he had helped us fight through the beasts and pursuant human group. He was doing his part when it was time for action.

He responds to their questioning with one comment "I am most interested in her." He turns to me and climbs toward me with a determined look on his face of desire; head low, eyes locked on me. I am caught off guard, surprised that he would show such aggressive intentions toward me in front of them and after his combat behavior had already suggested he wanted to contribute to the group. Now in a cool down he jumps at the opportunity to express the darker side that still flows freely through him. He is touching my stomach and waist. Waiting, I suppose, to make a more threatening move toward harm, I realize the intent was seductive, as I am beginning to desire his further touch. I have to pry myself from his hold. After much mental effort and pull away by literally falling off the counter (on my feet) and stumbling to the sink where a group member holds a bag hanging from a netlike handle filled with algae water and what might be little fungus or something the person living here was growing (contradictory to the overall cleanliness and vibrant feel of the apt.). Something had spilled or been thrown at the demon-guy that burned him. The algae water and the mushrooms growing in a sill pot on the side of the sink were his weakness. I took the net and chucked the water at him, not to kill him, but I guess as a warning.

Transitions are unclear. We were having to run from the human group again. Switching between floors to find some safety. All throughout this dream I had been trying to hold open doors until the last possible moment for that last person still catching to us. At the elevator this time, we were too late. The person was caught by the monsters. We had to close the elevator. I had lost someone. At another time we piled hurriedly into a car at the base of this building outside. I only strapped my son in halfway so someone else could jump in quicker and we could get moving. The pursuing group nearly side swiped us from the other direction.

We return to the building. We have secured one area, and we hear word they are coming to this exact spot, but they don't know we are there. We abandon that large room to hide around the corner. I run into a glass room telling my son to hurry up and come inside. He is standing there peaking around the glass door, then without an explanation, turns around toward the other party. "No, no come back here!" My panic is exploding as my loud whispering for him to come back maxes and becomes normal decibel sound I was supposed to keep down or else risk exposing the rest of the group. He walks right past the two guards we had stationed (a woman and our demon-guy) in slow motion . I'm thinking as he walks past our two lookouts "Why aren't they trying to stop him?!" I can't yell the order without giving us all up. He gave himself over, walking right up to their circle and looking up at them. I halt as they look down and notice him. Tears fall from my eyes and I am overcome with loss and failure. What was he doing? Did he just act out of sweetness to say hello to people, running away from me thinking it was a game? Did he somehow know what needed to be done to end the conflict? They still hadn't seen me (their backs were turned away from us). I heard their decision to use him as motivation for us to surrender instead of killing him. He had a chance, there was no point in me sacrificing myself by going after him like this. I turned and ran back to the group. End.

Earlier part where my group and myself are running through dark woods. We are encountered by large wolves (white this time I believe). They are threatening, snarling, surrounding us. Feeling the only way to help us is to flee for help, one of us leaps over some fence or barrier out onto the highway that lies nearby. Semi's and logging trucks travel it frequently. They hitch a ride. What was the purpose of this scene? Supplement about the beasts that were after us? Message being we could not escape, one desparate, solitary remaining person free enough from danger to escape should? I used to wonder why I never dreamt about mammals except domestic dogs and cats.

Analysis: So much of this is so fantastical I have difficulty believing this is all meant to be literal depictions of upcoming events and creatures that exist. Using my questions still as a template for understanding the often confusing and bizarre dreams I have, I acknowledge the reality being portrayed that I will lose people. But my role as leader... Many dreams of leading people to safety, being navigator and feeling their was someone else as leader but not being able to pinpoint who that was. How am I supposed to be a leader? How am I supposed to deal with the feeling of failure when people in my group are lost if I am the leader? The responsibility will eat me up with guilt. I am not meant to be a background pray-er, navigating our decisions in planning while someone else carries out the difficult actions of being a fighter. The only evidence of my magic working was that I wasn't trying to see the effect of the magic, I just believed it was working blindly and despite the attacking leeches, they remained at bay. Only when I tried to see it by focusing through the cloudiness did it fail and the leeches and beasts reach us. But not even an after effect? I couldn't even see residual energy suggesting real magic was emanating from me.

Who was the imprisoned demon-fighter bent on seducing me? It is ideas like that which seep doubt into my faith and into my confidence in myself and my dreams. Did I let him out by giving into him somehow? Why is my partner and I repeatedly shown to live in separate spaces, even if we aren't necessarily separated by relationship? Does he represent something in me or a being in the world at large?

Who were the humans? Why were they hunting us? Was this a transition from the soulless zombies, then to the influenced people that were out to kill me when I was trying to explain that they were being manipulated and only a little girl would hear my message when I veiled myself (the sight of my face became the trigger to turn people onto the plot to kill me that some unknown force was behind ) [other dreams as well, I honestly don't know how I am going to update all my other dreams in any recognizable way for potential readers. One thing at a time I guess.].

How am I supposed to believe the animated possession of our machines? Is this literal or metaphorical? For sake of clarity, let's answer one thing at a time, if possible. Let's start with this one since I have had another dream about angry, possessed animal machines that I thought was on another planet altogether, and because it was closest in answering the question from the previous night's dream. Average people will be clued into the changes by their electronics acting up? What does this have to do with the rainstorm? An electrical storm? How is this cause for them to celebrate??

Update:  Imprisoned demons is a common theme in many religions and mythologies. I am not sure I will be able to figure out which one it was and whether I released him or he was accidentally released or will be released and it hasn't happened yet. Which demons are imprisoned in towers or tall buildings? The game Baldur's Gate (as my partner clued me in on; he is so helpful in guiding my understanding of cultural references and symbols with his vast useless trivia knowledge) was about a tower ruled by angels and divine priests who were actually there to hold the demon in the basement. Another lesser demon was also imprisoned in the tower somewhere, but he was captured later after the tower was already erected for the larger demon. Was the demon fighter, because he was on some random floor in a side room, also a lesser demon? Was the human party trying to keep us out, acting like sentinels? I don't even know how we got in though, and we certainly didn't have the intention to let the demon out. He was tricksy.