Jan 6, 2013

Night of Jan 5/6th 2013

First sequence of scenes were answering my wondering how general population will be clued into something changing. In the dream, I am working at my old job at the university library in the stacks. I come into the office because I forgot to call in the start of my shift (its an automated phone system for tracking work time), but the line wasn't working. All over the library the phones were functioning improperly.

Next scene I remember, my younger sister and I are running away from a golem-like creature that suddenly came alive... it was a car that came alive and was climbing up concrete stairs after us [the bizarre dream that I had where I was with a group of people trying to deactivate or prevent a war between giant animated machines. Our cars and electronics will be possessed/animated/imbued with life somehow? Sounds like a more horrifying Transformers movie. Who would do this and is capable of doing this? Again, why would there be celebrating people like there was in my previous dream on the day of the rain? Or are these two events separate?]. We were climbing to what seemed like an ancient stone building. The entrance door was dropping down like a blast door. Would we make it?! I reached it first, slid in hoping if I was fast enough there would still be room for my sister to as well. Just as I slid I knew it wouldn't be enough room and coincidentally was able to stop underneath it with a foot as a prop until she could get in. The golem was right behind her, would she make it without letting him in as well? Was it best to ensure my own safety? NO. I would wait and trust I could immediately remove my foot and the door would close in time. My sister slid in, I removed my foot, it barely closed. We watched the crease in the bottom of the door for a few moments to ensure it could not lift it up. Door was secure, we proceeded to explore the pyramid like corridors and rooms.

Update about the Fleur de lis: common symbol on city emblems, coat of arms, flags, and coins in France. The three petals were meant to represent the three social classes or roles, which were fighter, worker, and pray-er (courtesy Wikipedia). I felt I maybe fell into the role of pray-er more, that my service was in utilizing my dream connection, logic and intuitive balance to navigate people. Worker as secondary service, and fighter last. My dream disagreed with this evaluation of what services I had to offer.

Dream: In a wide room with a small group of others. Giant leeches are sliding slowly along the floors and walls from a doorway. Dark bluish black dire wolf-like creatures are approaching. We are trapped in this room. I am casting magical attacks at the leeches with fluid arm gestures and chanting jibberish. Nothing is happening though. My vision is clouded. I can't see the effects (if any) of my magic on eliminating the leeches. I blindly believe I have magic and that it is working. A woman of similar age near me, watching me, is doubtful of my magic. I keep casting though with an air of relaxed trust. I turned to her and said "Just pretend. Pretend it works." As if that was the key to making it actually happen: imagination and belief. Regardless of my uncertainty of what was actually happening, she still decided my play sounded fun and so joined in, calling back to the rest of the group that was also in doubt but was not stepping up to do anything to combat the attack "Whatever, its something. Looks fun at least."

I tried to focus in more after they called to me that it wasn't actually doing anything. There was no light, no physical show of affect from me. The leech I thought I attacked remained untouched. Shit. The dark animal creatures burst into the room and immediately clamped onto me with its sharp teeth and strong jaw. I'm surprised I feel no pain. I was the likely one to be attacked first. Unrelenting, I tried to pry its mouth open far enough to pull myself out of it. The rest of the group had found a side door to a hallway to exit. I followed after them. Always trouble with doors through this dream: keeping them closed, getting them open, getting everyone through them in time.

I switch to close combat with a sword. Using a sword felt unfamiliar, like I never thought it would ever be a choice weapon of mine. Necessity forced my use of it. I had to defend the group. My dog and even my child were among us. I lost track of my dog. I lost him between all the transfers between doorways we had to hurriedly get everyone through. I called for him, but he wouldn't come and we had to close the door. I kept losing people, no matter how much I tried to navigate everyone to safety. Another group of humans was after us. They seemed like us... whoa deja vu. They seemed like us in that they were caught up in some kind of apocalyptic situation, but they were determined to kill us. Who were they? Why were they after us? I had to fight them and kill some of them to protect my group. I am not one to kill someone, why would you show me this spirit guides? I would only inflict deadly harm if they threatened my family... which they were doing. But why? They had captured me at one point. Don't recall the details except that I wounded many of them escaping. I played coy and ignorant with them until I had my chance.

In a hall with my group catching our breath, we hear a quiet singing in Arabic or Hindu (sorry I don't know which). Its coming from behind a sealed door with bars over a small window. We go inside. I can see above to see the full layout of the room. It is a prison for one being separated into three parts. What I mean is that there are three forms of him chained separately. One is human-like, another has a pale blue complexion and rougher skin with raised ridges along the head and arms and shoulders. This blue one looked meaner in appearance and more openly aggressive. The human, as I would discover, was more cunning. Not sure what the third one was. In dress and figure and features they were replicates of one another with some special variants. Three species of the same entity? They stood at the center of four layers of walls on all sides, and some kind of mystical field over the top. My group looked around, piecing together the reason for such a prison. One member said "Should we let him out." "No, don't" another stated cautiously. We debated curiously why he was there and what to do. Without deliberate action, we accidentally set him free. I have the sense that he spoke to me in particular, speaking kindly and calmly, luring me to the release and tricking me into hitting it without knowing what or where it was. The three parts of him merged together into one and he lifted his arms up as if satisfied with the taste of freedom. "Get out of here." I called to the others. "Run!" I yelled. He had held me there a moment, thanking me for letting him free and saying how unfair his imprisonment was. "What did you do? Why were you put in here?" He said some obvious excuse. There was a malevolence in him, but once combined, he took on a different feeling. He was ... human. I almost empathized with him. Now complete, I wondered if the parts would keep him in balance, check his dark sides. This thought is of course based on the analysis of how his personality evened out being put back together. I worried throughout his tagging along with the group if he was a demon.

We have to run and hide more, I navigate people through a hidden door to a small apartment. It's my partner's apartment. Why don't we live together? This is the the fourth of fifth time implied my partner and I are living separately in this alternate dimension. I am raiding his fridge and cupboards for snacks.

There was some part very early in this dream where I stumble upon these beautiful mushrooms of this glowing red tint. I call it a shaggy mane (native to Northwest), but later it is also referred to as a bolete (also native, and not similar looking). I cut a near perfect specimen, save the odd color, of a cluster of them to show whomever I was with, parental figures I think. I was so excited to find food and such a quality, plump source. I was beginning to cut them to throw in a pot of water when my fatherly figure grabs it and says "What are you doing? That is not a shaggy mane. Look!" He points to one I had cut in half already. There were small worms seeping out of it. They were (somehow) causing it to glow uncharacteristically. They weren't glow worms, the mushroom was just glowing to point out to me there was something strange about them as a red flag. This only became relevant in the above scene.

Back at the apt. I am laying across the counter to reach stuff on the top of the fridge. Score, I find a couple doughy bites with sugar and scarf those down. Image of my partner appears in my thoughts hassling me for eating his food when he chose things I don't usually want. Got to eat, babe. Another member is playing with something in the sink, and there is a lovely green plant on the other counter by that sink closer to me. My teammates are questioning our new guest: the freed prisoner, wondering, as I was if he was a demon. I kept this in the back of mind, but accepted for our current situations that he was at least a useful fighter as he had helped us fight through the beasts and pursuant human group. He was doing his part when it was time for action.

He responds to their questioning with one comment "I am most interested in her." He turns to me and climbs toward me with a determined look on his face of desire; head low, eyes locked on me. I am caught off guard, surprised that he would show such aggressive intentions toward me in front of them and after his combat behavior had already suggested he wanted to contribute to the group. Now in a cool down he jumps at the opportunity to express the darker side that still flows freely through him. He is touching my stomach and waist. Waiting, I suppose, to make a more threatening move toward harm, I realize the intent was seductive, as I am beginning to desire his further touch. I have to pry myself from his hold. After much mental effort and pull away by literally falling off the counter (on my feet) and stumbling to the sink where a group member holds a bag hanging from a netlike handle filled with algae water and what might be little fungus or something the person living here was growing (contradictory to the overall cleanliness and vibrant feel of the apt.). Something had spilled or been thrown at the demon-guy that burned him. The algae water and the mushrooms growing in a sill pot on the side of the sink were his weakness. I took the net and chucked the water at him, not to kill him, but I guess as a warning.

Transitions are unclear. We were having to run from the human group again. Switching between floors to find some safety. All throughout this dream I had been trying to hold open doors until the last possible moment for that last person still catching to us. At the elevator this time, we were too late. The person was caught by the monsters. We had to close the elevator. I had lost someone. At another time we piled hurriedly into a car at the base of this building outside. I only strapped my son in halfway so someone else could jump in quicker and we could get moving. The pursuing group nearly side swiped us from the other direction.

We return to the building. We have secured one area, and we hear word they are coming to this exact spot, but they don't know we are there. We abandon that large room to hide around the corner. I run into a glass room telling my son to hurry up and come inside. He is standing there peaking around the glass door, then without an explanation, turns around toward the other party. "No, no come back here!" My panic is exploding as my loud whispering for him to come back maxes and becomes normal decibel sound I was supposed to keep down or else risk exposing the rest of the group. He walks right past the two guards we had stationed (a woman and our demon-guy) in slow motion . I'm thinking as he walks past our two lookouts "Why aren't they trying to stop him?!" I can't yell the order without giving us all up. He gave himself over, walking right up to their circle and looking up at them. I halt as they look down and notice him. Tears fall from my eyes and I am overcome with loss and failure. What was he doing? Did he just act out of sweetness to say hello to people, running away from me thinking it was a game? Did he somehow know what needed to be done to end the conflict? They still hadn't seen me (their backs were turned away from us). I heard their decision to use him as motivation for us to surrender instead of killing him. He had a chance, there was no point in me sacrificing myself by going after him like this. I turned and ran back to the group. End.

Earlier part where my group and myself are running through dark woods. We are encountered by large wolves (white this time I believe). They are threatening, snarling, surrounding us. Feeling the only way to help us is to flee for help, one of us leaps over some fence or barrier out onto the highway that lies nearby. Semi's and logging trucks travel it frequently. They hitch a ride. What was the purpose of this scene? Supplement about the beasts that were after us? Message being we could not escape, one desparate, solitary remaining person free enough from danger to escape should? I used to wonder why I never dreamt about mammals except domestic dogs and cats.

Analysis: So much of this is so fantastical I have difficulty believing this is all meant to be literal depictions of upcoming events and creatures that exist. Using my questions still as a template for understanding the often confusing and bizarre dreams I have, I acknowledge the reality being portrayed that I will lose people. But my role as leader... Many dreams of leading people to safety, being navigator and feeling their was someone else as leader but not being able to pinpoint who that was. How am I supposed to be a leader? How am I supposed to deal with the feeling of failure when people in my group are lost if I am the leader? The responsibility will eat me up with guilt. I am not meant to be a background pray-er, navigating our decisions in planning while someone else carries out the difficult actions of being a fighter. The only evidence of my magic working was that I wasn't trying to see the effect of the magic, I just believed it was working blindly and despite the attacking leeches, they remained at bay. Only when I tried to see it by focusing through the cloudiness did it fail and the leeches and beasts reach us. But not even an after effect? I couldn't even see residual energy suggesting real magic was emanating from me.

Who was the imprisoned demon-fighter bent on seducing me? It is ideas like that which seep doubt into my faith and into my confidence in myself and my dreams. Did I let him out by giving into him somehow? Why is my partner and I repeatedly shown to live in separate spaces, even if we aren't necessarily separated by relationship? Does he represent something in me or a being in the world at large?

Who were the humans? Why were they hunting us? Was this a transition from the soulless zombies, then to the influenced people that were out to kill me when I was trying to explain that they were being manipulated and only a little girl would hear my message when I veiled myself (the sight of my face became the trigger to turn people onto the plot to kill me that some unknown force was behind ) [other dreams as well, I honestly don't know how I am going to update all my other dreams in any recognizable way for potential readers. One thing at a time I guess.].

How am I supposed to believe the animated possession of our machines? Is this literal or metaphorical? For sake of clarity, let's answer one thing at a time, if possible. Let's start with this one since I have had another dream about angry, possessed animal machines that I thought was on another planet altogether, and because it was closest in answering the question from the previous night's dream. Average people will be clued into the changes by their electronics acting up? What does this have to do with the rainstorm? An electrical storm? How is this cause for them to celebrate??

Update:  Imprisoned demons is a common theme in many religions and mythologies. I am not sure I will be able to figure out which one it was and whether I released him or he was accidentally released or will be released and it hasn't happened yet. Which demons are imprisoned in towers or tall buildings? The game Baldur's Gate (as my partner clued me in on; he is so helpful in guiding my understanding of cultural references and symbols with his vast useless trivia knowledge) was about a tower ruled by angels and divine priests who were actually there to hold the demon in the basement. Another lesser demon was also imprisoned in the tower somewhere, but he was captured later after the tower was already erected for the larger demon. Was the demon fighter, because he was on some random floor in a side room, also a lesser demon? Was the human party trying to keep us out, acting like sentinels? I don't even know how we got in though, and we certainly didn't have the intention to let the demon out. He was tricksy.

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