Feb 24, 2013

Angels Above Us

I am filled with love. My car broke down for the fourth time in the last month yesterday. But it turned out really well. We organized for my dad to come over to the East side where I was staying with Jim's (my partner's) dad. Jim was also up 300 miles from Medford to see us since baby and I have been bouncing around up here for two weeks while he was working at his job down where we live. I was up here working on my book while family daycared. We really needed to see him and the dog. They really needed to see us.

Last post I explained wanting to give something back to Jim's dad and wife for hosting baby and I this last week, occupying Link with fun activities while I worked, making us dinner each night and helping feed Link at breakfast before I left. It really helped me to be in the atmosphere their home creates. I wanted to at least give her flowers as thank you. Stopped by store before we said goodbyes today and debated between which set of flowers to get her:  a bluish arrangement in a pot, or a cut-stemmed bouquet of mixed flowers (less expensive). Needing to hurry, I eventually landed on the bluish arrangement for small reasons that somehow surfaced as important enough to warrant choosing over the other. Turns out, she (Link's grandmother who we have been staying with; wife of Jim's dad) had been wanting hydrangas (???) for a long while and just hadn't brought herself to buy some yet. She said they were better than just a cut stem arrangement (which I was debating over). I was so relieved I was steered enough to choose that set. I asked two nights prior to help me find a set of flowers that would be to her taste, which she would be able to feel appreciated. How amazing that worked out.

My car also ended up only being a couple hour job to fix the problem, and my dad had a lovely sit down dinner with us all at their house (two grandpas in one place). Our dad's got along nicely because his was in engineering, and my dad was a mechanic. Jim's dad was giddy to work a hands on project with automechanics with my dad (according to his wife). "He is loving this!" She said to me. So my misfortune with my car became a great way to bring our families together. It even gave Jim and his dad a chance to go to an autoparts shop together, the first time they had ever done that, which was an amusing thing to them. They thought "Shouldnt a father and son have already done this by now?" Plus, it was good for me to hear someone outside of my family call my dad 'intelligent.' People of their success were impressed by my dad's knowledge and curiosity, as evidenced during dinner conversation when he enlightened us all on the progression of cars from good old mechanics through hydrogen cell, electric, biodiesal fuel, and more. My dad also divulged the sad news that he and my mother are declaring bankruptcy because of their level of debt. Why is this intelligent, generous, hard-working man not employed?? We paid him a nice tip for coming out yet again to help save us money.

I am humbled in the incidents of the last few days and weeks how much our genuine requests for specific assistance paired with trust and love and submission with the proper amount of effort and consideration and karmic return can yield supernatural results. We have beings watching over us. I know I lose faith in their presence a lot because I get caught up in whats only in front of me, but when I submit and honestly ask for what I am reasonably searching for, the circumstances arrange for it to be carried out. I felt incredibly supported and loved that here we are outside in the drawing cold of the setting sun, my partner (up for only a couple nights), my sister, my dad, both grandparents we were staying with all contributing to fix my car. It was a beautiful display of family and cooperation and coming together. For a while now I have been realizing how much the isolated setup of family units apart from any sense of close-knit community allows feelings of depression and separation to fester. There is no drive to uphold propriety and face if there is no family or others to impress. Without motivation to measure up to their standard for themselves, I too easily fall into habits of sleeping in late, making excuses for myself, missing out on chances for interaction, complaining. Knowing my partner's family is watching, I want to show them I am a good mother and partner and have interesting ideas to put out into the world. Then because I am willing this good side, I inspire the feelings attached to it. I become patient, relaxed, attentive, motivated, choosey about which feelings I express openly and thus reinforce. By imitating the characteristics I want to emphasize to others about myself, I have been reinforcing those feelings.

I needed a check on my patience and my tendency to complain and it starts with how I got up in the morning. No more sleeping in. Get up early, make breakfast for family, send Jim off to work, dress, take baby to childcare (the biggest change I've decided to make, investing/budgeting for parttime childcare), writing and walking Odin, then rest of day, baby down early. I used to survive on six hours of sleep, I can get enough if I get myself on a more reasonable schedule. What I've done before was working for a time, but now I need a new routine. We also are changing our mattress. I forgot that maybe our mattress may be contributing to why I don't wake rested and my injury aches and I'm so tired.

There are Watchers up there caring for us when we ask with genuine humility and honesty. Stop frantically searching for your keys. Pause, close your eyes and calm down. Now ask "Please help me remember where my keys are. I am late and I need to find them quickly." And trust. The answer will come to you. It is circuitry built into the fabric of the universe. It is telepathy with a universal knowledge source that connects us with all moments in time of ourselves and others so we might find the information we seek for proper handling of the physical moment, a plane of existence different from the others in how we perceive time and life. We can manipulate time. It revolves around us, not us existing along it. I wish to bask in this feeling of faith and comfort so I might reinforce it as a standard for myself.

Feb 22, 2013


Last night, I pondered what I could do to express my appreciation to Link's grandparents for taking us in and letting me work while they cared for him. They are mentoring and supporting this other family in poverty in the area to keep the kid in school for a chance at a better life than what he's in now. Issues with the mom have been concerning them, and they don't know what more they can do. Of course I would like to be able to do something for that family to ease their concerns and reward them for their compassion, but I didn't know what to recommend, even though I am familiar with that scenario from my own childhood experiences. I asked for a clear indication of which type of flowers would express my appreciation to them, and I thought very purely about wanting to return their help.

Dream: I take leadership of a group of peers struggling with achieving their basic education and being disciplined in their choices. It became a classroom which I was stepping in to teach. I had a different approach from what had been going on here. My goal was to get these young adults to graduate, but more so, to create cooperation and support for one another, or so it turned out. I walked in declaring change, those who have a problem can leave. One person, then two more, than half the class left. We were going to get them back. One female student was discouraged, thinking it was pointless since everyone else thought so. I grabbed her shoulders and explained to her that education is not easy, it requires work, that someone like me didn't just breeze through to a degree, that I managed excellent grades in high school and college because I worked my ass off, and I come from poverty like they do. Assignments were those remaining students would go to the peers who left and instill in them a hope and dedication for taking control of the change they want in their lives. The student I shook was renewed, and became determined to help out her comrades by bringing them back to the promise I offered to teach.

My teeth started falling out. I tried to hold them in, continuing to communicate somehow with the students in our various organizing efforts (was not a sit down approach, was hands-on). Blood and pieces of my teeth were breaking off into my mouth. I held them in hoping my gums would mold back over them and hold them in place, which they did sometimes. I still coordinated, but with limited verbal communication, struggling through even if it meant I lose all my teeth.

Analysis: Did I somehow help the kids my son's grandparents try to help through my dream? Am I working in my dreams? Is there affect on the conditions of the physical world through dream events? I will still get her flowers as an immediate physical gesture, but maybe I helped the other way I knew would have relieved them as well, even if they never realize it. I am just glad to have been the vessel of identifying an area where help is needed and been offered a role of change. I don't know what I could do in the physical world to combat this problem since my time is monopolized with writing the book and caring for my son. Dreams allow us to do other necessary work we want to do but logically don't have the resources or time for, or at least let us pretend we have done something helpful. I hope, if I can't, that it at least leads other able persons to carry out that work. I may have contributed by putting the solution as thought waves out in the world. Hopefully someone picks it up (likely without realizing where the inspiration came from).

Update on previous post's topic: I believe I have discovered why the particular race of Reptilians genetically removed emotion out of their DNA, because their emotions were so intense and difficult to control, that they thought it would be easier to remove them, but in so doing removed the ability to feel love as well. Consider the Romulans as faction broken off from the Vulcan race (Star Trek). This still doesn't make sense. The Romulans allowed their intense emotions to run rampant, rather than try to control them, while the Vulcans, the peaceful ones, worked to suppress emotion. There was also a subset of Vulcans who learned to control, rather than suppress their emotions, that led to some indulging in telepathic manipulation. Roddenberry may have adjusted some of the truth to fit the main change of humans being the galactic federation (a good move for perspective and relatability).

Feb 20, 2013

Old Celtic and Mayan Components

(Originally Published 2/20/13)

Mayan creation myth in the Popul Vuh says the Heart of Sky god made man from clay at first, but he would not multiply and crumbled, so next he made them of wood. In Auvergne around a spring was discovered more than 5000 wood figures of the old Celtics, another 200 in the River Seine, others in Lake Geneva, the British Isles. Some are just heads, some are bodies depicting the organs, other are heads on top of one another like a totem pole without details. Ritual shafts are prevalent throughout old Celtic territories which held various objects, including wooden figures, buried down in sections. Source is "The Druids" by Stuart Piggott.

There was a plate found in one of these shafts depicting a figure drowning a victim in a tub as sacrifice to a Gaulish god. Prisoners of war are sacrificed by cutting their throat over a cauldron (pg 77-8).

My abduction dream featured the tall blonde woman with a hooked nose and warts. Sound familiar? She perhaps called her ship to pick me up where I was addressed by a frog-like being behind a cloudy panel (see Abduction post). Were they descendents from the classic pagan witch and frog familiar? There is definitely some interesting correlations I am discovering from that experience. And was the second alien with the floppy nose like Watto from Star Wars who cut out my throat, was he a descendent from one of the gods depicted as well?

From the mythological text on Maya I noted last post, there is an image laying out a slew of different gods. Two of them I was drawn to, one is a tall female god with a crooked nose and long chin and was suggested to be a fertility goddess because she is often depicted with many male figures around her, another was simply what the authors referred to as a 'frog god' because of his long fingers with bulbous tips like a frog. The female goddess I saw in my dream who shapeshifted from a large bird to a woman explained that she handles private matters for her clients work which I classified as being that of an escort. These were members of the same races as those two gods depicted on that list of gods! (An Illustrated Dictionary of the Gods and Symbols of Ancient Mexico and the Maya, by Miller and Taube).

The magic, the knowledge of raised earth focusing energy, of bismuth or phosphate in clay-mud being able to regulate field of the body, ideas of immortal soul, Isis; am I being contacted by the descendents of humanity's ancient ancestors? In particular as of late, there are elements of Ancient Maya, Egyptian, and Celtic. Perhaps I am their responsibility. My blood is English, Native American, and Polish (to name the main ones). There are many symbols of Egyptian mythology found in Mayan and Celtic mythologies. The Ankh for instance is seen in many ancient cultures.

I also repeatedly see a blonde male who I have a strong attraction to. I have wondered if he is my Twin Flame, as the Galactics suggest. We depend on each other back and forth. Once he was running from two beings after a mission. I knew he needed help but he didn't want to endanger me, and so kept me in the dark about what was happening to him. In another dream a blonde male is training me to defend against an invading tarantula army. I was on a mission with him in another one, and he looks remarkably familiar in the dreams, then I forget who he is or what his name was when I wake. I have spent so much time at night trying to remember his name, which was so clear to me before in the dream state. He is not a depiction of my ideal. Feature wise he was the opposite of what I always imagined, which threw me off. This can't be the dark haired imaginary friend I have known my whole life. I haven't seen him in a couple weeks, I don't think. Wonder what he's been doing.

He does however support my connection to that other blonde haired shapeshifting woman though. I like the idea of figuring out from which race(s) I originate from. Perhaps there are clues as to why I experience some of the strange things I do. Different humans have different natural abilities and inclinations. Is there a genetic component that refers back to which alien races' DNA we have most of? Might also explain why I have had dreams set in Arthurian times.

Now what about water. This might seem radical to an outside viewer, and rationally from an academic point of view it does to me as well, but I am beginning to suspect I have a deeper connection to water than just a 'like' of it. I may be a water goddess! Well, okay. I mean that my dreams may be telling me I have an intuitive and commanding relationship with water. Not that I am part frog or anything, but there is grander picture here including that woman and that frog alien, and all the water dreams. Is it possible to unknowingly be part of a cult? Why is it my sister Laura dreams about dry, desert places and teachers with turbans, and underground labyrinths. Are she and I not derived from the same ancestral species? Why have I never dreamed of Middle Eastern countries? There have been desert settings, but from California and New Mexico (and one I haven't placed) and islands, not overseas continents.

What about the reptiles though, or the tiger? What does my empathy with them mean? We might just be a hodge-podge of DNA from all different types of aliens by now.

Feb 19, 2013

Zombies and Souls

The night of Feb. 17th/18th I experienced another zombie dream, which I haven't had for some weeks. But for now I wish to discuss my findings from library research and to record my thoughts on connections I'm exploring before I carry on to other non-related research for my book.

In Haitian culture, at least up to the 1980's, zombis were thick in local lore. My research is from a book "The Serpent and the Rainbow" by Wade Davis. Through magic, a targeted person's soul would be pulled from its body to hover (still tethered) around the body until which time it could be captured, or returned to the body. In many early cases, victims were pronounced dead and buried alive or kidnapped by mysterious secret groups in the night and the victim would later be found wandering aimlessly days later (reminisces of a classic alien abduction). The catatonic state Davis reported was biochemically produced by a tetrodotoxin which simulates the appearance of death. People were terrified not about being harmed by a zombi, but about becoming one and being buried alive. The zombi, then, by vodoun practice is a body without an intact soul. In common ritual of vodoun practitioners, spirits are welcomed in to temporarily occupy the body of the participant who is inducing a trance state through exhaustive dance with the help of drumming and singing by others. But that is voluntary. Being forcibly pushed out of one's body by a curse (contact with poison powder) eliminates the element of control the person has over what happens to their soul or body. An empty body may be, in rare cases, occupied by a wandering or summoned (not sure which) malevolent spirit who could wreak havoc with a vessel.

This is what I see. I do not see decaying flesh zombies rising from true death, they are vicious, evil spirits incarnate . People who were lost in the dream were not torn apart for a hunger to eat the flesh, but to occupy it. I got the sense they were turned, and it was important they didn't touch you. 

Would we not always be vulnerable to these spirits when we sleep? Are we fighting off these spirits as souls while our body rests in the dream state? We fight for to protect our rightful claim to our bodies from these invading spirits? Do they ever win in taking over our bodies while we are asleep? What do they want to do in the physical realm with our bodies? Why are comatose patients with nothing wrong with their bodies (which would make the body unfit to carry a soul) not constantly taken over by these spirits? Are they only trying to occupy certain people? People of power and ability, bodies with advantageous skills. The truth then, comparing notes from my abduction and zombie dreams, is that our souls can be summoned, stolen, manipulated in the dream realm, and can be forcibly evacuated from the body if it suits someone's interests.

The two stories of the people who were cursed by the poison and abducted, whom Davis spoke about in his book, were outcasts and bothersome to others. It was suggested they were being judged before secret councils as the reason for their kidnappings. These societies, one of which is known as the Grey Pigs (for some reason this feels significant to me...) are known to eat flesh, conduct night time rituals to the spirits, their symbol is a coffin, they wear black and red uniforms, are extremely secretive and will punish members who break their code of conduct.

Are these cults run or inspired by the same beings that harvest blood in cattle mutilations? Are they related to the zombi idea? There is certainly an alien race that feeds off of (or absorbs rather) blood. Do they also eat flesh? What would be the purpose nutritionally or symbolically for a species to eat flesh? These are different, they have physical bodies, why would they need to steal a human one to occupy?

Mythology as History of Different ET Species
Symbology of Ancient Maya depicts warrior groups of the Jaguar (or Tigers as is the Mayan word tigre, but the image depicts a Jaguar) and Eagles, who served the Sun God and represent night and day respectively. (An Illustrated Dictionary of the Gods and Symbols of Ancient Mexico and the Maya, by Mary Miller and Karl Taube, pg 183). The Eagle along with the Serpent of course being commonly expressed in mythologies around the world throughout all of history. There is also the Insect and Ant people of Native American lore. Certain alien races seeded different regions of the world, perhaps creating the different races of humans. The different mythologies, say the polytheistic ones, may have been accurate in that that regions gods were the guiding extraterrestrial/extra-dimensional group of beings assigned to them at that time. Many of these groups may have been allied with the same higher organization carrying out their individual missions with the people of Earth. If many of them had animal features, it would stand to reason that many species have been influencing our planet's people. Mythologies tell stories of struggles between the gods for power, engaging in matters much like our own disputes. The difference with the gods though, is they command great powers and mystical objects, and a deep understanding about harnessing natural forces of the universe.

What better way to establish peaceful relations with a new people than by the old custom of combining genetics both as a symbol of unity and literally as a unification. Warring nations would marry their prince and princess to unite their kingdoms. Our alien ancestors however, may have beaten us to the punch by combining their DNA with the primitive species of man already developing on Earth. That way we never had a chance to war over differences because we are by genetics related. Each mythology's and religion's origin story can be true in this sense. And before man, various cultures of different ET species lived for a time on our planet. But was there constant manipulation of different species or one cooperation of species or only one species that created homo sapiens? Many mythologies talk about the raising of the lands up from the water, that this planet was a giant ocean. This rearranging took place by giant creatures, like Tiamat the serpent water goddess for instance who separated the earth and sky.

Were some malevolent spirit beings denied the claim to a body in the physical creation? They are the ones selfishly clawing for a hold in the physical realm, and some have always managed to find a way in. Were the Dragons who programmed emotion and love out of their DNA (according to adepts from the Galactic Federation) manipulated by these vicious spirits and given a way in by occupying these reptilian bodies? Still missing something... These spirits could very well be the followers of Satan identified in the Bible, not the Dragons as I have thought them to be (or perhaps they are one in the same) . So how did the Dragons come to the decision to remove emotion, who are the blood-absorbing race, and are the malevolent spirits ever succeeding in taking over bodies or do they already have command of zombi slaves (soulless bodies controlled remotely from the spirit realm)?

Misc notes:  Quetzacoatl is one example of a feathered serpent, suggesting a time when the serpent and eagle races were one and not divided. The name actually translates to emerald plumed serpent and was first depicted with a rattle snake. Not a being.. a personified way of explaining symbolically complex forces?

Feb 16, 2013

Familial Link

Our consciousness' may be linked. Studies have shockingly shown this. My sister Michelle has been having very similar dreams. She felt the need to be with family again because of her dreams, like I had. She dreams about grocery stores. She gets the sense that something drastic is coming, that there will be changes that could perhaps be accompanied or triggered by natural disasters. She also saw zombies. We discussed at length the theories I have and compared our sense of what each theme meant. Here is where we landed:

Grocery stores - important locations, they are where we get our food and necessities. Galactic beings will likely require free access of quality foods to all socio-economic classes. Major change will begin here.

Zombies - not everyone will be able to absorb the new energy, they may be moved either to a new location or new body. There may be undead body containers that are perfect vessels for dark forces to control. They may need to be eliminated from being abused for dark purposes.

Family - stressing the importance of being with those closest to you, those you trust and can depend on, resolving unfinished business. Family, for us at least, will be a dependable unit for managing the changes.

Ho! Just thinking about the fact that these changes may begin while I am already up here (how fate has arranged for me to be), and I don't have all my clothes from home. I have had many thrift store dreams that now may make sense, telling me I can get replacement clothing from thrift stores. Absolutely crazy how some things come together.

What about animals? Will our domestic animals continue to live with us? Will Odin stay with us?

Laura has elsewhere to be though. Her dreams are not like ours. Her mission will be elsewhere.
I never see her in my dreams. Where will my mother be? What will happen to her? She is only ever in my dreams in a state of denial. She will have difficulty accepting the changes. Will she be set free from this body and this life? She would want to still look after her family somehow though. I've seen her as a spry, lovely little nymph that shows me the way through the maze on a lake. She will still help, but in a happier way than as she is now.

Consciousness Abduction

Edited October 20th, 2017

[Note: The connotation I associate to this experience changed a couple months later as I developed a curiosity and understanding of the beings I encountered. My initial reaction was one of distress and confusion. I was so disturbed by the experience I woke up and immediately needed to draw. I found crayons and paper and drew three images (poorly, I might add) from the experience.

Although I've titled this experience as an Abduction, I must iterate for myself that I did state a readiness for such an encounter. Perhaps there was some amount of complicity in it.

First was a lucid dream where I met the shape-shifting blonde, eagle woman and saw a UFO scanning the trees. Then, I awoke in a different body not my own aboard an alien ship. I cannot highlight this enough. My consciousness was transferred to a clone-like, weak body which I awoke into.]


Most significant dream experience I've had in a while. Shocking, and disturbing.
My morning was extremely difficult fighting with my toddler's refusal to accept I cannot nurse him as much as he wants. I felt helpless, second guessing, as I have been this entire trip in Portland to work on my book, if coming up here was a good idea. But I must get my book done. He misses his dad so much. I miss having him put the kid to bed to help me wean. He can't nurse if I'm not in the room (I would sleep on the couch most nights). I'm embarrassed. His other grandparents and aunt want to take him out to the zoo on the weekend and I am nervous he will throw a tantrum the whole time.

A degree in psychology, experience as a child care worker, raising my own sisters, you'd think I would know a thing or two about this, but I am exhausted! I took a nap at noon, too upset and tired to work today. And this is what happened...

Feb 11, 2013

Hunger and Freedom

Night Feb. 9/10th 2013

Before bed the night before I was distraught. The aftermath of three low-grade fevers with aches and pains has left me extremely fatigued. I worried I have something more serious. I considered infection. Ruling out a few options based on symptoms though, I relented (much to my own relief) that I was still recovering from the flu. Others in this area have reported taking months to fully heal. Hopefully it won't be that long, but at least I don't have to worry just yet about my quick fatigue being a symptom of a more serious condition. I just need to take it easy a while longer.

Dream: With a group/team. We are armed, in a town with dirt roads. An infiltrating, vagabond force led by a beast of a man is threatening the peaceful, meek people of the town. We are a small force of capable men and women, no more than 4 or 5 adults. Again, I am not the leader, but am a key motivating force in the group. I throw a sword to a teammate, and instruct them to protect the townsfolk, that we will do what we can even if we die in the process (a real possibility considering the size of the their force compared to ours), but we were not about to surrender to their tyranny. I take down a few, fighting out of direct sight of the rest of my team. Where is my team? They should be blasting through the opposing force looting and trashing the shops and houses in the square. I saved a young girl. Not seeing my team, hearing my name called, I suspect a problem. I put her into a house and lock the door, telling her to stay put and keep low. I rush to where I left my team expecting them to be fighting, and I just over-estimated how long it would take them. Instead, they were tied up, and surrounded. I was outmatched one to a hundred. I drop my sword in surrender at the order of our male leader. The opposing force's leader made a display of greeting me to the rest of my comrades in time to witness their execution.

I slither around his back, gripping his shoulders and whispering to him, trying to appeal to his sense of reasoning with a plan he might enjoy. "Wouldn't it be more entertaining to display our execution for the town to see." He found that would be pleasing, but not enough to provide time for us to concoct an escape plan. He gave the signal to proceed. I acted quickly, attacking in desperation at the leader, wrapping my legs around his neck and wrestling him. But I was small compared to his 7 ft minimum body and thick limbs (imagine Bane from Batman). He barely struggled. I paused, seeing the futility of my effort to win over him physically. Instead, as I have done in many of my dreams, I offer myself in exchange for their safety. I would be his willing slave if they were freed and given all the comforts they desired. He agreed. My team yelled their disagreement to my sacrifice. I ignored their shouts. I gave myself over knowing I was handing away my freedom. I fell emotionless, but fulfilled my obligation dutifully.
Suddenly, three of us are being led around in a pristine, and white hotel/spa. A female and male from my team are guided to private rooms by beautiful escorts of their preferred sex. They will be pleasured. My teammates go willingly, if not excitedly. They are surprised that the bargain is being honored. I enter my room. A deformed blob of tissue and fat awaits me in a glowing bathtub. I sigh, remembering what I agreed. 'This will be my life' I think to myself, trying to accept my unfortunate reality, but also in mourning. The blob resembles Jabba from Star Wars, but smaller and peach skinned with red blemishes everywhere. It appeared to be a failed experiment that retained life. I treated it with understanding. I performed my duty well. It thought of me fondly. It explained that it was actually comprised of two beings, a feminine name was the other one. In trying to understand how it was possible for two personalities to occupy the same physical matter without being a psychological disorder, I described how a twin will sometimes absorb the other baby in the womb. It agreed that was the closest explanation that made sense. But rather, they both tried to absorb each other and both failed, resulting in a kind of siamese twin effect in which neither body completed formation. So it didn't resemble a human being in any way. I mostly spoke with it, surprised it had not been more demanding that we engage sexually, as was promised with my deal. I came to sympathize with it.

Later scene in same sequence: We are on the run. Night. Stopping at a shitty hotel. Manager paints the couch white to cover up ripped cushions, but the brush strokes are obvious. My master has grown to trust me. Its shape is different, looks more human now. Small, thin man. He is running from something. Tells me he must get something and will return. I say "What would stop me from just running away?" He doesn't answer me. Doesn't believe I will leave. He goes. I stay. I don't feel right leaving. I contemplate the absurdity of my hesitation. He was too familiar. Where would I go anyway? All I knew was being his companion. The doors were wide open. No physical barrier stood in my way. I just had to choose to leave.

Next scene: In a raised house. Lovely display of foods. There was a party. A celebration hosted by my 5/6th grade school teacher. Tall windows makeup the walls of the top floor loft. Balcony. House is white. Getting dark. Time for people to leave. I am hungry, but too shy to ask for one of the untouched leftover cakes. I stare at it as we move from the balcony to the kitchen and toward the stairs. The hosts are cleaning up as they talk about the party to us. They are about to wrap the cake up, saying it wasn't popular and maybe should just be tossed. But it looked beautiful to me because it could be free delicious food. One of them asked us all "Is there anything you want to take with you?" Everyone said no. I shyly said "I wouldn't mind a slice of that cake." I don't think they heard me. All I needed to do was ask louder. My opportunity was disintegrating. I was losing my nerve to ask again as my group was pushing down the stairs.

Analysis: FREEDOM! CAKE!! Freedom from my baby. Sweet relief for a hunger I have felt for so long. The option to leave my obligation is available, and I resist leaving because I grew fond of my slave master. The opportunity to relieve my hunger (publish my book, feed my soul by providing for my family and have my own means to pay my loans and travel, etc.) will become available if I ask loud enough. It is comforting to think that such an opportunity will present itself, a sweet deal. But is cake really what I should be eating when I'm hungry? At the time, it was food and was good enough. It would have satisfied the immediate hunger and been oh so tasty.

Today was the first day I was able to put in a regular work day on my book. I'm hoping I can start to muster the patience I need to enjoy my toddler now that I have this time away. Only the first day though, so I will give myself some time. Need to be patient with myself first, I suppose. On the weekends or every few days I need to dedicate to taking him out for some fun. His birthday is this friday. Trip to the zoo, and real cake!

Feb 10, 2013


 Night of Feb. 8/9th 2013

Dream: Strange. Ghost skull king is what I called him. He wore a crown. He had a faint glow, ethereal quality. Face looked like a decomposed mummy. Wore rags that were wispy. Carried a long sword. Usually he was full-height, but at one point he (as a spirit) occupied a large hollow coin (wheel?) that rolled along a tube. He was saying "Excuse me. I'm trying to roll through." We were friendly toward one another.

A mentor showed me three clay pots, all blue (2 royal blue, 1 pale, gray blue). Some rebellious part of me or some other unknown force threw them and shattered them. I felt the dread of "Oh no, now I have a mess to pick up." The mentor instructed me to pick them up. It became a puzzle mystery. Staring at the area where the pots were thrown and heard shatter, I notify whatever power was controlling the imagery of the dream out loud "We can't see the shards. You have to show us the shards." There was a glitch, then the shards, already in place all appeared at once scattered around the floor. That's better. Hologram malfunction? What a rare glimpse!

Mentor shows me a shard inside the closet mimicking the one in the room I am staying in real life. I am thankful, I would never have found that one. We put two large pieces together to make part of a butterfly. He was also looking for his shoes at some point.

Analysis: Who was the Skull King? Felt very ancient.
When I woke, I noticed there is a painted blue butterfly on the inside rim of the closet I sleep next to. That is where I would get shoes. I took that as a sign to wear slippers, keep my feet warm if I am to fight off this cold (poor heating where I am staying). Will the other two pots symbolize other ways to help me get better? Are the random contents of my dreams just that, randomized, and I am the one who takes that material and creates something with them?

Urban Jungle

Night of Feb.  7/8th 2013

Dream: Very little dialogue. Climbing acrobatically in and around bridges, some hundreds of feet in the air. Dark, but can see the objects clearly. I've had similar dream like this before. Conquering fear and doubt training perhaps. I wake amazed that I did those things. How is that me? Settings feel like real life in dreams, why is it we would react so differently to a situation in a dream compared to how we suspect we would in the physical realm?

Analysis: Difficult feats of confidence and ability are easy in my dreams. I know it is possible. How amazing are the powers of belief, knowing, trust, and faith in accomplishing anything we wish and need. There is still a major barrier in this existence though that prevents us from awakening these abilities outside the dream state. I find it difficult to explain to people the concept of imagination being reality when opposites are unified. The lower vibrational existence of this realm makes all manner of things in a perpetual state of incompleteness. Dualities, in a higher vibration, are experienced in unity, not as disparate. So in the dream state, when you ask a question, the answer will come almost immediately as a knowing, a verbal answer from a character or invisible narrator, or as a visual morphed into the imagery of the dream. We must be willing to ask!

Many people tell me about nightmares where they behave as though they have no say in what is happening, they feel powerless, afraid. I encourage them to trust in the safety of it being only a dream and ask for a safe haven. Eventually, you will be able to create whatever you can imagine directly into the scene. Dreams are cluing us into the nature of of imagination. What we defer to, whether fear, love, faith, or doubt, is what we create. And there are parasitic creatures that feed off of our incomplete negative emotions that will strive to keep us feeling that way so they have a source of sustenance.

Family and Other Influencing Forces

I'm convinced. Some force was testing me. Did not want me to get up to Portland to work on my book. Two-three weeks ago while down with the flu, I decided the answer to my desire to get my career started was to have my family up north watch my son while I worked a regular 6-8 hr day on my book until it is finally done. I would leave of course when I was well enough.

Day before I aim to leave, my car breaks down. Figure after a couple days trying to fix it that I would have to take it into the shop (replace the alternator). Day before I am to take it in, my partner's car breaks down. His is a reliable car, so this felt random enough. We had to get towed after an hour waiting in the cold. A wonderful tow guy gets us home hours later, tows the car to his shop and schedules to have it fixed the following morning, and gives us a discount. Tewdell's towing, thank you! Friendly guy too. So my partner takes my car (running, but not safe for a long travel) to work.

His car is ready the next morning, but I end up ill again with fever from being out in the cold so long (still wasn't recovered fully from the flu). Few more days go by to break recurring fever. Rescheduled my appointment to take my car into the shop, didn't feel right to reschedule again. Pushed myself to take it in with my son on decent behavior. Yay, car's fixed finally! I can go I leave two days later.

Of course, though, the forces hell bent on delaying me decide to again strike. Mid-drive, acceleration goes out. I have no choice but to turn on my flashers and park onto the side of the freeway. I'm 60 miles from my destination. Sun is setting. I'm out $600 already on car repairs this month, so can't afford a $70+ tow (again). I call my father to come tow my ass the rest of the way. I also call my partner, "Believe me yet that something doesn't want me to get up here and finish my book?!" Two and a half hours we wait in the cold of the car. I bundle us up in double layers of clothing. Soon there is nothing more for us to do but sleep and conserve our energy. My little two year old is snuggled between my legs against my chest sucking me for warmth.

[Just permit me to complain at this point.] Another hour and a half for my dad and sister to makeshift a trailer and wench into a towing apparatus. A slow ride the rest of the way, but I was happy to be in a warm vehicle at 9pm.

Not only did I fall ill yet again from being stuck in the cold, but my car needed another fixing. Luckily my dad was a mechanic and was able to fix the engine parts without too much hassle. What a life-saver he is! I found a new appreciation for my family throughout this ordeal. They helped without expectation of payment. Two days braving the cold and bending around with his bad back and aching knees to get me home and get my car working (he's retired, but without the nice retirement package that usually comes with that declaration; they survive on SSI and credit). Despite how frustrated I felt about everything, and caring for a toddler sick, my appreciation for them is renewed. I'm intent on changing my general attitude about them.

I used to focus on how dysfunctional their relationships were within the household, how unmotivated everyone is about finding work or cleaning up the clutter of the house or getting involved with people in the community like joining a club or a finding a hobby. They're very paranoid. They are what they are though, I suppose, and they are definitely there when you need them. They put their energy forward where it really counts. I'm realizing why they are such a recurring theme in my dreams. They would do better in a survival scenario than most. They know the in's and out's of how the system fails its citizens. These are the people who would benefit the most from the Nesara redistribution. Their lives have been a constant struggle to just keep food in the house. Perhaps this sounds egotistical, but maybe their true purpose for the major changes to come will be support. If I am to lead in any capacity, I would certainly benefit from their support. As well, I fantasize being able to provide them relocation to a new house with adequate space for them all. One without mold growing in every corner, breaking boards, poor insulation, central heating and air, someplace worth keeping clean.

They have been excellent with my son. The burden of feeling like the sole caregiver are considerably eased. Having raised five children helps. I have five capable, experienced nanny's here whom are tickled to help.

When my car broke down on my way up, it stopped me facing a rainbow. I found the promise in all the breakdowns, both mechanical, emotional, and physical. I need to improve my relationships with my family in order to ascend. I cooked my dad a lovely, healthy dinner as thank you, and paid him for the gas.

Feb 7, 2013

Perspective Shift

Night of Feb 5/6th 2013
Dream: So much water! In a warm climate on beach front. Small, broken down shack. Windows and doors open. Water is rising. Beginning to leak in our open front door. Person I'm with dismisses it saying it will only recede now. She (my mother again, it felt like) mops up the area at the front of the door. Something odd about the delay by which the water was coming into the house. The water level was a good half foot above the level of the entrance, but only a slow, thin amount at the bottom was flooding in. According to the physics of time and space and gravity, it should have been moving in much faster and in greater quantity. Suddenly water is filling the room. We are running out of space at the ceiling to gather air before we are trapped in a box of water. We concede we have to escape.

Next scene from this, driving in a full car with a few friends now excited to survive a life of adventure on the go. Daring, our driver heads straight to where a peninsula is supposed to be; want to see the water's edge. Shocking, we all exclaim "Where is the peninsula?" "The water flooded it! It rose that high." Water seemed calm, never actually seemed stormy. Perspective pans out so that I am viewing the car my dream self is in from out above the ocean. Not sure what purpose this served. 

In a stream, fall asleep in stream, curl up and doze. Can breathe fine, like a pocket of air extends down in front of my face. I am not completely immersed. Awake with the feeling I have been irresponsible, that Link (my son) has been left unsupervised in a river. I look down the river and see a figure doing somersaults in the water. Panic that it is Link. Didn't start out as behavior declaring help, but became so. When I arrived, he had already fallen unconscious. What if I couldn't resusitate him? I knew though that this was dream state rules, so even though I felt superficially the desperation and grief of the possibility that he may not wake, I knew within that he would wake because it was a dream and I willed him to be okay. There was not an actual resusitation. The scene simply moved on. Maybe I passed the test?

iPad-like device was possessed. An intelligence living in or as the device was trying its hardest to scare me with a game it insisted I play. I'm in an old house with part of roof missing in one room. Call for Jim to show him the game, and to also calm my spooks on edge from the game. Didn't want to admit it really was getting to me. No answer. Where was he? Nervousness. Can I keep up this charade? Will the evil device win?

Return with group of same age men and women. We all want a shower. Only one shower room. A few women immediately begun to prep for their showers. A line of of mostly the men stood at the entrance. Before they could turn the corner to see the undressing few who led the pack to arriving first, the issue learned from my previous dream inspired me to take control. I turned and told everyone we should do each sex separately. Women would start. "Well that's not fair." I anticipated. Need solution. "We'll start this time, next time we do this much activity, the guys start and so we'll just rotate back and forth who showers first." They agreed. I shoed them out the door. Everyone was satisfied. I devised a quick compromise based on the immediate situation. What was before a pointing out of my arrogance with forcing my vision of an equal, respectful way of interaction onto others not remotely ready to follow such a change was identified as being resolved with this scene of the dream.

Analysis: For reference, I love water. I birthed in water, I love swimming, and have a weird desire where I become so mentally thirsty to be enveloped in water while drinking pure clean water that I imagine being water. I want it to fill and flow through my body like I am a being of pure water identifiable by only a human outline.

However, I am beginning to wonder if the dreams of flooding are metaphors for when I am overanalyzing, when I am flooding an issue. Can it be both? Because it has been rather uplifting believing I have prophetic ability.  If dreams work like how the shower scenes worked, in that another chance will be granted to determine if my approach has changed,. What am I supposed to do with those flooding dreams? I ruin a peaceful moment with worry, as what was illustrated with the river napping turned shameful for irresponsibly letting myself have a nap when I should have been watching Link. I figured it was a warning to not doze off so much and let him do his own thing unsupervised, like I tend to do in the mornings. Perhaps though the trick is "believe whatever brings you to a state of ecstatic joy and by fulfilling your truths, you will not have the need for a self-improvement dream.

I imagine my spirit guides are rather frustrated with me. 'How many times must we show her that for humans to achieve a higher vibrational consciousness, we must accept that we have the power to create and manipulate time, events, and what we used to consider separate: reality and imagination?' How many times before I believe that enough to imagine myself finishing my book in record time, feeling rejuvenated about my future career, finding the right attributes and knowledge I need to demand my book be published and myself represented by quality professionals that will take my message seriously and help me toward success.Why does doubt rule over me? Probably because I let it. My greatest weakness I think, but has been my strength in some ways, allowing me to see things from both sides, and know in and out how it accumulates in a person's soul.

I've only been pointing out the negative possible interpretations of these dreams. Maybe they were in answer to last night's questions. Where can I find the right mud? On a warm coast, or in a soothing stream that makes me sleepy. I can't let the evil device win! Also, another example of machines imbued with life. Is it possible for a machine to have free will? Aren't humans biological machines? Is there so much of a difference? If the soul originates from a source, then unless a soul can occupy a machine (something that has been suggested many time in my dreams actually through many different examples), a machine can only imitate and execute programmings without true awareness.

Feb 6, 2013

Natural Methods

Morning of Feb. 5th 2013

After researching and pondering about the relationship and possible uses of bismuth and phosphate (which phosphate is the question), I napped briefly to be given a simply, plain vision.

Dream: Instructions with visual of myself covering my body in a thick, beige mud-like material. The knowing was granted to me (meaning there was no source of the information that was represented visually in the dream, it just came into my mind from a source other than myself) that it was one of those two materials (bismuth or phosphate, leaning toward bismuth) and that it was to improve conductivity.

Analysis: Now I don't know if this implies a form of healing, a way to allow clearer telepathic communication, but I do believe it is an as yet unrecognized simple organic method involving magnetism. By encasing the body in an aqueous, diamagnetic material... what occurs? This feels related to the water enigma. In a recent dream (posted), two at a time had to tread in a particular area of the lake. When immersed in water, perhaps at a sweet spot in line with Earth's magnetic grid, are our bodies sanctified? Purified? Healed? If it was phosphate, slathering a aqueous salt mixture would dehydrate the skin. Sounds like mummification. Real mummy skin, done properly by the ancient civilizations had (perhaps superstitiously more than reality) healing properties. I know this is widely abhorred today, but the practice existed and we cannot ignore the reports of people at those times. The theory was that the elaborate care of the corpse and placement in step pyramids imbued the body with near magical properties.

Bismuth can be found in pure quantities as a powder to make a kind of mud with, but I suspect the mud was primarily a different material with a significant percentage of the mud's makeup being bismuth. Mud baths supposedly help remove toxins from the body, improve the skin's appearance, relieves pain and inflammation (something I seriously need for my back from breastfeeding, and for an old injury flare).

This is very intriguing if it is related to healing. Does the process enhance the effectiveness of the healing when at a sweet spot in the Earth's geomagnetic field? Do crop circles point us to sweet spots? Where can I find the appropriate material to use? Or, if the water healing theory is also correct, where is the closest water to me at one of Earth's geomagnetic sweet spots? Perhaps this would relabel the benefits of a kind of mud bath. What percentage of bismuth must be in the mud? The limestone of the pyramids used 20%. Was it a phosphate mud with a percentage of bismuth? Does it matter? Please give me more details regarding this subject I am very curious, especially since we have been ill the last couple weeks. What is a time frame to leave it on? Until it dries? Clarify for me if I am misinterpreting this dream.

Feb 5, 2013

Add Phosphate to the Equation

Night of Feb. 2nd/3rd 2013

Dream: In a classroom with students whom are training with the military. I am a guest of Chris. Apparent to me the kind of personality type of these students being in military school. Competitiveness, confidence bordering on arrogance, pride, nervousness about being seen as strong, were some of the attributes nurtured by their line of work. I found many holes in individuals' personalities. Chris was annoyed that I approached situations with such looseness; these persons are not used to such bold openness. He was trying to tell me that not everyone is ready to deal with their deepest troubles. I wasn't getting this.

Joining showers. I casually strolled into shower room with only a towel. Stall walls were low allowing for talking... and peeking. I brought it upon myself. I handled them with the same light-toned scolding that I've used before toward male figures in my dreams (usually they seem military of sorts but with armor I'm not familiar with, and always in groups). I found myself wondering if Chris is going to join us and help to set them in line. Someone entered my stall whom I thought was Chris and became excited that I had been saved. I wrapped my arms around him, oblivious that he looked nothing like Chris. "I'm so glad you're here." "Oh, really? Mm, well I'm glad to be here too." "Wait, who are you?" Then oddly, he said "How did you know there was a James? That's me." I don't understand what that meant.

I tried to push him out of my stall, telling him he's sly and pulling his hands off my shoulders. When my friendly redirection was not working, I became more firm. Something overcame me, I just knew how I needed to act and did it without analyzing it. I threw him to the floor, shouting like a boot camp sergeant at his face saying "Do what I tell you sergeant! Oh wait, you're not sergeant, you're too undisciplined for that title. Am I making myself clear?" There was a level of amusement in putting him in his place like that. I feel like I am always playing a game that some characters of my dreams don't know I have the upper hand in. I can control through faith any problem that arises.

Chris finally did arrive, confused and annoyed that I chose to shower there in the first place. My nonchalant attitude was causing more problems than relieving. We move to a classroom where we gather with the other students of the unit. I pushed his cautions aside saying I am trying to encourage open honesty, and he should just let me do my thing.

One gal I sat next to was being given a gift by another classmate. It was a hanging decoration resembling a balance with a silly name on either of the two ends. The gift was thoughtful and touched her. A curious fellow student asked "What does it mean? Why is it special?" I jumped in when she remained reserved, still in appreciation of the gift, "She's emotional because those two names were, and still are really, the two imaginary friends from her childhood." She looked up in frightened embarrassment. She wasn't ready to divulge that. I had hit a sensitive secret for her thinking I was doing her a favor by speaking for her while she lingered near tears with a shy smile as she stared at the gift. She tried to deny it aggressively, but I knew she was being shy. I had blown her strict need to be seen as strong, and this secret was a great weakness in her mind. I shattered her image and ability to be taken seriously by her comrades. Truth is sometimes hard to swallow, and it doesn't help to have it forced down your throat when you're not hungry.

Teacher was showing a video that I focused in on for a minute. Erected building in a shielding in a desolate looking environment. Narrator of the film said something about the next step in replenishing the livability of the settlement was a mass sweeping of phosphate. The vision that came to me was of a dust cloud-like storm of phosphate deliberately swept across the barren land to the left of the large complex.

 The gal whose secret about her imaginary friends I blew cursed me and ran out of the room in tears. I chased after her. She explained that I had ruined her career training to be in this militant group, saying I didn't even belong there that I was visiting and should just leave.

Analysis: The historical film was most curious to me. Phosphate (courtesy Wikipedia) is an ionized molecule comprised of phosphorus and oxygen. It is a salt that can be mined. There are many c of phosphates. It is important for the construction and maintenance of bones. There are organic and inorganic subset. Many natural foods have it, including eggs, mushrooms, beans, cocoa, to name a few. That's two strange elements/compounds that have been emphasized lately. Gold has been a recurring mcguffin driving dreams where I am running with a partner to evade a pursuant force after the gold we hid or know where they hid theirs. But gold is a common word in our everyday culture. Bizmuth and phosphate... not so much. These are too random to not be important. They were emphasized by name in their respective dreams to encode it more firmly in memory so I can explore it when I wake.

For days I have been wondering, what is the significance of these two random materials. What are they used for that would warrant them being mentioned in my dreams. So I searched "phosphate and bizmuth" suspecting they might create an interesting reaction, one being a base, the other an acid. First hit: "Bismuth-phosphate process was a process used to extract plutonium from used nuclear fuel taken from nuclear reactors. This process was used to produce all the plutonium of the atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki in 1945." .... Holy shit. Why are you involving me in something so out of my league, something so dangerous. Were ancient cultures (like the Annunaki) mining for these materials to produce weapons? More specifically, this method, patented by some Stanley G. Thompson and Glenn T. Seaborg, removes plutonium from an aqueous solution. Is this why water has been a common theme in my dreams? 

The process itself is not described in detail. The patent doesn't include an abstract. Bizmuth-phosphate has many forms and uses though. 

Wait. On a hunch, I looked up what the pyramids are made of. limestone (exterior that was removed) and granite (inner shell). Limestone rich in phosphates has a dark brown or black color. Such rich beds are rare to find though. Was bizmuth used as a magnet to move the large boulders? How does the phosphate react in this equation?

Feb 2, 2013

Faith, Trust, and Love

Night of Feb 1st/2nd 2013

In prelude, I asked whilst in meditative thought before bed, prompted by a recent message through medium and writer Elizabeth Trutwin (see http://garuda.co for links to her other sites as well) if what those in the Galactic Federation belief system (I call it thus simply for those who do not know of it yet and I do not for certain of its existence, although my personal evidences so far suggest it does) call Twin Flames are responsible for helping guide us in dreams. Is my TF the experiences I am perceiving in my dreams, the other half of myself that is placed in particular experiences on the ships to supplement my physical existence? Dreams are very often determined by what we are struggling with, they can answer pure thought questions when it will benefit our ascension and return to a complete merging to true selves with our TFs. Theories I've had in the past weren't supported, such as: is the consciousness transferred to a clone body somewhere else where it is programmed for specific tasks; which started with the wonder if our bodies are literally abducted and programmed, then returned. Drugs and manipulation would have to be involved. But there was never even a trace memory of being physically taken, and my family never noticed my absence. I could jolt back to my body sometimes. There just wasn't any evidence or feeling of truth to this hypothesis. It had to have a more esoteric component. Then it was deciphering whether humans are being used at this time when they are most vulnerable, or if the imposition of dreams had a more benevolent agenda. I increasingly suspect that ideas we would call inspiration are implanted or observed through our TFs, especially if we prompt them to scope out an answer by devoting intense thought to a problem we want solved. Consider how often mathematicians, scientists, artists, writers, sculptors, inventors, philosophers throughout time discovered their answer in a dream after rigorous contemplation during their waking state.

What does this all mean? That truth is not as far away as we expect. We need only calm our minds and wait for an answer that will honestly appear in our consciousness'. I analyze questions and problems to death, knowing that I need only close my eyes and let the truth come in. But out of mistrust of my own filters, I must sift through all those "knowings" anyway. In time, if the 'truth' that came to me holds up, if it increasingly feels right, then I learn to trust it to be truth. With concepts like dreaming, and the existence of influential telepathic beings of energy that communicate with us constantly and can see and hear us constantly -  invisible things difficult to prove - it partially comes down to faith. Faith is always what it keeps coming back to. That thing we struggle with that is a choice and holds the key to our freedom.

I have been researching and writing a book on imagination. As I've been doing this dream tracking and exploration, I realized just how intimately intertwined faith and imagination is. By imagining that which we want and need and working to bring those imaginings into the physical world, we thus prove for ourselves that we have control in shaping our world. Confidence, self-esteem, faith can all be summoned and learned and you can control how they manifest for you. We each have unique sets of problems and issues absorbed into us by this physical world and the illusion that things happen to us without acknowledgment of how we are allowing it to affect us that makes its effect. When we realize everything perceived as negative is ultimately an incomplete picture because duality is the separation of things that should be unified, then we begin to change the filters by which we let things shape us. If we resonate of love, trust, and faith, then we are impenetrable.

Dream: Ascending rows (4-6; very long) of seats like a stadium along the shore of a lake. A hundred students, myself included, sitting among them talking and facing the lake. Two by two, in sequence, we take our turns treading around in a general area of the water. Sun is setting. I feel increasingly anxious not about treading in the water or about being observed, but because I anticipate the water to be cold by the time its my turn. I am still affected by the rules of time and predictability of the illusion in this physical world. In the dream I could have trusted the water to be warm, that I would not be made to take my turn in pain. I thought "Hurry up hurry up, I want to get my turn in before the sun goes down." Based on how my other dreams have worked, all I needed to do was think the water to be warm and then I would be pleased, if not surprised, that it is when I get into it. Instead, the selection order hopped around me, purposefully delaying my turn. The sun tipped down over the horizon. The sequence was continuing. They were trying to tell me that my anxiety would be pointless if I just conveyed in faith what I needed.

As to why we were tasked to take turns in pairs swimming in the same area of the water, I had the sense we were keeping something open, perhaps an underwater portal. Are portals made out of thought energy? I've wondered this before because such a beautiful flux of colors seemed only possible as a creation of the purest of imagining. I'm sure there is a technological component as well, but what if the energy to ignite it is pure thought energy? There are ancient star gates all around the world on the surface made of stone. Do these still work? The crop circle phenomenon emphasizes the sacredness of geometry, especially the circle. Precise geometric shapes created in natural stone, what a beautiful representation of what I would call natural technology designed in cooperation with the Earth and natural intelligent laws. Pyramids, star gates, obelisks. These are the base technologies of the Galactics for communication, transportation or amplification to and with the higher dimensional beings of our Watchers/Galactic Relatives. Could be as simple as a raised hill or mountain to amplify the signal of your thoughts. Better the view, higher the price of real estate. Another control mechanism of the masses.

Next sequence: In a classroom, atmosphere is tinted a pale blue, like a projector's light is the only source of light in the room. Wide lecture hall style to sit a hundred students. Not full. Maybe twenty or thirty of us scattered around, mainly down the center aisle. I start in back and find my way up front later on after an activity. A couple students are leading with the help of a couple others to help illustrate the lesson. She is demonstrating why people cheat and veer away from their partners. It was a meaningful, silent, way of convincing the class of the weakness of these people who stray. She had a very simplistic view on the issue but was conveying it with such power by using this demonstration that it would convince anyone that her approach is the truth. I interrupt, knowing her approach is convincing but fails to address the complexities of the issue and feel compassion for the other persons involved. "This is an incomplete view on this matter. People who stray aren't always just going selfishly for someone younger, acting on their physical impulse to be with a young beauty (she was focusing on males, so I tried to vouch for the males). Yes maybe some do (I emphasized there are some that do, but that there is a more important reason not being addressed), but most people veer because the relationship they are in is dysfunctional, they are not connecting with their partner, and in many cases never did truly have an intimacy with their partner. So the drift away from feeling they know and connect with their partner only compounded. They rarely have intention to hurt their partner, usually they do their affairs in secret because they don't want to hurt their partner, but the truth of the matter is that they are both miserable and keeping themselves chained to relationship that does not benefit either person. In the minds of those who instinctively search elsewhere for a better candidate, they have already begun to let go of the stagnation with their current partner. Emotionally they were always detached, regardless what they were declared as in social or legal ways."
Someone in back asked I would know this.
"I am writing a book on imaginary companionship where I have been analyzing what drives our behaviors in relationships of all kinds. The very inclination to be searching for a replacement, someone you can be fulfilled with divulges the truth that there are needs not being met both ways that, in many cases, have been repressed."
I felt like an authority on the subject. My explanation was of course just the tip of the iceberg of the full picture, but it was a start in bringing up how oversimplified and judgmental the leading student's message was.

Next sequence: Elevator in a tall building of apartments. Clean and beautiful. Meet a lady whom I walk to her place. She invites me in. I find she actually has like six children and am amazed at how composed she is. It a large family, with an uncle ... [My dream memories are mixing up with images I've seen in real life on television or music or online media. Trouble sometimes to decipher whether an image was something I saw in a dream or in media.] They were very busy. I explained to an adult male (the dad?) that we met coming up the elevator and I sort of invited myself in to meet everyone. I mentioned I have a son and am shocked they decided to have so many children. She was certainly a busy personality, but was filled with love and tolerance.

I realized they lived right next to my apartment and invited them over whenever they wanted to return the favor for letting me meet their family. I walk through a side door connecting their apartment to mine, like a hotel might have joining rooms. I shed my coat and scarf, keys and purse and called for Jim. There is two burgers on a pan on the stove steaming. My first impression is that he left these cooking. He called to me assuring me he knows they're there and that he was making one for me. I felt embarrassed I had doubted him. He comes into the living room and sits. He wants to watch the Superbowl. I was going to tell him what happened with the lady I met that lives next door with her many kids.

I think I get it. Faith, trust, love for Jim, those closest to me who are always there for me, as much as I am inclined to feel for general people and invisible divinities. I will have a great opportunity to do this when I go live with my parents for a month to work on my book.