Feb 24, 2013

Angels Above Us

I am filled with love. My car broke down for the fourth time in the last month yesterday. But it turned out really well. We organized for my dad to come over to the East side where I was staying with Jim's (my partner's) dad. Jim was also up 300 miles from Medford to see us since baby and I have been bouncing around up here for two weeks while he was working at his job down where we live. I was up here working on my book while family daycared. We really needed to see him and the dog. They really needed to see us.

Last post I explained wanting to give something back to Jim's dad and wife for hosting baby and I this last week, occupying Link with fun activities while I worked, making us dinner each night and helping feed Link at breakfast before I left. It really helped me to be in the atmosphere their home creates. I wanted to at least give her flowers as thank you. Stopped by store before we said goodbyes today and debated between which set of flowers to get her:  a bluish arrangement in a pot, or a cut-stemmed bouquet of mixed flowers (less expensive). Needing to hurry, I eventually landed on the bluish arrangement for small reasons that somehow surfaced as important enough to warrant choosing over the other. Turns out, she (Link's grandmother who we have been staying with; wife of Jim's dad) had been wanting hydrangas (???) for a long while and just hadn't brought herself to buy some yet. She said they were better than just a cut stem arrangement (which I was debating over). I was so relieved I was steered enough to choose that set. I asked two nights prior to help me find a set of flowers that would be to her taste, which she would be able to feel appreciated. How amazing that worked out.

My car also ended up only being a couple hour job to fix the problem, and my dad had a lovely sit down dinner with us all at their house (two grandpas in one place). Our dad's got along nicely because his was in engineering, and my dad was a mechanic. Jim's dad was giddy to work a hands on project with automechanics with my dad (according to his wife). "He is loving this!" She said to me. So my misfortune with my car became a great way to bring our families together. It even gave Jim and his dad a chance to go to an autoparts shop together, the first time they had ever done that, which was an amusing thing to them. They thought "Shouldnt a father and son have already done this by now?" Plus, it was good for me to hear someone outside of my family call my dad 'intelligent.' People of their success were impressed by my dad's knowledge and curiosity, as evidenced during dinner conversation when he enlightened us all on the progression of cars from good old mechanics through hydrogen cell, electric, biodiesal fuel, and more. My dad also divulged the sad news that he and my mother are declaring bankruptcy because of their level of debt. Why is this intelligent, generous, hard-working man not employed?? We paid him a nice tip for coming out yet again to help save us money.

I am humbled in the incidents of the last few days and weeks how much our genuine requests for specific assistance paired with trust and love and submission with the proper amount of effort and consideration and karmic return can yield supernatural results. We have beings watching over us. I know I lose faith in their presence a lot because I get caught up in whats only in front of me, but when I submit and honestly ask for what I am reasonably searching for, the circumstances arrange for it to be carried out. I felt incredibly supported and loved that here we are outside in the drawing cold of the setting sun, my partner (up for only a couple nights), my sister, my dad, both grandparents we were staying with all contributing to fix my car. It was a beautiful display of family and cooperation and coming together. For a while now I have been realizing how much the isolated setup of family units apart from any sense of close-knit community allows feelings of depression and separation to fester. There is no drive to uphold propriety and face if there is no family or others to impress. Without motivation to measure up to their standard for themselves, I too easily fall into habits of sleeping in late, making excuses for myself, missing out on chances for interaction, complaining. Knowing my partner's family is watching, I want to show them I am a good mother and partner and have interesting ideas to put out into the world. Then because I am willing this good side, I inspire the feelings attached to it. I become patient, relaxed, attentive, motivated, choosey about which feelings I express openly and thus reinforce. By imitating the characteristics I want to emphasize to others about myself, I have been reinforcing those feelings.

I needed a check on my patience and my tendency to complain and it starts with how I got up in the morning. No more sleeping in. Get up early, make breakfast for family, send Jim off to work, dress, take baby to childcare (the biggest change I've decided to make, investing/budgeting for parttime childcare), writing and walking Odin, then rest of day, baby down early. I used to survive on six hours of sleep, I can get enough if I get myself on a more reasonable schedule. What I've done before was working for a time, but now I need a new routine. We also are changing our mattress. I forgot that maybe our mattress may be contributing to why I don't wake rested and my injury aches and I'm so tired.

There are Watchers up there caring for us when we ask with genuine humility and honesty. Stop frantically searching for your keys. Pause, close your eyes and calm down. Now ask "Please help me remember where my keys are. I am late and I need to find them quickly." And trust. The answer will come to you. It is circuitry built into the fabric of the universe. It is telepathy with a universal knowledge source that connects us with all moments in time of ourselves and others so we might find the information we seek for proper handling of the physical moment, a plane of existence different from the others in how we perceive time and life. We can manipulate time. It revolves around us, not us existing along it. I wish to bask in this feeling of faith and comfort so I might reinforce it as a standard for myself.

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