Feb 10, 2013

Family and Other Influencing Forces

I'm convinced. Some force was testing me. Did not want me to get up to Portland to work on my book. Two-three weeks ago while down with the flu, I decided the answer to my desire to get my career started was to have my family up north watch my son while I worked a regular 6-8 hr day on my book until it is finally done. I would leave of course when I was well enough.

Day before I aim to leave, my car breaks down. Figure after a couple days trying to fix it that I would have to take it into the shop (replace the alternator). Day before I am to take it in, my partner's car breaks down. His is a reliable car, so this felt random enough. We had to get towed after an hour waiting in the cold. A wonderful tow guy gets us home hours later, tows the car to his shop and schedules to have it fixed the following morning, and gives us a discount. Tewdell's towing, thank you! Friendly guy too. So my partner takes my car (running, but not safe for a long travel) to work.

His car is ready the next morning, but I end up ill again with fever from being out in the cold so long (still wasn't recovered fully from the flu). Few more days go by to break recurring fever. Rescheduled my appointment to take my car into the shop, didn't feel right to reschedule again. Pushed myself to take it in with my son on decent behavior. Yay, car's fixed finally! I can go I leave two days later.

Of course, though, the forces hell bent on delaying me decide to again strike. Mid-drive, acceleration goes out. I have no choice but to turn on my flashers and park onto the side of the freeway. I'm 60 miles from my destination. Sun is setting. I'm out $600 already on car repairs this month, so can't afford a $70+ tow (again). I call my father to come tow my ass the rest of the way. I also call my partner, "Believe me yet that something doesn't want me to get up here and finish my book?!" Two and a half hours we wait in the cold of the car. I bundle us up in double layers of clothing. Soon there is nothing more for us to do but sleep and conserve our energy. My little two year old is snuggled between my legs against my chest sucking me for warmth.

[Just permit me to complain at this point.] Another hour and a half for my dad and sister to makeshift a trailer and wench into a towing apparatus. A slow ride the rest of the way, but I was happy to be in a warm vehicle at 9pm.

Not only did I fall ill yet again from being stuck in the cold, but my car needed another fixing. Luckily my dad was a mechanic and was able to fix the engine parts without too much hassle. What a life-saver he is! I found a new appreciation for my family throughout this ordeal. They helped without expectation of payment. Two days braving the cold and bending around with his bad back and aching knees to get me home and get my car working (he's retired, but without the nice retirement package that usually comes with that declaration; they survive on SSI and credit). Despite how frustrated I felt about everything, and caring for a toddler sick, my appreciation for them is renewed. I'm intent on changing my general attitude about them.

I used to focus on how dysfunctional their relationships were within the household, how unmotivated everyone is about finding work or cleaning up the clutter of the house or getting involved with people in the community like joining a club or a finding a hobby. They're very paranoid. They are what they are though, I suppose, and they are definitely there when you need them. They put their energy forward where it really counts. I'm realizing why they are such a recurring theme in my dreams. They would do better in a survival scenario than most. They know the in's and out's of how the system fails its citizens. These are the people who would benefit the most from the Nesara redistribution. Their lives have been a constant struggle to just keep food in the house. Perhaps this sounds egotistical, but maybe their true purpose for the major changes to come will be support. If I am to lead in any capacity, I would certainly benefit from their support. As well, I fantasize being able to provide them relocation to a new house with adequate space for them all. One without mold growing in every corner, breaking boards, poor insulation, central heating and air, someplace worth keeping clean.

They have been excellent with my son. The burden of feeling like the sole caregiver are considerably eased. Having raised five children helps. I have five capable, experienced nanny's here whom are tickled to help.

When my car broke down on my way up, it stopped me facing a rainbow. I found the promise in all the breakdowns, both mechanical, emotional, and physical. I need to improve my relationships with my family in order to ascend. I cooked my dad a lovely, healthy dinner as thank you, and paid him for the gas.

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