The conditions for reaching that pure and blissful connected love are specific, if not impossibly complex. But might the strength of that draw be enough to pull us toward it as a guiding light through all the obstacles we face? Is love a magnetic force like consciousness belonging to a body?
For once, there was no question I was aware of asking preceding this vivid dream, other than me spending a couple hours searching online for ideas to adjust my wardrobe, particularly focusing on an underbust corset and how to trim a long dress I own. But important elements in the dream prompt me to record it while it's fresh. When I have vivid dreams without investigative prompting, the dream seem to channel issues around the world I never would have been aware of.
I'm with Shantey, a sister-type whom I grew up with, at our old apartment complex. Something is amiss. A powerful tyrant is in the area and is searching for us in their quest to gather and subdue all free occupants of the previous order. He is enacting a new order. I grab Shantey's arm and pull her to the back of one of the complex's by the line of bushes and fencing. "We need to run." I exclaim to her in an urgent whisper, pulling her into hiding just in time before he turned the corner to see where we had stood. We trace along the wall of the complex to the next break, and wait. He already had caught up at the far end. I pull Shantey back to wait. "Wait. Stand in line with the tree." I walk her slowly as the man walks in line of sight with a tree a quarter of the way between him and us. He is shouting for us to hear wherever we may be in the complex, making ultimatums with an arrogant confidence that they will find us eventually. We've evaded him so long now that if we're caught, he likely will unleash a darker punishment on us than any others he's caught.
Showing posts with label free expression of love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label free expression of love. Show all posts
Feb 14, 2014
Dream Experiments to Uncover Truth about Red Grid Mark Phenomenon, Part 2
Call and Response Dream Question posed after Skype interview
with Michael and consent for joint dreaming exercise, January 29th, 2014: "Who or what came into my room on the morning of
Dec. 2nd 2013, and what purpose was the electric field on my brain used
for?"
Dream: (Story length. Never a simple answer with these.)
I'm part of a small group of
college aged men and women with vibrant personalities and energy. We all live
in a dorm, school-like community together. We enjoy our time together, playing,
teasing, talking, gossiping about crushes within the group. An entire dream
sequence is entirely devoted to showing me the dynamic of this group, how they
interact and how carefree they are. They are an athletic group, full of life
and arrogance, but they love and look out for one another. We were happily
engrossed in our social interactions. The men joked with each other and
wrestled like boys. The women chatted and nagged the men, hung on one another
like girls do.
I heard 2-3 of the men of our group talking emphatically
about plans to change some perspective in our society they disagreed with. In
excited bursts of dialogue, they devised the basis for their plan, all the
while still teasing one another about how they phrased something. The details
of the plan were fuzzy to me, but the sense I got was they were hoping to
re-educated and be a voice against some part of the status quo.
Then an image appeared superimposed over the scene -- like a forethought or premonition, but as if I've seen it before and the memory was just triggered to resurface -- of the smallest member of their pack lying dead at what was the first casualty in a terrible war. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Then I saw the scene expand and all of them, all my men, and a hundred more, our entire student community, lay slaughtered on a battlefield they didn't belong on.
Then an image appeared superimposed over the scene -- like a forethought or premonition, but as if I've seen it before and the memory was just triggered to resurface -- of the smallest member of their pack lying dead at what was the first casualty in a terrible war. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Then I saw the scene expand and all of them, all my men, and a hundred more, our entire student community, lay slaughtered on a battlefield they didn't belong on.
Nov 28, 2013
Marine Creatures with Thermal Burns
Summary: Continuation of communication with water beings; Trying to woo my sweetheart, finding strange coins washed ashore; Childish in-fighting and unjustified territory and resource control.
Night of 25/26th November 2013
I'm in a cabin nestled in a hill under trees just before dusk. A few dim lights are on around the house. Rain poured during the night and into the early morning creating lines of water across the windows. My old friend, Kristin, is there. It's her parent's home, but it's nothing like her parent's home in my waking reality. There is no television, its a small, but modern home with wide windows and a low ceiling. I'm enjoying looking out the windows, absorbing the peace of the natural setting. Only a few other small residences line the hill further up, we are closest to the edge of the water, a bay, or mouth where a lake bleeds out into a river. I had the distinct sense that water flowed from the larger body into the river, not reverse, which implies a lake draining down by means of a river. This becomes an important distinction later.
I catch movement where the treeline meets the lake, and can't believe what I see. An upright, large brown bird humanoid (like the brown eagle woman that shapeshifted when she landed in the dream preceding my abduction) is folding its wings in and hovering through the trees along a stream and up the hill, curving around the cabin. I know in this moment of the dream that I had not seen one of these beings for a year and a half. Half in disbelief, I change vantage points to a different window to see if I can catch a glimpse of it through the trees as it turned up the stream. It comes into view again, changing red as it moved. Its feet, shaped like boots, hover a few feet above the ground. It's not flying, it's not walking. It's moving at an inexplicable hover parallel with the ground without moving its feet or wings. It's wings have folded in, covering its head and torso. I think its morphing but I don't catch what it's morphing into, only assume from the previous experience that it is shapeshifting to appear human.
"Did you see that?!!" I yell to my friend. "I can't believe it. Did you see?"
"See what?"
I look further up the road where it had gone and see two men walking down that pass it at a backwards angle. They must have noticed it, I think to myself. They are chatting and gesturing intently with one another. One dark haired, one blonde. They are wearing similar outfits and scarves. Uniforms of some kind? I was hopeful that these residents saw the bird being and could verify my sighting, then I realized... they are hovering too, but in a different fashion from the bird. They are walking on air a foot and a half above the beaten cement, one lane road. I fixate on this. How are they doing that? Are they aware that they're doing that? Is there cloaked road beneath them? Does it form only for them?
Night of 25/26th November 2013
I'm in a cabin nestled in a hill under trees just before dusk. A few dim lights are on around the house. Rain poured during the night and into the early morning creating lines of water across the windows. My old friend, Kristin, is there. It's her parent's home, but it's nothing like her parent's home in my waking reality. There is no television, its a small, but modern home with wide windows and a low ceiling. I'm enjoying looking out the windows, absorbing the peace of the natural setting. Only a few other small residences line the hill further up, we are closest to the edge of the water, a bay, or mouth where a lake bleeds out into a river. I had the distinct sense that water flowed from the larger body into the river, not reverse, which implies a lake draining down by means of a river. This becomes an important distinction later.
I catch movement where the treeline meets the lake, and can't believe what I see. An upright, large brown bird humanoid (like the brown eagle woman that shapeshifted when she landed in the dream preceding my abduction) is folding its wings in and hovering through the trees along a stream and up the hill, curving around the cabin. I know in this moment of the dream that I had not seen one of these beings for a year and a half. Half in disbelief, I change vantage points to a different window to see if I can catch a glimpse of it through the trees as it turned up the stream. It comes into view again, changing red as it moved. Its feet, shaped like boots, hover a few feet above the ground. It's not flying, it's not walking. It's moving at an inexplicable hover parallel with the ground without moving its feet or wings. It's wings have folded in, covering its head and torso. I think its morphing but I don't catch what it's morphing into, only assume from the previous experience that it is shapeshifting to appear human.
"Did you see that?!!" I yell to my friend. "I can't believe it. Did you see?"
"See what?"
I look further up the road where it had gone and see two men walking down that pass it at a backwards angle. They must have noticed it, I think to myself. They are chatting and gesturing intently with one another. One dark haired, one blonde. They are wearing similar outfits and scarves. Uniforms of some kind? I was hopeful that these residents saw the bird being and could verify my sighting, then I realized... they are hovering too, but in a different fashion from the bird. They are walking on air a foot and a half above the beaten cement, one lane road. I fixate on this. How are they doing that? Are they aware that they're doing that? Is there cloaked road beneath them? Does it form only for them?
Jul 26, 2013
Seeds of Change
Summary: Challenging perception of reality; feeling outcast by failure to conform to imposed standards; symbolizing reform on popular notions of sex and intimacy and commitment; standing out despite my best efforts to hide; holding true to personal beliefs; encounter with visiting member of my own kind to remind me of my purpose and origin and that I am be looked out for with restrictions.
Morning of July 26th 2013
My partner, Jim, and I wake up (in the dream) to discover our son is somehow home early from daycare, and his family (distant and immediate relatives, spirit ancestors I didn't recognize) were arriving for an upcoming wedding. "Did you bring him home?" I ask Jim, who had come home early from work himself. "No." "Why is he home?" I find the journal his daycare provider and I use to write notes and daily progress about Link back and forth, a sort of check-in. She had wrote that she was taking an impromptu afternoon off because a girlfriend was in town and the girlfriend dropped the kids off at their homes. How irresponsible and impulsive, I thought! [My daycare provider would never do this?! How weird that this is the second dream using her person in a rather negative way. The dream coder just needed the shock that would provide, I know.] She should have told us and checked that we were even awake and ready to care for him.
Morning of July 26th 2013
My partner, Jim, and I wake up (in the dream) to discover our son is somehow home early from daycare, and his family (distant and immediate relatives, spirit ancestors I didn't recognize) were arriving for an upcoming wedding. "Did you bring him home?" I ask Jim, who had come home early from work himself. "No." "Why is he home?" I find the journal his daycare provider and I use to write notes and daily progress about Link back and forth, a sort of check-in. She had wrote that she was taking an impromptu afternoon off because a girlfriend was in town and the girlfriend dropped the kids off at their homes. How irresponsible and impulsive, I thought! [My daycare provider would never do this?! How weird that this is the second dream using her person in a rather negative way. The dream coder just needed the shock that would provide, I know.] She should have told us and checked that we were even awake and ready to care for him.
Jul 22, 2013
No One Can Move a Statue
Summary: How an educated stance/opinion/belief translates in dreaming; erotic scenes meant to abuse my easily activated sex drive and the answer to my concern if I am being manipulated by means of that weakness; a neutral perspective on the Reptilian breeding agenda; an extra for my sport-loving partner and family during our vacation.
Night of July 14th/15th 2013
A young woman and I are visiting at a covered area at a park where random people of various ethnicities are loitering. We all chat friendly until one of them offers us a good time with some weed. I reject him kindly and boister my familiarity with the drug, which prompts an Haitian woman with large teeth and gaps to interject about an even better time she can offer. I catch her trick and say "You are just trying to peddle your PCP, don't lie, I know that's what you're on." She laughs and concedes. Two men nearby are intrigued by our presence among these sketchy types and exclaim their action of wanting to come sit with two pretty girls.
Night of July 14th/15th 2013
A young woman and I are visiting at a covered area at a park where random people of various ethnicities are loitering. We all chat friendly until one of them offers us a good time with some weed. I reject him kindly and boister my familiarity with the drug, which prompts an Haitian woman with large teeth and gaps to interject about an even better time she can offer. I catch her trick and say "You are just trying to peddle your PCP, don't lie, I know that's what you're on." She laughs and concedes. Two men nearby are intrigued by our presence among these sketchy types and exclaim their action of wanting to come sit with two pretty girls.
Jun 28, 2013
Loving Thyself
One of my skills is being a companion and loving those I am soul-bounded to. Challenge to see myself as the higher beautiful and compassionate partner that I am, how my previous lovers from lifetimes ago saw me and continue to enjoy my company at times. The kind of pure love I've yearned to remember all this life is real somehow. With the spirit of my love we only show appreciation for who each other is and respect for what each other is doing. Our aura is merged, so we know what the other is feeling. In the physical expression process we move perfectly insync to one another's desires, that being always foremost to just be matching wavelengths to an eruption of pleasure. Pace, position, are all communicated as energy dialogue, instantaneous, without words, just a smooth exchange. Sex is a model and expression of that merging of consciousness.
Jun 26, 2013
Lost Love
No dream confirmation or response using the new content and perspective I explored yesterday about my deep water phobia. I was so sure I would have something about deep sea diving and discovery or swimming with seals. The only reason I felt it wouldn't be that is because that research for desensitizing me was earlier in the day. Before bed I was incredibly engaged in watching Project Camelot interviews with Erin "Rothschild" and the two assassins with the 4th Reich. I don't know much about the Illuminati, or the Cabal, frankly I think I've needed to establish my center before digging too deep into their history. It's shrouded in so much rumor and heresay that I preferred to do mythological research and dream investigation which would provide a clearer baseline for understanding.
Jun 9, 2013
Accepting My Skills and Favors
Summary: Standing out in new choir; New hire at primate facility; Motherly to a chimp toddler; Ethical dilemma on caging animals leads to a recognizably self-generated scene of helping release a pregnant gorilla; Distinction made between dream content and sequence assembled by outside design and those imaginings of my creation; Acknowledging the degree of my skills and allowing for the gifts granted to me by my hard work; Gift from my distant sister and the guilt of receiving rewards being viewed as freebees or good luck by my struggling family.
May 20, 2013
Call and Response
Summary: Dream answers two clearly stated questions and adds the next step of training on a deeper one I always ask; Medical dreaming works only with request from person in question; wrestling with my polyamorous nature; being misunderstood while fighting for greater mission; bringing two sides together in harmony rather than ignoring one and leaving their sounds to overlap in cacophony (polyamory); rainbow pixels implant in crowd to generate holographic interfacing capability; crowd is granted the fan desired version of Lost' series finale (mysteries revealed and connections linked up).
Jan 21, 2013
Night of Jan 20th/21st 2013
Last night in a good state of mind I pondered aloud to the spirits many questions that have been on my mind: is there an other dimensional parasite that feeds off human fear, anxiety and confusion; who am I; what is the portal, how many are there [perhaps its a grid network, because my observation has been there are four in my sky alone at every corner of the cardinals]; am I seeing alternate timelines or goals for this dimension to rise to the next, what are the remote viewing scenes, from past lives, channeling someone else's experience, training for missions on other worlds?
I also acknowledged to be seeing the things I do is a lonely experience when people around me want to disregard the possibilities I suggest and explain away what I see as not mysterious, thereby suggesting I am delusional, but in practice I am always expanding their scope of perspective and providing them advice and insight, so something is right on my end. I also acknowledged my confusion and fears associated with my relationship issue are hindering my continued ascension.
Dream: I'm tending a toddler that resembles an infant in how I am needing to treat him. He is not mine, but some older woman's who erupts into the room I am tending him in to tell me to get him ready, she wants to present him to the audience as the main attraction. She is demonstrating little concern for his needs. She seems greedy and is taking advantage of his attractiveness as a child, as if the audience rarely gets to see such young children. She doesn't care that he is tired. I grudgingly load him in a front carrier (back pack for the the front). I am trying to shield him as much as possible from the overstimulation and uncaring admiration of onlookers by putting a beanie hat on him and making him snuggled low in the carrier. He is covered head to toe in clothing. We are led to a lush auditorium with built in chairs fancy enough for an opera. We are seated in the back section of chairs to wait to be called to the backstage for setup. There are many other groups that are being called to stage. Is this not primarily for the child in my arms like she said it was? I have been wandering about outside the auditorium to keep Link (although he is not mine?) away from the noise. Fed up, I find her in the seats and whisper loudly to her, scolding her for not considering his time schedule that he will be fussy without his upcoming nap and it will be a disaster to expect him to be center staged. The audience will not witness an adorable toddler, but a cranky monster. She still sent me up. I had to obey, it was ultimately her child. But I was glad she knew how irresponsible this was.
I found a place backstage. Dozens of people with toddlers and older women sat in rows backstage waiting for the same thing Link's mother had sent him here for. He was not as special as she was making this event out to seem. A stage manager was coordinating groups of these people waiting backstage into more seats in descending rows onstage. My bundle miraculously was able to get some sleep because of this unexpected waiting period. She made it seem like he was the main event, but he was only a small part of the event. Suddenly from this perspective as well, the theatre was no longer lush and beautiful, but a plain gymnasium with a stage and fold out chairs. The audience didn't seem very interested, and their numbers were scattered and barely filled half the chairs available. This was not as highly an anticipated event for a public as his mother also made me believe.
Our turn, being part of the next row in sequence to move onstage. Persons here and there in the audience are leaving, having lost interest in such a long, bland program. My Aunt Joyce is saying a speech about select individuals she would like to mention. She describes me in ways I do not agree with and am confused why she saw me as she was describing, saying despite my faults (which didn't fit), I am still worthy of recognition. "I'm not like that." I thought, feeling cheated that she so pleasantly described those few others she pointed out with praise. "Is this really how people see me? How frustrating. Are my redeeming qualities not primarily what I exhibit?"
I took the child home with me, led to a beautiful house by Chris as my escort and partner, I assume. Annoyed with what was said about me, I asked for a second opinion from him. "That's ridiculous. I know you're not like that. You're caring and considerate." He was saying as he ushered me patiently into the door after climbing very narrow steps. Warm light filled the upper class construction and decor of this home. I knew he was speaking truthfully what he thought, and was reassured by his certainty in how he described me. I was also surprised that such love, and compassion, and patience was coming from this persona. My previous dream was pointing out my unrealistic expectations of who he has become. Really, the persona of him in this dream reminded me strongly of Jim. How funny. They are very similar in just the bits I am getting from him. [Reminder, we haven't seen each other in 6 years]. I would think that if I was seeking him as a romantic partner as comparison against Jim that I would be realizing all the dissimilarities. So what does it mean when I see them similarly and would feel so humbled and privileged to be in partnership with two wonderfully protective, caring, strong, confident men that provide such balance to my personality? I don't have the first clue how to handle this.
Ideally, to have them both would help me as a companion know that both loves of my life we tended to and given a living part of me. Link would have two fathers in a way. That's more finances and parental help toward his upbringing. I could bring love and health to both their lives. They could balance my needs between them both and keep me on my game of tending to theirs. The presence of one another would also encourage them both to keep in line as well. Ideally, I just see love and care all around, which raises our ability as a unit to affect positive change and nurturing for other family and friends that interact with us. But how can I possibly manage two relationships again? Would they be able to overcome their inclinations for jealousy and possessiveness for this to happen? I wonder. If we could accomplish it though, we would be a living example of the limitless boundaries of love and the possible openness with which humans can achieve dominant focus on qualities of trust, love, understanding, care for each other over selfish derivatives from the current standard of what constitutes an ideal human relationship. I just know that I would more freely love if I knew I didn't have to choose, that I could have connection and share my life with them both. I am reserved because I have been trying to determine a choice, and six years has proven to me that this is a choice I tried to make and stick to for fairness sake, but fairness, at least how I see it, would be if they could both have me. I can't split myself into two though, so this is the only compromise I see. It would be demanding on me, and require self-exploration for them, but it could work in theory. Otherwise, we never know what this soul connection between is and be haunted by it, and I would endlessly struggle to force myself to stay monogamous and ignore my love for Chris for Jim's sake. And what about family and friend interpretation.. ugh. One step at a time. For all we know, we could set a new standard. What a better way of exemplifying infinite love than with my own relationships. I value the idea of monogamy, and appreciate a one and only true love connection, but with vast love, it doesn't end at one for me. I have too much I want to share, and by fate came to love two men and want to share my heart, mind, body, and soul in whichever NOW I am in. I cannot combine them, it would not be a threesome in any given present. It would be a relationship with one and a relationship with the other. Would I still worry how the other is feeling? Would I be wreck worrying about if I am hurting either of them? Oh please show me the way.
Just a note: I am screening which dreams I record because there are so many fragments that are incomplete and not worth the time to record them. I have too many other responsibilities, I must prioritize.
I also acknowledged to be seeing the things I do is a lonely experience when people around me want to disregard the possibilities I suggest and explain away what I see as not mysterious, thereby suggesting I am delusional, but in practice I am always expanding their scope of perspective and providing them advice and insight, so something is right on my end. I also acknowledged my confusion and fears associated with my relationship issue are hindering my continued ascension.
Dream: I'm tending a toddler that resembles an infant in how I am needing to treat him. He is not mine, but some older woman's who erupts into the room I am tending him in to tell me to get him ready, she wants to present him to the audience as the main attraction. She is demonstrating little concern for his needs. She seems greedy and is taking advantage of his attractiveness as a child, as if the audience rarely gets to see such young children. She doesn't care that he is tired. I grudgingly load him in a front carrier (back pack for the the front). I am trying to shield him as much as possible from the overstimulation and uncaring admiration of onlookers by putting a beanie hat on him and making him snuggled low in the carrier. He is covered head to toe in clothing. We are led to a lush auditorium with built in chairs fancy enough for an opera. We are seated in the back section of chairs to wait to be called to the backstage for setup. There are many other groups that are being called to stage. Is this not primarily for the child in my arms like she said it was? I have been wandering about outside the auditorium to keep Link (although he is not mine?) away from the noise. Fed up, I find her in the seats and whisper loudly to her, scolding her for not considering his time schedule that he will be fussy without his upcoming nap and it will be a disaster to expect him to be center staged. The audience will not witness an adorable toddler, but a cranky monster. She still sent me up. I had to obey, it was ultimately her child. But I was glad she knew how irresponsible this was.
I found a place backstage. Dozens of people with toddlers and older women sat in rows backstage waiting for the same thing Link's mother had sent him here for. He was not as special as she was making this event out to seem. A stage manager was coordinating groups of these people waiting backstage into more seats in descending rows onstage. My bundle miraculously was able to get some sleep because of this unexpected waiting period. She made it seem like he was the main event, but he was only a small part of the event. Suddenly from this perspective as well, the theatre was no longer lush and beautiful, but a plain gymnasium with a stage and fold out chairs. The audience didn't seem very interested, and their numbers were scattered and barely filled half the chairs available. This was not as highly an anticipated event for a public as his mother also made me believe.
Our turn, being part of the next row in sequence to move onstage. Persons here and there in the audience are leaving, having lost interest in such a long, bland program. My Aunt Joyce is saying a speech about select individuals she would like to mention. She describes me in ways I do not agree with and am confused why she saw me as she was describing, saying despite my faults (which didn't fit), I am still worthy of recognition. "I'm not like that." I thought, feeling cheated that she so pleasantly described those few others she pointed out with praise. "Is this really how people see me? How frustrating. Are my redeeming qualities not primarily what I exhibit?"
I took the child home with me, led to a beautiful house by Chris as my escort and partner, I assume. Annoyed with what was said about me, I asked for a second opinion from him. "That's ridiculous. I know you're not like that. You're caring and considerate." He was saying as he ushered me patiently into the door after climbing very narrow steps. Warm light filled the upper class construction and decor of this home. I knew he was speaking truthfully what he thought, and was reassured by his certainty in how he described me. I was also surprised that such love, and compassion, and patience was coming from this persona. My previous dream was pointing out my unrealistic expectations of who he has become. Really, the persona of him in this dream reminded me strongly of Jim. How funny. They are very similar in just the bits I am getting from him. [Reminder, we haven't seen each other in 6 years]. I would think that if I was seeking him as a romantic partner as comparison against Jim that I would be realizing all the dissimilarities. So what does it mean when I see them similarly and would feel so humbled and privileged to be in partnership with two wonderfully protective, caring, strong, confident men that provide such balance to my personality? I don't have the first clue how to handle this.
Ideally, to have them both would help me as a companion know that both loves of my life we tended to and given a living part of me. Link would have two fathers in a way. That's more finances and parental help toward his upbringing. I could bring love and health to both their lives. They could balance my needs between them both and keep me on my game of tending to theirs. The presence of one another would also encourage them both to keep in line as well. Ideally, I just see love and care all around, which raises our ability as a unit to affect positive change and nurturing for other family and friends that interact with us. But how can I possibly manage two relationships again? Would they be able to overcome their inclinations for jealousy and possessiveness for this to happen? I wonder. If we could accomplish it though, we would be a living example of the limitless boundaries of love and the possible openness with which humans can achieve dominant focus on qualities of trust, love, understanding, care for each other over selfish derivatives from the current standard of what constitutes an ideal human relationship. I just know that I would more freely love if I knew I didn't have to choose, that I could have connection and share my life with them both. I am reserved because I have been trying to determine a choice, and six years has proven to me that this is a choice I tried to make and stick to for fairness sake, but fairness, at least how I see it, would be if they could both have me. I can't split myself into two though, so this is the only compromise I see. It would be demanding on me, and require self-exploration for them, but it could work in theory. Otherwise, we never know what this soul connection between is and be haunted by it, and I would endlessly struggle to force myself to stay monogamous and ignore my love for Chris for Jim's sake. And what about family and friend interpretation.. ugh. One step at a time. For all we know, we could set a new standard. What a better way of exemplifying infinite love than with my own relationships. I value the idea of monogamy, and appreciate a one and only true love connection, but with vast love, it doesn't end at one for me. I have too much I want to share, and by fate came to love two men and want to share my heart, mind, body, and soul in whichever NOW I am in. I cannot combine them, it would not be a threesome in any given present. It would be a relationship with one and a relationship with the other. Would I still worry how the other is feeling? Would I be wreck worrying about if I am hurting either of them? Oh please show me the way.
Just a note: I am screening which dreams I record because there are so many fragments that are incomplete and not worth the time to record them. I have too many other responsibilities, I must prioritize.
Jan 18, 2013
Imagine
Imagine a physical existence:
Do you dream? Trick question, we all dream, most of us just don't remember them. You have a clear link to achieving this.
- without fear, anxiety, panic, confusion
- without poverty, famine, war, disease;
- the answers to all our questions are achievable and accessible as quickly as we can think them
- the system of paper money is obsolete and unnecessary
- loans/mortgage/necessary debts are forgiven
- travel is easy, non-harmful to the environment, and requires no other vehicle besides your body
- humans default to love, trust, compassion, selflessness, moderation, service for one another
- clean, renewable, free, unlimited every is available to all
- tedious chores that monopolize our time are not-required
- jobs and assignments draw on the individuals true passions, interests, preferred skills and abilities
- everyone is equal and all basic necessities are freely available
- educational and experiential opportunities are freely available
Do you dream? Trick question, we all dream, most of us just don't remember them. You have a clear link to achieving this.
Jan 16, 2013
Device in Portal, and Self Re-evaluation as Partner
Summary: Message from unknown technological device through a portal to a crowd; personal test in fairness with my partner; granted awareness of a personality type better suited to my partner.
Night of Jan. 15/16th 2013
Dream: Come outside, there's something in the sky, someone shouts. We look up to the daytime sky to see a large triangular object with rounded points in sky, looking no more than a few hundred feet in the air. There are two layers of colored buttons or lights and a circular light (not a button) in the center with the two layers. The innermost set of colors there were six, and numerous ones on the outer layer. It was a three dimensional object, we could see the depth of the center light being further into the object than the layers the buttons were on. The outer colors were not in spectral order, they were random, and were variants on the bolder colors (pale blue, orange-yellow, cinnamon, forest green, mud green) I wanted to think the center colors then were bold, pure colors that we see on the rainbow wheel, but I believe they actually were of the same palette of the outer layer colors. The background base material surrounding the buttons was white with black peaking around sides and likely covering the back. The triangular device was pulsing light, like the object everyone called Uranus in a previous dream.
A small town's worth of people were out observing the object. Even though it was day, I feel a dark cloudiness surrounding it. Perhaps that occurred later. I moved positions so I could see the text appearing and deciphering itself as it was appearing in the air below the craft like subtitles. The text was 3D as well. When I saw the object from the side by moving to the left to see the text clearer, I could see the object was on the other side of this opening in the fabric of space where it hung. There was rippling on the backside of the portal opening and sides. Its buttons were lighting up like it was typing the words into the air or it was transmitting the message through the portal and our world was translating the signals into recognizable language. The text was neon, very bright. There was a voice speaking from it as well, but was too faint for me to hear it clearly, even though I was not that far away compared to the swarm of others. Someone from the house I came out of called to the last person still in the house who didn't want to see what the fuss was to come out. It was important. This appearance was important. People asked what is it? I said "It looks like a Simon say's kid toy" implying the colored shapes were buttons. I said it a couple times, as if that was a key observation to helping us understand what it was. I immediately thought 'branch colors.' [Ooh, could this have been my first real clue as to what branch White is in their higher system of workings? White in this image is supporting all the other branches, opposite black. The object itself was like a yin-yang symbol (but as two triangles put together). White balances the black? Black was space exploration though, so work in the physical realm. White is spiritual or mental, the balance of the physical, then?] I also wondered in the dream if this device or the voice was God. The feeling I got in answer was "Not quite."
Another element going on at this time is my partner and I bump into a reporter who was out there reporting before the text started to appear. She makes some silly joke with the kind of humor I find annoying, which Jim makes all the time. She laughed with such humility and glee. Jim turned to me smiling and said "I like her." He liked her sense of humor, that she laughed so easily. He looked at her again, and turned back. "I would like to see her." I look at him. "You mean see her like date her?" "Yeah, like date her. She's got a lot of energy, and I could use that kind of easy-going humor in my life." "He said he's let me decide after the event we were witnessing." I looked down into myself. He did have a right to if I would ask him to be alright with me seeing someone else. But for him, he honestly saw something in her that I didn't have and craved it in his life. I mulled over it. He does deserve to be with someone who appreciates all aspects of his sense of humor and how much it delights him to get someone else to laugh. That is how he feels connected to someone. And I have given him such. I need to admit that I am also wanting something that helps me feel connected that it simply not in his personality to provide the way I want it: relaxed sensuality, the need to touch and explore my body. But is someone like her going to be able to have deeply intellectual conversations with him? Is some other guy going to be silly and chill like I do enjoy about Jim? This was eye-opening. I'm not as hot stuff as I thought, at least not in terms of best compatibility for who he is. How egotistical of me to have assumed all this time I was a lucky catch for him. There of course is another personality whose silly humor would be closer to the surface when with him than mine is with him.
Later at a picnic table in a corner under the hotel second floor balcony, a cheap hotel, I am scrawling my thoughts onto a piece of paper. Jim arrives and sits "Uh-oh, you're writing, does that mean you decided not to let me see her?" "No, I just need to sort out my thoughts first." He was thinking I was planning a speech how to let him down. The dream was poking fun at the fact that I do this, saying its ridiculous that I have to plan out how to break bad news to him so I can make it so he'll be in agreement. In the end I decided to just tell him "You deserve to have someone like her in your life to make you happy. Yes, go ahead and see her." "Including being intimate with her?" "Yes, you can have sex with her if it leads to that, but please be safe." We intended to still be with each other, he was just be fair that if I open the relationship, he should have the freedom to see someone else as well. We would still have sex with each other though, our family (son and dog) remaining together and living together most of the time. Eesh, that is tough. The thought of them together having a great time, her being a more ideal partner to him than I have been just made me ashamed and depressed. She became the walking epitome of what I am not, a kind of beautiful I am not. It would keep me in-line more, as it would him to know I had a second relationship too. I'd have more composure to try to show him more positive sides of myself, and be glad to do it. How did I end being the unhappy wife whose beauty and infectious energy faded? ... struggling with the role of housewife and raising a kid is how. Wait, I am not like that. I am still damn sexy and interesting and saucy... but yes not as freely expressive with laughter as I would like to be. She was also in the public's eye, a traveling woman working in the adult world. Blech. Done.
Next scene I am walking down a dirt road with my son. I am caring for him alone while Jim is off on his date. I am sitting in a circle with a group of young women and children. They are teasing a friend of mine. I scold them "Hey, stop doing that, leave her be. Just because you don't understand her doesn't give you the right to abuse her." I am mentally preoccupied with coming to terms with my partner being with another woman at the moment having a blast. I do want him to be happy. That is important to me. When I focus on that, my resistance to jealousy and shame strengthens. I was thinking in the dream I'd love to see him with another woman if she could give him a moment of happiness. But would I actually find the pure connection - they randomly found - with my childhood friend? Is it worth all this confusion? Maybe not right now, no.
Next scene: Sitting in living room at my parents house with them. The media is replaying coverage of the devices caught speaking around the world everywhere outside, so people indoors would make sure to know about their presence. My mother was nervous, headed toward denial that this was happening. I reassured her with my thoughts that there was nothing to be afraid of, but it would happen with or without her readiness. That's a tough reality to face. Not for me. I was excited for the validity their appearance gave me. I silently relished that I was aware of their arrival before most others.
Next scene: Exploring cave-in of a broken street that collapsed into the underground sewer system. Some of my party are on vehicles with little cover (like an open-topped Jeep Wrangler). I am walking, helping my son down the rubble so I can get closer to exploring the lowest point of the cave-in. Flashlights shining around. We are searching for something, an item of sorts. Water is draining and leaking in from all sides. Very slick. This collapse happened a while ago, we are visiting it well after it happened. There is a sense of urgency by those in the vehicles for us to hurry up, that there was nothing there and we needed to move on.
Night of Jan. 15/16th 2013
Dream: Come outside, there's something in the sky, someone shouts. We look up to the daytime sky to see a large triangular object with rounded points in sky, looking no more than a few hundred feet in the air. There are two layers of colored buttons or lights and a circular light (not a button) in the center with the two layers. The innermost set of colors there were six, and numerous ones on the outer layer. It was a three dimensional object, we could see the depth of the center light being further into the object than the layers the buttons were on. The outer colors were not in spectral order, they were random, and were variants on the bolder colors (pale blue, orange-yellow, cinnamon, forest green, mud green) I wanted to think the center colors then were bold, pure colors that we see on the rainbow wheel, but I believe they actually were of the same palette of the outer layer colors. The background base material surrounding the buttons was white with black peaking around sides and likely covering the back. The triangular device was pulsing light, like the object everyone called Uranus in a previous dream.
A small town's worth of people were out observing the object. Even though it was day, I feel a dark cloudiness surrounding it. Perhaps that occurred later. I moved positions so I could see the text appearing and deciphering itself as it was appearing in the air below the craft like subtitles. The text was 3D as well. When I saw the object from the side by moving to the left to see the text clearer, I could see the object was on the other side of this opening in the fabric of space where it hung. There was rippling on the backside of the portal opening and sides. Its buttons were lighting up like it was typing the words into the air or it was transmitting the message through the portal and our world was translating the signals into recognizable language. The text was neon, very bright. There was a voice speaking from it as well, but was too faint for me to hear it clearly, even though I was not that far away compared to the swarm of others. Someone from the house I came out of called to the last person still in the house who didn't want to see what the fuss was to come out. It was important. This appearance was important. People asked what is it? I said "It looks like a Simon say's kid toy" implying the colored shapes were buttons. I said it a couple times, as if that was a key observation to helping us understand what it was. I immediately thought 'branch colors.' [Ooh, could this have been my first real clue as to what branch White is in their higher system of workings? White in this image is supporting all the other branches, opposite black. The object itself was like a yin-yang symbol (but as two triangles put together). White balances the black? Black was space exploration though, so work in the physical realm. White is spiritual or mental, the balance of the physical, then?] I also wondered in the dream if this device or the voice was God. The feeling I got in answer was "Not quite."
Another element going on at this time is my partner and I bump into a reporter who was out there reporting before the text started to appear. She makes some silly joke with the kind of humor I find annoying, which Jim makes all the time. She laughed with such humility and glee. Jim turned to me smiling and said "I like her." He liked her sense of humor, that she laughed so easily. He looked at her again, and turned back. "I would like to see her." I look at him. "You mean see her like date her?" "Yeah, like date her. She's got a lot of energy, and I could use that kind of easy-going humor in my life." "He said he's let me decide after the event we were witnessing." I looked down into myself. He did have a right to if I would ask him to be alright with me seeing someone else. But for him, he honestly saw something in her that I didn't have and craved it in his life. I mulled over it. He does deserve to be with someone who appreciates all aspects of his sense of humor and how much it delights him to get someone else to laugh. That is how he feels connected to someone. And I have given him such. I need to admit that I am also wanting something that helps me feel connected that it simply not in his personality to provide the way I want it: relaxed sensuality, the need to touch and explore my body. But is someone like her going to be able to have deeply intellectual conversations with him? Is some other guy going to be silly and chill like I do enjoy about Jim? This was eye-opening. I'm not as hot stuff as I thought, at least not in terms of best compatibility for who he is. How egotistical of me to have assumed all this time I was a lucky catch for him. There of course is another personality whose silly humor would be closer to the surface when with him than mine is with him.
Later at a picnic table in a corner under the hotel second floor balcony, a cheap hotel, I am scrawling my thoughts onto a piece of paper. Jim arrives and sits "Uh-oh, you're writing, does that mean you decided not to let me see her?" "No, I just need to sort out my thoughts first." He was thinking I was planning a speech how to let him down. The dream was poking fun at the fact that I do this, saying its ridiculous that I have to plan out how to break bad news to him so I can make it so he'll be in agreement. In the end I decided to just tell him "You deserve to have someone like her in your life to make you happy. Yes, go ahead and see her." "Including being intimate with her?" "Yes, you can have sex with her if it leads to that, but please be safe." We intended to still be with each other, he was just be fair that if I open the relationship, he should have the freedom to see someone else as well. We would still have sex with each other though, our family (son and dog) remaining together and living together most of the time. Eesh, that is tough. The thought of them together having a great time, her being a more ideal partner to him than I have been just made me ashamed and depressed. She became the walking epitome of what I am not, a kind of beautiful I am not. It would keep me in-line more, as it would him to know I had a second relationship too. I'd have more composure to try to show him more positive sides of myself, and be glad to do it. How did I end being the unhappy wife whose beauty and infectious energy faded? ... struggling with the role of housewife and raising a kid is how. Wait, I am not like that. I am still damn sexy and interesting and saucy... but yes not as freely expressive with laughter as I would like to be. She was also in the public's eye, a traveling woman working in the adult world. Blech. Done.
Next scene I am walking down a dirt road with my son. I am caring for him alone while Jim is off on his date. I am sitting in a circle with a group of young women and children. They are teasing a friend of mine. I scold them "Hey, stop doing that, leave her be. Just because you don't understand her doesn't give you the right to abuse her." I am mentally preoccupied with coming to terms with my partner being with another woman at the moment having a blast. I do want him to be happy. That is important to me. When I focus on that, my resistance to jealousy and shame strengthens. I was thinking in the dream I'd love to see him with another woman if she could give him a moment of happiness. But would I actually find the pure connection - they randomly found - with my childhood friend? Is it worth all this confusion? Maybe not right now, no.
Next scene: Sitting in living room at my parents house with them. The media is replaying coverage of the devices caught speaking around the world everywhere outside, so people indoors would make sure to know about their presence. My mother was nervous, headed toward denial that this was happening. I reassured her with my thoughts that there was nothing to be afraid of, but it would happen with or without her readiness. That's a tough reality to face. Not for me. I was excited for the validity their appearance gave me. I silently relished that I was aware of their arrival before most others.
Next scene: Exploring cave-in of a broken street that collapsed into the underground sewer system. Some of my party are on vehicles with little cover (like an open-topped Jeep Wrangler). I am walking, helping my son down the rubble so I can get closer to exploring the lowest point of the cave-in. Flashlights shining around. We are searching for something, an item of sorts. Water is draining and leaking in from all sides. Very slick. This collapse happened a while ago, we are visiting it well after it happened. There is a sense of urgency by those in the vehicles for us to hurry up, that there was nothing there and we needed to move on.
Jan 12, 2013
Night of Jan 10/11th 2013
Dream:
Analysis: Helping me sort of the details of the message I bring with a caution. It might too easily lead to doing sexual acts for someone you do love and care for but do not wish to be that physically intimate with. There is a level of self gratification in it, of course there has to be. I must feel desire for them as much as they do, but with the edge that I am helping them out. Is it possible to be available for multiple partners in the paradise-like existence my dreams help me envision? Another point of clarification, that I must be careful who asks for help that they do not have other attachments that they may be involved in that are hurt by their seeking out someone else (me) for fulfillment of what they need where their partner failed. Also that I am not involving myself with old partners of friends and thus showing them up in a way.
Okay, so what does this code say about being with someone who does not have an attachment to any ... really what I am talking about is Polyandry. A rare and prohibited form of polygamy in most religions and countries. I mean the marital-like partnering (meaning not just sexual relations, but more committed and exclusive to only the two or more declared) of one female to two or more males. In my case, just the two. Of those cases that do exist are fraternal, in which the husbands belong to the same family and are brothers sharing the same wife. Not really what I have in mind.
Analysis: Helping me sort of the details of the message I bring with a caution. It might too easily lead to doing sexual acts for someone you do love and care for but do not wish to be that physically intimate with. There is a level of self gratification in it, of course there has to be. I must feel desire for them as much as they do, but with the edge that I am helping them out. Is it possible to be available for multiple partners in the paradise-like existence my dreams help me envision? Another point of clarification, that I must be careful who asks for help that they do not have other attachments that they may be involved in that are hurt by their seeking out someone else (me) for fulfillment of what they need where their partner failed. Also that I am not involving myself with old partners of friends and thus showing them up in a way.
Okay, so what does this code say about being with someone who does not have an attachment to any ... really what I am talking about is Polyandry. A rare and prohibited form of polygamy in most religions and countries. I mean the marital-like partnering (meaning not just sexual relations, but more committed and exclusive to only the two or more declared) of one female to two or more males. In my case, just the two. Of those cases that do exist are fraternal, in which the husbands belong to the same family and are brothers sharing the same wife. Not really what I have in mind.
Jan 11, 2013
Night of Jan 9/10th 2013
Note: I may not be in the right mindset to analyze this dream because I am so frustrated with my partner yet again coming home so late from work. I can't make it any clear, I can't show any more understanding. I've tried to be considerate, that's all I've been doing. But damn it your work does not define your love for your family, being with your family does. Pressure from work, or pressure from me, unfair right. But I make it a point to help make everything else easier for you. I hate that I am even at such a point where I feel I need to list them all again. Its a job that requires you to work later than average, I have accepted that and made adjustments in our schedules and lives so that its okay. But when our agreement is for you to be home by 6pm for dinner so I can write and you can have baby time, prove you do care more about us than your work and impressing your bosses. I am not unreasonable (as I kept trying to tell myself I was being). This is just ridiculous. [See next posting for essay on how an ideal Earth existence would be as suggested by the dreams where I am living separate, which I will note, I wrote before this all exploded today, yesterday when I was in a very calm place.]
Dream: Jim and I are in a beautiful hotel room filled with a glowing warm light of colors you'd see at sunset. The room itself is shaped like a plus sign combined with an asterisk. One small arm is a transparent material ceiling to floor like glass walls that let in the colors of the sunset. Everything is white and clean. This must be another taste of heaven. We are in bed relaxing. I stand up chuckling at some crack he made. Two figures in black bust in, a female and male, one from either door armed with silencer handguns. She puts a round directly in Jim's chest, I try to run and am stopped before I make a full stride by a pop in my back that topples me forward.
My perspective shifts around. I am the female assassin. She is applying two shades of lipstick to make the desired color in the mirror at her dimmer apt, reveling in her kill. Her boyfriend walks in questioning what she's doing. He is offensive toward her, but she knows she is superior in skill and only lets him push her around because of loyalty before she got into the business. His appearance and soberness is that of a stereotypical white trash deadbeat guy who makes his partner do all the work and take all the risks. She is going out to meet her contact in the lobby and celebrate success of her mission. She dons black, tight clothing. Somehow my subconscious likes to use stereotypes. I do not watch many shows that would contribute to the kinds of things I dream about. I watch Star Trek, not crime and acrobatic, over-sexualized assassin shows. Only thing that comes close is Xena. This analysis is brought to those who are curious if any visuals from my life are affecting my dreams sequences by the numbers.
This boyfriend grabs her suggestively to assert his dominance before she ducks out. She believes she is finally free of some obligation she made long ago to an invisible/elusive authority. Freedom feels around the corner.
She goes to the lobby bar of the hotel in which she assassinated the two (us). Bartender says their is a celebration coming. People are going to be gathering. [What are they celebrating?] She says she is here to meet someone, but exaggerates her excitement and interest in the festivities he mentions are scheduled for the day with an air of flirtation. "Not for you though. You don't get to celebrate." She halts. "What?" "You didn't finish the job." He is her contact. She leans in closer and lowers her voice. "What do you mean? I did my job. I got them both." "You didn't complete the job. The woman is pregnant and the baby lives." I, as both the assassin and the woman shot and pregnant, perceive the image of a fetus in the body of the woman on the floor beside her bed in a sort of zoomed-in, x-ray kind of vision overlapping what I see in front of me of the lobby and bar. "Damn it." She looks back to the contact. "You let him know I am finishing the job." She bolsters her certainty as prevention from her big boss sending a clean up man after her. (She didn't think those words, just had the feeling that she would be forced to relinquish her freedom in the field to work missions because she would no longer be trusted to complete her assignments. She would be eliminated the last moment before she won her freedom from the job overall.) She rushes off.
Back in the room, I am healed somehow, or didn't really get shot.. not sure how, but I got up and felt grief at the sight of Jim laying still where he was shot. He suddenly awoke as well. Shocked, I ask him how this is possible. He shrugged it away with some arrogant comment about how much more difficult it is to kill him. Bullet must not have been fatal was what I thought. He moved off the bed to me. We were both relieved to have survived but were nervous about the attempt. The assassin burst in again, her black clad obvious against the white of the room. Jim covered his body with mine as we pushed around the corner out of sight for a moment from her aim. He motioned me to leave, saying/or thinking it was not worth it for us both to die and logically being already shot (again, not sure how I wasn't all of a sudden), him being shot again would only bring about the inevitable and allow me to escape instead of us both dying. I sobbed but ran for the opposite door, knowing arguing would be a pointless risk of time. I ran through the lobby. The hotel and surrounding areas were alerted that I was escaping. Everyone suddenly became in on this task to kill us (reminisces of a few other dreams). I was switching back and forth perspective between the runner and the pursuing assassin.
Hotel's entire side is open to the air. A flat rock top blends from the lobby floor as a view point. Large rocks line the downgrade drop off the mountain top this hotel is apparently built on. Patrons are gazing at the sky after the setting sun. I run and jump right off the side, and roll down the dirt side of the mountain. The assassin involved the patrons in lighting bombs to throw down at me, convincing them I am a threat and need to be stopped. They all participate in throwing bombs. I find a ditch near the end of my momentum and fall into it, avoiding two bright explosions nearby that didn't seem destructive enough to be bombs because the explosion only spanned like five feet diameter making large circle of brightness and going out just as quickly. Without much affect around the brightness. I expected to see dust and smoke. Must not have been bombs like we know them to be. Assassin says "She will make a run when she thinks it is safe. Just hold your fire." When quiet for a few moments, I run again. I am able to evade the bombs miraculously.
Runner approached a tall, barbed wire fence with guards posted at exits. I sense the knowing that this is a middle eastern country. I wouldn't be able to maneuver my way past the guards and I couldn't climb over the fence before being shot down or caught in the spirals of wire. A way suddenly opened up for me, like a tear in space to another area. The tear is a vibrant blue whereas the area beyond the fence (what should have been what I was seeing but the tear was there instead) was the brown of the dirt. I step through into this scene of a little bridge over a creek leading to an outdoor round shelter like that during the song Sixteen going on Seventeen in Sound of Music. A group of people sitting in the shelter for a teaching or story invite me over. I hide among them listening and paranoid. Anyone around me could turn and be one of them.
Analysis: Problem with dreams is how many different ways of interpreting them. It could have dark connotation, it could have answers to my previous post's questions, it could be experiences of another life or another existence in a real realm we go to when we sleep, it could be deliberate or random creations of my brain without any structured attempt to mean anything worth considering and analyzing at the depth I do. Or, like this blog is all about, it could be clues to greater questions of our existence and beings beyond ourselves and abilities beyond our physical limitations that we can choose to ignore or explore. This is my ongoing battle: ignore or explore. I wrestle with it every week. Why can't I just dream about lovely things. Why must I be so doubtful and wishful of greater mysteries that I dream in metaphor. Am I both the assassin and the woman who was living in relative paradise with her partner? Is that demon from before a part of myself? I have been sensing the need to embrace my masculine, confrontational, confident side since my search into realizing an enlightened state has focused me a lot on my feminine side. There is a benefit to bringing that demon side along as a balancing force for what we are in this physical existence. I have been trying to overcome it, as if that is the goal to reaching a higher state of mind. Really I should be trying to accept and love what I am. The dark side of myself is still only trying to find a freedom from the ruling power that holds her. She is told to kill what is essentially her good twin (since both are me) to achieve this victory. But she is wrought with fear as well, she just controls it better than the other twin. I am striving for a cooperation between the two. Again, though, how do I reconcile the part about my dark twin that uses her sex appeal to her advantage... yes that is different from my message of open expression of love without barriers that society and religion and this existence of living with doubt and fear and jealousy impose. Yes, I know that is not the same thing. That I do not use on those I care about, but as a skill to create necessary change or missions for good (dirty work if you will). I have had missions before where I have done this and known that I am an agent for good, and it is a skill to use only where necessary. So then my issue is about turning that off if and when I see my childhood friend. He is like a stranger to me, and yet I feel connected to him with a compassion I want to offer to him more than anyone I have felt ever could benefit from patience, and understanding, and touch, and love coming from me, this vessel. Next challenge is all the other 'patrons' that my dark side convinces to participate in the bomb dropping on me. I don't know what I did wrong in the dream, why they were after us. Why were they after us? Well, in my waking reality, because no one wants to hear the kind of message I am trying to send about love. But if I am to fight for this idea, I need to trust it enough to do it, right? I am afraid of this. I am afraid of hurting people without meaning to. I can't control that.
What was significant about me being pregnant and the baby being a threat to them? The baby didn't feel like my current child. Was it a sign I am pregnant (I hope not)? Was it a metaphor for the seed of the message I carry?
Note: This entry written day after title, on the 11th.
Dream: Jim and I are in a beautiful hotel room filled with a glowing warm light of colors you'd see at sunset. The room itself is shaped like a plus sign combined with an asterisk. One small arm is a transparent material ceiling to floor like glass walls that let in the colors of the sunset. Everything is white and clean. This must be another taste of heaven. We are in bed relaxing. I stand up chuckling at some crack he made. Two figures in black bust in, a female and male, one from either door armed with silencer handguns. She puts a round directly in Jim's chest, I try to run and am stopped before I make a full stride by a pop in my back that topples me forward.
My perspective shifts around. I am the female assassin. She is applying two shades of lipstick to make the desired color in the mirror at her dimmer apt, reveling in her kill. Her boyfriend walks in questioning what she's doing. He is offensive toward her, but she knows she is superior in skill and only lets him push her around because of loyalty before she got into the business. His appearance and soberness is that of a stereotypical white trash deadbeat guy who makes his partner do all the work and take all the risks. She is going out to meet her contact in the lobby and celebrate success of her mission. She dons black, tight clothing. Somehow my subconscious likes to use stereotypes. I do not watch many shows that would contribute to the kinds of things I dream about. I watch Star Trek, not crime and acrobatic, over-sexualized assassin shows. Only thing that comes close is Xena. This analysis is brought to those who are curious if any visuals from my life are affecting my dreams sequences by the numbers.
This boyfriend grabs her suggestively to assert his dominance before she ducks out. She believes she is finally free of some obligation she made long ago to an invisible/elusive authority. Freedom feels around the corner.
She goes to the lobby bar of the hotel in which she assassinated the two (us). Bartender says their is a celebration coming. People are going to be gathering. [What are they celebrating?] She says she is here to meet someone, but exaggerates her excitement and interest in the festivities he mentions are scheduled for the day with an air of flirtation. "Not for you though. You don't get to celebrate." She halts. "What?" "You didn't finish the job." He is her contact. She leans in closer and lowers her voice. "What do you mean? I did my job. I got them both." "You didn't complete the job. The woman is pregnant and the baby lives." I, as both the assassin and the woman shot and pregnant, perceive the image of a fetus in the body of the woman on the floor beside her bed in a sort of zoomed-in, x-ray kind of vision overlapping what I see in front of me of the lobby and bar. "Damn it." She looks back to the contact. "You let him know I am finishing the job." She bolsters her certainty as prevention from her big boss sending a clean up man after her. (She didn't think those words, just had the feeling that she would be forced to relinquish her freedom in the field to work missions because she would no longer be trusted to complete her assignments. She would be eliminated the last moment before she won her freedom from the job overall.) She rushes off.
Back in the room, I am healed somehow, or didn't really get shot.. not sure how, but I got up and felt grief at the sight of Jim laying still where he was shot. He suddenly awoke as well. Shocked, I ask him how this is possible. He shrugged it away with some arrogant comment about how much more difficult it is to kill him. Bullet must not have been fatal was what I thought. He moved off the bed to me. We were both relieved to have survived but were nervous about the attempt. The assassin burst in again, her black clad obvious against the white of the room. Jim covered his body with mine as we pushed around the corner out of sight for a moment from her aim. He motioned me to leave, saying/or thinking it was not worth it for us both to die and logically being already shot (again, not sure how I wasn't all of a sudden), him being shot again would only bring about the inevitable and allow me to escape instead of us both dying. I sobbed but ran for the opposite door, knowing arguing would be a pointless risk of time. I ran through the lobby. The hotel and surrounding areas were alerted that I was escaping. Everyone suddenly became in on this task to kill us (reminisces of a few other dreams). I was switching back and forth perspective between the runner and the pursuing assassin.
Hotel's entire side is open to the air. A flat rock top blends from the lobby floor as a view point. Large rocks line the downgrade drop off the mountain top this hotel is apparently built on. Patrons are gazing at the sky after the setting sun. I run and jump right off the side, and roll down the dirt side of the mountain. The assassin involved the patrons in lighting bombs to throw down at me, convincing them I am a threat and need to be stopped. They all participate in throwing bombs. I find a ditch near the end of my momentum and fall into it, avoiding two bright explosions nearby that didn't seem destructive enough to be bombs because the explosion only spanned like five feet diameter making large circle of brightness and going out just as quickly. Without much affect around the brightness. I expected to see dust and smoke. Must not have been bombs like we know them to be. Assassin says "She will make a run when she thinks it is safe. Just hold your fire." When quiet for a few moments, I run again. I am able to evade the bombs miraculously.
Runner approached a tall, barbed wire fence with guards posted at exits. I sense the knowing that this is a middle eastern country. I wouldn't be able to maneuver my way past the guards and I couldn't climb over the fence before being shot down or caught in the spirals of wire. A way suddenly opened up for me, like a tear in space to another area. The tear is a vibrant blue whereas the area beyond the fence (what should have been what I was seeing but the tear was there instead) was the brown of the dirt. I step through into this scene of a little bridge over a creek leading to an outdoor round shelter like that during the song Sixteen going on Seventeen in Sound of Music. A group of people sitting in the shelter for a teaching or story invite me over. I hide among them listening and paranoid. Anyone around me could turn and be one of them.
Analysis: Problem with dreams is how many different ways of interpreting them. It could have dark connotation, it could have answers to my previous post's questions, it could be experiences of another life or another existence in a real realm we go to when we sleep, it could be deliberate or random creations of my brain without any structured attempt to mean anything worth considering and analyzing at the depth I do. Or, like this blog is all about, it could be clues to greater questions of our existence and beings beyond ourselves and abilities beyond our physical limitations that we can choose to ignore or explore. This is my ongoing battle: ignore or explore. I wrestle with it every week. Why can't I just dream about lovely things. Why must I be so doubtful and wishful of greater mysteries that I dream in metaphor. Am I both the assassin and the woman who was living in relative paradise with her partner? Is that demon from before a part of myself? I have been sensing the need to embrace my masculine, confrontational, confident side since my search into realizing an enlightened state has focused me a lot on my feminine side. There is a benefit to bringing that demon side along as a balancing force for what we are in this physical existence. I have been trying to overcome it, as if that is the goal to reaching a higher state of mind. Really I should be trying to accept and love what I am. The dark side of myself is still only trying to find a freedom from the ruling power that holds her. She is told to kill what is essentially her good twin (since both are me) to achieve this victory. But she is wrought with fear as well, she just controls it better than the other twin. I am striving for a cooperation between the two. Again, though, how do I reconcile the part about my dark twin that uses her sex appeal to her advantage... yes that is different from my message of open expression of love without barriers that society and religion and this existence of living with doubt and fear and jealousy impose. Yes, I know that is not the same thing. That I do not use on those I care about, but as a skill to create necessary change or missions for good (dirty work if you will). I have had missions before where I have done this and known that I am an agent for good, and it is a skill to use only where necessary. So then my issue is about turning that off if and when I see my childhood friend. He is like a stranger to me, and yet I feel connected to him with a compassion I want to offer to him more than anyone I have felt ever could benefit from patience, and understanding, and touch, and love coming from me, this vessel. Next challenge is all the other 'patrons' that my dark side convinces to participate in the bomb dropping on me. I don't know what I did wrong in the dream, why they were after us. Why were they after us? Well, in my waking reality, because no one wants to hear the kind of message I am trying to send about love. But if I am to fight for this idea, I need to trust it enough to do it, right? I am afraid of this. I am afraid of hurting people without meaning to. I can't control that.
What was significant about me being pregnant and the baby being a threat to them? The baby didn't feel like my current child. Was it a sign I am pregnant (I hope not)? Was it a metaphor for the seed of the message I carry?
Note: This entry written day after title, on the 11th.
Jan 8, 2013
Night of Jan 7/8th 2013
Although I ask particular questions which, regardless of the time of day I ask, bring forth answers in my dreams, what is also strongly on my mind before sleep is slipping into the messages. Hence my confusion with my message of touch as it was meant to be an expression of love and appreciation and graciousness, and has been convoluted to be synonymous with the raw act of sex without those higher feelings and selfish desire, rather than an extension of what is felt in spirit. Touch has always been misunderstood as a bad thing. It is revealing, yes, it is vulnerable, yes. But man has made it wrong. Molestation, rape, sodomy, perversion, has pulled us in on ourselves, hiding ourselves. This is an act of submission. We are submitting to what we allow to be the reality that these things affect how we express ourselves to one another, how we dress and hide our vessels, how we look on one another. The greatest deception I see is the oppression of the body, our vessels, we inflict on ourselves on others.
This is a point of contention for me even still. I strongly believe in this message which I have arrived at through my dreaming, but cannot seem to reconcile with my own intimate needs. Should there be a distinction as any moral person would tell me. The distinction I trust to be in intent. If I am serving good, if I can openly help someone, a person I already love, who is suffering and I have something that could help them, and I trust my fulfillment of intent to help them, is such a thing wrong? I wonder if Mary Magdalene ever found it pleasing to serve her Lord by caring for his physical needs of intimacy. What if there is two or more people you love with just as much ease as to provide that service if it means rising them up to a status of loving and graciousness, and gives them a taste of the compassion and beauty that awaits us. Is that kind of sex or intimate acts a wrong thing? I repeatedly wonder if there is such a companionship, even if for a day, I could offer a second someone whom I love, but maintaining an intent to heal and selflessness. This is what women can do. We are not all selfish, desire driven creatures. I can be, but I can also turn it off and choose which personality will drive my actions in any given moment. I would have to already love this person to offer such a service though, and it is that point which tells me it is not a corrupted evil.
There is a demon that tests me in my dream state. It plays on my back and forth internal debate with myself, wanting and striving to be and do goodness, where such an issue as the above lies. Is it a deception to make me commit evil or justify wrongness. Commitment to one, that proof of specialness, is important. What if a woman had to ability to remain committed in mind and spirit so much so as to perform physical sensual help to another without losing sight of that commitment? Is it detachment from the body? No. It is intent, a medicine for someone for a moment that includes the honest feelings attached to that expression of love. But in time spent, in emergency, in dedication to being with, the one committed to is absolute priority. I cannot describe this anymore than this. It does not make sense in human thinking, influenced by the laws of conduct in relationship which were and always should be the starting point for a person rising out of raw desire and physicality. How do higher beings see sex and love? The incorporation of the Ulum (machine race) in my dream that were matter of fact teaching
Dream: Two dreams, each of two sequences of images.
First, I am in a casino where the slot machines are video games that require another input of change every three minutes. I think I would get anxious with not enough time to get much done. The constant input would make me less productive. But three of four people are fixated on them, having played for hours, days maybe. I have a pad, looking down a list counting the people still stuck on these machines. All patrons/users were supposed to be coming along to something else.
Later scene, I am in back of casino. Some figure or force is threatening me or is not understanding me. In hopeless acceptance that I cannot be understood, bent over, I put a gun to my vagina and fire. The bullet explodes out my right side and I topple forward onto myself dead. A man was already dead under me whom I was enraged at the death of.
My perspective zooms out and floats into the next room into a body of myself where I am facing a galfriend (whom I've revealed my feelings toward: those of appreciation, protectiveness, and desire to feel those feelings reciprocated). I feel annoyed. "I don't care what you think, I have to go North to see him." Reference to going to see my childhood friend, which I told my partner about wanting to do yesterday. "I'm just asking that when you do, will you let me know?" Says my galfriend. "Oh, now when I am leaving you suddenly want to show feelings for me?" I say to her. I agree to let her know, just wanting to end the conversation from further hurting.
I walk into a small side room (like the office in my house) where my childhood friend is sitting playing a game. I ask him, "You want me to come see you right?" He makes a gesture of affirmation without pulling from his game. "Yes, see its fine" I wasn't expecting a big display of want to have me come up, I just wanted enough to get her off my back.
New sequence. Big campaign going on at a college level, or at least with college age people. Candidate is coordinating a rehearsal performance, the star is his girlfriend/wife. He is a sweet person, calm temperament. The girlfriend is a pudgy black young woman in an elaborate costume that sparkles, with long feathers protruding up from her hair. Walking down the steps, music cuts when her guy notices something a stage crew person is setting up wrong. The girlfriend declares she is done, her frustration having building up with having to do this performance. She had been doing so to support her guy in his run. She walks off with a sure attitude of not coming back. A couple women friends chase after her trying to convince her to return. I go after her feeling she had reason to do what she did. I catch up to her. She is already in a hot tub decompressing. I am very plain, behind the scenes compared to her. "I support your decision." She is glad someone understands. "He is a great guy ya'know..." "Yeah he is. But he was taking you to a place in his career you didn't want to be. What about your ventures? You have been so supportive of him, but there reached a point when you had to do what was best for you." She agreed and starting planning out loud what she will need to do from here. Her stuff would have to be packed and removed, she would have to look for a place to live.
...I don't want this. Why does this keep being put in my dreams?! She was already sure of her decision, I was just giving her the validation that would ease her mind. Everyone else was selfishly against her for the good of the campaign, without considering the demand it had been placing on her. ... Well in that sense I suppose I get it. What is good for me? I hate being selfish. I can't even ask for a massage or him to play with my hair (like I love), even when I really would benefit from it. If no stigma were applied, if not judgement or assumption made, I would want to see my friend once in a while for some personal time, and I would come back joyful knowing I was actively clearing up that relationship that wears on me and always will. The casino setting is a place of gambling. I would be taking a gamble. A gamble that I don't find myself wanting to stay with my friend, even though I want everything I have with my partner.
2nd Dream: Perspective shot looking at a girl and many dark, minion figures on a sparkling white platform in the sky above the shore of an ocean. It is bouncing and turning over to force the figures that aren't supposed to be there off of the platform, but the girl, who does belong there, is also bouncing around, she is the last to fall off, unintentionally I think by whatever force was rocking the platform. I am now that woman climbing out of the water up a bank and toward a row of computers with people from my life on them. They are all playing the same game that requires learned precise sequences of typings. A twenty digit supplementary keypad, along with the main keyboard. My choir director is pacing back and forth up the rows to help students out. I am very lost, can't get past the first part because I don't understand the computer language to perform certain actions. A code has to be entered to even get to the right starting point. I missed the day we were taught that skill, they called it Shift coding, similar to HTML I suppose or key shortcuts maybe. The director lingered over my shoulder to help me more, but I still wasn't getting it. He had to move on. I asked the guy (an old friend's brother, David, who was good with computers) what to do. He helped me some. I recall the game featured a man in a long canoe, maneuvering a body of water. Then later a person in a first person perspective searching for items in a wooden, unpainted, series of rooms and halls connecting the rooms.
Why am I always late for my classes in the dream world? I always want to explain to everyone that I am late not out of laziness but for good, important cause that they aren't supposed to know yet, even though I am not sure myself what that reason always is.
After this, although I was the last to log out because I didn't finish like everyone else and couldn't figure out how to save, I lined up to go down some steps like an underground train system to check in at our lockers. Next we are riding on a vibrant white train. I am at a window, and can't see anything or anyone around me other than this corner because I am amazed that as we travel we are going through walls. These walls come toward us and we pass through them. Slight panic at first at expecting to hit each wall. I mean each wall passed through the train and seemed it would crash into my body but passed right through. I said this aloud, asking someone. An answer from behind giving me the knowing (without speech) that they will not crash into me and it should be evidenced by the number of ones that have already passed. The walls came every couple seconds in a regular repetitious, single beat pattern.
In a large hallway, our group's representative and a couple others want the rest of us to vote on three options with the main idea they want to do is give some kind of lizard eggs that would hatch soon to dying kids or some good cause as an uplifting gift. The image of the eggs came into my vision as white with bolts of bright yellow and lime green on the outside. They were very strange in their brightness and apparent delicateness. I was thinking why would we give these lizard eggs to kids who would not know how to care for them? Stand way up front as a vote to go ahead with the plan, stand to the side to vote for an adjustment to the plan, stand in the back to vote we do nothing. I, confusingly, stood in the center asking "Do we have to vote? Can we be neutral?" After saying that I thought that the gesture is trying to be good and so should be rewarded for that at least, so I stood up front. Our director was overseeing, letting us make the decision how we allot the funds we would raise. I believe the plan was carried through.
Analysis: Computers (at least for educational training purposes) and mass transit will still be operational is what I gathered from that last dream to answer some questions from yesterday night's dream. I do not know what more to ask on that topic. No indication of an EM pulse, but deliberateness to what machines go haywire seems apparent since computers and railway transit both run on electricity. So its not a mass electrical outage. Things are still receiving power, just behaving oddly. Interference in only some systems seems most likely. Long distance communication would be unnecessary if we could travel THROUGH light or with light as the leaps between scenes sometimes looks like: fast movement to a different place with spectrum of light and colors flowing by. Very brilliant.
Going back now, I wish to focus on the demon fighter from a few dreams ago. It is increasingly concerning to me the potential presence of a deceptive force in my dreams. On that note, I also wonder if I am being manipulated into thinking the kind of free expression of love is even possible for humankind, and whether my ease of shame in the matter of wanting to share through touch is also being manipulated. I think it is a rocky area still that is being used to target me with fear and doubt and shame. But is the kind of love I envision (even if I can't quite manifest it fully yet in my own reality, to start) really part of the divine plan? Difficult to separate all the stigma, rules, perversions it has become in the human world from what it really looks like say in the realm of good angels. What does the ideal love and expression of look like for good, divine beings? If I can get a clear answer on this, I will not doubt my inner feelings on it so much. Why do I have a feeling of expressive love that is almost explosive within me, which I withhold and only feel embodied when I am my inner self leading people in my dreams. Do angels have physical touch and sex with one another? Is sex with multiple individuals you love while claiming loyalty to one of those persons an abomination?
Where should I look for clues as to who this demon fighter is from my building/tower dream? What is that tower? Who were those humans hunting us?
Extra: Met with my new mentor today the 8th, as our first meet since our outing at the park where I made him lunch and I discussed my unconventional ideas and what I believe is the workings of the universe toward me fulfilling my role in bringing forth the New Earth. I am deeming him my new mentor because of the happenings leading up to us deciding to meet together for Bible study and talk. He had prayed, without my awareness of this, to have someone he could share his research and faith with. He then wondered if I would be interested and where I was in my faith (this all he told me). He prayed it could be setup that he could share with me. "Then one day there you are in my back yard talking to me about your dreams." He is my neighbor, living in a studio apt attached to our house. We saw each other a lot during the summer when I would take the kid and dog in the field outside (an empty lot) to let them play. He listens, and gives credence to my experiences, my feelings, my dreams without trying to correct them to fit his sense of the Bible's teachings. My dreams and feelings and beliefs are an extension of the Bible, built in-line with what was said as an updated comprehension, one in which man was not ready for at the time of the original teachings. Just as Jesus came to redirect the Jews from their interpretation of the Mosaic teachings, so are we due for a reiteration of what was really meant.
This is a point of contention for me even still. I strongly believe in this message which I have arrived at through my dreaming, but cannot seem to reconcile with my own intimate needs. Should there be a distinction as any moral person would tell me. The distinction I trust to be in intent. If I am serving good, if I can openly help someone, a person I already love, who is suffering and I have something that could help them, and I trust my fulfillment of intent to help them, is such a thing wrong? I wonder if Mary Magdalene ever found it pleasing to serve her Lord by caring for his physical needs of intimacy. What if there is two or more people you love with just as much ease as to provide that service if it means rising them up to a status of loving and graciousness, and gives them a taste of the compassion and beauty that awaits us. Is that kind of sex or intimate acts a wrong thing? I repeatedly wonder if there is such a companionship, even if for a day, I could offer a second someone whom I love, but maintaining an intent to heal and selflessness. This is what women can do. We are not all selfish, desire driven creatures. I can be, but I can also turn it off and choose which personality will drive my actions in any given moment. I would have to already love this person to offer such a service though, and it is that point which tells me it is not a corrupted evil.
There is a demon that tests me in my dream state. It plays on my back and forth internal debate with myself, wanting and striving to be and do goodness, where such an issue as the above lies. Is it a deception to make me commit evil or justify wrongness. Commitment to one, that proof of specialness, is important. What if a woman had to ability to remain committed in mind and spirit so much so as to perform physical sensual help to another without losing sight of that commitment? Is it detachment from the body? No. It is intent, a medicine for someone for a moment that includes the honest feelings attached to that expression of love. But in time spent, in emergency, in dedication to being with, the one committed to is absolute priority. I cannot describe this anymore than this. It does not make sense in human thinking, influenced by the laws of conduct in relationship which were and always should be the starting point for a person rising out of raw desire and physicality. How do higher beings see sex and love? The incorporation of the Ulum (machine race) in my dream that were matter of fact teaching
Dream: Two dreams, each of two sequences of images.
First, I am in a casino where the slot machines are video games that require another input of change every three minutes. I think I would get anxious with not enough time to get much done. The constant input would make me less productive. But three of four people are fixated on them, having played for hours, days maybe. I have a pad, looking down a list counting the people still stuck on these machines. All patrons/users were supposed to be coming along to something else.
Later scene, I am in back of casino. Some figure or force is threatening me or is not understanding me. In hopeless acceptance that I cannot be understood, bent over, I put a gun to my vagina and fire. The bullet explodes out my right side and I topple forward onto myself dead. A man was already dead under me whom I was enraged at the death of.
My perspective zooms out and floats into the next room into a body of myself where I am facing a galfriend (whom I've revealed my feelings toward: those of appreciation, protectiveness, and desire to feel those feelings reciprocated). I feel annoyed. "I don't care what you think, I have to go North to see him." Reference to going to see my childhood friend, which I told my partner about wanting to do yesterday. "I'm just asking that when you do, will you let me know?" Says my galfriend. "Oh, now when I am leaving you suddenly want to show feelings for me?" I say to her. I agree to let her know, just wanting to end the conversation from further hurting.
I walk into a small side room (like the office in my house) where my childhood friend is sitting playing a game. I ask him, "You want me to come see you right?" He makes a gesture of affirmation without pulling from his game. "Yes, see its fine" I wasn't expecting a big display of want to have me come up, I just wanted enough to get her off my back.
New sequence. Big campaign going on at a college level, or at least with college age people. Candidate is coordinating a rehearsal performance, the star is his girlfriend/wife. He is a sweet person, calm temperament. The girlfriend is a pudgy black young woman in an elaborate costume that sparkles, with long feathers protruding up from her hair. Walking down the steps, music cuts when her guy notices something a stage crew person is setting up wrong. The girlfriend declares she is done, her frustration having building up with having to do this performance. She had been doing so to support her guy in his run. She walks off with a sure attitude of not coming back. A couple women friends chase after her trying to convince her to return. I go after her feeling she had reason to do what she did. I catch up to her. She is already in a hot tub decompressing. I am very plain, behind the scenes compared to her. "I support your decision." She is glad someone understands. "He is a great guy ya'know..." "Yeah he is. But he was taking you to a place in his career you didn't want to be. What about your ventures? You have been so supportive of him, but there reached a point when you had to do what was best for you." She agreed and starting planning out loud what she will need to do from here. Her stuff would have to be packed and removed, she would have to look for a place to live.
...I don't want this. Why does this keep being put in my dreams?! She was already sure of her decision, I was just giving her the validation that would ease her mind. Everyone else was selfishly against her for the good of the campaign, without considering the demand it had been placing on her. ... Well in that sense I suppose I get it. What is good for me? I hate being selfish. I can't even ask for a massage or him to play with my hair (like I love), even when I really would benefit from it. If no stigma were applied, if not judgement or assumption made, I would want to see my friend once in a while for some personal time, and I would come back joyful knowing I was actively clearing up that relationship that wears on me and always will. The casino setting is a place of gambling. I would be taking a gamble. A gamble that I don't find myself wanting to stay with my friend, even though I want everything I have with my partner.
2nd Dream: Perspective shot looking at a girl and many dark, minion figures on a sparkling white platform in the sky above the shore of an ocean. It is bouncing and turning over to force the figures that aren't supposed to be there off of the platform, but the girl, who does belong there, is also bouncing around, she is the last to fall off, unintentionally I think by whatever force was rocking the platform. I am now that woman climbing out of the water up a bank and toward a row of computers with people from my life on them. They are all playing the same game that requires learned precise sequences of typings. A twenty digit supplementary keypad, along with the main keyboard. My choir director is pacing back and forth up the rows to help students out. I am very lost, can't get past the first part because I don't understand the computer language to perform certain actions. A code has to be entered to even get to the right starting point. I missed the day we were taught that skill, they called it Shift coding, similar to HTML I suppose or key shortcuts maybe. The director lingered over my shoulder to help me more, but I still wasn't getting it. He had to move on. I asked the guy (an old friend's brother, David, who was good with computers) what to do. He helped me some. I recall the game featured a man in a long canoe, maneuvering a body of water. Then later a person in a first person perspective searching for items in a wooden, unpainted, series of rooms and halls connecting the rooms.
Why am I always late for my classes in the dream world? I always want to explain to everyone that I am late not out of laziness but for good, important cause that they aren't supposed to know yet, even though I am not sure myself what that reason always is.
After this, although I was the last to log out because I didn't finish like everyone else and couldn't figure out how to save, I lined up to go down some steps like an underground train system to check in at our lockers. Next we are riding on a vibrant white train. I am at a window, and can't see anything or anyone around me other than this corner because I am amazed that as we travel we are going through walls. These walls come toward us and we pass through them. Slight panic at first at expecting to hit each wall. I mean each wall passed through the train and seemed it would crash into my body but passed right through. I said this aloud, asking someone. An answer from behind giving me the knowing (without speech) that they will not crash into me and it should be evidenced by the number of ones that have already passed. The walls came every couple seconds in a regular repetitious, single beat pattern.
In a large hallway, our group's representative and a couple others want the rest of us to vote on three options with the main idea they want to do is give some kind of lizard eggs that would hatch soon to dying kids or some good cause as an uplifting gift. The image of the eggs came into my vision as white with bolts of bright yellow and lime green on the outside. They were very strange in their brightness and apparent delicateness. I was thinking why would we give these lizard eggs to kids who would not know how to care for them? Stand way up front as a vote to go ahead with the plan, stand to the side to vote for an adjustment to the plan, stand in the back to vote we do nothing. I, confusingly, stood in the center asking "Do we have to vote? Can we be neutral?" After saying that I thought that the gesture is trying to be good and so should be rewarded for that at least, so I stood up front. Our director was overseeing, letting us make the decision how we allot the funds we would raise. I believe the plan was carried through.
Analysis: Computers (at least for educational training purposes) and mass transit will still be operational is what I gathered from that last dream to answer some questions from yesterday night's dream. I do not know what more to ask on that topic. No indication of an EM pulse, but deliberateness to what machines go haywire seems apparent since computers and railway transit both run on electricity. So its not a mass electrical outage. Things are still receiving power, just behaving oddly. Interference in only some systems seems most likely. Long distance communication would be unnecessary if we could travel THROUGH light or with light as the leaps between scenes sometimes looks like: fast movement to a different place with spectrum of light and colors flowing by. Very brilliant.
Going back now, I wish to focus on the demon fighter from a few dreams ago. It is increasingly concerning to me the potential presence of a deceptive force in my dreams. On that note, I also wonder if I am being manipulated into thinking the kind of free expression of love is even possible for humankind, and whether my ease of shame in the matter of wanting to share through touch is also being manipulated. I think it is a rocky area still that is being used to target me with fear and doubt and shame. But is the kind of love I envision (even if I can't quite manifest it fully yet in my own reality, to start) really part of the divine plan? Difficult to separate all the stigma, rules, perversions it has become in the human world from what it really looks like say in the realm of good angels. What does the ideal love and expression of look like for good, divine beings? If I can get a clear answer on this, I will not doubt my inner feelings on it so much. Why do I have a feeling of expressive love that is almost explosive within me, which I withhold and only feel embodied when I am my inner self leading people in my dreams. Do angels have physical touch and sex with one another? Is sex with multiple individuals you love while claiming loyalty to one of those persons an abomination?
Where should I look for clues as to who this demon fighter is from my building/tower dream? What is that tower? Who were those humans hunting us?
Extra: Met with my new mentor today the 8th, as our first meet since our outing at the park where I made him lunch and I discussed my unconventional ideas and what I believe is the workings of the universe toward me fulfilling my role in bringing forth the New Earth. I am deeming him my new mentor because of the happenings leading up to us deciding to meet together for Bible study and talk. He had prayed, without my awareness of this, to have someone he could share his research and faith with. He then wondered if I would be interested and where I was in my faith (this all he told me). He prayed it could be setup that he could share with me. "Then one day there you are in my back yard talking to me about your dreams." He is my neighbor, living in a studio apt attached to our house. We saw each other a lot during the summer when I would take the kid and dog in the field outside (an empty lot) to let them play. He listens, and gives credence to my experiences, my feelings, my dreams without trying to correct them to fit his sense of the Bible's teachings. My dreams and feelings and beliefs are an extension of the Bible, built in-line with what was said as an updated comprehension, one in which man was not ready for at the time of the original teachings. Just as Jesus came to redirect the Jews from their interpretation of the Mosaic teachings, so are we due for a reiteration of what was really meant.
Jan 7, 2013
Night of Jan 6/7th 2013
How does this answer any of the questions? There is something I am missing then?
Dream: Walking with a friend uphill in a neighborhood. Some house look a little beaten down. Grass is yellow and brown here and there, with some streaks of green. Sunny. Maybe summer? Early morning after a night partying or dancing. Her friend Melissa is the same person I knew from elementary school who passed away years ago. She is keeping her distance from me. She is angry, but whatever her issue with me is doesn't seem big enough to warrant her behavior. She won't walk by us, keeps gesturing back like she wants to be lude and is holding herself back. I am still in a calm state of mind, as I often am in my dreams, a peaceful, composed, sure of myself, compassionate, helpful attitude. Probably who my inner self truly is.
We meet someone along the way, a small man, who is also trying to get to where we are going, a building on the hill where he works. He is taken with me. I invite him to join us. The ease by which he attaches to me and wants to show affection or appreciation is endearing to me. He is not inappropriate, just wants to hold my arm as we walk and hum pleasantries, lean his head on my shoulder. My friend was hesitant to bring him along and I said "Nonsense, why not." We come to a kind of fork in the road where either way we see the beginnings a lush green field/lawn and propped crops dotting and outlining the lovely field. Which one holds the building on it's top? We can only see the bottom of either hill because maple and oak trees block our way. I just choose one. We walk toward it and start to see the buildings at its summit (not more than a few hundred feet in elevation from where we were at the base of it. I thought it wasn't the right one until our companion said "No its right. See? That tower is near where I work, and that building is my work." I have been here before. I have seen that oddly shaped tower before.
We arrive inside, go up stairs to a restaurant where all the employees are eating. My partner works here and is sitting at a booth across from where I sit with my travel companion who is still clinging to me. I explained to him as we were coming up that my partner works here so be aware of that. He didn't seem to mind. An old friend from college, a buddy of my partner, is in town visiting and we sat right next to. "Logan?! I haven't seen you in so long!" We were delightedly to see each other. I explained I was helping this guy get to work since I was coming here anyway to see Jim. Logan was not amused by the little man. Looking at his menu, he said, rather accusatory "You know her partner is sitting right there?" My smile vanished for a split second at his feeling the need to point out to him that I am in a relationship, as if I was intentionally leading him on. "I told him already. He knows." I clearly state. I was offended that he interpreted my actions and friendliness as promiscuity.
The menu was expensive. Who was paying for these meals? Their boss entered and motioned everyone back to work. I said bye. The little man between Logan and I slipped out for work. I scooted closer to Logan as they were leaving. "So how are you? Would you like to hang out and catch up? I haven't seen you in so long." He made some excuse. His attitude towards me shifted. He was cold and... well, he seemed like those influenced zombie people from an old dream. In his view, my feminine friendliness was seductive and wrong, and I was now luring him into. I tried to make other arrangements around his schedule. He did not want to see me. He excused himself. Melissa was acting the same way toward me because of my willingness to accept this little man into our entourage and let him hang over me. [Note to self: Strive to analyze these dreams with the same perspective you are shown having in them. When I awoke I feared it was trying to tell me I am still being overly sexual or attractive, a trait my dreams have cautioned and corrected me on many times. But I was simply seeing things differently. I loved the friends and new friends, male or female. It was others around me that were twisting my compassion and love into a sexual thing because of our genders. As I do my Skin Project trying to desexualize the skin and familiarize people with real examples of the human form, not just the greek gods and thin models of our visual media, I have had to remember my message will not be received well by everyone, and many people will adulterate it.]
Analysis: I believe conservativist religion will lose its place as people ascend and qualities like tolerance, expression, honesty, love, acceptance of what we are become realized. Jesus showed much affection for all his disciples. He hugged and kissed them. They even expressed jealousy for why he favored Mary Magdalene over them at times. Touch and physical expression is not immoral. It is more direct to stimulating the brain's pleasure centers than mere talk. If someone is so driven to express their love in touch, than the receive believes it to be a substantial amount of enjoyment to be in their company. Why were people unaccepting of this little man's expression of affection for me and my willingness to let him show it. I didn't want to have sex with him. It has been difficult for me to reconcile this belief and lean toward open expression because touch is too associated with sexual desire. I am extremely affectionate with my child, and with friends who are also affectionate (very few). But I never know where their line is. Is it wrong that I just want to touch people, and share in making one another feel appreciated and enjoyed? Am I muddling the issue?
As far as how this answers my previous post's questions: There were no cars that I could see. Just the fact we had to walk was interesting, made me wonder if we were drunk and decided to just walk to where we had to go. One scene earlier answered this and I can't remember.
Maybe the cause for celebration is for those of us who realize our old vehicles are no longer needed and no longer polluting. We are happier to walk, but we also have a faster way of travel? Teleportation or light speed running is what it feels like. Maybe it's not that our vehicles will become animate, but they will become temperamental, in that they won't function right, and be more dangerous to be in because of their unpredictability. That was what that scene earlier felt like. We were trying to get into a car and it was distorting or changing shape while we were in it, like it was alive. It wouldn't work though.
Twice I was traveling across the border of Idaho and Oregon when my car's electronics went haywire. I thought my car was suddenly breaking down while I was going 70 mph on the highway. I figured it would start slowing down. Just as quickly as they went haywire (all lights blinked on, dials rose to their peaks) did they all turn off, then come back on as if nothing happened. Like my car was reset. Literally. The clock started back at 12:00 default. My speed kept going. I don't even know if I lost speed. EM bursts are known to cause this kind of effect. Will there be a worldwide EM burst that makes vehicles inoperable?
Okay, keeping it simple and focused on the greater whole of people. If I am understanding this correctly, when can we expect this large scale EM pulse to happen when our magnetic grid, or whatever allows our electronics to function, goes haywire making our man-made electronic vehicles in operable? Will it happen at the same time of the severe rain storm alluded to in many of my dreams? What about older vehicles that do not run on electronics. Will they be affected too? They are the real gas guzzlers. Will this be a deliberate event or an unintentional event or a natural phenomenon? Will it be caused by the sun? Will it result from a change in our magnetic field? Will this pulse harm humans? How will communicate with distant people to check status and prevent anarchy? Will vehicles no longer work how we've known them to because of a progressive change in Earth's vibration? Machines are interesting in that they are functional, movable yet inanimate. There are no other self-automated, mobile objects in nature that match this kind of illusion of life. Can you provide me confirmation that this analysis is accurate.
Dream: Walking with a friend uphill in a neighborhood. Some house look a little beaten down. Grass is yellow and brown here and there, with some streaks of green. Sunny. Maybe summer? Early morning after a night partying or dancing. Her friend Melissa is the same person I knew from elementary school who passed away years ago. She is keeping her distance from me. She is angry, but whatever her issue with me is doesn't seem big enough to warrant her behavior. She won't walk by us, keeps gesturing back like she wants to be lude and is holding herself back. I am still in a calm state of mind, as I often am in my dreams, a peaceful, composed, sure of myself, compassionate, helpful attitude. Probably who my inner self truly is.
We meet someone along the way, a small man, who is also trying to get to where we are going, a building on the hill where he works. He is taken with me. I invite him to join us. The ease by which he attaches to me and wants to show affection or appreciation is endearing to me. He is not inappropriate, just wants to hold my arm as we walk and hum pleasantries, lean his head on my shoulder. My friend was hesitant to bring him along and I said "Nonsense, why not." We come to a kind of fork in the road where either way we see the beginnings a lush green field/lawn and propped crops dotting and outlining the lovely field. Which one holds the building on it's top? We can only see the bottom of either hill because maple and oak trees block our way. I just choose one. We walk toward it and start to see the buildings at its summit (not more than a few hundred feet in elevation from where we were at the base of it. I thought it wasn't the right one until our companion said "No its right. See? That tower is near where I work, and that building is my work." I have been here before. I have seen that oddly shaped tower before.
We arrive inside, go up stairs to a restaurant where all the employees are eating. My partner works here and is sitting at a booth across from where I sit with my travel companion who is still clinging to me. I explained to him as we were coming up that my partner works here so be aware of that. He didn't seem to mind. An old friend from college, a buddy of my partner, is in town visiting and we sat right next to. "Logan?! I haven't seen you in so long!" We were delightedly to see each other. I explained I was helping this guy get to work since I was coming here anyway to see Jim. Logan was not amused by the little man. Looking at his menu, he said, rather accusatory "You know her partner is sitting right there?" My smile vanished for a split second at his feeling the need to point out to him that I am in a relationship, as if I was intentionally leading him on. "I told him already. He knows." I clearly state. I was offended that he interpreted my actions and friendliness as promiscuity.
The menu was expensive. Who was paying for these meals? Their boss entered and motioned everyone back to work. I said bye. The little man between Logan and I slipped out for work. I scooted closer to Logan as they were leaving. "So how are you? Would you like to hang out and catch up? I haven't seen you in so long." He made some excuse. His attitude towards me shifted. He was cold and... well, he seemed like those influenced zombie people from an old dream. In his view, my feminine friendliness was seductive and wrong, and I was now luring him into. I tried to make other arrangements around his schedule. He did not want to see me. He excused himself. Melissa was acting the same way toward me because of my willingness to accept this little man into our entourage and let him hang over me. [Note to self: Strive to analyze these dreams with the same perspective you are shown having in them. When I awoke I feared it was trying to tell me I am still being overly sexual or attractive, a trait my dreams have cautioned and corrected me on many times. But I was simply seeing things differently. I loved the friends and new friends, male or female. It was others around me that were twisting my compassion and love into a sexual thing because of our genders. As I do my Skin Project trying to desexualize the skin and familiarize people with real examples of the human form, not just the greek gods and thin models of our visual media, I have had to remember my message will not be received well by everyone, and many people will adulterate it.]
Analysis: I believe conservativist religion will lose its place as people ascend and qualities like tolerance, expression, honesty, love, acceptance of what we are become realized. Jesus showed much affection for all his disciples. He hugged and kissed them. They even expressed jealousy for why he favored Mary Magdalene over them at times. Touch and physical expression is not immoral. It is more direct to stimulating the brain's pleasure centers than mere talk. If someone is so driven to express their love in touch, than the receive believes it to be a substantial amount of enjoyment to be in their company. Why were people unaccepting of this little man's expression of affection for me and my willingness to let him show it. I didn't want to have sex with him. It has been difficult for me to reconcile this belief and lean toward open expression because touch is too associated with sexual desire. I am extremely affectionate with my child, and with friends who are also affectionate (very few). But I never know where their line is. Is it wrong that I just want to touch people, and share in making one another feel appreciated and enjoyed? Am I muddling the issue?
As far as how this answers my previous post's questions: There were no cars that I could see. Just the fact we had to walk was interesting, made me wonder if we were drunk and decided to just walk to where we had to go. One scene earlier answered this and I can't remember.
Maybe the cause for celebration is for those of us who realize our old vehicles are no longer needed and no longer polluting. We are happier to walk, but we also have a faster way of travel? Teleportation or light speed running is what it feels like. Maybe it's not that our vehicles will become animate, but they will become temperamental, in that they won't function right, and be more dangerous to be in because of their unpredictability. That was what that scene earlier felt like. We were trying to get into a car and it was distorting or changing shape while we were in it, like it was alive. It wouldn't work though.
Twice I was traveling across the border of Idaho and Oregon when my car's electronics went haywire. I thought my car was suddenly breaking down while I was going 70 mph on the highway. I figured it would start slowing down. Just as quickly as they went haywire (all lights blinked on, dials rose to their peaks) did they all turn off, then come back on as if nothing happened. Like my car was reset. Literally. The clock started back at 12:00 default. My speed kept going. I don't even know if I lost speed. EM bursts are known to cause this kind of effect. Will there be a worldwide EM burst that makes vehicles inoperable?
Okay, keeping it simple and focused on the greater whole of people. If I am understanding this correctly, when can we expect this large scale EM pulse to happen when our magnetic grid, or whatever allows our electronics to function, goes haywire making our man-made electronic vehicles in operable? Will it happen at the same time of the severe rain storm alluded to in many of my dreams? What about older vehicles that do not run on electronics. Will they be affected too? They are the real gas guzzlers. Will this be a deliberate event or an unintentional event or a natural phenomenon? Will it be caused by the sun? Will it result from a change in our magnetic field? Will this pulse harm humans? How will communicate with distant people to check status and prevent anarchy? Will vehicles no longer work how we've known them to because of a progressive change in Earth's vibration? Machines are interesting in that they are functional, movable yet inanimate. There are no other self-automated, mobile objects in nature that match this kind of illusion of life. Can you provide me confirmation that this analysis is accurate.
Jan 4, 2013
Night of Oct 16/17th 2012
Dream: I am with my partner and childhood sweetheart in a group crowded close together like in a dorm commons area watching something on a large screen. I was less interested in what everyone was watching because I felt the message being shown was convoluted and brainwashing. I challenged its points out loud but with little focus on trying to convince them all of my knowing. Instead, I was enticingly climbing over my partner who sat on a couch. He matter of fact responds by saying "You're aggressive," without undertone, just statement, like describing what is happening. He, reservedly (or shyly) pulled back not wanting to act upon my public display. He was trying to be respectful to me as well, not wanting to take advantage of my over zealousness. But he also was surprised by my forwardness. I am like this in reality, but why was he so reserved? I felt I was pushing what he was allowed to do.
At some point we were watching a live play instead of a TV. The actors were portraying sinful people using stereotyped personas of a naughty nurse and smoking con man, etc. They themselves as actors were careful not to fully imitate the behaviors though. I focused in on a female dressed scantily with a fake cigarette noticeably taped to one cheek so it (poorly) appeared to be in her lips while she was turned profile, but it bounced around loosely as she moved. It was a musical with dancing and singing. The group of them all posed together for a song's climax, overlapping limbs and exaggerated gestures (like stage acting requires).
I went out through the back of the auditorium which was a high ceiling gym (like at a school), while the audience clapped. I came around to a side entrance where the female director was coordinating clean up. I said it was a great play (lying, I didn't honestly know what to make of it). She was grateful, relieved even, that I said so. I indulged her a moment with praise. There was a dog, shaggy gray and white collie they somehow used in the play and now was running amok back stage. I complimented the owner for their training skills, saying my dog would never have been controlled so well. She said he kept running away to play and run on the playground (yes this is a school then). I turned around toward the side street through campus people were leaving in small groups down. It was night. I am searching for my guys, wondering if maybe they just returned to the car without me, or if they were waiting in the auditorium for me. I turned the corner back to the entrance to the auditorium and was confronted by a group of 4 or 5 rowdy guys. They were laughing and cracking jokes, bouncing around one another before they turned their attention to me. One grabs my shoulders and says "Hey you're the one from the lounge with the big boobs" (apparently I had put myself on display back at the commons area to try to distract everyone from the false message they were being shown). "Hey look its the girl with the big boobs!" He shouted back to the others as they caught up. They moved in close and pulled me along to walk in line with them all. I felt they were trouble but went along with them without fear. I indulged their raw fixations and energies to appear reciprocal of their ways, but it was manipulation. Getting them on my side until we reached a more crowded section of the intersectings roads around the facility would keep them at bay from trying to harm me. I said "Oh you liked the little show I put on. That movie was boring, had to amp it up somehow." They whooped and laughed. We reached the crossroad where people were still getting into their cars and leaving. "But hey, I am so sorry I can't go further with you, I am looking for my guys. They will be worried where I am. Thanks for the chat," and hurriedly pulled away with a lot of patting, waving and cessation. I managed to slip away on my terms without them reacting aggressively and pursuing.
Ran into my childhood guyfriend eventually, who was wandering around in a contemplative state. Neither of my guys acted like who they are in real life. Because of this fact I have since referred to them as my spiritual body guards after they kept reappearing as similar stoic, passive personalities until they needed to act. They were both dressed in black, light armor. I was affectionate with both of them, and they didn't seem to pay any mind to my loving on them. They were more observant and evaluative of our surroundings. I pulled him into a hug irritatedly saying "Where have you been?" I feel the impression he is pleasantly surprised. "What you're shocked I was worried about you? Silly, you know I care about you too. We've got to find ... still. Maybe he's back at the car." We started walking with my lead, and him in close tow at my side. I explained what nearly happened with the boy band. "You know, I almost got molested by a group of guys excited by my impromptu performance earlier." I sounded accusatory, but felt he wouldn't believe me, that I was exaggerating their intentions.
We arrive at the parking lot trying to locate a familiar car. Very dark, lot lights only offered light within a specific radius. Most everyone had left. A figure here and there in the distant darkness. I found one of the cars but no one was in it. I turned around to search for the other one and noticed my guyfriend was missing now. I nearly panicked, searching around for someone in the emptiness of the lot. Then I awoke.
There was some scene throughout all this when my guyfriend and I ducked into a trailer for a moment to get warm and talk.
This is not the first dream of a play topically highlighting the wrong of sinful behavior. They are pointing out my indulgent sexual feelings as being animalistic and of lesser vibrational energy. I have since been striving to shift how and for what reason I express my sensual desires as less about raw physical selfish pursuit and more for expression of love and understanding, for healing.
At some point we were watching a live play instead of a TV. The actors were portraying sinful people using stereotyped personas of a naughty nurse and smoking con man, etc. They themselves as actors were careful not to fully imitate the behaviors though. I focused in on a female dressed scantily with a fake cigarette noticeably taped to one cheek so it (poorly) appeared to be in her lips while she was turned profile, but it bounced around loosely as she moved. It was a musical with dancing and singing. The group of them all posed together for a song's climax, overlapping limbs and exaggerated gestures (like stage acting requires).
I went out through the back of the auditorium which was a high ceiling gym (like at a school), while the audience clapped. I came around to a side entrance where the female director was coordinating clean up. I said it was a great play (lying, I didn't honestly know what to make of it). She was grateful, relieved even, that I said so. I indulged her a moment with praise. There was a dog, shaggy gray and white collie they somehow used in the play and now was running amok back stage. I complimented the owner for their training skills, saying my dog would never have been controlled so well. She said he kept running away to play and run on the playground (yes this is a school then). I turned around toward the side street through campus people were leaving in small groups down. It was night. I am searching for my guys, wondering if maybe they just returned to the car without me, or if they were waiting in the auditorium for me. I turned the corner back to the entrance to the auditorium and was confronted by a group of 4 or 5 rowdy guys. They were laughing and cracking jokes, bouncing around one another before they turned their attention to me. One grabs my shoulders and says "Hey you're the one from the lounge with the big boobs" (apparently I had put myself on display back at the commons area to try to distract everyone from the false message they were being shown). "Hey look its the girl with the big boobs!" He shouted back to the others as they caught up. They moved in close and pulled me along to walk in line with them all. I felt they were trouble but went along with them without fear. I indulged their raw fixations and energies to appear reciprocal of their ways, but it was manipulation. Getting them on my side until we reached a more crowded section of the intersectings roads around the facility would keep them at bay from trying to harm me. I said "Oh you liked the little show I put on. That movie was boring, had to amp it up somehow." They whooped and laughed. We reached the crossroad where people were still getting into their cars and leaving. "But hey, I am so sorry I can't go further with you, I am looking for my guys. They will be worried where I am. Thanks for the chat," and hurriedly pulled away with a lot of patting, waving and cessation. I managed to slip away on my terms without them reacting aggressively and pursuing.
Ran into my childhood guyfriend eventually, who was wandering around in a contemplative state. Neither of my guys acted like who they are in real life. Because of this fact I have since referred to them as my spiritual body guards after they kept reappearing as similar stoic, passive personalities until they needed to act. They were both dressed in black, light armor. I was affectionate with both of them, and they didn't seem to pay any mind to my loving on them. They were more observant and evaluative of our surroundings. I pulled him into a hug irritatedly saying "Where have you been?" I feel the impression he is pleasantly surprised. "What you're shocked I was worried about you? Silly, you know I care about you too. We've got to find ... still. Maybe he's back at the car." We started walking with my lead, and him in close tow at my side. I explained what nearly happened with the boy band. "You know, I almost got molested by a group of guys excited by my impromptu performance earlier." I sounded accusatory, but felt he wouldn't believe me, that I was exaggerating their intentions.
We arrive at the parking lot trying to locate a familiar car. Very dark, lot lights only offered light within a specific radius. Most everyone had left. A figure here and there in the distant darkness. I found one of the cars but no one was in it. I turned around to search for the other one and noticed my guyfriend was missing now. I nearly panicked, searching around for someone in the emptiness of the lot. Then I awoke.
There was some scene throughout all this when my guyfriend and I ducked into a trailer for a moment to get warm and talk.
This is not the first dream of a play topically highlighting the wrong of sinful behavior. They are pointing out my indulgent sexual feelings as being animalistic and of lesser vibrational energy. I have since been striving to shift how and for what reason I express my sensual desires as less about raw physical selfish pursuit and more for expression of love and understanding, for healing.
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