Feb 14, 2014

Dream Experiments to Uncover Truth about Red Grid Mark Phenomenon, Part 2

Call and Response Dream Question posed after Skype interview with Michael and consent for joint dreaming exercise, January 29th, 2014: "Who or what came into my room on the morning of Dec. 2nd 2013, and what purpose was the electric field on my brain used for?"
Dream:  (Story length. Never a simple answer with these.)
I'm part of a small group of college aged men and women with vibrant personalities and energy. We all live in a dorm, school-like community together. We enjoy our time together, playing, teasing, talking, gossiping about crushes within the group. An entire dream sequence is entirely devoted to showing me the dynamic of this group, how they interact and how carefree they are. They are an athletic group, full of life and arrogance, but they love and look out for one another. We were happily engrossed in our social interactions. The men joked with each other and wrestled like boys. The women chatted and nagged the men, hung on one another like girls do.
I heard 2-3 of the men of our group talking emphatically about plans to change some perspective in our society they disagreed with. In excited bursts of dialogue, they devised the basis for their plan, all the while still teasing one another about how they phrased something. The details of the plan were fuzzy to me, but the sense I got was they were hoping to re-educated and be a voice against some part of the status quo.

Then an image appeared superimposed over the scene -- like a forethought or premonition, but as if I've seen it before and the memory was just triggered to resurface -- of the smallest member of their pack lying dead at what was the first casualty in a terrible war. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Then I saw the scene expand and all of them, all my men, and a hundred more, our entire student community, lay slaughtered on a battlefield they didn't belong on.

I suppose I figured to go tell someone else in our group about what they were talking about doing.
I return to the dorms alone where a bustle has the place alive with excited chatter. The media around our culture, beyond the dorm community, was a blaze with discussion and an outpouring of startling information. I looked on a girl in the foyer where a carpeted ramp and rail line one wall up a few feet to the hall with the dorm rooms. She was pacing slowly and holding her head while students all around were moving briskly to and fro after one another, gossiping about the latest topic I had yet to hear about. She describes watching an interview where the man of the hour has been the portal by which information on the truth of alien presences is being poured out for public preparedness. Big media was in full cooperation, spreading the story and all the bits of information to ignite thought in the public mind about this culture changing event.
"It's happening?" I questioned myself in shock. These people are talking about things myself and others like me reserved for private conversation, things folks in the alien community have been pushing for decades. Now, suddenly its on everyone's lips. Everyone is discussing it like its real and true.
The gal knew I had been asserting these same claims for some time, and recognized the news would not be as unnerving to me. Half talking to me, and half to herself, she verbalized her mental processes:  doubt to uncertainty, fear and concern, then acceptance and curiosity driven by the need to know. She was processing at an alarming rate. I was impressed by my people. They were handling this news remarkably well by using the same social mediums they're used to:  communicating with one another, stirring discussion, gossip. Some talked like it was the latest news about Justin Beiber, excited to share with someone else what they had just heard. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, the response, how openly the topic was being shared. People I've long criticized are making this repressed issue a reality. I felt tremendous relief and excitement. She said this was only the beginning, that they are saying the dissemination process will accelerate from here on. Students were both energized and overwhelmed, she being the example of the individual trying to cope with the news. She identified the movement by name as Disclosure, and I about jumped out of my skin in disbelief. My consciousness was so confounded by the events unfolding before me that my desire to immerse in this experience grounded my awareness deeper into the dream, making it feel as though I were sobering up into the dream's world. I was no longer half-observing, half-present in a dream body, I was concentrated entirely in my avatar's self so I could fully engage with the gal and extract information from her as if I were my waking self.

I sought my group to tell them the news. I came across an acrobatic girl from our group, and a roguish male who were both sitting on some raised wooden structure. I asked where I could find a member of ours that has demonstrated interest in being an intimate partner with me, so I can tell him and his buddies something important.
Two others members of our group are preparing for their wedding. I was trying to get away to inform our other male members that their plan will go horribly wrong. The bride and groom and everyone was oblivious, carrying on happily with their simple strides toward bliss. I wasn't critical of them, I was considerably sad that their efforts to make life beautiful and meaningful were in ignorance of something that would render all our efforts for happiness pointless. Our community will perish if we continue with their innocent plan for change. They need awareness, to know about the power they are up against.
A malevolent presence approaches me suddenly, in pursuit of me. My friends don't recognize him as a threat, but I sense he wants to enslave me to him. He believes I was promised to him as a gift, that he had some claim or right to me. He had sexually exploitative plans for how to use me,  so I ran. I climbed and jumped around the community, which now felt like a habitat and market area inside a larger facility or dome; we were enclosed in our happy prison and this guy was from the outside, or knew the truth of our prison.
I felt my only salvation was to find the guy from our group that cared for me. I dropped in hiding behind two members of my group I came across. I explained someone was pursuing me and I needed to find my love interest. He won't approve of what this being tried to do to me. I see my partner approaching in the distance, and feel urgent relief, willing him to hurry. Even if the other presence reaches me before he can, I know my partner will ward him off. My partner calls out "Hey, what are you doing with him?" I explain he is touching me inappropriately. The presence backs off as my teammate draws closer, though my teammate made no direct show of aggression or disapproval.
The encounter is over. My teammate continues on, talking with his buddy and moving away from me. I'm safe again, but wait. There was something important I needed to tell him. What was it? The disclosure? No, not the immediate priority I wanted to tell him. I feel a great helplessness sink in and remember the scenes of freshly slaughtered bodies across a hilly landscape. The sky and horizon are tinted brown like rust, or blood and dirt. I recognize then how saddening pointless even my own excitement about him liking me is. All our preoccupations with hooking up, with joking, and playing are all distractions from a greater problem that renders what would be great, simple lives of learning and exploring, absolutely useless. Except, we were setup from the beginning to fail.

The connotation of this message seemed to apply to the very nature of our human existence. We are here as students, but the sick joke of our design and programming is that an opposing force is driving us to fail in wasted energy. A power has influence on the conditions of our world and we let it have that power because we aren't aware of it. And precautions are built in to ensure we stay oblivious so it can continue to have influence over our existence, namely that we die because of our naivety. We arrogantly confront the design of the status quo preserved by this unseen power.

This dream was very similar in message to the other dream with Michael's questions in mind. I don't know if this is an answer to his question, or a reflection of his world view, perhaps both. However, it is curious to me that both resulted in many similar elements:  the prison, distractions of life, forcible removal of a vessel or false sense of security, humans as innocent beings oblivious that they are in a prison, a deceptive presence that executes their removal. Is there anything I might learn by comparison of these two dreams in answering the question what is happening to Michael? Why is he targeted? Based on what was represented in both dreams about this question, I would say because he is caught on to the programming, or the prison aspect, that he is on the outskirts of society in terms of thought and questioning. He doesn't accept the status quo, is paranoid by nature and thus stands out as a target. Being farthest from the herd makes him a target for a predator. I was depicted in that dream as being on the sidelines of the game, exploring intimacy with a young love interest. Only when I ventured away from the football field where the man in his car was assaulted by a father and kids (false projections), did I also become a target. I managed to prevent extraction from my car though, whereas that other man did not. To be clear, that other man did not identify as Michael at all. I believe he was an example of someone who sits alone out beyond the crowd.
Along with asking Michael's question, for a more personal connection, I also asked to understand Michael's encounter experiences, which may have affected the resulting dream.
What makes me believe this is not a product of my own imaginings, opinions, ideas, or troubles? I don't know, it's hard to sort out those elements. More likely though is that the dream was a combination of both him and me working in tandem. Interfacing. I can't get around the similarity of messages and circumstances that two incredibly different scenes, circumstances, settings, stories, and characters produced.  Does that mean our personalities create a particularly strong idea?
In response to his direct question, the controlling presence, a lackey of sorts, that I felt had claim over me was closely symbolic of the presence Michael described. I believe the dream was showing me its place in the grand scheme. The presence had no true figure, like the other characters did. I can't tell you what it looked like, even though I'm sure I interacted energetically with it. I don't recall it actually having a body, so much as a presence of intent and personality. The kind of interaction it had was strange, not exactly touch, so much as an impression, as though his mere intent could create the sensation in my body of what he was wanting to do physically. In place of direct physical contact, was the manifestation of his intention felt in my consciousness. But when I thought to say "It touched me inappropriately," that statement felt inaccurate. It hadn't touched me, yet it was still invading its desires into my consciousness. There was no precise action of cupping a breast or pressing a limb at any opening. I simply felt his desire to freely explore my body with little regard for how it might affect me psychologically. It had no regard for my personal boundaries. However, it was not aggressive like a human predator might be, blatantly penetrating that bubble to spite the restrictions this bubble places on his desires. Instead, there was a curiosity, devious in the kinds of acts he wanted to do, but not devious for the sake of being devious. It was invasive, and unpleasant still for me, just not aggressively forceful. Still unwelcomed, and thus forceful, but not violent.
How does he relate in the larger scheme of the dream? The presence ended up being a distraction, a deterrent. Somehow I provided him entrance to being his active pursuit of me, because he only came after me and thus entered my awareness after I learned about the pointlessness of my boys' cause. I had to deal with him before I could continue the mission of warning my boys. It threw me off track. How did I get away? I sought a character I believed wanted me for himself, but could respect my freedom of choice, and appealed to his possessive and protective tendencies to save me. By doing this, I also realized I was confirming that character having priority of claim to me. I was indebting usage of him as a scapegoat.
Interview with Michael via emails Jan 30th - Feb 2014:

J: “What these two dreams I've had with you in mind have provided us is another set of eyes to describe elements one set of eyes, especially the ones so close to the trauma, may have missed or can't quite see from your vantage point. I never have dreams where the presence has gotten that close to me. A malevolence of a similar nature, sometimes taking the form of a mist or ethereal dark giant that is shapeless or can manipulate its shape, usually though it is an onlooking presence, existing all around and yet not concentrated enough to manifest for direct influence -- a very real reflection of evil's place in my life. As I've stated previously, I usually get away from this presence. If there is a being that engages with me as that one did, it has a humanoid form and is essentially occupying consciousness with someone who has a body -- in other words, evil working through a person rather than a formless being.”

M: “It's interesting that you got to experience something of that malevolent presence. I think that the more we try this the more clear things can become. Some of the contents of your dream might have to do with your own sifting process that has to happen before discovering whatever it is we can discover in the context of the dream. That's just my speculation but research is research and there are generally things that have to be set aside and nuggets of information retained for the bigger picture. I'm guessing that the portal into my experience will be your own sense of empathy that you have for me. Similarly, I have to engage with my own self-compassion and not just try to be a cold objectivist in this. I'm willing to take responsibility for the fact that my experience of these beings has a lot to do with my own humanity/animality and is not necessarily reflective of them or their intent. On the other hand, I do believe this has been a genuinely traumatic series of events and I can't discount the possibility that there is evil at play. I wonder how much this is all connected to my nearly messianic (perhaps grandiose) sense of destiny given that one of my recent experiences was connected to the dream idea of helping millions of people. I'm OK with these events continuing as long as I can begin to gain some sort of handle on them and a greater understanding of what's going on. I have a terrible sense of responsibility about trying to discover some truth that humanity has been ignoring but I have trouble understanding what my place in the world is and how integrated I want to be into the culture….”
J: “My dreaming responds most easily to my desire to help someone, so yes you are right about my empathy being a large factor in this ability, but I often see things very different from what I presently thought and wondered or suspected, sometimes 180 degrees off. Because of that persistent result, the theory I work with is that I am receiving signals, information from those targets (people in my life) I concentrate on wanting to help. There are dream studies in telepathy that support this very argument. It helps me understand others, what I might provide them, where they are in a situation or given state of mind.”
M: “Well, my remembered dream for the night consisted of me picking up trash at a highway intersection near my childhood home.”
J: “That screams to me there is indeed a family history element you may need to investigate. Cleaning up used up perceptions that are sticking around from childhood, yours or ones in your family. How often do you interact with your parents? What is your relationship with them? Do you feel if you were in an emergency that they would be there for you? Why or why not do you feel that way? Have you asked them about their lives before you were born? From their lips, how did they try to raise you? Most parents had good intentions in mind when they answer that question, despite how it felt to the child(ren). How much do you know about them as individuals?”
M: “The main thing I've been working on for the past approximately 9 years has been my family history or the way I internalized it. I'll try to answer your questions.                              
How often do you interact with your parents? Not often anymore. I no longer communicate with my dad (omitted link). He's extremely smart, but a narcissist of the highest order and very abusive. I see my mom and step dad on holidays and a few other times and do some limited electronic interaction. It became apparent in the course of my therapy that I needed to be very careful in how I interacted with all of them.

What is your relationship with them?
Distanced but cordial and we can have good conversations but it feels a bit synthetic because I know they can't ever see me as an adult or truly own up to their abuse. I don't need them to own up their past treatment of me but for their sake it would be required that they do that in order to see me more clearly.

Do you feel if you were in an emergency that they would be there for you? Why or why not do you feel that way?
My mom and step dad would be there for me, in very limited capacity. They've always been pretty poor so they can't do that much in terms of physical help. There was never a real feeling of safety or security in terms of a safety net, emotional or otherwise. They would listen if I needed to talk but they're not very conscious individuals and not worth going to, unfortunately.

Have you asked them about their lives before you were born? From their lips, how did they try to raise you? How much do you know about them as individuals?
I've heard lots of stories and there have been many discussions about all of their lives (cept for my step mom who doesn't much factor into anything). My mom and dad certainly had some strange UFO encounters and were even friends with [name omitted] for a time. Supposedly my mom and dad experienced a teleportation incident that saved them from a wreck. They divorced shortly after my birth. It's hard to know what to believe from my dad as he is very prone to self-deception. He claimed to have been abducted by aliens along with my mom and sister. He also has some genuine photographs that he's taken. He was physically and emotionally abusive to all his children and my mom. She was also abusive herself as many women attracted to abusive men are. They, of course, offer the normal platitudes and excuses that many parents offer. We did the best we could, etc. My mom and step dad could never fully own up to how harmful their physically abusive and ultra-fundamentalist Christian parenting style was. I don't remember what all they said but they still live in idealization of their own parents and can't fully come to terms with what happened to them and so they have no way of realizing the effect of their own actions. Everyone has mellowed out to some degree and my mom, to her credit, has renounced much of her religiosity. But, like so many other abused people, she can't truly question the family cult she was raised in. By this I mean the unconscious web of lies that is spun and inculcated into a child from an early age. Truly questioning it all seems like an enormous betrayal unto death. The wounded child inside of such people remains far behind in the entanglement of lies, whatever their progress in intellect. Maybe you've read Alice Miller who has spelled this out so well. I'm the only one of my siblings to truly question this all and begin to break free instead of just rehashing it all into militant atheism/skepticism (my brother) and living in an unfulfilling situation and feeling like a martyr (my sister). My family is still a sort of cult that now relies on cloying sentimentalism to deny emotional and historical reality. They've all grown somewhat as individuals but not to the degree that I can have truly authentic interactions with them. The road to hell is paved with parental good intentions and my road out of hell has been paved by my own hard work to discover my own honest truth that is apart from the cultural/religious sentimentality about honoring your parents and the unspoken demand to accept their introjects(?) as reality. Like you, I have an unwavering desire for truth, whatever difficulty or disillusionment it might bring….

So, yeah, there is a strong element from the past still operating in my life and my dreams periodically remind me of that. They also remind me of my continued progress in breaking free from it. It's been a very perplexing and reality shattering journey. How much it is connected to my marks, strange nosebleed and seeming levitations, I don't know. It's become apparent from several dream-type experiences that I am capable of inducing sensations in my own body. I've mentioned one to you before. Last night I felt like I had a low-intensity orgasm but it was obvious a little later that hadn't actually happened. There was a sense that I had initiated this feeling in my body though….

The only extended family that I have any real relationship with is my Uncle on my dad's side. Interestingly enough he was a professor of parapsychology so I guess this sort of thing runs in the family. I have friends but no one at this point that I feel I can or should rely on. I've put it out into the universe that I'd like a real Friend or two around here. There are friends and there are Friends.

J:  (Written to self, and emailed to Michael) “I wonder if I can help Michael by making claim to him until such time that someone else comes along whom I can relinquish partial care to (i.e. another woman). Perhaps he is needing to trust that someone wants to protect him. Do I honestly want to see his encounters stop and potentially be the catalyst for their cessation?
Yes, in lieu of other experiences. I think these encounters are distracting his abilities, and occupying him away from exploring other types of beings and places and experiences. I would love to be a companion in his spiritual travels. In fact, that was what I dreamed some time ago. Hand in hand, like children, we confronted a supreme darkness, and we were calm, thankful for our connection, even if we perished.
For the purposes of our spiritual journey, “Michael”, and for whatever it might be worth to you, I hereby claim you Mine in the name of Light and Love, and Cooperation for the betterment of our human souls, until such time that you wish to be released from my wings. You are an amazing person. I relate strongly to you and fantasize about a time when we can backpack and explore a wilderness together, while we talk about aliens and conspiracy theories, and enjoy the beautiful mysteries of our universe. My spirit loves who you are. I want to work and sacrifice to help you find peace, safety, and strength. I cannot be everything to you in body, but I can be anything for you in spirit. Use me as the Angel who tethers you to light, who erupts into the darkness of your encounters with my army of representatives of light. Let me welcome you into my fold. We want to reclaim you, our prisoner of war. We will need you if we are to fight the deception, manipulation, and control over our world. I can't name who the 'we' are of that statement, but I trust they're there, I feel them and bring them in line for our mission to assist. Let me in, draw comfort from my extended wings, and FIGHT God Dammit! Use that pent up testosterone. Overcome whatever psychological warfare it has you under! Fucking fight, and surrender no longer! You can analyze it from a distance later! Balls to the walls, I want to see you fight this! You're mine now, and I will not allow some unidentified, cowardice entity to lay claim to you without your approval!”

M: “I very much appreciate and accept your offering of protection and your companionship along this journey. I tend towards being a lone wolf but I know I also need connections with similar souls…. Engaging with you and your intelligence, curiosity, and warmth has been transformative for me.
I'm fighting! Sometimes I just feel that I don't know how or what to fight.

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