Swimming with the Fish

Finally! I achieved swimming in the water with creatures of the non-localized ether ocean (beings that travel beneath normal space). This marked another step in exercising my abilities and expanding the limitations of consciousness travel. Prior to this, I was always depicted swimming on the surface, and strictly warned again and again about the dangers of submerging completely in the waters of the ocean without knowing where I wanted to be, or having any sort of lifelines to tether me. The lifelines my subconscious used were my two childhood family friends whom I explored life together, and simply the childlike joy of wanting to explore. Bizarre individualized fish creatures wandered into the area myself and my close friends (I refer to one of them as my adopted sister, and the other, her brother, as my childhood sweetheart in other posts, to illustrate the quality of our relationships) were exploring. The water was shallow, never more than twelve foot deep, clear and bright, and the sand white and clean. Only three fish beings came through our little area before continuing out into the greater ocean, where we didn't wander toward. Our perimeter was set up to the edges of the raised sandy bottom.

Discovering My Missions

Summary: Three dream sequences interrelated to defining roles I falsely believe will provide me satisfaction, while helping me envision a setup that captures the truer essence of my joy and purpose; how my desire to belong is misunderstood and hinders my ability to carry out my soul missions; highlighting one's strengths in a creative and fun way with a Character Sheet. 

I've needed a way to define what my missions are in life at this time, and what I'm wanting since I've been dreaming a couple nights lately of just the type of setup that would make me rather happy. Those two dreams featured me as a member of a group, led by someone I respect and seek the approval of. We are a community team of maybe five people handling strange jobs, though I don't understand the purpose. I just know I thoroughly enjoyed the tasks and the community was minimalistic. The sheriff at the police station, a good friend of our leader's, entrusted us to locate three missing white llamas that were reported escaped. These were special gifts for an exchange to take place as a sign of good faith with another community. They meant peace for our town. I drove around determined to find them. We searched through the dirt roads and streets overrun with grasses so that only the tire tracks marked the paths. I found one, Martin, and loaded him into the backseat, where he lay down. Another I sensed was being unrightfully claimed by a patron when it wandered into his yard. These llama were valuable, a prize to catch for a lowly farmer. One another was already caught by one of our teammates. I heard (information download style because it was not by radio) that this last one was being claimed and I felt comfortable to negotiate with the farmer with honesty of the situation, trusting he would relinquish claim for the good of his community. I was disappointed these other two were found before me, as I wanted to earn our leader's praise for catching them all. Still, I was satisfied to find the one right off and help negotiate for the third.

Spirit Walking

It's late, already 7pm and the sun is down, but only now is my family ready to go on a day trip to the mountain. I'm emotionally desperate to revel in nature that I don't care how late it is. My father expects we will just sleep in the vehicle when we arrive since it's so late already, but it won't hold us. A small train with two cars pulls up and the whole side of one car strips back to allow us entrance. The inside is divided into compartments. My dad says we are each receiving assigned roles and titles. I can sense the unattached frustration in his manner. [The dream a few days ago featuring him cleaning the debris and junk out of the yard showed him with the same attitude. I have not seen my dad in over 6 months. But I suspect he is reaching a turning point in the state of his life with regard to the conditions of his home and the lack of motivation and forward movement by the household.] This was a suggestion I made to him in email about how to lead by assigning titles and clear roles that utilize their skills, so the focus is on contribution to the whole and feeling valuable. He assigns us with letters, though, not something I recommended or was familiar with. I am assigned "A" to mean second in command, assistant to the leader. My sisters each get a letter following that. Then, my partner, he calls him Mulder from X-Files (haven't even gone through 2 seasons of the show, but the concept of two partners like Scully and Mulder have been included in my dreams before to depict that kind of investigative relationship), gets the same 'A' assignment. I am relieved, because he was sitting in the end compartment and would seem to get the last letter. But my father recognized his usefulness and his importance as my teammate.

Along our train ride, trouble strikes. A highly trained thief and assassin had stowed aboard. She is dressed in a red chinese kimono dress with very short sleeves. Her hair is black and pulled back with a stick. Lips that classic red that covers only the immediate center to look like she is puckering all the time, and powdered white face. Long dangly earrings.

Quenching a Thirst

Summary: Symbiosis with a sexual spirit;  Awkward intimate encounter set-up; Surface of water as an intermediary between dimensions; Obsession with water; Quest to learn how to travel inter-dimensionally with body and soul joined; Cattle mutilations supplying evacuation planets for Earth's people.

I'm carrying around an attachment to a sexual spirit that I may have invited as a type of walk-in to teach and explore with me this body's sexual impulses, needs, and nature. It is called regularly when my hormonal cycle reaches a certain stage, and it demands I yield to let it settle the built up energy. It very well could be feeding on it in a symbiotic relationship. I once dreamed I was a vampire starving myself because I didn't morally approve of my biological nature to feed on humans. In a desperate act that overtook me, I fed on a human I was supposed to be in cooperation with. The act was sexually pleasurable feeding on the muscle above his collar bone. I was abhorred with myself when my higher brain functions returned. Worried I killed the last human I ran to the upper floor, only to be greeted by zombified humans. Not wanting to be infected, I fell out a window. I was redeemed, able to to join the survivors in a peaceful, post-apocalyptic society by the ocean. In this respect, it would seem I fought this demon before, and now am able to carry it around in cooperation. Is this the dragon I fought and have absorbed in successive lifetimes?

Couple nights ago, I dreamed I had intimate relations with someone from my elementary school that I knew of up and out of highschool, whom I never had interest for, so it was awkward at first. But we still connected and found we had an appreciation for each other that allowed us to express it, though we didn't ever really interact throughout our school careers together. But what's more interesting that highlighted this scene of the dream in my memory is that we met in a boat on a dock to be together. We just lay down in the boat. And I had the sense that some other figure was present who was facilitating the exchange, like the figure led me to this boat to be with this old acquaintance. It felt setup; there was a pressure or expectation that we were to lay with each other.

Interdimensionality

In my research and intrinsic motivation to understand the fabric of reality and its relationship with perception -because it is key to explaining how beings are able to manifest, or phase, in and out of our dimension/reality/space-time line - I came across an account detailed in a book by Ruth Montgomery "Aliens Among Us" (which always ignites the tune to "Angels Among Us" in my head), in which she relays her correspondence with a contactee and walk-in who identified the visitors his son first encountered as Kantarians (so they called themselves). He told Ruth they are 'interdimensional' beings rather than from our own space-time continuum. They are one race who has guided Earth since our beginnings and are devoted to helping us through an eventual cataclysm, as they have done before. "Itan informed that he and his friends were from another planet that existed in another dimension. They had visited Earth for centuries and had attempted to make some contact with humans, but found most of them to be too manipulative and selfish..." (pg 91).

My subconscious fleetingly thought "I still don't understand interdimensionality" and moved on, without dwelling on it. The feelings was a simple truth that surfaced for an instant than subsided. I didn't pay much mind to it because it has been a piece of the enigma I have been trying to comprehend.

Last night's dream let me experience how this interdimensionality feels, in order for me to understand it. I understand through psychological experience, visually and immersively, thus dreams are a perfect method for my learning. I'm in a small group of at least two other women (mothers from my waking life). We are skipping through dimensions all based on the same outline. Not the same space-time, each dimension is its own space on its own timeline, however, it all features the same setting outline and the same colony of people as outlines. They are each independent, but similar. Only way I know to describe it is to take a page from a children's coloring book and copy it. Give ten different people and children a page and let them color it. Each will be unique, but ultimately it is based on the same template or outline, just colored differently. Each dimension is based on the same template of a building and a culture of people. But the culture, dress, personalities, details in each dimension is 'colored' differently.

What is Telepathy

Telepathy is rooted in empathy. There is no thought communication without compassion and awareness through surrender. By surrender, I mean the relaxed calm of participant observation rather than imposing will or resistance; being open and curious to whatever truth/reality might come in. Telepathy is the ability to connect and thus experience another living being's profound or strongly imprinted feelings, ideas, and experiences. You bear witness as a participant and observer in their experience that has made them what they are. You feel their pains and joys without judgment, surrendering your own life for a moment to share in theirs. Rather than following through their life moment to moment, the time and place you experience is decided by magnetic attraction. That is, whatever you are wondering about them, you are taken on the journey to demonstrate the answer. Say you wish to know about archeaology as it relates to water erosion, that creates a magnetic charge. An appropriate person matching the charge requested is attracted to you, especially if they too could learn something from you. For a thought to be seemingly imposed onto another person, that creature must be so strongly concerned for the receiver as to care more for them than the person themselves realizes they can be loved. The being transmitting is summoning sensations and possibilities already present in the person, they are simply drawing it to the surface like a magnetic force.

What is a Gift of Need? - Part 2

I also dreamed the night of July 29th 2013 about being too hard on my little sister for wasting the pie I made from scratch when she was just trying to offer a gift of friendship to Jim's older sister. I couldn't reconcile my compassion for her wanting to make a friend of Jim's sister, and my own frustration at how she ignored the gift I provided by casually discarding part of the pie. I argued that she didn't respect the time it took me to make that. I do have selfishness with my gifts. While she was willing to cut it up to fit the preference of the person she was trying to comfort and show friendship for.

Red Marks Cases - "Michael" Testimonial #1, Part 2 with Latest Theory

Summary: psychological factors; abduction dreams; similarity between us in UFO dreams; family history of abduction; trouble in bringing self and outside world to acknowledge the real effects these experiences have on the individual's sense of safety and control over their own consciousness; empowering the mind to regain control as a participant thru fair dialogue, if not purge itself of the negative source; marks as clues to our ability to manifest physical effect?

"I flared up, felt angry and resistant at this intrusion. I had the sense that the entity was showing me that nothing much had changed. Almost like they had a handle on my primal emotions or I didn't have control."

- alias 'Michael' on his attempt to reclaim control over his sleeping consciousness

The following is continuing email interview with "Michael" dated May 20, 2013:
(Continued from Part 1)

Entity Exchange Program Visualization

Summary: Illusion in the sky; Disclosure conference with ET guests; Call to citizens who've been studying interfacing to help; Reunion with my mentor in different form; How would we prefer disclosure?; my brainstorm of a preferred transition for public to acknowledge, accept or deny, and possibly integrate and exchange with entities from other worlds, times, and dimensions.

Power of Imagination, and The Ultimate Unknown

Summary: Week's worth of dreams -  
Water/snow theme needing more investigation even after channeling discovery of it representing "same gene pool"; dark force mist invading my town and a test in the creative power of belief and imagination; thrift store theme, now toy store and a lead toward next Level up in spiritual abilities; stretching space and thick area effect like a black hole (portal?). 

Red, red, red

I have been depicted as 'the girl in red' in recent dreams. Well, the following is a dream from last December with a woman in red and red-skinned beings. 

Night of Dec. 7/8th 2012

Wandering about a junkyard. There are buried tables under sand that are still useable and look new. Furniture on display. I am outside but darkness around the area until treeline, and sky is at sunset. No overgrowth, just sand and dirt and flatness. Link is playing on a toddler push car. I call out re-directions once a while to him. (Second-hand furniture lot? Makeshift goods lot after a disaster?).

I lose track of him, my son, while looking around at items. Panic. Searching, calling for him. I erupt into an opening where I can see the sky. Link is unconscious AND (somehow) awed at the sight in the sky. I gather him up. A human shape and a cow in a light beam are suspended high in the air above the trees. 'An alien abduction! I'm witnessing one!' I think to myself. Two hand lengths to the right in the sky is another figure from the torso up waving at me. I say aloud "It's waving at me!"

My perception zooms toward the being and now I am on a ship with him. I immediately voice my first concern "Did you do something to my son?" I ask accusingly. It pauses and simply shakes its head. "Oh." I said, knowing it was being truthful. My mistrust was on display. I quickly changed my attention to the fact I was on a ship with this human-like creature. They were tall in simple robed dress. Large heads. Same facial features and appearance as humans, but head where brain juts out is double the size, close to the elongated craniums from archaeological records, but not quite as long. No hair, skin tone is reddish in color, and more veins visible subdermally (not bulging). Skin looks the color of a flushed caucasian, but all over and natural state. These are either our ancestors/galactic roots, or future humans. They look like what an older human might look like if we didn't age, whither and die, but kept growing. Taller, bigger brain, more veins, still smooth texture. Everything else physically the same.

I am seated by an older woman who is wrinkly. She says "You don't remember me do you? I am Jen, the woman you saw at the party collapse. I had to come back here." "But you were younger, a beautiful blonde in a red dress (which she still was, just older now suddenly)?" I was stunned and excited seeing these pieces of research and rumor come together in this vision. At some point I had been in a different time line seeing through her eyes, trying to effect some change at a party before collapsing to the floor and people all around me/her. Funny that her name is a variation of mine.

More individuals were coming aboard. The Elders (as I have called the red-skinned talls) were organized, silent mostly, telepathic perhaps, coordinating so many people and things. I respected their calm, yet deliberate actions.

I sat near a door to a small room at one wall of the craft on a bench with a human male. We discussed what the rooms might be, agreeing on time traveling units. An elder opened the curtain in front of us to let a little blonde girl sit by us and told us to explain to her what's going on. The girl stared at me expressionless, innocent white face with doll like short blondish hair. I know her. I've seen her before. How do I know her? "Shouldn't we explain what's going on?" I asked my chatty male companion. She was the same girl I talked to in another dream, the only one who received my message when I veiled myself. Why is she significant to my dreaming? Who is she? My unknown daughter? She's maybe 8 years old.

He explains briefly to her about time machines and the Elders as best as we know. I say it's going to be okay, that others went in and came out better than before so it must be safe.

We each went into one of our own rooms. Doors closed. Room began to shake violently. Put my head between my knees. There was a time paradox here. I went and did other things but know I came back, like a dream within a dream, just not sure if this was perceived immediately or after the events.

Our doors opened and we were all covered in gold dust sparkling on their heads and shoulders like it fell on us like rain, and we all shared the feelings of awe and joy. There were many of us I could see through the walls of our rooms like the walls and ceiling of the ship became transparent and looked out into space. Were we linked to one another now? Were our abilities awakened? Were we returning in unison from a time travel episode?

Next, or preceding scene, I am in a car on a grassy hill with Jim (my spouse/partner) overlooking Erin and Michelle (old friends I fell out of) entering onto a field and into a transparent gateway or cloaked ship with their kids and spouses (they have kids and spouses?). I wanted to say helo but couldn't decide to bring Jim or not. Didn't feel it fair to exclude him, but figured they'd respond better if he weren't joining me. Should I bring Link or leave him with Jim too? I couldn't decide and thus couldn't seem to will myself to get out of the care before they disappeared into the field.

I ran after them only to find some of their abandoned stuff in a room (not sure spatially where I am). I am fixated on Michelle's stuff, a few books and diary on a white desk. White everywhere. Transparent walls with cloudiness, like the light is emanating from the wall material itself, but brightest around edges. One book in particular has a cover that shows images of the classic devil icon (red skin, horns). The title is referring to how the concept of the devil has been connected to all things fun and misrepresented as sinful, like in sex jokes; how the devil has become a symbol of humorous fun at the expense of moral seriousness. Lies perpetuated by false ideas of good and evil.

My understanding is good is all about happiness, passion, enjoyment, paired with other attributes of graciousness, consideration of others. The book was written with a comedic tone by the author whom the dream was branding a son of Satan. I wanted to open and read a bit of it because at this time I was struggling with how religious perception of good and evil may be corrupted. Everything available to us like sex and alcohol are neutral, how we misuse them is what determines their connotation, and how we restrict others to partake of them when it clashes with the personal exploratory desire to. I've wondered because Lucifer was supposedly a beautiful being, how the ugly, scary image came to be associated to him, and could that have been a deliberate manipulation to instill fear in us for this kind of creature. I was being held back from reading it thoroughly, though I wanted to. I have seen this book in my dreams before. It was important enough to repeat.

Next, or preceding scene, I am with a band of three other military type individuals as a unit on a battlefield. Two warring factions of large, animal shaped animated machines are closing fast on our position [I dislike war, why do I keep seeing myself involved in it]. Think mech techs from video gaming that resemble different animals but animated with souls. Their eyes and mouths glowed with anger and consciousness.

My unit was trying to disable them by hacking into two fallen animal mechs, one from each opposing side. They were a threat toward us humans too, some spotted us and charged us so they could have the satisfaction of fighting their war. Such bitterness and hate. Side of mammals had been wronged by the other side of dragon-like. My unit's mission was to stop the fighting, regardless who was right or who wanted revenge. Humanity was endangered by their bitter war.

I could coordinate my group's activities based on their skills from a holographic interface that appears over my vision like a video game menu, but it does not pause the action when I bring it up, so I must make choices quickly. I hoped to catch my breath by bringing it up, overwhelmed with anxiety about the situation.

We rigged one fallen mech. As were heading to the other, the charging fleet of mechs on one side steered toward us to intercept. We were surrounded. We posed a greater threat to them than each other did. Both sides diverted their attack to keep us from deanimating them.

Today, June 3rd 2013

My sister has recently divulged to me how she has always visualized the imaginary being I call Darian when we were young. She saw him with a red aura. This struck me as crazily coincidental. My image of him derived from the place I got his name: that show Sailor Moon we loved as kids. How is it she saw such a drastically different being, though I shared my own description on many occasions. She said whenever I talked about him, she saw a red colored being that loved me with a father's love. I asked her to describe him more in detail:

-almost reptilian in that head has layer of scales upon scales, maybe more like a Klingon's ridges from Star Trek
-bat-like ears
-tribal markings
-pale red or dark red aura or skin tone depending on my mood
-protrusions like extended bones at shoulders, elbows, and head.

"Katie" I said "Do you mean to tell me you saw the Devil following me?"

"Well I wasn't sure how you would react to what I envisioned, but really I was upset for you how the image of the your Darian as that creature was misrepresented by people to be evil."

"But why red?" The color only has evil connotations in the religious community, though blood is red.

"What else is red?" She replied. She used to despise the color too because it was too bright and bold. It says alert, stand out, notice this, though she preferred the comfort of hiding, since she is a shy and unsure soul. In her research though, she found from Chinese myth that red warded off evil entities when children would be taken away, they wore red to protect themselves. Dragons became red in New Year celebrations because of its symbolic nature as protection from evil. Egyptians had a red stone accepted by people who were dying to indicate a calm readiness of their approaching death. It showed humble yielding to the cycle of life and death.

I had always wondered why I never saw Darian in my dreams, though the name Darian was just what I gave him, the imaginary presence of a loving, mysterious companion I could call on whenever I needed for whatever I needed. Even now, I hesitate about the symbolism. The human form I gave him was never quite right. I usually assigned him as a hybrid of three forms: part human, part dragon, part vampire. Very girlish, I didn't think much of it. But reptiles and dragons are in my dreams, vampires are in my dreams, even a three-form demon joined my party at one point with a human form, pale blue form with the same protrusions as my sister's description, and a red one I couldn't picture. The blue one felt more threatening than the other two though. Odd that the blue color would be the threatening one. My mind wanders on about how complexly I may have been manipulated, because I am more inclined to connect and trust a being of this type than I am a beautiful angelic form. At least the beast isn't trying to be deceptive by showing himself though others will fear and threaten him this way.

Why does it have to be a devil form? I couldn't open the book because I wasn't prepared (and still am nervous to) for the truth of my guide? His race may have been targeted to appear Yet I would more easily embrace him this way, than Jesus in his etheral body, as blasphemous as it is to say that. Perhaps even its clever reverse, reverse psychology. Frankly I don't know and I won't commit either way still, but Darian looking like a devil is not far from how he usually is represented in my role play exercises, at least as a dragon who is feared and hides in human form to not hurt humans by forcing them to confront something they will jump to preconceived notions and inherent fears about.

Neutrality. I am meant to protect, but not in war, not by hate-bashing another side, despite how corrupt or evil they are. Love is not a war, peace is not a war, unity is not war. Perhaps now I am ready to finally see the true forms of my guides?

Inter-temporal, Superluminal Vehicles

Date unknown, retrieved from Dream Tracking journal

In a laboratory, walking around like on a tour. There are scientists in white overcoats busying about, and large computers with colored lights and cords, technologies I don't recognize. The room is filled with a natural white light so commonly seen in my dreams that emanates from the walls themselves, or the windows were clouded enough to shield view of the outside and outside in, but transparent enough to let in light. Windows would have covered the front walls in two rows of large panels each panel 8' x 8' ft. Very clean room. Experimental projects room. A ladder leads up to a balcony that traces all along the opposite wall to the 'windows' that is lined with a railing. More of an observation deck to oversee the project hanging above ground on a large suspension from the ceiling in an extended area of the room.

Red Grid Marks Case Report #1: Jordon (previously "Michael")

Since writing the Summary of Symptoms on the Red Grid Mark phenomenon, the most visited post in my archive, other cases have been contacting me seeking answers to their own mysterious occurrences of similar marks. The following is the first case of a series I will be reporting based on email interviews.

I Know Who I am Channeling

Summary: Role as 'girl in red'; sponsored by teachers; holographic changes; determining how to interface with ET beings.

Citizen's Hearing on Disclosure Now!

You can still purchase livestream access or an archive pass for the Citizen's Hearing on Disclosure of the ET presence on Earth and with humanity. The hearing runs 9am to 5pm each day this week (April 29th - May 3rd) featuring more than fourty of the top witnesses and investigators from multiple countries on the issues surrounding ET interaction. Topics discussed aside from the obvious UFO research are military involvement, coverup efforts by black operatives higher than the president, how ET's are communicating and their telepathic capabilities, sciences yet undisclosed about antigravitic technology, interdimensional travel, free zero-point energy, the oil/petro scandal that keeps our country and world in chains and the macro-economic issues free energy means to those in power of the oil industry (Dr. Greer's testimonials and documentary "Sirius" talk primarily on this subject). This is not just heresay or conjecture anymore. Be aware. These courageous men and women covering this issue are grown weary from the fear and doubt they encounter from those unwilling to listen to the truth. We must step up and help them by spreading the word, bringing more and more people to the light of these issues. Begin by watching the hearing completely through to satisfy your own issues of belief.

Thank you to all the witnesses alive and deceased who have come forward to try and remove the veil from our eyes. Ready yourself for open communication with ET's. It's not a matter of 'if' but of 'when.'

Do your own investigations. Discover for yourself. Dedicate your thoughts to ponder the questions honestly that are raised in your mind. Logic and knowing will be your guide. Discuss it however you can, so long as it is coming to the forefront of our consciousness'.

Transparency

Night and Day of Jan. 29/30th 2013

Sick most of this night and day with lots of forced rest allowing many cycles for dreams.

Dreams: Running around an outside play structure. Feel the thrill of play like a child, but engaging in more adult kind of goal. Sparring game of elimination. Objective is to be the last one standing. Started off playing swords with different lengths of wood rods, not round, maybe hexagonal, cleanly made (no splinters or superficial irregularities), light tan color. Couple of us are showing off with them, pretending they are swords. Me and many guys my age are participating. We created the game after finding the rods. Quickly becomes a seek and destroy game. I strangle one, stab another, shuriken another (don't really kill, just imitate the moves and the kill is declared), duck in and out of the structure. I climb around acrobatically, swiftly. I try not to be seen by the other players pursuing. I choose carefully when to run, when to strike, all with a confidence that I have a wider array of skills and resourcefulness. I use the structure as cover and to confuse my opponent males who cannot as easily maneuver in and out, up and down the structure as I can. Down to one other. Had to climb away. Don't let him see I had just finished off the last person he was stumbling onto the scene of, so he is made to feel nervous that I could already be nearby watching and preparing to strike. A few of our friends who didn't think they had the skills to participate are standing on the sides of the play area (bark dust ground) to watch and cheer and cast insults. I am doing very well. My last challenger will be difficult. He is the best. He did spot me, I had to keep moving through the structure, down onto the ground. I ditched my weapons with each kill. Didn't pick up another one yet. Being hot on me, I reacted using my fear to drive me to climb up two ropes of thick chains (once held up a tire swing perhaps). He wouldn't be able to climb after me. The people on the sidelines awed at my surprising strength for my seemingly limited muscle. Now I'm up here, how do I win? I can't come down, he is a burly guy with a sword waiting for me. I act quickly, rocking the chains back and forth to swing at him. The heavy ends knock him down. Based on our world physics, I don't know that that should have worked, but they reacted to my imaginings. I imagined the chains to be controllable enough for me to whip them fast enough toward him that he doesn't have time to react before they are right on top of him.

I find this phenomenon quite a bit in testing scenarios in my dreams, where the circumstances seem influenced or manipulated by my will. If I can imagine a particular outcome as the event is occurring, it will likely happen as I decide it too. This suggests again that consciousness does create. I want to know how much it is creating though, and how much is it just reacting to presented problems.

There is some cause for me to vouch for my abilites "You've seen what I can do, you've seen my skills are superior that I could have beat them all myself."

Next scene:  Rehearsing for choir. I have three folders; my music is separated between the different groups I'm in by color. 'How smart' I think to myself that I had organized them. Didn't remember doing that though, became apparent as I looked through each folder and the answer was provided to me. Which folder is the group I'm sitting with now? Still singing even though I don't have the music in front of me. Pay such close attention that I had practically memorized our pieces already. Need me to take notes and parts where that section is having trouble. I am depended upon as someone who is versatile who can do the difficult parts or where there aren't enough people to take and do them on my own. I can help others out as well, even if just for a few run-throughs until they get their part better. I enjoy my role, I feel valuable to the group and to the director. [This may have been the message my choir dreams were trying to get across to me, which I wasn't getting, and so have been repeated.]

Was doing something outside the class for a moment [where was I?]. Upon returning, director is standing outside away from class for a moment and asks to talk. He is having trouble and is feeling low in his abilities. I give him praise and reassurance.  He is pleased and uplifted by my words. He thanks me sincerely and with humility. I encourage him back to the class. I say I had to do something before returning, which he understood, some other duty I had to perform. I was looking for something. As he was about to return I jumped the opportunity to ask for his help in my search. I felt slightly manipulative that I asked a favor for my kindness, like it had a price, but I decided to utilize it nonetheless. He might have an item I saw on his desk, perhaps a file or paper that I needed to help my mission elsewhere in the school. He agreed and brought me in. I followed him up to his desk. The other students were curious why I was being allowed special privilege out of class. I suddenly become aware that I am clutching my chest because I am not wearing a top. My top half is exposed. Embarrassed I make sure I am covering my breasts up completely, but still feel I have a reasonable excuse that they should respect because of the other duties I take on. I explain away that I am half naked by saying "You saw what I was doing out there, I worked my ass off." Referring to my war game, I think. Somehow that made me lose my shirt? I was merely stating that to maintain my integrity in their eyes. I didn't really care too much though and figured they might not understand but they would still respect my unique situation. The teacher retrieved the item for me and I left. Someone else was with me. We were walking. I had to use the restroom before we went on. I directed us down the main hall, knowing this building layout better than my companion because it was my old elementary school.

In the bathroom was another female student (college age, like we all were). She was rather talkative. I sat to potty. The entire back wall behind the stalls was a black transparency looking into a dining area. People were sitting at tables eating like a restaurant. How odd. They could see anyone who used this facility going to the bathroom. Why are they there? I looked again to see two types of creatures, a bipedal deformed type with large eyes, unattractive in appearance, and a hairy one I couldn't distinguish as having any features except limbs. They had been in the parallel dimensional building behind this bathroom for a long while. The gal was going to leave but was forgetting something that fell out of her bag when she accidentally dropped it earlier near my stall. One of the prisoners behind the transparent black wall came into my field of vision through the stall in my realm to pick up the item she had dropped and give it to her saying she almost forgot it. He then retreated back to an ajar gate overlapping the dimension, where I sat in the bathroom, off to my back left. I should have seen the walls of my stall, but was actually seeing a gate in line with the back wall where the beings were looking through. The gal expressed disgust about the creature that helped her. I scolded her saying they are living beings too and deserve equal treatment. She shouldn't assume why they were there. I finished and needed to pull my pants back up. I accepted that they would just end up seeing my tush, stood and pulled up my pants without much humiliation. I just told myself I had a nice tush that I shouldn't be embarrassed about. Who knows how many beings could see through that wall.

The wall separating these two dimensions was like the see-through side of a one-way mirror, but without the mirror on the other side since they did interact with us and thus proved they were watching. They could go through their gate, so it wasn't a prison as I wondered. It was a gateway that generally is left closed but can be opened. Why were they watching such a private area? People would not react kindly to them, I imagine was part of that message with the other gal. I, myself might have some amount of fear, but never the kind of reaction she showed. I would be curious if I could overcome my fear of harm to myself and uncertainty of the creature's intent. So you can see through walls then. I figured. We don't really have privacy and that would certainly unnerve people. I don't mind. As long as you study us with good intention and no desire to hurt us, I don't mind. What are you studying us for? Just general information or more specific things? Would you introduce yourselves to me more directly in my next dreams? What is your relationships with any of the other beings I have been contacted by? Heheh. Why are you so hairy? Body temperature regulation?

Fluctuating Star, Part 2

Originally posted 1/23/13

Regarding the star I reported on seeing through my shitty telescope before, I met with a local astronomer who borrowed his museum's (where he works) impressive digital-movement-controlled-by-a-remote telescope to observe more clearly and closely one of the objects I have been wondering about.

I can spot it in the sky easily now, being as prominent as it is. I show him the video I am basing my search on of the Berlin star. He immediately states the movement through the colors effect could be resultant from the filmographer's use of a digital camera that tries to digitally clarify a zoomed in object. He suggested it was trying to clarify a few pixels of data, creating the shifting colors. I do understand what he is talking about, but the object in the videos show odd behavior for only being an attempt by the computer to clarify the twinkling light of this object. There are times it looks like a grey and oval target beneath the colors and apparent lines of energy fluctuation (an observation which I posted a comment about on one of those videos).

Outside, when I pointed out the star, he easily identified it to be Sirius, one of the closest star systems to us. In the telescope there was no color spectrum, just black and white spectrum (something about our eyes not being sensitive enough to see the colors because of the way the rods and cones in our eyes are). I didn't say anything, but subconsciously took note that it looked like a ring that quivered like it was on fire, which was an obvious effect of atmospheric disturbance of the light. But it stood rather stationary, not shape shifting as much as the Berlin object was, like I thought it would be.

This astronomer was matter of fact, little thought to question what the books and general knowledge says something is. I felt rather put off by his lack of imagination, his quickness to discount my theory. I asked him many questions. Unexpectedly, he mentioned the strange mist that was setting in the area and implied that jets are dropping chemicals on the populations affecting their minds. Chem trail conspiracy theory is what its referred to in this area, and I had not given it much thought. "Well one conspiracy theory to the other, you consider mine and I'll consider yours? Take a closer analysis of the videos and you tell me, based on your experience and knowledge if that object on those videos is just an effect of digital zooming." He laughed, but I got his attention. I also have pondered over his idea more considering if maybe chem trails are even to help pull people out of the illusion, rather than the ill-intent opposite theory. Regardless, it was the saving grace for showing me even someone committed to only the physical world of observances had a trace of imagining and wonder.

He and his girlfriend were not the most social people. They were content just playing on their computers; I felt like a distraction more than a guest. So I made my leave. [I brought him a good beer, and her juice, soup and tea because she was sick as reciprocity for letting me come over and see through the nice telescope].

In the car, expecting my disappointment to be borderline erupting, I sat in silence letting the natural workings of my mind sort of the contrary information that threatened my constantly wavering ability to believe. I tried to do so without forceful thought, just sat patiently separate from the process. The feelings were both there and right. Yes it is Sirius. Yes it is a portal. How can it be both? Was that miraculous comet coincidental, not meant to encourage me? Am I wanting too hard to find something tangible? [Without that comet I would not have given this much other thought, but the promise it brought gave the event of me spotting it first with my telescope the weight I needed to keep debating.] Both could be right. It could be a portal and Sirius. Oh. It could be a portal to Sirius. Makes sense that a wormhole would be in direct line of sight between point A and B. NASA already announced the existence of micro wormholes, so conceivably we could already have full-fledged ones to nearby stars.

In this case, all those bright twinkling ones I see at each corner could be to the nearest stars to Earth. We see the portals, but behind them are the stars astronomy says they are. Its a possibility.

Synchronistic Comment

That same day, after a year of no one ever responding, some random person replies to my comment on that video "you are right." That's it. He joined earlier this month, no activity, no profile or photo, just the username "godsees thinkaboutit". Maybe I am being paranoid thinking someone is monitoring my progress [can God get on the internet? Is he my stalker?], but it just felt too coincidental yet again that this day of all days when I was most on the fence after seeing the astronomer earlier that night, that someone would say "you are right." I wrote him a message asking for his identity, questioning whether he was simply stating his agreement that there does look like a portal, or that he knows from privileged knowledge that indeed it is a portal and was giving me confirmation.

The same thing happened when I posted about being in the area and suggesting it would be a perfect place for a crop circle when the Washington one appeared. Some guy with no information simply says "So it was you..." I again tried to question him but no reply came back that I was notified of.

[If anyone has any info on this user, please let me know.]

Even if it is a portal, what can I do with this information? My astronomer friend made it clear traditional astronomy wouldn't believe me. I have no proof; I have no technical expertise to find proof. Frankly there are other things I would prefer to explore. Anything further with this portal idea will have to come later in time.

Exploring Multiple Dream Theories

These theories are based on the material of dreams I have had and heard from others so far in a wide-scale attempt to understand what our dreams are, why they occur, rather for what purposes they occur.

1) Life is a training ground for spirit agents (potentially us/humans). We are choosing our sides, determining who we are and where we stand on the grander universal spectrum of either service of others or service of self.

2) A way for some body or organization, either with good or selfish intentions, to identify ideal personalities for recruitment, either for activation in dreaming realm, or for eventual recruitment in physical realm. Choices in dreams and/or physical realm would be monitored for assessment of progress, ability, and stance. (Compare to #1)

3) Faith testing and development.

4) Product of leaks in current timeline from alternate timelines that have been reversed and manipulated again and again leaving trace memories in our souls that surface as dreams when significant events in those other realities coincide with the day or events that happened triggering the dream/memory.

5) Communication with other humans - producing the remote viewing or astral projection sense - with animals, aliens, divinity, spirits, dead relatives.

6) Tuning to thought waves, events, energies of past and present of anywhere and anyone in time and space (Compare to #5).

7) Means of implanting ideas into unsuspecting humans. The physical world being the only realm of existence is an illusion (Matrix) and in dreams the unaware soul of that body can be manipulated or influenced by spirit creatures that feed on fear, anxiety, confusion (parasites in this sense), or to help guide the individual toward wisdom, love, confidence - essentially their ascended self.

8) Subconscious self working to bring whole self to an enlightened state where physical, spiritual, psychological dimensions of self work in unity.

9) Some complex combination of all the above. Any particular dream, sequence, or scene is one or another of the available options.

Night of Jan 9/10th 2013

 Note: I may not be in the right mindset to analyze this dream because I am so frustrated with my partner yet again coming home so late from work. I can't make it any clear, I can't show any more understanding. I've tried to be considerate, that's all I've been doing. But damn it your work does not define your love for your family, being with your family does. Pressure from work, or pressure from me, unfair right. But I make it a point to help make everything else easier for you. I hate that I am even at such a point where I feel I need to list them all again. Its a job that requires you to work later than average, I have accepted that and made adjustments in our schedules and lives so that its okay. But when our agreement is for you to be home by 6pm for dinner so I can write and you can have baby time, prove you do care more about us than your work and impressing your bosses. I am not unreasonable (as I kept trying to tell myself I was being). This is just ridiculous. [See next posting for essay on how an ideal Earth existence would be as suggested by the dreams where I am living separate, which I will note, I wrote before this all exploded today, yesterday when I was in a very calm place.]

Dream: Jim and I are in a beautiful hotel room filled with a glowing warm light of colors you'd see at sunset. The room itself is shaped like a plus sign combined with an asterisk. One small arm is a transparent material ceiling to floor like glass walls that let in the colors of the sunset. Everything is white and clean. This must be another taste of heaven. We are in bed relaxing. I stand up chuckling at some crack he made. Two figures in black bust in, a female and male, one from either door armed with silencer handguns. She puts a round directly in Jim's chest, I try to run and am stopped before I make a full stride by a pop in my back that topples me forward.

My perspective shifts around. I am the female assassin. She is applying two shades of lipstick to make the desired color in the mirror at her dimmer apt, reveling in her kill. Her boyfriend walks in questioning what she's doing. He is offensive toward her, but she knows she is superior in skill and only lets him push her around because of loyalty before she got into the business. His appearance and soberness is that of a stereotypical white trash deadbeat guy who makes his partner do all the work and take all the risks. She is going out to meet her contact in the lobby and celebrate success of her mission. She dons black, tight clothing. Somehow my subconscious likes to use stereotypes. I do not watch many shows that would contribute to the kinds of things I dream about. I watch Star Trek, not crime and acrobatic, over-sexualized assassin shows. Only thing that comes close is Xena. This analysis is brought to those who are curious if any visuals from my life are affecting my dreams sequences by the numbers.

This boyfriend grabs her suggestively to assert his dominance before she ducks out. She believes she is finally free of some obligation she made long ago to an invisible/elusive authority. Freedom feels around the corner.

She goes to the lobby bar of the hotel in which she assassinated the two (us). Bartender says their is a celebration coming. People are going to be gathering. [What are they celebrating?] She says she is here to meet someone, but exaggerates her excitement and interest in the festivities he mentions are scheduled for the day with an air of flirtation. "Not for you though. You don't get to celebrate." She halts. "What?" "You didn't finish the job." He is her contact. She leans in closer and lowers her voice. "What do you mean? I did my job. I got them both." "You didn't complete the job. The woman is pregnant and the baby lives." I, as both the assassin and the woman shot and pregnant, perceive the image of a fetus in the body of the woman on the floor beside her bed in a sort of zoomed-in, x-ray kind of vision overlapping what I see in front of me of the lobby and bar. "Damn it." She looks back to the contact. "You let him know I am finishing the job." She bolsters her certainty as prevention from her big boss sending a clean up man after her. (She didn't think those words, just had the feeling that she would be forced to relinquish her freedom in the field to work missions because she would no longer be trusted to complete her assignments. She would be eliminated the last moment before she won her freedom from the job overall.) She rushes off.

Back in the room, I am healed somehow, or didn't really get shot.. not sure how, but I got up and felt grief at the sight of Jim laying still where he was shot. He suddenly awoke as well. Shocked, I ask him how this is possible. He shrugged it away with some arrogant comment about how much more difficult it is to kill him. Bullet must not have been fatal was what I thought. He moved off the bed to me. We were both relieved to have survived but were nervous about the attempt. The assassin burst in again, her black clad obvious against the white of the room. Jim covered his body with mine as we pushed around the corner out of sight for a moment from her aim. He motioned me to leave, saying/or thinking it was not worth it for us both to die and logically being already shot (again, not sure how I wasn't all of a sudden), him being shot again would only bring about the inevitable and allow me to escape instead of us both dying. I sobbed but ran for the opposite door, knowing arguing would be a pointless risk of time. I ran through the lobby. The hotel and surrounding areas were alerted that I was escaping. Everyone suddenly became in on this task to kill us (reminisces of a few other dreams). I was switching back and forth perspective between the runner and the pursuing assassin.

Hotel's entire side is open to the air. A flat rock top blends from the lobby floor as a view point. Large rocks line the downgrade drop off the mountain top this hotel is apparently built on. Patrons are gazing at the sky after the setting sun. I run and jump right off the side, and roll down the dirt side of the mountain. The assassin involved the patrons in lighting bombs to throw down at me, convincing them I am a threat and need to be stopped. They all participate in throwing bombs. I find a ditch near the end of my momentum and fall into it, avoiding two bright explosions nearby that didn't seem destructive enough to be bombs because the explosion only spanned like five feet diameter making large circle of brightness and going out just as quickly. Without much affect around the brightness. I expected to see dust and smoke. Must not have been bombs like we know them to be. Assassin says "She will make a run when she thinks it is safe. Just hold your fire." When quiet for a few moments, I run again. I am able to evade the bombs miraculously.

Runner approached a tall, barbed wire fence with guards posted at exits. I sense the knowing that this is a middle eastern country. I wouldn't be able to maneuver my way past the guards and I couldn't climb over the fence before being shot down or caught in the spirals of wire. A way suddenly opened up for me, like a tear in space to another area. The tear is a vibrant blue whereas the area beyond the fence (what should have been what I was seeing but the tear was there instead) was the brown of the dirt. I step through into this scene of a little bridge over a creek leading to an outdoor round shelter like that during the song Sixteen going on Seventeen in Sound of Music. A group of people sitting in the shelter for a teaching or story invite me over. I hide among them listening and paranoid. Anyone around me could turn and be one of them.

Analysis: Problem with dreams is how many different ways of interpreting them. It could have dark connotation, it could have answers to my previous post's questions, it could be experiences of another life or another existence in a real realm we go to when we sleep, it could be deliberate or random creations of my brain without any structured attempt to mean anything worth considering and analyzing at the depth I do. Or, like this blog is all about, it could be clues to greater questions of our existence and beings beyond ourselves and abilities beyond our physical limitations that we can choose to ignore or explore. This is my ongoing battle: ignore or explore. I wrestle with it every week. Why can't I just dream about lovely things. Why must I be so doubtful and wishful of greater mysteries that I dream in metaphor. Am I both the assassin and the woman who was living in relative paradise with her partner? Is that demon from before a part of myself? I have been sensing the need to embrace my masculine, confrontational, confident side since my search into realizing an enlightened state has focused me a lot on my feminine side. There is a benefit to bringing that demon side along as a balancing force for what we are in this physical existence. I have been trying to overcome it, as if that is the goal to reaching a higher state of mind. Really I should be trying to accept and love what I am. The dark side of myself is still only trying to find a freedom from the ruling power that holds her. She is told to kill what is essentially her good twin (since both are me) to achieve this victory. But she is wrought with fear as well, she just controls it better than the other twin. I am striving for a cooperation between the two. Again, though, how do I reconcile the part about my dark twin that uses her sex appeal to her advantage... yes that is different from my message of open expression of love without barriers that society and religion and this existence of living with doubt and fear and jealousy impose. Yes, I know that is not the same thing. That I do not use on those I care about, but as a skill to create necessary change or missions for good (dirty work if you will). I have had missions before where I have done this and known that I am an agent for good, and it is a skill to use only where necessary. So then my issue is about turning that off if and when I see my childhood friend. He is like a stranger to me, and yet I feel connected to him with a compassion I want to offer to him more than anyone I have felt ever could benefit from patience, and understanding, and touch, and love coming from me, this vessel. Next challenge is all the other 'patrons' that my dark side convinces to participate in the bomb dropping on me. I don't know what I did wrong in the dream, why they were after us. Why were they after us? Well, in my waking reality, because no one wants to hear the kind of message I am trying to send about love. But if I am to fight for this idea, I need to trust it enough to do it, right? I am afraid of this. I am afraid of hurting people without meaning to. I can't control that.

What was significant about me being pregnant and the baby being a threat to them? The baby didn't feel like my current child. Was it a sign I am pregnant (I hope not)? Was it a metaphor for the seed of the message I carry?

Note: This entry written day after title, on the 11th.