Oct 18, 2013

Discovering My Missions

Summary: Three dream sequences interrelated to defining roles I falsely believe will provide me satisfaction, while helping me envision a setup that captures the truer essence of my joy and purpose; how my desire to belong is misunderstood and hinders my ability to carry out my soul missions; highlighting one's strengths in a creative and fun way with a Character Sheet. 

I've needed a way to define what my missions are in life at this time, and what I'm wanting since I've been dreaming a couple nights lately of just the type of setup that would make me rather happy. Those two dreams featured me as a member of a group, led by someone I respect and seek the approval of. We are a community team of maybe five people handling strange jobs, though I don't understand the purpose. I just know I thoroughly enjoyed the tasks and the community was minimalistic. The sheriff at the police station, a good friend of our leader's, entrusted us to locate three missing white llamas that were reported escaped. These were special gifts for an exchange to take place as a sign of good faith with another community. They meant peace for our town. I drove around determined to find them. We searched through the dirt roads and streets overrun with grasses so that only the tire tracks marked the paths. I found one, Martin, and loaded him into the backseat, where he lay down. Another I sensed was being unrightfully claimed by a patron when it wandered into his yard. These llama were valuable, a prize to catch for a lowly farmer. One another was already caught by one of our teammates. I heard (information download style because it was not by radio) that this last one was being claimed and I felt comfortable to negotiate with the farmer with honesty of the situation, trusting he would relinquish claim for the good of his community. I was disappointed these other two were found before me, as I wanted to earn our leader's praise for catching them all. Still, I was satisfied to find the one right off and help negotiate for the third.

The other mission was an object retrieval from the waters off the local dock (sea or lake). We were suited with diving gear [finally my first diving dream, as I have been hoping to have because of the potential symbolism it represented to me, see dream post Quenching a Thirst about interdimensional travel through the ocean of consciousness and nonlocality; I even paused at the doc while I suited up to recognize with excitement that I would be fulfilling a stage I had been seeking in my waking investigations, in other words, I fully recognized I was in the dream world and was consciously acknowledging the success these retrieval dives meant for my waking self. I existed in two states, both were me, both real, and for that moment of breaking the fourth wall, both were intersected and whole]. We made brief dives under no more than ten feet to scour the bottom for the remnants of a manmade device that had broken and landed here. Again, I hoped to find it first and receive favor in my leader's eyes. Someone else found it. My disappointment didn't last too long. Instead, I would help retrieve it. We pulled up a rectangular section the length and width of my torso up to my head with obvious burn marks across the bottom where it must have broken. Curious to know what it was, I examined it as we rose it out to the dock, but there were few distinct features or engravings, except for one circular part in the center of one side. I stared at it until my foggy perception for dream detail cleared up and helped me identify that it was likely a handle resembling a yinyang or two spiraling comets or nautilus shells (without the inner spiral). The core of where each spiral is looked like it was propelling forward were more raised than the tails so you could grip and turn. Looked more stone than metal.

I yelled up to the dock as the skyscraper looking device was passed on that there was a handle on one side.
There were still other fragments we had to find in these shallows. Whenever I submerged it depleted what would be my oxygen in the physical form, but was more like my resolve and faith in the spirit world. Being under the water stripped away my confidence so that fear and imminent capture by that evil omnipresence (see Lego Land on Water) flooded my focus. We had to replenish our strength . The portal in the toy store dream clued me in to this phenomenon early on, as the water hopping dreams have as well, that this evil omnipresence consumes more easily when I am submerged in a space it resides, but that would mean it resides most strongly in the infinite ocean of non-localized particles where interdimensional and interluminal travel would be instantanous. Why is it concentrated in the ocean? My dreams are my kingdom, residing as a restricted section in this ocean, but their is many connections in and out. The solid Earth itself, is a specialized section for humans to study in with limited access in and out, both for our own safety, and for the safety of those in the non-local particles ocean (see dark energy and dark matter for more info).

These missions, and my role and duties were perfectly what I wanted. Small missions of intrigue and adventure driven by a grander purpose of peace, protection, and modeling communally beneficial values. Can I find this in the physical world?

The subsequent dream provided a realistic contrast to how my energies are misguided in my waking life toward roles I am not skilled to play. I was depicted backstage of a play. The experts, highschool friends in Drama class, playing the main parts of the production had all arrived for a fun overnight gathering in designated cabin rooms. I couldn't make sense of the role assignment cast list or the rehearsal schedule. I may have missed my rehearsal, but it seemed like I was actually part of a different play for the elderly that was using the same stage. I was struggling just taking care of my son, and trying to figure out what I was supposed to do, when another little boy, playing with Link, climbed on me with a poopy diaper. Figuring this boy is one of the cast member's, I take him to a secretary coordinating information for the play, who assumes I will handle him by directing me to where the boy's diaper bag is. Diaper duty. This is what I was reduced to.

This scene was overlapping with another sequence where I was surviving with a group in a broken house against an invading, larger group who wanted our meager supplies and to force us into their pack or else we would be killed. We refused to surrender and tried to peaceably negotiate, with no success. I resolved to attack with what we had, even at the expense of using those same meager supplies against them. We threw glass bottles, unwilling to relent the future of our rebooted and splintered world to rule by brute force. Our little group should've been no match for them, but I was cunning and dedicated to die instead of allowing them to absorb all the small communities scattered around in the aftermath of societal destruction.

I can't act on a stage, nor remember empty lines. Yet I wanted to be part of the glory of that production. I struggled to understand the schedules, blurred to my dream eyes. I read one part accurately:  I was being charged to pay some $2000 worth of equipment and personal affects by accidentally writing that I had checked out those things, when I thought it was a sign-in identifying what was already present in the room when I arrived. What I figured was a verification to clear me of any responsibility should one of those items be stolen, had actually caused me to be committed of irresponsibility. The note said to either return the items or pay their worth. Here I was barely given a part in the production, not welcomed with the rest of the cast, and somehow further in the financial hole. I pored over the documents. A man showed up whom I mistook as the person who owned the production house. I hoped to explain to him what happened and that those items should still be exactly where they were. The notice I received was just going off the check-out sheet I had mistook as a verification sheet. The meager part I would play was not worth this trouble.

Analysis: I keep trying to be part of an effort, a staged production, I have no ability for. These two dreams depict to me a difficult concept of where the balance of motivations for the self versus good of others lies. You must have personal gratification in the success of your goal if you are to help others. My desire to belong, a lifelong battle for me in religion, social norms, external expectations, if fulfilled by (in this depiction) achieving a dominant role in the cast of the play, would be a shallow, ultimately unsatisfying success. I would find I don't belong with them and that I was overly motivated to be part of something I didn't fit into just to say I fit somewhere and was important to a large production. I want to be part of something amazing, but my something amazing isn't a something to be a part of yet. My mission won't be to conform into something already in existence, but to lead and create something others will want to be a part of. And it will be something I am passionately invested in.

First step in being able to carry out my missions is to identify, and thus focus on, my strengths in a clear framework to be utilized on the job. To depict my strengths as important assets toward mission success, I wrote a mock character sheet for myself outlining my abilities and skills. It was a fun way of learning who I am, a tactic familiar to me from my youth when I explored myself in different character classes.

Character Sheet
Codename: Crystal

- Abilities -
Creativity/ Imagination
Empathic perception
Representing others
Healing magic
Musical skill, interpretation, affect
Mental Constitution
   Type - Multidimensional, Creative consciousness, hierarchical with branches, etheric non-solids abundant

Universal Connection Class:  Dreamer + Great Spirit Channel
   Liaison - Soul partner, alias "Darian," non-localized, omnipresent form
Skill levels/abilities - Translation; Info download; Two-way communication; Training/Prep; Investigative; Deceased human summoning; Prophecy/Trend and Relevant Info Sensitivity; Remote viewing; Creature channeling
Spiritual Job Class: White Branch - Role cycling (Infiltrator, Warrior, Rogue/Spy operative, Protector, Navigator, Student, Motivator)
Mission Success Rating based on progress
Current Missions:
   1. Reform societal views on intimate connection, expand freedom and scope
   2. UC Class Rank Up to Manifestation in and out
   3. Generate popular and scientific consideration to existence and exposition of invisible beings in non-localized ocean of creation, via authorship.
   4. Raise a confident, empathic, compassionate, honest warrior for the people
   A. Wanting to belong despite mission parameters for nonconformity
   B. Sensitive to negative perceptions about self by others; Trouble asserting true self
   C. Often lacks humility where 'B' applies, symptom of 'A'
   D. Seeks approval from external sources at inappropriate
   E. Ruminating on doubtful topics

No comments :

Post a Comment