Oct 22, 2013

A Mother's Plea

I know that abductees recall their experiences as far back as toddler-hood. My son is two and a half years old and has been waking up crying and calling for me, hurriedly running into my room or too terrified to move out of his bed, saying in the few words that he has "Scared. Dinosaur. Scared." I had thought, he must be having dreams about dinosaurs. I asked him one morning about it "Did you have a dream about a dinosaur last night?" His smile changed to seriousness and he nodded in confirmation "Dinosaur.." babbling and
gesturing to his room about being scared and seeing a dinosaur. Now I have never shown him real depictions or dinosaurs. We read books from the library sometimes featuring cartoonish and silly dinosaur characters. How he could have made a connection on his own that dinosaurs are scary leaves me with a terrifying reality, one in which might be more than just a dream. On another occasion, when my partner was watching him, my son woke up upset. My partner went in and my son simply handed him the new little dinosaur stuffed toy (purple and blue, very cute and nonthreatening) his grandmother gave him two weeks ago. Then he laid back down and fell asleep again. Somehow, putting the dinosaur in Daddy's care, away from him and where he slept, was (I can't stop crying as type this).. As his protector, and given my absolute love for him, I have been resisting the idea that he might be experiencing encounters that I cannot prevent or save him from. All I can think to do is activate my own guides to fight for him and tell him that no matter what anyone or anything says, that Mommy loves you, on the off-chance that these dinosaurs would try to manipulate him away from me. I won't let them take away the foundation I have worked so hard to provide of love and support. It's important to me, given my own history of childhood abuses, that he feels protected, that he has someone present in his life to rely on while he is young.

He woke last night calling for me again. These late night calling were not normal. He would wake and simply come to our bed quietly, climb in and fall asleep if he wanted to. Lately, he has been terrified during those midnight wakings. I came into his room and he threw himself into my arms shaking violently, and peering around the room in confusion as though something had been there and he was afraid it still was around. It was not a disorientation of a kid who had woken up suddenly, he was alert. He wouldn't let me put him back to sleep, and I wasn't about to leave him. I asked if he wanted to come to bed with me and he wouldn't talk. Usually he would have been adamantly agreeing with that option. He simply shook, and kept lifting his face to look around the room. Now I hadn't fallen asleep yet when he had called me. There were no noises outside that would have startled him awake in believing some 'monster' or unknown scary sound was outside his window. There was nothing. Whatever he saw, only he knew it. I am very familiar, given the research I do for my book on imaginary beings, that the perception of contactees is manipulated or enhanced to allow them to see things others in the same room cannot, particularly non-terrestrial beings and seeing through walls or into another dimensional space of the room.

I brought him, still shaking, into my bed. Sat him down. He was shocked, he didn't know what to do. He sat there, whereas he would always curl up immediately in between my partner and I, and settle in to go back to sleep. This time, he whimpered and stared around the room. Something traumatic beyond a simple dream happened to my baby last night and he doesn't have the communication skills proper to describe what.

My research in my dreaming, as posted on this website, has led me to a series of ideas and conclusions about a predatorial reptilian race that feeds on sexual energies (see identifying marker DS1 on investigations page for posts on this theory's dream series and analyses). This was something I was not expecting to find, and is still something I am highly skeptical about. Just yesterday I talked with my mentor and neighbor, who said to me how amazing it has been to him since our first conversation, how everything I discover from my dreaming fits into his Morman literature "straight from the gospel", yet I did not know the literature, much less did I ever consider that my ability is a power discussed at great length in both books. I told him, though, as much as he and I have found my conclusions and understandings about the spirit world, the soul, life on Earth, to fit in line with what Judeo-Christian literature states, I am still hesitant to accept for myself some of the conclusions and ideas I'm persistently unveiling, particularly about the spiritual feeders. I said outright "If you knew some of the other things I've discovered, you'd think I'm crazy. Who would believe me? Who would not look at my evidences and theories and not say 'she's crazy'?" He agreed, he probably would. And thus is my resistance to accepting the darker side of the spirit world.

Did it take abusing my son for me to take you seriously?! If so, I surrender to that reality, take me instead of him. I beg that you take me instead if this is some sour manipulation to make me submit. What can I do to convince you to stop hurting my son?!

I know its more complicated than that. You very well could be doing these traumas to humans to trigger our growth. Adversity forces creativity and development for survival. Who ever said spiritual growth is all about peace and love. Spiritual growth has always been about struggle, enduring, falling to your breaking point, wishing you could die, surrendering. How else can you get a stubborn, religiously aversive, analytic mind like me to surrender except by targeting the one thing I vowed to protect. I have wondered if fate would be so cruel as to kill my son prematurely to test our relationship, our resolve, and in some sick way answer my silent wishes for certain freedoms or desires. I didn't conceive that you could do the same thing without ending his right to grow spiritually as well. Whether this is a higher lord's plan to use evil to effect change toward balance or good or whatever, I surrender. There is enough evidence by abductees and contactee encounters to support the theory of a reptilian race that feeds on human soul energy. Now release my son. I declare my exchange of sacrifice, for whatever its worth, that your tortures be placed on me instead of him. I will endure the horrific scenes, I've seen them before. Whatever you are doing to him, use me instead. I do want him to face adversity in his life, it builds character and empathy, but not like this, not so young.

[Examples of the evidences I mentioned in this plea are Jim Sparks account of gradual breaking of the abductees will, Elaine Douglas talked (Interview with Mike Clelland from Hidden Experience) about an abductee whose father put his fingers in her vagina on one incident in the bathtub and saw a reptilian being beside him who was deriving pleasure somehow from the scene. Elaine believes some ETs are orchestrating life events for some people in such a way so that the ETs are perceived to be the only ones who understand them to establish a following of loyals. There are innumberable accounts of sexual assaults, that was after all the classic set of claims that initiated the discussion on abduction. The man from my case study, nicknamed "Michael" is an excellent example of recurring sexual assault happening on victims (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and "Why are we being Harrassed...").]

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