Jan 16, 2013

Device in Portal, and Self Re-evaluation as Partner

Summary: Message from unknown technological device through a portal to a crowd; personal test in fairness with my partner; granted awareness of a personality type better suited to my partner.

Night of Jan. 15/16th 2013

Dream: Come outside, there's something in the sky, someone shouts. We look up to the daytime sky to see a large triangular object with rounded points in sky, looking no more than a few hundred feet in the air. There are two layers of colored buttons or lights and a circular light (not a button) in the center with the two layers. The innermost set of colors there were six, and numerous ones on the outer layer. It was a three dimensional object, we could see the depth of the center light being further into the object than the layers the buttons were on. The outer colors were not in spectral order, they were random, and were variants on the bolder colors (pale blue, orange-yellow, cinnamon, forest green, mud green) I wanted to think the center colors then were bold, pure colors that we see on the rainbow wheel, but I believe they actually were of the same palette of the outer layer colors. The background base material surrounding the buttons was white with black peaking around sides and likely covering the back. The triangular device was pulsing light, like the object everyone called Uranus in a previous dream.

A small town's worth of people were out observing the object. Even though it was day, I feel a dark cloudiness surrounding it. Perhaps that occurred later. I moved positions so I could see the text appearing and deciphering itself as it was appearing in the air below the craft like subtitles. The text was 3D as well. When I saw the object from the side by moving to the left to see the text clearer, I could see the object was on the other side of this opening in the fabric of space where it hung. There was rippling on the backside of the portal opening and sides. Its buttons were lighting up like it was typing the words into the air or it was transmitting the message through the portal and our world was translating the signals into recognizable language. The text was neon, very bright. There was a voice speaking from it as well, but was too faint for me to hear it clearly, even though I was not that far away compared to the swarm of others. Someone from the house I came out of called to the last person still in the house who didn't want to see what the fuss was to come out. It was important. This appearance was important. People asked what is it? I said "It looks like a Simon say's kid toy" implying the colored shapes were buttons. I said it a couple times, as if that was a key observation to helping us understand what it was. I immediately thought 'branch colors.' [Ooh, could this have been my first real clue as to what branch White is in their higher system of workings? White in this image is supporting all the other branches, opposite black. The object itself was like a yin-yang symbol (but as two triangles put together). White balances the black? Black was space exploration though, so work in the physical realm. White is spiritual or mental, the balance of the physical, then?] I also wondered in the dream if this device or the voice was God. The feeling I got in answer was "Not quite."

Another element going on at this time is my partner and I bump into a reporter who was out there reporting before the text started to appear. She makes some silly joke with the kind of humor I find annoying, which Jim makes all the time. She laughed with such humility and glee. Jim turned to me smiling and said "I like her." He liked her sense of humor, that she laughed so easily. He looked at her again, and turned back. "I would like to see her." I look at him. "You mean see her like date her?" "Yeah, like date her. She's got a lot of energy, and I could use that kind of easy-going humor in my life." "He said he's let me decide after the event we were witnessing." I looked down into myself. He did have a right to if I would ask him to be alright with me seeing someone else. But for him, he honestly saw something in her that I didn't have and craved it in his life. I mulled over it. He does deserve to be with someone who appreciates all aspects of his sense of humor and how much it delights him to get someone else to laugh. That is how he feels connected to someone. And I have given him such. I need to admit that I am also wanting something that helps me feel connected that it simply not in his personality to provide the way I want it: relaxed sensuality, the need to touch and explore my body. But is someone like her going to be able to have deeply intellectual conversations with him? Is some other guy going to be silly and chill like I do enjoy about Jim? This was eye-opening. I'm not as hot stuff as I thought, at least not in terms of best compatibility for who he is. How egotistical of me to have assumed all this time I was a lucky catch for him. There of course is another personality whose silly humor would be closer to the surface when with him than mine is with him.

Later at a picnic table in a corner under the hotel second floor balcony, a cheap hotel, I am scrawling my thoughts onto a piece of paper. Jim arrives and sits "Uh-oh, you're writing, does that mean you decided not to let me see her?" "No, I just need to sort out my thoughts first." He was thinking I was planning a speech how to let him down. The dream was poking fun at the fact that I do this, saying its ridiculous that I have to plan out how to break bad news to him so I can make it so he'll be in agreement. In the end I decided to just tell him "You deserve to have someone like her in your life to make you happy. Yes, go ahead and see her." "Including being intimate with her?" "Yes, you can have sex with her if it leads to that, but please be safe." We intended to still be with each other, he was just be fair that if I open the relationship, he should have the freedom to see someone else as well. We would still have sex with each other though, our family (son and dog) remaining together and living together most of the time. Eesh, that is tough. The thought of them together having a great time, her being a more ideal partner to him than I have been just made me ashamed and depressed. She became the walking epitome of what I am not, a kind of beautiful I am not. It would keep me in-line more, as it would him to know I had a second relationship too. I'd have more composure to try to show him more positive sides of myself, and be glad to do it. How did I end being the unhappy wife whose beauty and infectious energy faded? ... struggling with the role of housewife and raising a kid is how. Wait, I am not like that. I am still damn sexy and interesting and saucy... but yes not as freely expressive with laughter as I would like to be. She was also in the public's eye, a traveling woman working in the adult world. Blech. Done.

Next scene I am walking down a dirt road with my son. I am caring for him alone while Jim is off on his date. I am sitting in a circle with a group of young women and children. They are teasing a friend of mine. I scold them "Hey, stop doing that, leave her be. Just because you don't understand her doesn't give you the right to abuse her." I am mentally preoccupied with coming to terms with my partner being with another woman at the moment having a blast. I do want him to be happy. That is important to me. When I focus on that, my resistance to jealousy and shame strengthens. I was thinking in the dream I'd love to see him with another woman if she could give him a moment of happiness. But would I actually find the pure connection - they randomly found - with my childhood friend? Is it worth all this confusion? Maybe not right now, no.

Next scene: Sitting in living room at my parents house with them. The media is replaying coverage of the devices caught speaking around the world everywhere outside, so people indoors would make sure to know about their presence. My mother was nervous, headed toward denial that this was happening. I reassured her with my thoughts that there was nothing to be afraid of, but it would happen with or without her readiness. That's a tough reality to face. Not for me. I was excited for the validity their appearance gave me. I silently relished that I was aware of their arrival before most others.

Next scene: Exploring cave-in of a broken street that collapsed into the underground sewer system. Some of my party are on vehicles with little cover (like an open-topped Jeep Wrangler). I am walking, helping my son down the rubble so I can get closer to exploring the lowest point of the cave-in. Flashlights shining around. We are searching for something, an item of sorts. Water is draining and leaking in from all sides. Very slick. This collapse happened a while ago, we are visiting it well after it happened. There is a sense of urgency by those in the vehicles for us to hurry up, that there was nothing there and we needed to move on.

No comments :

Post a Comment