Jan 27, 2013

Night of Jan. 26/27th 2013

So many dreams! Argh. Complex messages.

Dream: First sequence - Driving around with Chris, Shantey, and Otus (children I grew up that were friends of my family whom I am still close with today; like adopted brothers and sisters in many respects) with intent to pick up items our communal family of relatives needed back at the house, a house I have never been to nor know where it is, but we did ride on bus or tram at some point getting back. Momentarily afraid Otus would be left behind, tried to delay the bus so he could catch up. He did. Maneuvered through a neighborhood back to our house. I went to their upstairs neighbor who was watching my son, I think. I was adament I would bring them some homemade peanut butter oatmeal/cereal bars [I have never made this, but could easily do so and have the ingredients in my home to, sounded like a good snack actually to make for later (in real world)] to thank them and as a gesture of friendliness. They started saying they were going to sue my parents because of the disarray they allow their house to be in and for the amount of activity there because they had so many people living in one place. How unappreciative, I thought. "What does that have to do with you? They're not hurting you with the status of their home." "It's hazardous to their kids." They were sounding like they just wanted someone to hate and criticize and my family was an easy target. Their own place was not a beautiful display of homely decor, but it was slightly more kept (floor was less messy and things were piled off the floor which made them more tidy somehow). Not wanting to burn bridges, but wanting to protect my family, I said in a very direct tone "You know you have not case. You could call the authorities to complain and what would you say? They live above you so..." I was implying 'there is no way you could complain about them being noisy from so many people moving around.' "If you have a problem, go tell my parents, don't threaten them through me. Work it out with them." I encouraged them to just accept our offer of friendship and not be so unnecessarily passive aggressive. "I'll be back to bring you those bars. I will, you'll like them." And we left.

Next sequence: At old apartments outside. An event is winding down. Egg hunt like for American Easter holiday using plastic eggs with little crap toys and candies. Sifting through the piles of 'left over' or abandoned eggs, most of which were already opened. I was searching for useful items like I was a child given cheap school supplies that made me feel like a big kid. A friend my age, but less considerate and compassionate of others than I felt to be, was gossiping to me and another gal about this girl from our old high school who was coming home to her apartment about 50 feet away. I chimed in to correct their attitudes "Hey, no. She is pregnant, have some sympathy." I had imparted feelings of understanding to them while criticizing them for their unfair and snap judgments of her She looked fatigued, and her belly, I thought, was an obvious give away of her state of mind, which the girls with me were misinterpretting as her being stuck up. She didn't think she was more mature, even though she was, she was just exhausted from working and because of issues with father. They ceased their verbal assault.

Two older figures were starting to clean up all the eggs we were sifting through. I panicked, "Can we keep looking through them, we are having fun and no one else is going to use them!" They explained we would have to talk to the person who coordinated the event, who was my old 6th grade teacher (I was very close with and was a force of change and guidance in my life; she appeared in the dream where I was supposed to survive in competition with two other students from Dec. 18/19th 2012 - which I have not typed up on this blog yet). She was sitting nearby sorting through some things. I ran to her and plead my case. She accepted and allowed us to keep going.

Third Sequence: Group of old and new friends arrive at an crammed motel for the night. It is small inside. Is this the lobby? I ask one of our leaders later on. Where are the rooms? One is above us. The door is a story up but there are no stairs to it. Think of a high ceiling where the main room ... wow this is tough to explain. There are two floors in a way, because one of the guest rooms is at the height of a second floor but there is no floor connected to that doorway. How do we get up to the door? Felt like a Zelda game puzzle. The main floor of the lobby was actually an elevator that rose up to allow access to the next floor of doors. I only focused on one door though that I called to be my room. As the floor started to rise, I worried one of my friends left on the bottom would be caught between a portion of the ceiling that was lower because it held up a room from the next floor, and this rising platform, but she was okay. I went in the second story door and wondered how to send the platform back. It automatically went back. We were all talking to each other, explaining what was happening and voicing our questions aloud. "Here its coming back down. Get on this time." I called to my friend Chelsea. My dad entered from the main door. "I'm calling this room. I'm tired. The center floor is the elevator." Then I move in to explore my room.

Large space, big bed, too much for just me. Kate enters in from a side door. How'd she get up here? "There are stairs by the entrance." "Oh." She is ready to clean up and relax as well. What have we all been doing that would make us all so tired and want to clean ourselves. Feel like we have been traveling and training. I'm awkward. Does she want to share this room with me? Is that going to be weird because I have romantic feelings for her? A male leader, Angel character from Joss Whedon's show enters from the bathroom. Now how did he already get up here? Another secret entrance I wasn't aware of? Were we all going to share this room? Maybe it is the only room. Or he came from another room down that hallway where the bathroom is in between the two rooms. Yes that explains the layout I saw clues about but didn't put it together in the dream. Then another male leader... I know him. I know him intimately. I have seen him before many times. I know his name. But I can't remember it. He is blonde. [Not generally attracted to blonde guys but I guess I am to this guy.] His hair has grown so it has been awhile since I've seen him. Everyone is chatting as they move about to get settled in. I make a not so subtle joke that he can stay in my room, that I'll have him. He didn't seem to hear me and is chatting with Angel. I am wildly attracted to this blonde guy, and have been secretly for some time. Now who the f-ck is he? I don't even know if there was a name, rather an feeling of familiar presence like a fingerprint that was recognizable as being only him.

We haven't stayed long, but we already feel like we are preparing for our next mission. I feel strong need to make peanut butter oatmeal/cereal bars as part of this mission. Am I making the peace offering or distraction? Am I the distraction? I infiltrate through intimate means. Is the inclusion of an agent with demon background, like Angel would be representing, by design in constructing our teams?

Analysis: ... I got nothing... seems to be a complex mission dream, which I haven't had in many weeks. Never been so specific about who my other team mates are. Usually I was always in a two-three person team, now it has been in a group of five or more. Am I starting to work better in a group setting? I still felt introverted socially, but when exploring and interacting with outside sources beyond our group, I did play my part well and felt like a leader of sorts, maybe more of a scout or navigator. Still unclear. Maybe my role changes from team to team or situation to situation. Makes sense that we would be flexible. What's our mission for this team?

First and second sequences I confidently confronted an issue with a clear belief of fairness, until the third scene where I wasn't confident confronting issues around my feelings for romantic interests openly. I can confront strangers, mentors, authority, friends, neighbors, but not romantic interests. I finally brought up my polyamorous compromise to a situation that I have been faced with for years

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