May 20, 2013

Call and Response

Summary: Dream answers two clearly stated questions and adds the next step of training on a deeper one I always ask; Medical dreaming works only with request from person in question; wrestling with my polyamorous nature; being misunderstood while fighting for greater mission; bringing two sides together in harmony rather than ignoring one and leaving their sounds to overlap in cacophony (polyamory); rainbow pixels implant in crowd to generate holographic interfacing capability; crowd is granted the fan desired version of Lost' series finale (mysteries revealed and connections linked up).

Night of May 19/20th 2013

I asked directly on two topics with clear thought and intent, speaking in silent prayer to the ceiling as honestly as I could. The first was a test to see if I too have the gift Cayce had to communicate with a link to the greater collective for the purpose of diagnosis and treatment of alluding ailments. "What is the treatment for my father's back pain?" I asked, and satisfied with my clarity of empathy, left it at that and moved on.

However, as even stated by Cayce, the person in question must make the request or the information is scattered and undefined. In other words, a person must ask for help from the divine. No dream sequence resulted as an answer to this question. Others, about my own struggles did though. I suspect if my dad makes a clear request using my dreaming as a medium that I would get an answer for him. It might be worth experimenting with.

The other question, which I am still rather embarrassed to discuss and admit to because so much taboo lingers on this topic, was this series "How can I marry this man I love --the father of my child, the one I've chosen to care for and be with, who, in partnership, provides for our family-- when my thoughts, empathies, and desire to connect alternate to others?" "I care deeply for my partner. We should be together at this stage in our lives. If we do divide can neither of us be hurt and still care sensitively for each other?" Who am I? I was depicted as the role "lady in red".

I begin the dream as a vampire slayer accompanied by a protective companion vampire, like Buffy and Spike. We are moving through the woods pursuing reanimated bodies with murderous intents (combination of vampire and zombie, was not distinctly one or other; this combo depiction has happened before), when I am shot in the shoulder by a hunter's rifle. Spike drops us down behind cover. They are mistaking us for the evil reanimated. They will not understand who or what I am and that my mission is to protect. Spike insists we should leave, though I want to try and reason with the hunter. Conceding he may be right that they will not bother to understand, we run away.

With concern, he asks to tend my wound. "No, don't worry about it." I say, "I have regeneration. I mean we all have regeneration, but mine is faster. It will heal in no time." Though it was uncomfortable. It did heal quickly and I showed it to him to calm his worry. [Hmm. I do recover more quickly from stress and trouble than others, I bet. Awesome. I have another super power.]

We met someone who read my soul. He said I was cold inside, doing the motions of my duty but losing myself in the process. I was dying, becoming empty, hollow. Something about this made sense, but I can't identify it. What was it referring to? Being among the dead was leaving traces of that emptiness in me... Being among people unaware of the other realm, higher dimensional beings, telepathic network, whom judge each other too harshly, unyielding to the possibility they may be wrong or that both may be right. Their skepticism and doubt do feed into my own. I question more because of their unwillingness to believe or search. Still, why would people be depicted as reanimated zombies? They are not evil, just lost and making life work how they've learned how.

In answering my question, the next scene I am with my childhood sweetheart, Chris, in my old room at my parent's house, where we would visit and play together. We are adults though, touching and kissing. I do not recall feeling the sensation of arousal bleed through the avatar dream experience to my physical body. He was anxious for relief, so I press and move his penis across my vagina with my back facing him, and using my hand to keep it where I want. He never penetrates. I don't know he finished, but I had to leave to catch the parade and reunite with Jim (my current partner; both he and Chris I have intimate connection to). 

Running around a bend ahead of the parade I meet up with Jim at the car in a gravel parking lot, excitedly telling him the parade is coming. I am barely dressed though, so he wraps a blanket around me wagging his finger at me with his eyes. "Where were you?" He asked. "With Chris" I say as if he had forgotten I already told him. "Come on, I have to watch the performance preparations."

A young woman in white makeup and accented cheeks and black eyeliner paused at the beginning of the parade (rehearsal) to explain to the committee of older women that she had requested to be an acrobat for the parade but that no one responded. A patron's male voice somewhere advocated strongly for her to be included, and the committee agreed right away, scribbling the addition on their clipboards.

Scene switches us to a rehearsal room in a small audience section watching the next performer practice to be admitted into the music for the parade. She was a down to earth, naturalist gal with obvious musical training, but her sound alone was lovely, but boring. Her instrument was odd, long wooden pipes blown across the tops of like a giant pan-pipe. A three person band next to her was overlapping with her. They wanted to audition to but were never granted a place, so they were trying to move their way in. Both were good, but the overlapping of songs was awful. I took charge and walked to the band, asking why they are not waiting their turn. They were quiet, not wanting to be troublesome but felt no one was giving them a second thought. I heard (telepathically I think) they had been ignored when asking for entrance audition because they were 'different' from what the parade committee wanted. The solution became obvious to me. "Why don't you play the accompaniment for her? You will balance each other out. Your group needs vocals, she needs accompaniment." They agreed. I went back to my seat and informed the crew running around what the plan was. They began and sounded amazing! Jim sat diagonal to me. I figured he was mulling over me having been with Chris, but the preparations needed my attention first, since the parade already started and the music would be next.

Scene switch, I am spending intimate time with Jim, with penetration. He moves my shirt and pants to expose my hip where Chris had kissed me before. There is no mark, but Jim 'smells' something unfamiliar to my body there and asks what was there. "Chris touched me there." "Oh..." He said, distracted by that fact. I wondered if he would not be able to handle me being with both. Our pace slowed and the level of pleasure we felt decreased in stride while I waited for him to decide how to react. A moment passed. I figured maybe the pleasure was more dependent on how well we are able to enjoy the moment together, and resumed our previous pace. The pleasure did pick up again (it was directly correlated to where our attention lay, whether we let ourselves experience pleasure, or if my worry took precedence). He engaged again in our intercourse, challenged by his pride to assert his abilities to please, though it was not intended to be a competition on my part. My followup question then, could it be healthy for them to have a little competition? Have I been off in assuming he would be hurt? Rather he would be hurt if I were to have intercourse, but that is what Chris wants. I am fine to control the intimacy, but would it be enough for Chris to be with me while I am with Jim? So here it is still stuck in limbo.

My guides are very patient. I have asked about my polyamory issue so many times and received a consistent answer. Little issues get in the way... one of which actually may be tending to itself (financial, saving up to make a trip to see Chris as a starting point after seven years of no contact; I am now getting paid separately for my music teaching whereas it was deducted from childcare costs).

Then, there was this random next scene. A crowd of people/students exits the school to look up at the sky. I was talking with someone, but turn their attention and everyone in yelling range toward the sky where a solid rainbow in bold colors spanned from one horizon to the other, hundreds of miles across. Pixels were breaking off the rainbow and flying down to their designated person, absorbing into them and lighting them up with a brilliant white light. Upon contact, or absorption rather, the person suddenly reclined with their chest toward the sky and their feet off the ground in a trance. I stared at the rainbow, confirming what I was seeing as the event continued. We were receiving infusions of light. Where is mine? I thought in anticipation. What are they for?

I saw what was happening for someone closer to me, as the pixels began to spread up the crowd toward where I was. I reported to others nearby, "Its the finale performance of 'Lost'!" I was so excited, believing this was disclosure of truths I had been waiting for. 

My pixel came and slammed into my soul, driving my awareness inward. A holographic projection powers on in front of my vision. Ads are popping up all over the screen. "What is all this?" I think, inundated with annoying advertisements and videos. I can't make sense of it. The pixel was a bio- or psychic-implant putting the power of the telepathic internet (collective information accessible and uploaded by the mind without the use of a computer like we currently have it). But there are too many unimportant ads, I don't know if I can sort through them. I can see to the side of white light that encases me or seems to be emanating from my body to the rest of world around me, where I was at the school. A teacher seems to have a regular computer holographic screen without the white light bubble and annoying ads, and is able to watch the finale. I am envious. I ask him why he wasn't given a pixel, concerned that maybe this was a curse in disguise and I should have been careful what I wished for.

Now, outside the dream, I bet the problem was that he was more experienced in knowing how to get at what he wanted. I was too easily distracted into fear and anxiety, what others wanted me to think with the popups. Requires a disciplined mind to use this interface. They must be impressive beings. How is it I am being trained to use holographic technology through my dreams is beyond me, but here it is. In order to sift pass the useless ads drawing me away from my goal, I need to maintain focus on what it is I want. How amusing my dream guides used "Lost." I was disappointed with the ending, as some fans were, hoping for some grander explanation of the connection between all things. This program offered me that which I hoped for and continue to seek on my own, so it is available, but I need to hone in receiving it. How then do I ask this... How are all things connected? How is all life connected? What is humanity's relation to the ancient cultures of our planet? What were their megalithic structures and pictographs trying to show us about the other realms and other beings?

Dream guides are the ultimate problem solvers because they do not discriminate or place expectations above what is intrinsically good for the person suffering. Social norms, when unfairly restrictive in a person's unique circumstance, are encouraged to be broken only in how the person allows it to rule their thoughts and behavior with fear, shame, guilt, and anxiety. They teach balance of self need while helping or maintaining others.

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