Oct 1, 2013
Seeing Maps and Spelled Out Names
While killing time with my son after our outing to the library, sitting in the car waiting for him to settle down into his carseat, I pulled out a California map from my Atlas and searched yet again for the National Park I had found once before immediately after a dream with the white letters on black background spelled out in my mind just before I woke that read "Yosemite National Park." It was the strangest thing. I have never been to this park, nor had I heard of it in recent years, and it had no significance to me. Seeing maps and specific locations I've never seen before is one of the more exciting and bizarre elements of dreaming that lends it substance in the real world. Despite hours of studying three different maps, I couldn't find the damn park. I gave up. That was weeks ago. Then today, Google so happens to feature Yosemite NP in its logo because Yosemite celebrates its 123rd anniversary. I had the name download (dream?) earlier this year (2013; see link above).
Sep 28, 2013
The Worm Connection
Summary: Manmade flying object confiscated by reckless locals; Swamp water transfers worm-like creatures that burrow in my skin, and the effort to expel them from my body; Invading worm creatures Metaphorical analysis of meaning of water throughout my dreams, followed up with plan to induce particular dream imagery that would validate my theory.
Nights Sept 27/28th 2013 and many other dreams referenced not recorded elsewhere
I step onto a low dock over a swamp. It's after dusk so the sky holds faint light over the horizon, but the sky is mostly purple and dark blue with many clouds. There may have been a rainstorm earlier that day. My attention is toward the sky, so details of the swamp are vague. An orange star-like object moves up from the horizon faster than a plane is capable of. I feel like it responds to me, is aware of me watching it. When it does obtuse angle shifts, I suspect it's more than any known object. I wait for the giveaway sudden dart across the sky like a shooting star, which UFC technology is recognized for because modern science (or at least what's available to public knowledge) is not capable of doing yet. It darts a few hands, then slows quickly. Odd. It wasn't as fast as I expected. Is this not an extraterrestrial craft? It changes course to come down to me. Other people by now have noticed it and have come to the dock. Two civilian men are standing in the swamp where it hovers down to. It looks like a truck with a large camper, except it has plane wings and a metal cage over top with a satellite dish, and is 1' wide across the bumper x 2' long. On the hood and on either side of the vehicle reads NASA. Oh. It's a drone. The locals standing with me are bothered by the object. One grabs it out of the air where it hovers to the side of the dock just above the water. It's engine whirs as the propeller on top in the cage contraption no longer holds the weight or can dictate it's position. Whomever is controlling it is obviously trying to get the drone loose. I tell them to leave it alone, that it's an experiment for NASA and means us no harm, that someone worked hard on it and its not our place to claim ownership. The man holding it speaks sarcastically at the truck. A woman's voice returns, its controller and likely its engineer. "Let it go please." The woman says over a radio somewhere in the mess of rods on this device. "See?" I tell them, "Someone will be looking for it."
"Oh, then we should make sure it's working properly for her." Another man says as he pulls on some tubes. "Do you think this helps?" He says carelessly. I argue, and reach for it to try and pry it away, but I get knocked down in the swamp. My arm makes contact with the surface. I quickly stand up and study my arm. The water was known to be infected. The locals wear tall boots when they have to wade through it. Tiny brown worm creatures are burrowing furiously under my skin. There's no blood, they are only a centimeter or two long and no thicker than a few strands of hair. I wipe my arm with my other hand to prevent more from disappearing into my skin. I know a few already made it in. I'm no longer concerned with the device, I have to get out because they are swarming the bottom of my legs already.
The remedy was to put the body part under hot water. Somehow it suffocates them or is too intense that they escape by leaving the skin of the host. Except when they do the hot water directly on them kills them. I watch in horror and relief as many more than I thought had made their way in are climbing out of my arm. Some are escaping by moving further up the arm. I have to adjust the location of the water. I even, at some point wrap turnoquits to cut off circulation and access to the rest of my body. I repeat on the other arm, again, finding many more than I thought had entered falling out. Still no blood or holes when they evacuated. I only saw the bumps of them crawling under the skin and the progression of their bodies climbing out before they fell into the sink. I had to do the same with my legs, the worst infected. I drew a hot bath and conceptualized how I would tie my upper legs and sit in the water without lowering too much of myself. I didn't want them to touch any other part of me. They couldn't climb out of the water, they needed that medium for some reason. So only what touched the water (outside of my skin) could be accessed. The hot water may not be killing them enough, just expelling them from the skin.
The Worm Theme
Of all the recurring themes (see also post featuring worms attack in desert that were snakes in the forest, but worms in the desert, and human-arthropod hybrid, and post where I almost sit on a grub, also encounter with deviant alien worm creature in small UFO not previously recorded on this blog, and finally see posts under marker DS1 detailing my theory about a blood-dependent parasite that feeds on humans and related dreams in this series) I've dealt with over this last year, this one may be the worst for me. I cringe at the notion of worms that want to crawl into my body, but for some reason it's important enough to keep coming up. My working theory is that this theme represents disease, or virus because it seems triggered by content from my waking life featuring virus outbreak. A kind of blood disease? (See dream post about retro-virus at the end. I haven't actually recorded this one, ugh. Too many. Understand that I still have recorded dreams from November and December 2012, and apparently that one from January 2013. Bear with me on that. I dream every night and don't always record them, though I remember them, and find I have to describe them first in order to reference them when they become relevant later.)
I can't escape the presence of water as the medium for transference of these buggers. I've been asking lately to my dream guides, "What happens when I submerge in the water", metaphorically I am asking why haven't I been depicted under water, only swimming on top of the surface or above. What does it mean for me to be submerged? How does that translate to my effort to travel body and spirit connected in the ether to other realms and worlds? The answer of this dream suggests I would pick up a kind of spiritual parasite if I were to do so. This idea has been communicated to me before, the risk of traveling through the spirit realm without an anchor in the physical. There are different regions in water and different regions on land; there are different regions in the spiritual plane in either situation of being tethered to the land, and free-floating in or under the water. So if I even tough a tainted, or dangerous region of the spiritual plane, even with a shallow depth from the land, I can contract a 'spirit virus.' I believe it's a caution to not blindly jump away from my safety tether, which is my body on the physical realm. I need to know where I'm going. Well, how do I know where I can go though? Can I swim in a tank with my friendly seal brothers, instead of open ocean? A tank that is regulated and maintained by loving, tethered groundskeepers? I've seen many swimming pools and closed play structures over the water, and large showers and baptismal-like tubs. Could that have all been cluing me in as to what kind of closed water source I need in order to do the kind of travel I want? In one recent dream I was hopping in and out of swimming pools in a training exercise running away from my mates. They had to catch me, but rarely dared to jump in the pools. They preferred to stay on land, and when they did jump only one of them did in any pool and they were slower than I could swim. I perhaps have the potential to move swiftly and acrobatically in and out of body-spirit realms. This makes sense given my explorations into how it would be possible to identify anything solid while traveling as non-local energy. I dreamed it was like running alongside a large pipeline in an closed facility. I stopped when I noticed a toy I wanted to pick up to keep for my son. In other words, you can see what you're passing by, just at a tremendously faster pace and processing power.
The only tank dream I had with my assigned seal friends, they were frozen and drowning. I criticized their caretakers and tried to throw rocks in, but was overcautious about contacting them or the water. The caretakers then unfroze the water and watched me suspiciously, wondering why I was trying to interfere and feeling offended by my assumption that they were doing a lousy job of monitoring the animals conditions. Who can I have represent the caretakers so I can trust them to perform their job well? Any marine biologists depicted in movies like Free Willy, and Andre. I should rewatch them for fresh content if I have any hope of this working.
Nights Sept 27/28th 2013 and many other dreams referenced not recorded elsewhere
I step onto a low dock over a swamp. It's after dusk so the sky holds faint light over the horizon, but the sky is mostly purple and dark blue with many clouds. There may have been a rainstorm earlier that day. My attention is toward the sky, so details of the swamp are vague. An orange star-like object moves up from the horizon faster than a plane is capable of. I feel like it responds to me, is aware of me watching it. When it does obtuse angle shifts, I suspect it's more than any known object. I wait for the giveaway sudden dart across the sky like a shooting star, which UFC technology is recognized for because modern science (or at least what's available to public knowledge) is not capable of doing yet. It darts a few hands, then slows quickly. Odd. It wasn't as fast as I expected. Is this not an extraterrestrial craft? It changes course to come down to me. Other people by now have noticed it and have come to the dock. Two civilian men are standing in the swamp where it hovers down to. It looks like a truck with a large camper, except it has plane wings and a metal cage over top with a satellite dish, and is 1' wide across the bumper x 2' long. On the hood and on either side of the vehicle reads NASA. Oh. It's a drone. The locals standing with me are bothered by the object. One grabs it out of the air where it hovers to the side of the dock just above the water. It's engine whirs as the propeller on top in the cage contraption no longer holds the weight or can dictate it's position. Whomever is controlling it is obviously trying to get the drone loose. I tell them to leave it alone, that it's an experiment for NASA and means us no harm, that someone worked hard on it and its not our place to claim ownership. The man holding it speaks sarcastically at the truck. A woman's voice returns, its controller and likely its engineer. "Let it go please." The woman says over a radio somewhere in the mess of rods on this device. "See?" I tell them, "Someone will be looking for it."
"Oh, then we should make sure it's working properly for her." Another man says as he pulls on some tubes. "Do you think this helps?" He says carelessly. I argue, and reach for it to try and pry it away, but I get knocked down in the swamp. My arm makes contact with the surface. I quickly stand up and study my arm. The water was known to be infected. The locals wear tall boots when they have to wade through it. Tiny brown worm creatures are burrowing furiously under my skin. There's no blood, they are only a centimeter or two long and no thicker than a few strands of hair. I wipe my arm with my other hand to prevent more from disappearing into my skin. I know a few already made it in. I'm no longer concerned with the device, I have to get out because they are swarming the bottom of my legs already.
The remedy was to put the body part under hot water. Somehow it suffocates them or is too intense that they escape by leaving the skin of the host. Except when they do the hot water directly on them kills them. I watch in horror and relief as many more than I thought had made their way in are climbing out of my arm. Some are escaping by moving further up the arm. I have to adjust the location of the water. I even, at some point wrap turnoquits to cut off circulation and access to the rest of my body. I repeat on the other arm, again, finding many more than I thought had entered falling out. Still no blood or holes when they evacuated. I only saw the bumps of them crawling under the skin and the progression of their bodies climbing out before they fell into the sink. I had to do the same with my legs, the worst infected. I drew a hot bath and conceptualized how I would tie my upper legs and sit in the water without lowering too much of myself. I didn't want them to touch any other part of me. They couldn't climb out of the water, they needed that medium for some reason. So only what touched the water (outside of my skin) could be accessed. The hot water may not be killing them enough, just expelling them from the skin.
The Worm Theme
Of all the recurring themes (see also post featuring worms attack in desert that were snakes in the forest, but worms in the desert, and human-arthropod hybrid, and post where I almost sit on a grub, also encounter with deviant alien worm creature in small UFO not previously recorded on this blog, and finally see posts under marker DS1 detailing my theory about a blood-dependent parasite that feeds on humans and related dreams in this series) I've dealt with over this last year, this one may be the worst for me. I cringe at the notion of worms that want to crawl into my body, but for some reason it's important enough to keep coming up. My working theory is that this theme represents disease, or virus because it seems triggered by content from my waking life featuring virus outbreak. A kind of blood disease? (See dream post about retro-virus at the end. I haven't actually recorded this one, ugh. Too many. Understand that I still have recorded dreams from November and December 2012, and apparently that one from January 2013. Bear with me on that. I dream every night and don't always record them, though I remember them, and find I have to describe them first in order to reference them when they become relevant later.)
I can't escape the presence of water as the medium for transference of these buggers. I've been asking lately to my dream guides, "What happens when I submerge in the water", metaphorically I am asking why haven't I been depicted under water, only swimming on top of the surface or above. What does it mean for me to be submerged? How does that translate to my effort to travel body and spirit connected in the ether to other realms and worlds? The answer of this dream suggests I would pick up a kind of spiritual parasite if I were to do so. This idea has been communicated to me before, the risk of traveling through the spirit realm without an anchor in the physical. There are different regions in water and different regions on land; there are different regions in the spiritual plane in either situation of being tethered to the land, and free-floating in or under the water. So if I even tough a tainted, or dangerous region of the spiritual plane, even with a shallow depth from the land, I can contract a 'spirit virus.' I believe it's a caution to not blindly jump away from my safety tether, which is my body on the physical realm. I need to know where I'm going. Well, how do I know where I can go though? Can I swim in a tank with my friendly seal brothers, instead of open ocean? A tank that is regulated and maintained by loving, tethered groundskeepers? I've seen many swimming pools and closed play structures over the water, and large showers and baptismal-like tubs. Could that have all been cluing me in as to what kind of closed water source I need in order to do the kind of travel I want? In one recent dream I was hopping in and out of swimming pools in a training exercise running away from my mates. They had to catch me, but rarely dared to jump in the pools. They preferred to stay on land, and when they did jump only one of them did in any pool and they were slower than I could swim. I perhaps have the potential to move swiftly and acrobatically in and out of body-spirit realms. This makes sense given my explorations into how it would be possible to identify anything solid while traveling as non-local energy. I dreamed it was like running alongside a large pipeline in an closed facility. I stopped when I noticed a toy I wanted to pick up to keep for my son. In other words, you can see what you're passing by, just at a tremendously faster pace and processing power.
The only tank dream I had with my assigned seal friends, they were frozen and drowning. I criticized their caretakers and tried to throw rocks in, but was overcautious about contacting them or the water. The caretakers then unfroze the water and watched me suspiciously, wondering why I was trying to interfere and feeling offended by my assumption that they were doing a lousy job of monitoring the animals conditions. Who can I have represent the caretakers so I can trust them to perform their job well? Any marine biologists depicted in movies like Free Willy, and Andre. I should rewatch them for fresh content if I have any hope of this working.
Indicators of Rough Winter Approaching?
(Originally published 9/28/13)
Further analysis from post "Communicating with Other Realms and Advancing our Technology"
In the above post, I discussed the entity's warnings from the CHANI project. He said to watch our Sun, and talked about a merging.
Contactees are familiar with the symbol of two triangles overlapping, one upside down, one upright, with the tips 'merged.' This symbol has been seen on the uniforms of many extraterrestrial/dimensional beings, and was explained to mean 'the merging of two worlds.' The merging may not be of two physical objects, but of two dimensional worlds, the physical plane with the higher vibrational one where our galactic neighbors move freely through, a sort of ocean of infinity.
Our sun (See heading "Dwindling Resources and the Coming Ice Age" in this post for further info.) has had the lowest maximum number of sun spots in 200 years (article link). The last time it was this low triggered a mini ice-age. Scientists warn about terrible weather and colder than usual winters. My dreams about an arctic wasteland where San Francisco once was and torrential rainfall with flooding in the Pacific Northwest didn't make sense to me until now. I thought it was related to an Earth's polar shift (which I'm still not ruling that out, but I don't know how to gauge that event). Much of the weather information I've been accumulating is beginning to come together. The erratic Jet Stream, the abnormal weather conditions in places not used to such extremes, the warnings about horrible storms and a cataclysmic event from various sources. Sensitives everywhere 'feel' a pressing urgency to prepare for catastrophe. I have never felt inclined to talk to people outside of this blog about it all until putting it together with the reports about the Sun's lack of activity this year. Again, I do not approve of doomsayers, and I am not trying to be. I have heard the change will be sudden, happening in the span of a season, particularly in a summer or spring season (though I don't know why). All I tell people in my circle is to prepare for a rough winter, just in case.
Further analysis from post "Communicating with Other Realms and Advancing our Technology"
In the above post, I discussed the entity's warnings from the CHANI project. He said to watch our Sun, and talked about a merging.
Contactees are familiar with the symbol of two triangles overlapping, one upside down, one upright, with the tips 'merged.' This symbol has been seen on the uniforms of many extraterrestrial/dimensional beings, and was explained to mean 'the merging of two worlds.' The merging may not be of two physical objects, but of two dimensional worlds, the physical plane with the higher vibrational one where our galactic neighbors move freely through, a sort of ocean of infinity.
Our sun (See heading "Dwindling Resources and the Coming Ice Age" in this post for further info.) has had the lowest maximum number of sun spots in 200 years (article link). The last time it was this low triggered a mini ice-age. Scientists warn about terrible weather and colder than usual winters. My dreams about an arctic wasteland where San Francisco once was and torrential rainfall with flooding in the Pacific Northwest didn't make sense to me until now. I thought it was related to an Earth's polar shift (which I'm still not ruling that out, but I don't know how to gauge that event). Much of the weather information I've been accumulating is beginning to come together. The erratic Jet Stream, the abnormal weather conditions in places not used to such extremes, the warnings about horrible storms and a cataclysmic event from various sources. Sensitives everywhere 'feel' a pressing urgency to prepare for catastrophe. I have never felt inclined to talk to people outside of this blog about it all until putting it together with the reports about the Sun's lack of activity this year. Again, I do not approve of doomsayers, and I am not trying to be. I have heard the change will be sudden, happening in the span of a season, particularly in a summer or spring season (though I don't know why). All I tell people in my circle is to prepare for a rough winter, just in case.
Sep 19, 2013
Quenching a Thirst
Summary: Symbiosis with a sexual spirit; Awkward intimate encounter set-up; Surface of water as an intermediary between dimensions; Obsession with water; Quest to learn how to travel inter-dimensionally with body and soul joined; Cattle mutilations supplying evacuation planets for Earth's people.
I'm carrying around an attachment to a sexual spirit that I may have invited as a type of walk-in to teach and explore with me this body's sexual impulses, needs, and nature. It is called regularly when my hormonal cycle reaches a certain stage, and it demands I yield to let it settle the built up energy. It very well could be feeding on it in a symbiotic relationship. I once dreamed I was a vampire starving myself because I didn't morally approve of my biological nature to feed on humans. In a desperate act that overtook me, I fed on a human I was supposed to be in cooperation with. The act was sexually pleasurable feeding on the muscle above his collar bone. I was abhorred with myself when my higher brain functions returned. Worried I killed the last human I ran to the upper floor, only to be greeted by zombified humans. Not wanting to be infected, I fell out a window. I was redeemed, able to to join the survivors in a peaceful, post-apocalyptic society by the ocean. In this respect, it would seem I fought this demon before, and now am able to carry it around in cooperation. Is this the dragon I fought and have absorbed in successive lifetimes?
Couple nights ago, I dreamed I had intimate relations with someone from my elementary school that I knew of up and out of highschool, whom I never had interest for, so it was awkward at first. But we still connected and found we had an appreciation for each other that allowed us to express it, though we didn't ever really interact throughout our school careers together. But what's more interesting that highlighted this scene of the dream in my memory is that we met in a boat on a dock to be together. We just lay down in the boat. And I had the sense that some other figure was present who was facilitating the exchange, like the figure led me to this boat to be with this old acquaintance. It felt setup; there was a pressure or expectation that we were to lay with each other.
I'm carrying around an attachment to a sexual spirit that I may have invited as a type of walk-in to teach and explore with me this body's sexual impulses, needs, and nature. It is called regularly when my hormonal cycle reaches a certain stage, and it demands I yield to let it settle the built up energy. It very well could be feeding on it in a symbiotic relationship. I once dreamed I was a vampire starving myself because I didn't morally approve of my biological nature to feed on humans. In a desperate act that overtook me, I fed on a human I was supposed to be in cooperation with. The act was sexually pleasurable feeding on the muscle above his collar bone. I was abhorred with myself when my higher brain functions returned. Worried I killed the last human I ran to the upper floor, only to be greeted by zombified humans. Not wanting to be infected, I fell out a window. I was redeemed, able to to join the survivors in a peaceful, post-apocalyptic society by the ocean. In this respect, it would seem I fought this demon before, and now am able to carry it around in cooperation. Is this the dragon I fought and have absorbed in successive lifetimes?
Couple nights ago, I dreamed I had intimate relations with someone from my elementary school that I knew of up and out of highschool, whom I never had interest for, so it was awkward at first. But we still connected and found we had an appreciation for each other that allowed us to express it, though we didn't ever really interact throughout our school careers together. But what's more interesting that highlighted this scene of the dream in my memory is that we met in a boat on a dock to be together. We just lay down in the boat. And I had the sense that some other figure was present who was facilitating the exchange, like the figure led me to this boat to be with this old acquaintance. It felt setup; there was a pressure or expectation that we were to lay with each other.
Interdimensionality
In my research and intrinsic motivation to understand the fabric of reality and its relationship with perception -because it is key to explaining how beings are able to manifest, or phase, in and out of our dimension/reality/space-time line - I came across an account detailed in a book by Ruth Montgomery "Aliens Among Us" (which always ignites the tune to "Angels Among Us" in my head), in which she relays her correspondence with a contactee and walk-in who identified the visitors his son first encountered as Kantarians (so they called themselves). He told Ruth they are 'interdimensional' beings rather than from our own space-time continuum. They are one race who has guided Earth since our beginnings and are devoted to helping us through an eventual cataclysm, as they have done before. "Itan informed that he and his friends were from another planet that existed in another dimension. They had visited Earth for centuries and had attempted to make some contact with humans, but found most of them to be too manipulative and selfish..." (pg 91).
My subconscious fleetingly thought "I still don't understand interdimensionality" and moved on, without dwelling on it. The feelings was a simple truth that surfaced for an instant than subsided. I didn't pay much mind to it because it has been a piece of the enigma I have been trying to comprehend.
Last night's dream let me experience how this interdimensionality feels, in order for me to understand it. I understand through psychological experience, visually and immersively, thus dreams are a perfect method for my learning. I'm in a small group of at least two other women (mothers from my waking life). We are skipping through dimensions all based on the same outline. Not the same space-time, each dimension is its own space on its own timeline, however, it all features the same setting outline and the same colony of people as outlines. They are each independent, but similar. Only way I know to describe it is to take a page from a children's coloring book and copy it. Give ten different people and children a page and let them color it. Each will be unique, but ultimately it is based on the same template or outline, just colored differently. Each dimension is based on the same template of a building and a culture of people. But the culture, dress, personalities, details in each dimension is 'colored' differently.
My subconscious fleetingly thought "I still don't understand interdimensionality" and moved on, without dwelling on it. The feelings was a simple truth that surfaced for an instant than subsided. I didn't pay much mind to it because it has been a piece of the enigma I have been trying to comprehend.
Last night's dream let me experience how this interdimensionality feels, in order for me to understand it. I understand through psychological experience, visually and immersively, thus dreams are a perfect method for my learning. I'm in a small group of at least two other women (mothers from my waking life). We are skipping through dimensions all based on the same outline. Not the same space-time, each dimension is its own space on its own timeline, however, it all features the same setting outline and the same colony of people as outlines. They are each independent, but similar. Only way I know to describe it is to take a page from a children's coloring book and copy it. Give ten different people and children a page and let them color it. Each will be unique, but ultimately it is based on the same template or outline, just colored differently. Each dimension is based on the same template of a building and a culture of people. But the culture, dress, personalities, details in each dimension is 'colored' differently.
Sep 6, 2013
The Other Shade of Reptilian: Part 2 of Sexual Hunger
(See post "Sexual Hunger" for more details leading up to this)
Spiritual Plot, Hunger Fever, and My Handler(s)
Last night I sat outside in the cold aftermath of a rainstorm while my son went to sleep, to decompress, and mourn somehow. Throughout the day people were pointing out to me my tardiness in dates: not checking my phone for messages, not providing ample warning of schedule changes, not turning in application until close to the training dates, not replying to my client until two days before a session, not finishing the story I needed for our session until the day before. Perhaps some of those delays are understandable to the variety of things I manage (notably my son), but it degraded me nonetheless. I cowered meekly, embarrassed that I would be defined as irresponsible or flaky. I explained to each of them as best I could part of the problem that I provide myself flexibility where I can to not overstress about life or live by a clock, like I did for ten years of my life during school. I clarified a few other points for them, depending on my honesty to appeal to their sympathetic natures, but when I sat outside, I let the deep truth spill over me. I am caught up in a complex story which I cannot seem to explain to anyone else in a way that makes sense or catches their interest enough to listen and grant me the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't need their approval through expressed interest if it wasn't for the fact that my own critical mind doubts the reality of my elaborate and unprovable fantasy.
I gave myself permission to write it out as if I were to make an actual evaluation based on the self-evidences I have. Here they are, as bizarre as they sound:
Spiritual Plot, Hunger Fever, and My Handler(s)
Last night I sat outside in the cold aftermath of a rainstorm while my son went to sleep, to decompress, and mourn somehow. Throughout the day people were pointing out to me my tardiness in dates: not checking my phone for messages, not providing ample warning of schedule changes, not turning in application until close to the training dates, not replying to my client until two days before a session, not finishing the story I needed for our session until the day before. Perhaps some of those delays are understandable to the variety of things I manage (notably my son), but it degraded me nonetheless. I cowered meekly, embarrassed that I would be defined as irresponsible or flaky. I explained to each of them as best I could part of the problem that I provide myself flexibility where I can to not overstress about life or live by a clock, like I did for ten years of my life during school. I clarified a few other points for them, depending on my honesty to appeal to their sympathetic natures, but when I sat outside, I let the deep truth spill over me. I am caught up in a complex story which I cannot seem to explain to anyone else in a way that makes sense or catches their interest enough to listen and grant me the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't need their approval through expressed interest if it wasn't for the fact that my own critical mind doubts the reality of my elaborate and unprovable fantasy.
I gave myself permission to write it out as if I were to make an actual evaluation based on the self-evidences I have. Here they are, as bizarre as they sound:
Sep 3, 2013
Sexual Hunger
Summary: Human female cycle, hormonally induced sex drive having purpose beyond reproduction; Cattle skinning operation; Price for an old debt; blood and alien connections.
Each month for at least one day and night I become sexually hyper with such hormonally driven desire, it's not only distracting, its practically consuming. All my effort is spent keeping it in check. Otherwise, the only cure seems to be screwing anyone and everyone. Either this is the side of the female reproductive cycle that just doesn't get discussed in sex ed, or am I a nymphomaniac. I jokingly refer to it as being "in heat", of the "use it or lose it syndrome" when the conditions of the uterus are right to receive fertilization or else the egg will be expunged (when woman is most fertile; see article on human female estrus new findings). If you were to pack the number of times a typical male supposedly thinks about sex on a daily basis (every 6 minutes, though not substantiated, more as social humor) throughout the month (60/6 =10 times an hour x 16 hours awake =160 x 30 days =4800 times per month) into a 24 hour period, that's the concentration of sexual motivation I feel on this particularly day my cycle. It is insatiable, full-body experience that keeps me awake at night.
Each month for at least one day and night I become sexually hyper with such hormonally driven desire, it's not only distracting, its practically consuming. All my effort is spent keeping it in check. Otherwise, the only cure seems to be screwing anyone and everyone. Either this is the side of the female reproductive cycle that just doesn't get discussed in sex ed, or am I a nymphomaniac. I jokingly refer to it as being "in heat", of the "use it or lose it syndrome" when the conditions of the uterus are right to receive fertilization or else the egg will be expunged (when woman is most fertile; see article on human female estrus new findings). If you were to pack the number of times a typical male supposedly thinks about sex on a daily basis (every 6 minutes, though not substantiated, more as social humor) throughout the month (60/6 =10 times an hour x 16 hours awake =160 x 30 days =4800 times per month) into a 24 hour period, that's the concentration of sexual motivation I feel on this particularly day my cycle. It is insatiable, full-body experience that keeps me awake at night.
Dwindling Resources and the Hard Choices our Galactic Neighbors will have
"There is a great cycle of climate that began 2.8 million years ago and
has resulted in the fundamental destabilization of your world's weather
system"
-Mysterious Stranger in conversation with Author Whitley Streiber
The Dream
Weekend night either late July or early August 2013
Traveling in country roads as hitchhiker in my local valley with my two year old son. Stumble across a town I never knew was there. Bustling with people and little shops. Some old buildings are vacant and closed up. People are friendly. What is this place? I had to ride a bike to get through the path entrance covered in rubble from an old bridge over the main thorough fare. The central town is no more than a couple blocks with the main street curving around the outside of it. Along the left is a river with lush growth. A favorite playing spot for the locals. Given its proximity to the road, it feels to be part of the town.
I expected there to be a connecting road back to the main country highway that would go into Alansville (town names changed). I ask people where another highway is. They answer that the only road is the way we got in. Someone asks where I'm headed. I say Alansville. They point in the direction of Alansville, very off from where I figured it to be. They said I'd have to go through Georgeland first, but the layout they are talking about, considering I came from Brittsburg don't make sense. Where is this place? How come I've never heard of it or seen it before? I follow the road around again as it turns along the top edge, now 180 degrees from the direction I started. At the end of this road is parking at the edge of a strange ocean. Its water is crystal clear without waves. How is an ocean without waves? It also seems to be an overlapping reality on the land-locked location of where this town supposedly is. The ocean looks both endless over the horizon, yet it only goes out a certain way and fades. I can see the country side of the farm-lands I am used to seeing beneath it.The water is flooded on the parking lot. Cars are parked in feet of water. I try to draw people's attention, but it seems this is typical and of no concern since the water level doesn't change. I walk along the rim of the raised parking hill only a few feet from the water's edge (an inconsistency, how is the water raised onto the hill in some places, but low in others?). A couple kids are playing at the shoreline that looks more like a lake shore. My son wants to play and I allow him for a few minutes while I look out.
Aug 29, 2013
Snakes, Frogs, and Dragons: Part 2 of Dwindling Resources...
(Author Note: I'm working on my book lately, so the number of posts I make may reduce to once a week.)
(See "Dwindling Resources and our Galactic Neighbors difficult choices" for more lead in to the topic as follows, though posted out of sequential order.)
I am starting to read a book by a hyno-regression therapist who compiled a dozen cases together for analysis about other-worldly visitations by unknown beings. Skimming through looking for images, I found a few drawings by her patients of some of the strange creatures they encountered. A couple nights ago I dreamed yet again about frogs, snakes, and a terrifying dragon. These animals are not significant to me in any way I'm aware of, other than what my dreams are bringing up. Honestly, it would seem to me, given the information and analyses I have so far, that they might represent different species interacting with Earth.
(See "Dwindling Resources and our Galactic Neighbors difficult choices" for more lead in to the topic as follows, though posted out of sequential order.)
I am starting to read a book by a hyno-regression therapist who compiled a dozen cases together for analysis about other-worldly visitations by unknown beings. Skimming through looking for images, I found a few drawings by her patients of some of the strange creatures they encountered. A couple nights ago I dreamed yet again about frogs, snakes, and a terrifying dragon. These animals are not significant to me in any way I'm aware of, other than what my dreams are bringing up. Honestly, it would seem to me, given the information and analyses I have so far, that they might represent different species interacting with Earth.
Aug 19, 2013
Learning to Fly
After the dream challenge when I was encouraged to jump off a waterfall into a thin river below, I began to re-evaluate just how strong my faith in my imagination and courage to enjoy creating the things I want to see and experience is in my dream state. Why didn't I trust how consciousness works with dream physics to fly, or adjust as I descended to landing in the water? This should have been an obvious possibility for my level (I refer to my skills in dream dynamics and spirit communication and attributes of my person in real life like I am playing a game, more entertaining and uplifting that way). Fear still has power over me. Determining the complex inter-relationships between dreaming and the solid matter world continue to fascinate and evade me. Small victories retain my hope that there is such an intimate relationship of affect and effect between the two worlds. If there is a delay in the magnetic attraction between a question and answer, what someone requests in honest need then receives in the solid state world, how do acts that defy solid state laws of physics translate from the infinite possibilities of the flowing energy state? How can flight become possible?
Aug 13, 2013
Reunited
The following events happen in sequence as I move from one area to another for different reasons. Without bogging my memory down with the order, I will simply lay out every scene and interaction I can recall.
Night of August 12/13 2013
Enclosed colony used as venue for spirit family reunion. Tenants are organized into a women's wing of dormitories and a male's wing. In kitchen spaces with foods brought from home or immediately from the store, some middle aged women are organizing and moving in and out of.
Waiting for Chris, Shantey, and Otus (the adopted family that grew up with mine) to arrive. Excited they could come. I haven't seen Chris and Shantey in so long, and I've long wanted to build a more intimate relationship with Chris. He served a tour of duty overseas and its changed him, made him anxious to settle down and enjoy quality company of someone he loves, which he already has trouble handing out. I've been a preference for him, especially since returning. The years since our childhood have matured us, but not quite far enough it seems to return us to each other. Fate always has seemed to have a plan against us. Whenever one of is available, the other is in a dedicated relationship. I finally claimed more choice in our fate by, at least in my imagination, allowing the possibility of loving two men simultaneously: my current partner and father of my child, and my childhood sweetheart. We aren't financially ready nor emotionally prepared for this sort of trial and commitment, but it helps me to have it as a solution to the conundrum it's tortured me with for so long.
Night of August 12/13 2013
Enclosed colony used as venue for spirit family reunion. Tenants are organized into a women's wing of dormitories and a male's wing. In kitchen spaces with foods brought from home or immediately from the store, some middle aged women are organizing and moving in and out of.
Waiting for Chris, Shantey, and Otus (the adopted family that grew up with mine) to arrive. Excited they could come. I haven't seen Chris and Shantey in so long, and I've long wanted to build a more intimate relationship with Chris. He served a tour of duty overseas and its changed him, made him anxious to settle down and enjoy quality company of someone he loves, which he already has trouble handing out. I've been a preference for him, especially since returning. The years since our childhood have matured us, but not quite far enough it seems to return us to each other. Fate always has seemed to have a plan against us. Whenever one of is available, the other is in a dedicated relationship. I finally claimed more choice in our fate by, at least in my imagination, allowing the possibility of loving two men simultaneously: my current partner and father of my child, and my childhood sweetheart. We aren't financially ready nor emotionally prepared for this sort of trial and commitment, but it helps me to have it as a solution to the conundrum it's tortured me with for so long.
Aug 12, 2013
Another Theme Completed
Summary: Stubborn math test finally completed and stress overcome for a satisfying completion of this lesson's term in spirit school; An old relationship with a young dead man returns; Field trip to distant island and ruins; Circular artifact with pictographs improperly decoded; The failing of modern ability to translate ancient picture messages.
A common theme I've wrestled with decoding the meaning of and finding completion of (how I get recurring dreams to cease), is the school based dreams where I am going to be taking the final or some test and forgot to study or refresh material I've studied earlier in my education. Often I had fallen behind on my math homework or made a silly mistake on a test that would sabotage the whole grade. I become overly stressed. To be clear, I am not in school, I have not taken math in a few years; I perceive this as a metaphor not derived from immediate content of my life in such a direct ratio, rather it is conveying the idea that I am forgetting to do something I already knew the math principles at some time before.
Sometimes this same message is portrayed as forgetting to have practiced my lines before a play and the build up of stress as my part approaches.
Well, whatever I did yesterday, my soul approved of.
A common theme I've wrestled with decoding the meaning of and finding completion of (how I get recurring dreams to cease), is the school based dreams where I am going to be taking the final or some test and forgot to study or refresh material I've studied earlier in my education. Often I had fallen behind on my math homework or made a silly mistake on a test that would sabotage the whole grade. I become overly stressed. To be clear, I am not in school, I have not taken math in a few years; I perceive this as a metaphor not derived from immediate content of my life in such a direct ratio, rather it is conveying the idea that I am forgetting to do something I already knew the math principles at some time before.
Sometimes this same message is portrayed as forgetting to have practiced my lines before a play and the build up of stress as my part approaches.
Well, whatever I did yesterday, my soul approved of.
Aug 10, 2013
Why are we being Harrassed by Unknown Visitors?
The contact whose case study I posted about in the Red Grid Marks Phenomenon, "Michael", the alias I've assigned him, continues to have levitation and probing experiences at night by a visiting presence. We chat via email or Skype semi-regularly to check in on any progress he's made at changing the dynamics of these experiences that illicit dread and terror in his consciousness. (To read about Michael's case study, see the links for Case Study #1 listed on the Investigations page under the 'Red Grid Marks' heading.)
Discussing with someone the reality of these night-time experiences and the accompanying feelings he unwittingly hides from his everyday relationships has seen minor progress in the level of control he has during the events. Most importantly, he has found a voice to be able to question and speak to his offenders. Our goal together is to determine why it is happening to him, given that this might also provide clues as to the grid marks that appeared on us both, as well as enhance his ability to affect in the unconscious state: comparable to having direct affect in the content or direction of ones dreams, though his experiences are "half awake, half asleep".
Discussing with someone the reality of these night-time experiences and the accompanying feelings he unwittingly hides from his everyday relationships has seen minor progress in the level of control he has during the events. Most importantly, he has found a voice to be able to question and speak to his offenders. Our goal together is to determine why it is happening to him, given that this might also provide clues as to the grid marks that appeared on us both, as well as enhance his ability to affect in the unconscious state: comparable to having direct affect in the content or direction of ones dreams, though his experiences are "half awake, half asleep".
Aug 6, 2013
What is Telepathy
Telepathy is rooted in empathy. There is no thought communication without compassion and awareness through surrender. By surrender, I mean the relaxed calm of participant observation rather than imposing will or resistance; being open and curious to whatever truth/reality might come in. Telepathy is the ability to connect and thus experience another living being's profound or strongly imprinted feelings, ideas, and experiences. You bear witness as a participant and observer in their experience that has made them what they are. You feel their pains and joys without judgment, surrendering your own life for a moment to share in theirs. Rather than following through their life moment to moment, the time and place you experience is decided by magnetic attraction. That is, whatever you are wondering about them, you are taken on the journey to demonstrate the answer. Say you wish to know about archeaology as it relates to water erosion, that creates a magnetic charge. An appropriate person matching the charge requested is attracted to you, especially if they too could learn something from you. For a thought to be seemingly imposed onto another person, that creature must be so strongly concerned for the receiver as to care more for them than the person themselves realizes they can be loved. The being transmitting is summoning sensations and possibilities already present in the person, they are simply drawing it to the surface like a magnetic force.
Writer's Block: Fear
With how difficult it has been to power through my hesitations and hang ups toward completing the last few sections of my book and seriously searching for a publisher, I started to wonder if the lack of insight or motivation from my dreams regarding my work on the book should finally be acknowledged as a sign of either disapproval or irrelevance of my ideas. I know expanding the current framework of our understanding of imaginary beings and presences, and for the field of psychology, what constitutes as an imaginary companion is a worth while idea to put into the world. But I won't deny the appeal of its sellability and my hope to make my own money through my writing with the book. It is still a selfish thing. Really my concern is that I haven't executed the topic clear enough or interestingly enough. What if I can't defend/sell it to a publisher? What if not enough people buy it for me to even make a profit and begin a writing career? What if my other ideas are too far out there that no one will receive them? Am I delaying because I keep fearing that it will be a moot point soon if the veil falls (aka, humanity's ability to communicate with thought is restored and deceit can no longer pervade, as well as our ability to transcend back into free-movement through time and space on the )? Rather, our spiritual guardians finally land to help us clean up our mess! WHAT am I talking about? Even if that is to come soon, there will need to be a catalyst for it? Quite honestly, I am catastrophizing. I delay because I fear the Earth will enter into its next phase toward an ice age. Catastrophic weather will lay waste to America and Europe and those who survive will be so overwhelmed with just trying to survive the shift to foraging and escaping and mourning to be bothered with my little book.
My dedication to tracking and researching for my dreams should give me clue enough that maybe I would be happier working for a dream research institute? So I indulged in that thought into sleep.
The dream that night had other plans.
My dedication to tracking and researching for my dreams should give me clue enough that maybe I would be happier working for a dream research institute? So I indulged in that thought into sleep.
The dream that night had other plans.
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)
Posts
