Mar 8, 2013


Night of March 5/6th 2013

Dream: Two main scenes showing me first with my son then with my partner, Jim, in a joyful state of interacting with them. Scene is shades of gray, near void of real color, but my feeling of peace and love is unaffected. A brilliant light sparks between us as a beautiful manifestation of divine approval and power from our joy being together. With my son we were laughing and snuggling and I involved myself appreciatively in his play, and with my partner we engaged intimately, naked we wrapped around one another. I said to him I wanted to show him something amazing. Immediately I brought my hands to prayer, still in his embrace, and an arc of sparking light like how 'God' appeared bursted from my abdomen in a different dream experience (one of my most profound). It was nothing short of magic that released into the gray, dim world through our love and prayer. Gives a truer meaning to the phrase 'making love' than we've ever understood. It was beautiful and I wondered if it meant I could harness water, if it was a power to make miracles happen. Jim pulled away to see it more and pulled my soul out as he moved. My perspective remained in my body though, petrified, seeing a glowing outline of myself pulled out and with him. "Whoops." He said and somehow let go for it to return.

I tried to show Jim's dad, whom I stayed with during my time up north this last month to help care for my son while I wrote/worked. I wanted to show his dad what we had discovered together. His dad was also nude and I felt awkward at first that his crotch was exposed, but I accepted it and moved on to show him. I tried to summon the feeling back without having to actually 'show' him us being sexual. It wasn't working though. I couldn't get it to erupt again. I decided to do the more awkward approach, gave him a disclaimer "I'm sorry I have to return to the state I was in. I know you'd rather not see your son having sex, but please understand." I crawled behind where I was sitting to be on top of Jim, who was laying naked still. It still wasn't working. Nothing was happening when I prayed. The desire to show his father somehow tainted it.

I taught the technique of meditation to unlock ecstatic joy followed by prayer to others in a kind of monastary to manifest the power. Joy was the fuel. Prayer ignited it. The individual working in tandem with the greater power. I knew the power was not my own, it was shared, and only possible through the collectiveness of other living being. It was within everyone's potential to know and discover this power. I did not know what it was to be used for, if anything. All I saw was it created a flexible rope of light with large sparkles as knots like connecting points (similar to constellations if there were fluid lines drawn between the stars). It was so simple I wanted to show anyone who came to my space of teaching. Black walls, Japanese feel. We knelt. No centrality or focus in the room. People did their meditation exercises anywhere. I was at a little square pond of water in a corner of the wall where white candles were lit. This is where I wondered if water held a similar power for me. All my dreams about water, it must be my element, but I never considered a magical component. The key though was joy in my relationships.

There were two other scenes at least, one with my family, another in a college bathroom that I don't feel important enough yet to write them. If your a suspecting person like I am though, you would guess that will come up later.

Analysis: Why did my perspective not move with my soul? Guess I wouldn't have known there was a separation happening if I couldn't distinguish that I was leaving my body behind. Or perhaps it was not my soul.

About old dream mentioned in this post: "Angry, jealous god." Is what 'God' wanted me to understand when I said I was ready to know truth. I never wanted to admit to that idea as a reality. I think on this so much. Perhaps we can't hear him without faith. He is the epitome of the imaginary friend that only exists in our minds when we believe. What would happen if everyone stopped believing in him, if his connection was severed? What would happen to us? What would happen to him? A ship that can cloak itself like a diamond constellation of stars.

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