Jun 2, 2014

My Infiltration Strengths and Weaknesses

Brief Dream recall, May 31st/June 1st 2014

I'm evading an MIB/Gargoyle-like pursuant atop a tower or castle. We are already hundreds of feet high. Darkness everywhere. I'm trying to get past him to the elevator that will take me to his boss. I hop about on the roofs of windows, and balconies. The available footing is slick stone work, angled, and limited, requiring a tremendous amount of courage and trust in my ability to move away from the grasp of my pursuer. He is quick. I will have to trick him in order to get to the elevator. I'm surprised by my acrobatics, driven by determination. I explain to the minor boss who guards the elevator why I need access, I must discuss a matter of great importance with the master. He doesn't care. His job is to keep uninvited guests out.

I dodge him in a series of quick jumps, hoping to confuse him before swinging myself into the elevator as the door is about to closed. Unfortunately he matches my skill and stops it from closing the very next split second I get into it. My plan is foiled. He will toss me to my death if he does not simply send me away for good. Either way, my effort was for naught. I begin to awake.

Next stage of my training? Brings up a good point. Why am I trying to force my way relying on agility or skill of cleverness. What always worked for me before? I gained access to ruling power by being a desirable companion. That is what I want to to do anyway, that holds all my skills. I keep thinking I need to gain access by what? Effort, pushiness, insistence about my idea and vision for change? Why, when I already have all I need. Is it wrong that I enjoy being a covert companion? What is that anyway? Someone who gets close to a dangerous target to retrieve secret information. That's dangerous in reality! And terrifying. Thing is, its not pretend. If I try to make it pretense, I don't believe myself and then have no idea what to do. Whereas if I perform as who I am, knowing I am a companion (job and personality) in heart and soul, then I do what I do naturally without second guessing.

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