Nov 30, 2013

Dialogue with Dream Programming

The mind is a receiver, tuning to a station is simply a matter of thought. Ideas, desires, emotions all have charge that attract information. Although I cannot anticipate what I will dream about or why ideas I had thought about recently formed the story of images they did to depict themselves, I have managed to have an increased awareness and bleed through of my waking personality and thought processes during dreaming. I'm able to question the choices of the dream's programming while in the dream as my avatar self.

Dream Night of Nov. 28/29th 2013

Alone in a house that is mine. A group that lives on the outside, moving town to town, is in my area. Their leader is a man I'm trying to avoid. He likes to torment me by invading my home, show little regard for its cleanliness, and indulge himself sexually in our tense attraction. I try to keep him out, not wanting to succumb to him. He comes in uninvited, using my place as a rest stop for his group.

Knowing came around that he was in the area again. I lock up my doors and windows and gates. As I'm setting the last gate, I see him through a crack in the wood panels. He pushes it open, and I relent. He knows I'm here now and I can't stop him from coming in. My effort to keep him out offended him. I was upfront explaining why I didn't want him here, that he disrespects my home, and tempts me away from my partner. "I love my family, I need to protect us." I say to him. He takes one look into my house and sees the baby gear everywhere. His mood changes. He becomes reserved and insists he'll leave us alone.

What a shock. That's unlike him. Why would he be so willing to ignore another chance to abuse his power over me? He leaves through the gate, showing me a glance of a beautiful dark-haired woman lain on a bed in a white dress in the initial throws of labor. I push the gate open with sparked interest. He has a pregnant woman in his band this time around, either one of his or someone he picked up. I walk directly to her with a strength of conviction. Someone in the group points me out to the leader. He looks up in surprise and displeasure. "Wait, no. What are you doing? I don't want your help." He says to me. I don't listen, I go to the woman who hasn't quite started the birthing process, but will soon. "She needs someone who knows about birth, which none of you do. I have the right setup for her with all the baby stuff already. There is no where better for her to be." I direct them to take her in.

The leader grabs me by the arm in protest and pulls me around to the side yard of my house against the power cabinet. He leans in close for privacy, and emphasis. "I don't want her to have it here."
"Why not? You come here all the time to taunt me and suddenly its not good enough? I have everything she'll need."
"That's the point. You came into your situation by accident because you opened yourself up to influence. I don't want that same beginning for her child." [Not entirely sure what he was talking about, but it made bitter sense to me in the scene.]
I look into his face accusingly. "Is that the real reason you don't want to be here?" I challenge what we both know, that we won't be able to control ourselves if he stays that long.
His desire intensifies and permeates densely in the air around us. Before I know it, he locks with my mouth. Oh, did I mention he alternates form between a man and a stuffed leather koala bear [difficult to find an image of a soft leather skinned stuffed koala. All the images I thought might be easy to find always steal so much of my time trying to find an image that accurately depicts what I saw]. This whole scene was me imitating the motions of him if he were a real physical form of a human, holding his little stuffed arm at my hand as if he were pulling me around to the yard. Except the soul, the personality of him being this leader, as he did appear human before this scene, was fully believed. Neither me nor his group doubted his sentience. To us, he was simply a spirit entity with the koala bear as a placeholder in our physical world. My awareness of what form he's in shifted back and forth between the projected spirit's human body and the physical placeholder stuffed bear.

In the following sex scene, he started as the humanoid spirit projection, lifting me up onto the power box, spreading my legs and lunging forward with a glad relief. The air around us became an extension of our mindful focus of the sensations and excitement of our joining. He kissed me furiously. Here he became the koala because I wondered how I could feel his tongue so clearly. Except the tongue wasn't from the koala, it felt like a second penis, like projected matter in front of the koala's face, giving me something to feel for the act. I didn't mind that it felt like a penis, I coddled it in my mouth how I enjoyed doing for my partner. I'm both suspicious if this really is like a dimensional rift glory hole, and entranced with the double penetration from one singular being.

Our episode concludes, and I proceed into the house where the group has setup the pregnant woman upright on the couch. "Where have you been? Something came out!" A female rogue holding the shoulders of the woman said.
I'm dizzy and obviously disheveled. "Sorry, we had some things to work out." They dismissed my phrasing, knowing exactly what we were doing. I was made aware with images from their perspectives that they had seen what we were really doing. I let it go to tend to the woman.
"What happened? What came out?"
"This slimy clear thing."
"Was it water? Show me."
She reached under a towel and showed me a small clear slime on her fingers. "That's the plug. It means your water should break anytime and contractions will start."
She clenched up, "Oh, oh, that might be one." She moaned in a dull high pitch, still too coherent for it to have been a true contraction.
"Maybe. You'll know when its real, each one will build to a peak and taper off the same as it built." I stood up to wash my hands in the restroom beside us. The sex and saliva was starting to dry. I thought to myself how I am depicting myself in this dream as an expert, when I've only given birth once. I did study it intensely, and I did acknowledge that compared to the experience and study of everyone else in the gang, I was the only expert. [It's such a trip to make those conscious connections mid-dream about how the scene relates to my waking explorations and to be able to take mental note as my dream avatar of certain oddities like how everyone else was also undeterred from treating the leader as his human personality though he was represented materially as a stuffed bear. This level of control and awareness is increasing quite naturally. I'm having a dialogue with the dream design itself, with its programming. Such a fascinating skillset to behold.]

The dream ends.


Much could be said about the rather religious implications of what inviting temptation into your house represents, but I wish to explore it with that judgment aside. This dream tells me persona images are easy for me to create, but where it falls short are in highly intimate, physically based interaction. I lose the persona as a whole and focus in on only a few key elements, namely the arms, penis, tongue. Perhaps its a weird thing to motivate this research, but in my dream experiments I've been trying to achieve contact with a persona I can believe is my Darian. Creating his image seems dependent on me putting together all the elements of him I've established into a complete being which I can interact with with some degree of separation from myself. Except it's like trying to define God. He's an omnipresent spirit entity. The bear is how I represented him in my physical reality. I believed he was there, but it helped me as an adolescent to give him a presence. Trying to envision him everywhere, like a grand consciousness looking in on a snow globe, obscured my limited sense of how to connect with someone else.

To intertwine with another consciousness as energy waves I need to recognize all those physical pleasures are capturable in spirit. I've seen it before as a brilliant light protecting me and an old spirit partner or client who came to me mid-mission to refuel. The images of sexual connection were there, but so was this light that represented the exchange on an energetic level.

Aha. If I'm engaging a dialogue with the dreams themselves, who is the designer? I've asked this question in a roundabout way before and the answer I kept coming back to is that I am co-creator. I may actually be able to question my filters that translate the signals I receive, even update the antennae (my mind) to receive more complex messages (which is essentially what I've been trying to do with each dream analysis).

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