May 19, 2014

Programmed Desires

Topics: Cloaking technology; desires of the flesh; the Joker's representative species; exploring connection with others via physical contact and spirit; hybridization (nature is the laboratory).

Night of May 19 2014

I saw the Joker again, though I can't recall the context, only that my dream self wondered if he would appear, like I sensed his presence was relevant to what I was seeing. Lo and behold, he did, but I had to sift through other persons before he was in my line of sight. And I was still surprised to see him. Why was he here in this dream?

My question before bed was this: "Does the cloaking technology reduce the solidity of the object or simply camoflauge it?" In other words, if it were before me, and I reached out to its space, would my hand hit an invisible solid (like running into a glass door), or go through air with only perhaps a strange field in the area (unexplained anxiety, heat, tingling, cold)? Does the technology affect the molecular structure of the object its applied to? Or is it a matter of dimensional shifting? Different species mean different technologies, so I feel the need to clarify which. My answer: Any and all! But I suppose my true question is this:  "Are alien beings monitoring me at a close proximity?" Targeted radio waves, consciousness, telepathy. There are any number of possibilities for distant monitoring. I want to know how close they get. Close enough to touch? What reason would they have to come close though? How can I entice a close encounter with a guiding alien? (Specificity is highly important, as I've mentioned before.)

No answer came to me so far as I could tell. But perhaps it will become clearer.

I dreamed about having sex in my friend's parent's house. This house was large, full of collectibles, and was home to many friends of my friend, though not my friends. I took joy in defacing the room with a stranger's cum. As well, I felt shame, trying to be considerate despite my blatant disregard for their opinions. I felt slave to this need to contradict how they saw me, and their disapproval of sexual expression.

We, this male and I, hurriedly ran out and tried to play it off as though we had been doing an assignment the whole tie they were away. My friend, though, suspected I crossed a line with this visitor. We tried our best to convince them of our facade by keeping busy. I volunteered to take the recycling out to the can. The scrutiny of my friend was clear. I was behaving out of the ordinary, even for me. It clued her in to my misbehavior and I just wanted to get out of her line of sight before she saw my entire disguise and voiced her suspicion.

Next Scene: Kain, a character from the FFIV video game series I've been playing (a favorite from my childhood, now I'm seeing their After Years) is beside himself, literally, split into two parts. He longs for the love of the Queen Rosa, wedded to his old friend, now King Cecil (main character from the original game). His journey is most interesting to me. His battle with his desires and sentiments, independence and sacrificial will.

In my dream, the essence of his personality is identified in the character exchange I am witnessing, though it does not look quite like him. Details of his appearance are altered. He is confessing his love to whom I first expected to be Rosa. Then she spoke as the child Rydia (summoner with a sad story, misplaced, in-between worlds), young, sweetly, innocent, caring. She is saying her sisters all married and became pregnant too soon after, suggesting to Kain that she didn't want to rush into the same situation for herself. She wanted freedom. She started singing and dancing to share a ritual with Kain, and invited him to join. 'No way,' I thought. That isn't in Kain's personality. Yet he did, a grown, battle wary man singing this child's song and following the little motions with her. He welcomed the simple joy of her pureness. Her innocence was refreshing.

My perspective moved up and past them to elsewhere in the scene. They were aboard one airship among dozens that dotted the space under a cliff hang. Jagged spires hung and jutted from the rock, but the sky was clear, and light of day penetrated even into the recesses of the overhang. I could see no land beneath, nor where this cliff descended down to. I was searching for a different interaction to observe.


The girl I was with the Joker in the April 15th dream, wore white, displayed innocence, AND a curiosity about flesh, blood, and bone, which brought her to the Joker's service. She was only feigning curiosity of that nature to infiltrate. Her real desire was what mine is, that of connection explored and expressed in physical contact. My insecurity brought me to compare the desire of connected consciousness in physical form with the desire to create hybridized species.. Whoa, wait, that's not what I meant. I meant.. well, yeah, I guess that is what I meant. But I don't understand why. Multiple species conduct hybridization experiments. Is that their next level of desire to match their scientific, technological, and intellectual curiosities? Obviously. Is either wrong, or is it how you meet your curiosities that matters? Joker deals with all desires of the flesh. He was not part of the scheming, manipulative races operating in the other space of the White building's ground floor. Which species does he represent?

Rydia and Kain could very well be two aspects of myself, but no dream interaction has one meaning. Kain reminded me of the tall, old gentleman humanoid alien who offered to accept my search for alien interactions. I realized my invitation is too open after that. He reminds me of this man in the sense of an older being (by close to a hundred years) showing interest in companioning/mating with a younger member of a species. Oh. Chosen hybridization. Yes that is certainly a fascination of mine. Why? Curiosity I suppose. Might these desires be programmed inclinations or encouraged in order to facilitate hybrid experimentation? Not all species would do so by force or even in a lab. Rather than force it via artificial insemination in a lab setting, excite hosts toward this end.

The vampire race most certainly has done this? A whole generation of women lust for the vampiric draw. Surely there is some manipulation or genetic favoring there to secure willing sources?

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