Call and Response Dream Question posed after Skype interview
with Michael and consent for joint dreaming exercise, January 29th, 2014: "Who or what came into my room on the morning of
Dec. 2nd 2013, and what purpose was the electric field on my brain used
for?"
Dream: (Story length. Never a simple answer with these.)
I'm part of a small group of
college aged men and women with vibrant personalities and energy. We all live
in a dorm, school-like community together. We enjoy our time together, playing,
teasing, talking, gossiping about crushes within the group. An entire dream
sequence is entirely devoted to showing me the dynamic of this group, how they
interact and how carefree they are. They are an athletic group, full of life
and arrogance, but they love and look out for one another. We were happily
engrossed in our social interactions. The men joked with each other and
wrestled like boys. The women chatted and nagged the men, hung on one another
like girls do.
I heard 2-3 of the men of our group talking emphatically
about plans to change some perspective in our society they disagreed with. In
excited bursts of dialogue, they devised the basis for their plan, all the
while still teasing one another about how they phrased something. The details
of the plan were fuzzy to me, but the sense I got was they were hoping to
re-educated and be a voice against some part of the status quo.
Then an image appeared superimposed over the scene -- like a forethought or premonition, but as if I've seen it before and the memory was just triggered to resurface -- of the smallest member of their pack lying dead at what was the first casualty in a terrible war. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Then I saw the scene expand and all of them, all my men, and a hundred more, our entire student community, lay slaughtered on a battlefield they didn't belong on.
Then an image appeared superimposed over the scene -- like a forethought or premonition, but as if I've seen it before and the memory was just triggered to resurface -- of the smallest member of their pack lying dead at what was the first casualty in a terrible war. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Then I saw the scene expand and all of them, all my men, and a hundred more, our entire student community, lay slaughtered on a battlefield they didn't belong on.
I suppose I figured to go tell someone else in our group
about what they were talking about doing.
I return to the dorms alone where a bustle has the place
alive with excited chatter. The media around our culture, beyond the dorm
community, was a blaze with discussion and an outpouring of startling
information. I looked on a girl in the foyer where a carpeted ramp and rail
line one wall up a few feet to the hall with the dorm rooms. She was pacing
slowly and holding her head while students all around were moving briskly to
and fro after one another, gossiping about the latest topic I had yet to hear
about. She describes watching an interview where the man of the hour has been
the portal by which information on the truth of alien presences is being poured
out for public preparedness. Big media was in full cooperation, spreading the
story and all the bits of information to ignite thought in the public mind
about this culture changing event.
"It's happening?" I questioned myself in shock.
These people are talking about things myself and others like me reserved for
private conversation, things folks in the alien community have been pushing for
decades. Now, suddenly its on everyone's lips. Everyone is discussing it like
its real and true.
The gal knew I had been asserting
these same claims for some time, and recognized the news would not be as
unnerving to me. Half talking to me, and half to herself, she verbalized her
mental processes: doubt to uncertainty, fear and concern, then acceptance
and curiosity driven by the need to know. She was processing at an alarming
rate. I was impressed by my people. They were handling this news remarkably
well by using the same social mediums they're used to: communicating with
one another, stirring discussion, gossip. Some talked like it was the latest
news about Justin Beiber, excited to share with someone else what they had just
heard. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, the response, how openly the topic
was being shared. People I've long criticized are making this repressed issue a
reality. I felt tremendous relief and excitement. She said this was only the
beginning, that they are saying the dissemination process will accelerate from
here on. Students were both energized and overwhelmed, she being the example of
the individual trying to cope with the news. She identified the movement by
name as Disclosure, and I about jumped out of my skin in disbelief. My
consciousness was so confounded by the events unfolding before me that my
desire to immerse in this experience grounded my awareness deeper into the
dream, making it feel as though I were sobering up into the dream's world. I
was no longer half-observing, half-present in a dream body, I was concentrated
entirely in my avatar's self so I could fully engage with the gal and extract
information from her as if I were my waking self.
I sought my group to tell them the news. I came across an
acrobatic girl from our group, and a roguish male who were both sitting on some
raised wooden structure. I asked where I could find a member of ours that has
demonstrated interest in being an intimate partner with me, so I can tell him
and his buddies something important.
Two others members of our group are preparing for their
wedding. I was trying to get away to inform our other male members that their
plan will go horribly wrong. The bride and groom and everyone was oblivious,
carrying on happily with their simple strides toward bliss. I wasn't critical
of them, I was considerably sad that their efforts to make life beautiful and
meaningful were in ignorance of something that would render all our efforts for
happiness pointless. Our community will perish if we continue with their
innocent plan for change. They need awareness, to know about the power they are
up against.
A malevolent presence approaches me suddenly, in pursuit of
me. My friends don't recognize him as a threat, but I sense he wants to enslave
me to him. He believes I was promised to him as a gift, that he had some claim
or right to me. He had sexually exploitative plans for how to use me, so
I ran. I climbed and jumped around the community, which now felt like a habitat
and market area inside a larger facility or dome; we were enclosed in our happy
prison and this guy was from the outside, or knew the truth of our prison.
I felt my only salvation was to find the guy from our group
that cared for me. I dropped in hiding behind two members of my group I came
across. I explained someone was pursuing me and I needed to find my love
interest. He won't approve of what this being tried to do to me. I see my
partner approaching in the distance, and feel urgent relief, willing him to
hurry. Even if the other presence reaches me before he can, I know my partner
will ward him off. My partner calls out "Hey, what are you doing with
him?" I explain he is touching me inappropriately. The presence backs off
as my teammate draws closer, though my teammate made no direct show of
aggression or disapproval.
The encounter is over. My teammate
continues on, talking with his buddy and moving away from me. I'm safe again,
but wait. There was something important I needed to tell him. What was it? The
disclosure? No, not the immediate priority I wanted to tell him. I feel a great
helplessness sink in and remember the scenes of freshly slaughtered bodies
across a hilly landscape. The sky and horizon are tinted brown like rust, or
blood and dirt. I recognize then how saddening pointless even my own excitement
about him liking me is. All our preoccupations with hooking up, with joking,
and playing are all distractions from a greater problem that renders what would
be great, simple lives of learning and exploring, absolutely useless. Except,
we were setup from the beginning to fail.
The connotation of this message seemed to apply to the very
nature of our human existence. We are here as students, but the sick joke of
our design and programming is that an opposing force is driving us to fail in
wasted energy. A power has influence on the conditions of our world and we let
it have that power because we aren't aware of it. And precautions are built in
to ensure we stay oblivious so it can continue to have influence over our
existence, namely that we die because of our naivety. We arrogantly confront
the design of the status quo preserved by this unseen power.
This dream was very similar in message to the other dream with Michael's questions in mind. I don't know if this is an answer to his question, or a reflection of his world view, perhaps both. However, it is curious to me that both resulted in many similar elements: the prison, distractions of life, forcible removal of a vessel or false sense of security, humans as innocent beings oblivious that they are in a prison, a deceptive presence that executes their removal. Is there anything I might learn by comparison of these two dreams in answering the question what is happening to Michael? Why is he targeted? Based on what was represented in both dreams about this question, I would say because he is caught on to the programming, or the prison aspect, that he is on the outskirts of society in terms of thought and questioning. He doesn't accept the status quo, is paranoid by nature and thus stands out as a target. Being farthest from the herd makes him a target for a predator. I was depicted in that dream as being on the sidelines of the game, exploring intimacy with a young love interest. Only when I ventured away from the football field where the man in his car was assaulted by a father and kids (false projections), did I also become a target. I managed to prevent extraction from my car though, whereas that other man did not. To be clear, that other man did not identify as Michael at all. I believe he was an example of someone who sits alone out beyond the crowd.
This dream was very similar in message to the other dream with Michael's questions in mind. I don't know if this is an answer to his question, or a reflection of his world view, perhaps both. However, it is curious to me that both resulted in many similar elements: the prison, distractions of life, forcible removal of a vessel or false sense of security, humans as innocent beings oblivious that they are in a prison, a deceptive presence that executes their removal. Is there anything I might learn by comparison of these two dreams in answering the question what is happening to Michael? Why is he targeted? Based on what was represented in both dreams about this question, I would say because he is caught on to the programming, or the prison aspect, that he is on the outskirts of society in terms of thought and questioning. He doesn't accept the status quo, is paranoid by nature and thus stands out as a target. Being farthest from the herd makes him a target for a predator. I was depicted in that dream as being on the sidelines of the game, exploring intimacy with a young love interest. Only when I ventured away from the football field where the man in his car was assaulted by a father and kids (false projections), did I also become a target. I managed to prevent extraction from my car though, whereas that other man did not. To be clear, that other man did not identify as Michael at all. I believe he was an example of someone who sits alone out beyond the crowd.
Along with asking Michael's question, for a more personal
connection, I also asked to understand Michael's encounter experiences, which
may have affected the resulting dream.
What makes me believe this is not a product of my own
imaginings, opinions, ideas, or troubles? I don't know, it's hard to sort out
those elements. More likely though is that the dream was a combination of both
him and me working in tandem. Interfacing. I can't get around the similarity of
messages and circumstances that two incredibly different scenes, circumstances,
settings, stories, and characters produced. Does that mean our
personalities create a particularly strong idea?
In response to his direct question, the controlling
presence, a lackey of sorts, that I felt had claim over me was closely symbolic
of the presence Michael described. I believe the dream was showing me its place
in the grand scheme. The presence had no true figure, like the other characters
did. I can't tell you what it looked like, even though I'm sure I interacted
energetically with it. I don't recall it actually having a body, so much as a
presence of intent and personality. The kind of interaction it had was strange,
not exactly touch, so much as an impression, as though his mere intent could
create the sensation in my body of what he was wanting to do physically. In
place of direct physical contact, was the manifestation of his intention felt
in my consciousness. But when I thought to say "It touched me
inappropriately," that statement felt inaccurate. It hadn't touched me,
yet it was still invading its desires into my consciousness. There was no
precise action of cupping a breast or pressing a limb at any opening. I simply
felt his desire to freely explore my body with little regard for how it might
affect me psychologically. It had no regard for my personal boundaries.
However, it was not aggressive like a human predator might be, blatantly
penetrating that bubble to spite the restrictions this bubble places on his
desires. Instead, there was a curiosity, devious in the kinds of acts he wanted
to do, but not devious for the sake of being devious. It was invasive, and
unpleasant still for me, just not aggressively forceful. Still unwelcomed, and
thus forceful, but not violent.
How does he relate in the larger scheme of the dream? The
presence ended up being a distraction, a deterrent. Somehow I provided him
entrance to being his active pursuit of me, because he only came after me and
thus entered my awareness after I learned about the pointlessness of my boys'
cause. I had to deal with him before I could continue the mission of warning my
boys. It threw me off track. How did I get away? I sought a character I
believed wanted me for himself, but could respect my freedom of choice, and
appealed to his possessive and protective tendencies to save me. By doing this,
I also realized I was confirming that character having priority of claim to me.
I was indebting usage of him as a scapegoat.
Interview with Michael via emails
Jan 30th - Feb 2014:
J: “What these two dreams I've had
with you in mind have provided us is another set of eyes to describe elements
one set of eyes, especially the ones so close to the trauma, may have missed or
can't quite see from your vantage point. I never have dreams where the presence
has gotten that close to me. A malevolence of a similar nature, sometimes
taking the form of a mist or ethereal dark giant that is shapeless or can
manipulate its shape, usually though it is an onlooking presence, existing all
around and yet not concentrated enough to manifest for direct influence -- a
very real reflection of evil's place in my life. As I've stated previously, I
usually get away from this presence. If there is a being that engages with me
as that one did, it has a humanoid form and is essentially occupying
consciousness with someone who has a body -- in other words, evil working
through a person rather than a formless being.”
M: “It's interesting that you got to experience
something of that malevolent presence. I think that the more we try this the
more clear things can become. Some of the contents of your dream might have to
do with your own sifting process that has to happen before discovering whatever
it is we can discover in the context of the dream. That's just my speculation
but research is research and there are generally things that have to be set
aside and nuggets of information retained for the bigger picture. I'm guessing
that the portal into my experience will be your own sense of empathy that you
have for me. Similarly, I have to engage with my own self-compassion and not
just try to be a cold objectivist in this. I'm willing to take responsibility
for the fact that my experience of these beings has a lot to do with my own
humanity/animality and is not necessarily reflective of them or their intent.
On the other hand, I do believe this has been a genuinely traumatic series of
events and I can't discount the possibility that there is evil at play. I
wonder how much this is all connected to my nearly messianic (perhaps
grandiose) sense of destiny given that one of my recent experiences was
connected to the dream idea of helping millions of people. I'm OK with these
events continuing as long as I can begin to gain some sort of handle on them
and a greater understanding of what's going on. I have a terrible sense of
responsibility about trying to discover some truth that humanity has been
ignoring but I have trouble understanding what my place in the world is and how
integrated I want to be into the culture….”
J: “My dreaming responds most easily to my desire to
help someone, so yes you are right about my empathy being a large factor in
this ability, but I often see things very different from what I presently
thought and wondered or suspected, sometimes 180 degrees off. Because of that
persistent result, the theory I work with is that I am receiving signals,
information from those targets (people in my life) I concentrate on wanting to
help. There are dream studies in telepathy that support this very argument. It
helps me understand others, what I might provide them, where they are in a
situation or given state of mind.”
M: “Well, my remembered dream for the night
consisted of me picking up trash at a highway intersection near my childhood
home.”
J: “That screams to me there is indeed a family
history element you may need to investigate. Cleaning up used up perceptions
that are sticking around from childhood, yours or ones in your family. How
often do you interact with your parents? What is your relationship with them?
Do you feel if you were in an emergency that they would be there for you? Why
or why not do you feel that way? Have you asked them about their lives before
you were born? From their lips, how did they try to raise you? Most parents had
good intentions in mind when they answer that question, despite how it felt to
the child(ren). How much do you know about them as individuals?”
M: “The
main thing I've been working on for the past approximately 9 years has been my
family history or the way I internalized it. I'll try to answer your questions.
How often do you interact with your
parents? Not often anymore. I no longer
communicate with my dad (omitted link). He's extremely smart, but a narcissist
of the highest order and very abusive. I see my mom and step dad on holidays
and a few other times and do some limited electronic interaction. It became
apparent in the course of my therapy that I needed to be very careful in how I
interacted with all of them.
What is your relationship with them?
Distanced but cordial and we can
have good conversations but it feels a bit synthetic because I know they can't
ever see me as an adult or truly own up to their abuse. I don't need them
to own up their past treatment of me but for their sake it would be required
that they do that in order to see me more clearly.
Do you feel if you were in an emergency that they would be there for you? Why or why not do you feel that way?
My mom and step dad would be there
for me, in very limited capacity. They've always been pretty poor so they can't
do that much in terms of physical help. There was never a real feeling of
safety or security in terms of a safety net, emotional or otherwise. They would
listen if I needed to talk but they're not very conscious individuals and not
worth going to, unfortunately.
Have you asked them about their lives before you were born? From their lips, how did they try to raise you? How much do you know about them as individuals?
I've heard lots of stories and there
have been many discussions about all of their lives (cept for my step mom who
doesn't much factor into anything). My mom and dad certainly had some strange
UFO encounters and were even friends with [name omitted] for a time. Supposedly
my mom and dad experienced a teleportation incident that saved them from a
wreck. They divorced shortly after my birth. It's hard to know what to believe
from my dad as he is very prone to self-deception. He claimed to have been
abducted by aliens along with my mom and sister. He also has some genuine
photographs that he's taken. He was physically and emotionally abusive to all
his children and my mom. She was also abusive herself as many women attracted
to abusive men are. They, of course, offer the normal platitudes and excuses
that many parents offer. We did the best we could, etc. My mom and step dad
could never fully own up to how harmful their physically abusive and
ultra-fundamentalist Christian parenting style was. I don't remember what all
they said but they still live in idealization of their own parents and can't
fully come to terms with what happened to them and so they have no way of
realizing the effect of their own actions. Everyone has mellowed out to some
degree and my mom, to her credit, has renounced much of her religiosity. But,
like so many other abused people, she can't truly question the family cult she
was raised in. By this I mean the unconscious web of lies that is spun and
inculcated into a child from an early age. Truly questioning it all seems like
an enormous betrayal unto death. The wounded child inside of such people
remains far behind in the entanglement of lies, whatever their progress in
intellect. Maybe you've read Alice Miller who has spelled this out so well. I'm
the only one of my siblings to truly question this all and begin to break free
instead of just rehashing it all into militant atheism/skepticism (my brother)
and living in an unfulfilling situation and feeling like a martyr (my sister).
My family is still a sort of cult that now relies on cloying sentimentalism to
deny emotional and historical reality. They've all grown somewhat as
individuals but not to the degree that I can have truly authentic interactions
with them. The road to hell is paved with parental good intentions and my road
out of hell has been paved by my own hard work to discover my own honest truth
that is apart from the cultural/religious sentimentality about honoring your
parents and the unspoken demand to accept their introjects(?) as
reality. Like you, I have an unwavering desire for truth, whatever difficulty
or disillusionment it might bring….
So, yeah, there is a strong element
from the past still operating in my life and my dreams periodically remind me
of that. They also remind me of my continued progress in breaking free from it.
It's been a very perplexing and reality shattering journey. How much it is
connected to my marks, strange nosebleed and seeming levitations, I don't know.
It's become apparent from several dream-type experiences that I am capable of
inducing sensations in my own body. I've mentioned one to you before. Last
night I felt like I had a low-intensity orgasm but it was obvious a little
later that hadn't actually happened. There was a sense that I had initiated
this feeling in my body though….
The
only extended family that I have any real relationship with is my Uncle on my
dad's side. Interestingly enough he was a professor of parapsychology so I
guess this sort of thing runs in the family. I have friends but no one at this
point that I feel I can or should rely on. I've put it out into the universe
that I'd like a real Friend or two around here. There are friends and there are
Friends.”
J: (Written to self,
and emailed to Michael) “I wonder if I can help Michael by making claim to him
until such time that someone else comes along whom I can relinquish partial
care to (i.e. another woman). Perhaps he is needing to trust that someone wants
to protect him. Do I honestly want to see his encounters stop and potentially
be the catalyst for their cessation?
Yes, in lieu of other experiences. I think these encounters
are distracting his abilities, and occupying him away from exploring other
types of beings and places and experiences. I would love to be a companion in
his spiritual travels. In fact, that was what I dreamed some time ago. Hand in
hand, like children, we confronted a supreme darkness, and we were calm,
thankful for our connection, even if we perished.
For the purposes of our spiritual
journey, “Michael”, and for whatever it might be worth to you, I hereby claim
you Mine in the name of Light and Love, and Cooperation for the betterment of
our human souls, until such time that you wish to be released from my wings.
You are an amazing person. I relate strongly to you and fantasize about a time
when we can backpack and explore a wilderness together, while we talk about
aliens and conspiracy theories, and enjoy the beautiful mysteries of our
universe. My spirit loves who you are. I want to work and sacrifice to help you
find peace, safety, and strength. I cannot be everything to you in body, but I
can be anything for you in spirit. Use me as the Angel who tethers you to
light, who erupts into the darkness of your encounters with my army of
representatives of light. Let me welcome you into my fold. We want to reclaim you,
our prisoner of war. We will need you if we are to fight the deception,
manipulation, and control over our world. I can't name who the 'we' are of that
statement, but I trust they're there, I feel them and bring them in line for
our mission to assist. Let me in, draw comfort from my extended wings, and
FIGHT God Dammit! Use that pent up testosterone. Overcome whatever
psychological warfare it has you under! Fucking fight, and surrender no longer!
You can analyze it from a distance later! Balls to the walls, I want to see you
fight this! You're mine now, and I will not allow some unidentified, cowardice
entity to lay claim to you without your approval!”
M: “I very much appreciate and accept your offering
of protection and your companionship along this journey. I tend towards being a
lone wolf but I know I also need connections with similar souls…. Engaging with you and your
intelligence, curiosity, and warmth has been transformative for me.
I'm fighting! Sometimes I just feel
that I don't know how or what to fight.”
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